Archive for June, 2008



09
Jun
08

More Doppelganger fun!

My last doppelgangers post was well-received, and fun to do, and so, with some reader suggestions from Theroomate and Myummers and some of my own, here are several more doppelgangers for you to enjoy. I’ve decided also that since I enjoy these I’m going to set up a permanent page at the top of the screen with all of the doppelgangers we come up with. So any suggestions or whatever send me a note and I’ll get ’em up right away. Anyhoo, enjoy!

Mike Lowell looks like he should be wearing a tuxedo at all times because he’s totally debonair, George Clooney gets to wear those tuxes and with their salt and pepper beards and hair it’s just possible that they are brothers…

Nothing strikes more fear in the hearts of the residents of Elm Street more than Freddy Krueger, Red Sox fans for the last few years have known that exact same feeling of abject terror every time the bullpen door swung open for Julian Tavarez. Fortunately, now he has been banished to the wasteland known as Brewer’s baseball and Freddy went into space to fight Jason and hasn’t been heard from since…

Nothing beats the smooth taste and flavor of Camel cigarettes, at least according to the many advertisements from the cigarette company. Andy Pettite smoothly deflected the fact that he is a a cheating, needle-using pitcher and has been accepted widely back into the fold of the Yankees without much comment.

David Ortiz makes all of Red Sox nation happy with his clutch heroics and huge smile. Shrek was an ogre with a big heart and delights children of all ages. Dreamworks definitely used Ortiz as the model.

True story: these three men have never been in the same place at the same time. We should all be thankful that Geoff Jenkins of the Phillies, Green Bay “retiree” Brett Favre and actor Max Martini of The Unit (not watching it? You really should) have all chosen to divide the country in thirds, Jenkins gets the east coast, Farve the middle and Martini the west, otherwise who knows what could happen.

Sure, Andrew Shue is less known for his “acting” abilities or his brief career as a professional soccer player and more known for his delectable sister, Elizabeth Shue, but he can always take solace in being mistaken on the street for either Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina or Cardinals third baseman Troy Glaus. They’ve both been All-Stars! (Although don’t expect to see them on any future All-Star teams)

Rajon Rondo is a crafty hoopster, he loves to slice through the defense, drive towards the basket and then dish the ball back out to someone who can actually shoot the ball. Ants love to make holes and go through them in order to eat that entire box of oreos that I was saving but then forgot about and now are ruined. Antz was a movie.

Lance Berkman began 2008 on a torrid pace, spraying hits and homers all over the field. Tony Stewart is one of the top drivers in Nascar and when he wins he gets to spray–bukkake style–beer or champagne or milk all over his pit crew. Seems fair to me.

Being stuck on an island with Gilligan couldn’t have been easy. The more important question is if Gilligan was so useless and frustrating to the Skipper, why was he the only crewman he had? Charlie Manuel manages the Phillies, has one of the best giant guts in baseball and a fiery personality.

09
Jun
08

Who is Excited for the Olympics!

The Summer Olympics are due to start in Beijing in only a few weeks, and the Chinese government has been very busy constructing new facilities, cleaning up the city, jailing dissidents, etc, in preparation. The eyes of the world will be on Beijing this summer and the Chinese want to make sure that the games go off without a hitch. I only hope people can see them.


This is the view of James Fallows, a writer for The Atlantic, from his apartment in downtown Beijing. Get excited world!

09
Jun
08

How Much Did Beer Cost at Gladiator Games?

nutsOne of the great things about minor league baseball is the never-ending stream of great promotions. For the Modesto Nuts, a class A affiliate of the Rockies, they’ve made beers during the 5th inning of every game cost only $1. In terms of wacky promotions, this isn’t anywhere near the top but for the fans in attendance it was one of the better recent promotions.

You see, the fearsome Modesto Nuts were down 9-1 and looking for some fire, so their pitcher, Aneury Rodriguez, buried a 91 mph fastball into the ribs of one of the opposing Stockton Ports (even MORE fearsome!) who strangely took exception to that. Then on a potential double-play ball,

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the hit batsman slid spikes up into second, had the second baseman fall on top of him and get all tangled up. One thing leads to another and then the two are throwing punches at one another. Of course, the dugouts empty after that point and the brawl is on. One of the Ports’ relievers had to be taken to the hospital where he had his two facial fractures looked at that should probably keep him out the rest of the season. All told, 8 players were ejected and it took nearly 50 minutes for order to be restored and the inning to finally end.

Fortunately for the crowd, this all took place during the 5th inning, meaning that for nearly an hour, as the two teams showed off their pugilistic abilities, the crowd was able to get totally hammered for cheap. Maybe that’s the reason this is our national pastime! If there is a better way to spend an afternoon, watching baseball, seeing a brawl, and getting drunk for under $10 than I’d like to find out about it.

h/t to Inside the Shell your one-stop for all Modesto Nuts stories

06
Jun
08

Coco Gets a Code Red

Last night’s Red Sox/Tampa Bay game featured so many crazy things going on that the actual action of the game was overwhelmed and pushed to the side. After Wednesday’s unnecessary hard slide and then subsequent yelling match between Coco Crisp and Rays hipster manager Joe Maddon (my favorite part was when Coco pointed at his uniform and yelled, “We’re the Red Sox motherfucker!”) there seemed little doubt that Coco was going to get plunked the next time he was at bat.

So, yesterday, in his first at-bat, first pitch, James Shields throws and hits Coco on the thigh. Then, as Crisp said,

I charged the mound. I feigned it like I was going to go to first base, just to get Navarro off me a little bit, and just charged the mound. He tried to hit me with a haymaker. He missed. I threw a punch. I pretty much missed. And the rest, went down to the ground… like the scratches on my face were people trying to scratch like we were playing football or something, like little girls, trying to scratch out my eyes. I move one hand down, scratch me right here [points to scratch to the right of his nose].

Now, as a Sox fan, I can admit that A) Coco shouldn’t have done the hard takeout on Wednesday, B) should have taken the hit-by-pitch and just gone to first. The brawl was unnecessary and Coco is definitely going to get a healthy suspension, (my guess 10 games.)

Continue reading ‘Coco Gets a Code Red’

05
Jun
08

Some Thoughts About the MLB Draft

It’s early in the MLB draft and I’ll have semi-liveblogging updates throughout the draft as things come up:

Continue reading ‘Some Thoughts About the MLB Draft’

05
Jun
08

BEAT LA!

Here’s a video of a guy running across the field at Fenway; apparently some Lakers fans dared him to do it, and since he was wearing his Celtics jersey, I suppose he felt it was his duty to defend the Celtics honor. I appreciate how far he got, he even nearly got back into the seats, although I don’t think he would have escaped the clutches of the Fenway security forces.

04
Jun
08

He Also Invented the 3 Point Shot and Dribbling

Ronnie Craven is a man who likes to use Craigslist to find women for him to woo. Nothing too out of the ordinary there, except that he likes to pretend that he is a member of the front office staff of the Seattle Supersonics. “I am going to be honest with you. I don’t work for them,” Craven told a Seattle Post-Intelligencer reporter, “(The situation was) all brought on by an online dating thing. Craigslist. I lied to her. Does that mean I can go out there and represent the Sonics? No. Does that mean that I did it to get some (sex)? Absolutely.”

226cravenIt seems that Ronnie cravenly told his local paper about how he worked with the Sonics, even being featured in an article, and fine fact-checking that they did, no one ever realized that he was lying. To the woman he was dating, he told her that he was Jeff Turner, a former NBA player.

At other times Craven presented himself to friends and acquaintances as a longtime friend of Sonics GM Sam Presti, even claiming that he had served as a scout and as an assistant coach for several games this season. At the Seattle Athletic Club he told players in a pickup game that he was Todd Lichti, another former NBA player, of course, Lichti is only 6′ 4″ and Craven is 6′ 8″…

When the woman confronted Craven about his dishonesty, he immediately apologized, she said. “He said doesn’t know why he did it, yada, yada, yada. This guy really went above and beyond. I knew nothing about basketball and he said, ‘Great, because I hate talking about basketball and girls wanting to be with me just because I was a player.’ ” Craven admitted that he wasn’t Jeff Turner, but continued to insist that he had played 12 years in the NBA.

Craven proclaims that he never presented himself as a Sonics employee when interviewed by Jack Nikas, a Boston University student and reporter for the Somerville News who did the story on Craven. However, “according to Nikas, Craven walked into the newspaper’s office wearing a Sonics coaching shirt and told Nikas he was a coach and scout. He claimed he met Presti when the Sonics GM was a youth basketball player and tried recruiting Presti to Framingham State, a Division III school 25 miles west of Boston where Craven said he was the head coach.”

The Somerville story apparently was precipitated by emails that Craven’s former girlfriend believes he in fact sent to the newspaper, something which Craven denies. Ronnie Craven remains all class though, telling the Seattle P-I, “I’ll admit, it was a hoax. It was all a put-on. But somebody who I met on a dating site is trying to sabotage me. This is some broad that I lied to who said I did identity theft, (and) I am not going to know what hit me. There was no intimacy in the relationship. I never tapped her.”

I’m sure she’s very thankful for that. “To be honest with you, this whole thing has already taken its toll,” Craven continued, “I know my credibility doesn’t look so great right now. This is embarrassing for me. At this point, I don’t know what to do. I will say this is very, very disturbing.”

04
Jun
08

Lou Piniella Walks Among Us

Google Maps’ Street view feature has provided a nearly endless stream of interesting and funny pictures, from girls flashing the vans to a drug deal going down, and today, via SportsbyBrooks comes an awesome moment captured forever in Google maps. Driving outside Wrigley the Google vans managed to catch a Cubs celebrity out on the streets; the man, the myth, the legend, Lou Pinella Piniella.

piniella

If you type in 3552 N. Clark, Chicago IL 60636, or click here you can check it out yourself. Turns out big Lou is an ordinary man of the streets just like the rest of us. Unfortunately the vans moved on and missed Lou freaking out about a scratch on his car, ripping the car seats out and throwing them into the middle of the road. Ah well. Next time.

04
Jun
08

ESPN Gives Us the Wrong Answers

I love Peter Gammons, I grew up anxiously awaiting his Sunday baseball notes column in the Boston Globe and think he’s the best. When I read his latest blog post, he mentioned how few big leaguers had come from the various first round drafts in the 10 drafts from 1995 to 2004. Now I love all drafts and some of the numbers seemed really interesting and bizarre, so I went and checked them out. It turns out that a lot of Gammons’ numbers were wrong. Once more, I think Gammons is totally boss, therefore, I choose to believe the errors in his latest blog post entitled “Three Draft Questions, Answers” are the fault of someone else at ESPN. (The article is a part of ESPN insider, and if you aren’t a subscriber the stuff I’m referring to is right here and here.)

(Players in parentheses are currently not on MLB rosters but have played in the bigs at some point this or last season and remain on the 40 man rosters)

Gammons says: from the 1997 draft, just 8 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: 10 of the 28 first rounders are currently on big league teams. They are:

JD Drew, Troy Glaus, Jason Grilli, Vernon Wells, Michael Cuddyer, Jon Garland, Lance Berkman, Adam Kennedy, Jayson Werth and Jack Cust

Gammons says: from the 2001 draft, 12 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: 16 of 30 first rounders are on MLB teams, or if you want to not include the troika of Jeremy Sowers, Brad Hennesey and Macay McBride all of whom who have played in the majors but are currently in the minors, than the number would be 13, still different from Gammons’. They are:

Joe Mauer, Mark Prior, Gavin Floyd, Mark Texeira, John Van Benschoten, Chris Burke, Casey Kotchman, Gabe Gross, Aaron Heilman, Mike Fontenot, (Jeremy Sowers, Brad Hennesey, Macay Mcbride,) Bobby Crosby, Jeremy Bonderman, Noah Lowry

Gammons says: from the 2002 draft, 17 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: I have 18 first rounders on teams, but that is including Russ Adams who is not in the majors right now. However, since the numbers haven’t added up any other time not including guys not currently in the majors but who have played within the last year, I’m counting it. The big leaguers are:

BJ Upton, Adam Loewan, Zack Greinke, Prince Fielder, Jeff Francis, Jeremy Hermida, Joe Saunders, Khalil Greene, (Russ Adams,) Scott Kazmir, Nick Swisher, Cole Hamels, Royce Ring, James Loney, Jeremy Guthrie, Jeff Francoeur, Joe Blanton, Matt Cain

Gammons says: From the 2003 first round, 18 players are in the bigs

In actuality: I have 17 and this time without anyone currently not in the majors, although several players are on the DL. The players in the bigs are:

Delmon Young, Rickie Weeks, Nick Markakis, Paul Maholm, John Danks, Ian Stewart, Michael Aubrey, Lastings Milledge, Aaron Hill, Ryan Wagner, Brian Anderson, David Murphy, Conor Jackson, Chad Cordero, David Aardsma, Chad Billingsley, Daric Barton

Gammons says: The 2004 first round has yielded only 7 big leaguers thus far

In actuality: I have 9 big leaguers not counting the 5 once and future big leaguers currently toiling on minor league teams (Humber, Niemann, Sowers, Purcy and Fields). The big leaguers I have are:

Justin Verlander, (Philip Humber, Jeff Niemann, Jeremy Sowers,) Jered Weaver, Bill Bray, Billy Butler, Stephen Drew, (David Purcy, Josh Fields,) Glen Perkins, Phil Hughes, Taylor Tankersley, Blake DeWitt.

Again, I must say that I LOVE Peter Gammons, the highlight of one spring training trip was that he waved to us from about 50 feet away, and I was legitimately excited, like, for an extended period of time. Much more excited, in fact, than when Shea Hillenbrand signed a ball for me. So, therefore, I am blaming the copy editors over at ESPN.Com for putting the wrong information in the boxes. For shame ESPN and not Peter Gammons–who is infallible because he’s fantastic although sometimes he’s been wrong but not this time because it was ESPN and not Gammons’ fault because I love Gammons.

03
Jun
08

Everyone Loves Doppelgangers

We all have a doppelganger somewhere in the world and the danger of the two of you meeting and disrupting the time/space continuum is very real. The worst part is that generally you don’t know whether you, or the other you is the “evil” one. There’s just no way of knowing until you meet, and then of course, black holes are created and universes get sucked into oblivion and no one needs that on their conscience. Well, here are some lookalikes, let’s hope they all never meet one another for our universe’s sake.

If you have any suggestions for future doppelgangers to go here, please send me them here, and I’ll put them up right away!

Take for example, the certain product of a “Twins” like genetic engineering program where Vanilla Ice and former MTV Sports host Dan Cortez’ genetic “material” were combined with a MILF-y mom in order to create Jayson Werth.

In my younger days I used to occasionally watch “Full House,” I did so only for the impeccable writing and comedic talents that were on display. Regardless, the episodes when the Beach Boys would be on were always the best. Commentator Myummers pointed out to me the other night the similarity between now former Mets pitching coach Rick Peterson and Beach Boys bassist Bruce Johnston. You decide for yourself.

brucejohnston

Then there is Brent Lillibridge, a star shortstop for the Atlanta Braves AAA team who came up briefly earlier in the season and is likely to become a big-time player at some point in the bigs. Mischa Barton is a Hollywood starlet who loves to puff joints in her car. They also both look like wood elves.

“Good Burger” is a triumph of film making, and Kenan Thompson has gone from Nickelodeon child star to legitimate mainstream “actor,” now entering his 5th season of being generally uninteresting on “Saturday Night Live.” Ryan Howard is an MVP first baseman for the Phillies and an avid Subway sandwiches fan (although I doubt Kenan ever turns down a free sandwich either.) They have never been in the same place at the same time.

Garrett Olson is a pitcher on the Baltimore Orioles, he’s had some ups and downs, one night he is getting his ass handed to him by the Yankees and then the next time he goes 7 dominating innings in the win against the Yankees. Aaron Eckhard is best remembered by me for his tour-de-force in “Deep Blue Sea” the best movie about genetically engineered sharks ever. Brothers?

02
Jun
08

3 Items of Note from the 6th

Last night’s Mets/Dodgers scrum on ESPN was a semi-interesting game, with the Mets showing some signs of life and making a giant leap from where they were last Sunday when rumors swirled that Willie Randolph was about to be axed. During the 6th inning though there were several interesting things of note that came onto the screen, and being a helpful little beaver, I’ve documented them for you.

First, the broadcast showed Kent Desormeaux, the jockey for Big Brown, notice the woman with him.

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There is something about her that is slightly off. I think it’s her Sarah Jessica Parker look, and of course we all know that SJP has that horshish look to her. Remember?

All of which means that Kent Desormeaux, a tinyish gentleman who rides equines for a living seems to bring his work home to the bedroom. I hope this is not an isolated incident though. In my dreams all jockeys date horse-like women. Also before every race they all sing Oompah-Loompa songs together.

Then, I looked over Jose Reyes’ shoulder while he stood at the plate and noticed someone in the crowd who looked awfully familiar.

Continue reading ‘3 Items of Note from the 6th’




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