Archive for August, 2008

31
Aug
08

Future MILF Delivers Sports News

Via Deadspin comes this fantastic video of John McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin (nee Heath) in 1988 when, for a brief period of time she served as a local news sports reporter. Her hair is fantastic, her accent is atrocious and her commentary is subpar. She provides recaps for such exciting events like the Iditarod, Big Ten basketball and University of Alaska hockey scores, sounds like quite an evening of sports. Also, Palin, who has a nice MILF thing going for her now, back then, if you can look past the 7 cans of hairspray, kinda has it going on. If she were elected, it would mark the first time that the Vice-President actually got me excited, although probably not the for the reason that the Republican’s are hoping. I wonder how many times she and that SUPER hot and awesomely mustachioed anchor got down to business time in their dressing rooms before going on-air.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

That Mets/Dodgers game clip though IS hilarious. I actually recommend that the Shea grounds crew start turning on the sprinklers during the games now, it’s certainly better than having to watch the Mets bullpen.

Also, my new favorite completely unsubstantiated rumor that I am nearly 100% is completely UNTRUE but still interesting to think about, is that Palin’s infant son is really the son of her 17 year old daughter who was held out of school for 4-5 months with “mono.” Now, a woman having a child at age 44 IS more likely to have a child with Down’s Syndrome, so that is a strong mark in favor of Palin having had the child, but then I see things like how she took a 7 hour flight to get back to Alaska AFTER her water broke to have her baby at a hospital WITHOUT an NICU and it seems awfully strange to me. But whateves, it’s only the fate of the free world. Another interesting link, from a more mainstream non-rando website on this story is here, so you don’t think I’m just making this stuff up as I go along. I mean I am, but I don’t want you THINKING that.

[Deadspin]

30
Aug
08

Why I Love Dustin Pedroia

From the Boston Globe’s Red Sox blog today:

“The answer is: Carlos Baerga, 2002.

The question: Who was the last Sox second baseman to bat cleanup?

Dustin Pedroia gets the honor tonight. The reason? Terry Francona indicated with Kevin Youkilis suffering from the flu to go along with Coco Crisp and Josh Beckett on the team sick bed, that he wanted to create a lineup that would be tough for the White Sox bullpen to counter. Francona said he’s taking a lot of grief from both Pedroia and David Ortiz over the lineup, Pedroia who keeps saying, “It’s about time” and Ortiz, who jokingly said he will retire.

Francona said he won’t make a habit of batting his little second baseman cleanup, but White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen did indicate after an 8-0 loss to the Sox that Pedroia was currently a tougher hitter to get out than Ortiz.”

Pedroia, who is the exact same size and weight as me, gives me hope that MY major league playing career is not a lost cause.

29
Aug
08

Shawn Johnson Loves When Her Taco POPS

Forget Jason Lee, with the Hamm brothers (Paul and Morgan) and Shawn Johnson in one commercial it’s clear who is needed for a real Alvin and the Chipmunks remake. All three of them have the voices down and Johnson has the look of Theo dead up. Anyways. this commercial doesn’t make me want to buy tacos but DOES make me feel dirty. So, um, I guess that’s good advertising…?

Also, nothing entices me more than while a super gay helium voiced man speaks tiny gymnast girls run around in the background. Now I DEFINITELY want some of that special Ortega sauce.

29
Aug
08

At Least Something at Yankee Stadium Has Ferocity

Red Sox Monster came up with this video from last night before the final regular season game ever between the Sox and the Yankees at the Stadium. Some dude was apparently hawking baby pitbulls outside the stadium, because, to me, that’s EXACTLY what I’m looking for before going to a baseball game. I grab a sausage on the street, buy a program, pick up a puppy, and then go watch baseball. Of course! I know also that I definitely want to buy a crazy fighting dog like a pitbull from a rando who thinks the streets of the Bronx are the right place to peddle dogs.

Oh wait, I know what happened, the dog seller guy got confused and because his dogs were attractive thought that everyone outside the stadium would want his “hot dogs.” Get it?!?!?!? Seriously, I’m a comic GENIUS!

[Red Sox Monster]

29
Aug
08

Jose Canseco Will Do ANYTHING For Money

Fox’ piece of television trash, Moment of Truth, has signed on the biggest money grubber of them all, Jose Canseco. The show, on which participants are asked the most personal and embarrassing of questions and, if they are willing to tell the true answers to a national audience it is worth cash, is likely to lose a lot of money on Canseco since the man has zero shame and doesn’t care who he takes down with him.

According to KLAC AM 570 in LA:

Canseco already has taped the episode and according to my source that was in attendance during the taping, Canseco was asked if he ever injected Mark McGwire with steroids and if he ever corked his bat among other questions that were asked during the taping. The episode of “The Moment of Truth” with Canseco is supposed to air in late September or early October.

I wonder how much Fox is going to be pushing that during the MLB playoffs. The biggest issue I have, besides that such an awful piece of television exists in the first place, is that the questions and his responses are taped before the show ever airs, all that matters is that he answers the same as he did before. I have no doubt that Jose believes most of the drivel that he speaks, whether it is true or not, and lie detectors are merely tracking whether or not you are lying, if Canseco believes it to be true than it won’t show up as a lie. I hope this doesn’t hurt Jose’s chances at an MLB comeback, because I feel like he was really really close…

[Sports by Brooks]

29
Aug
08

Two Very Different Ways to Get a Ball at the Park

You go to a baseball game and you always hope that your seat will be the lucky spot. The game winning homer comes right to you. Six foul balls in a row, all from your favorite player come miraculously to right where you are. Rarely does that actually happen though. Instead, if you want to get a ball you need to be creative. Here are two different gentleman, going about very different means in order to get that coveted baseball.

If you’re an adult, this is one way to go about it, but you better have the expert hand-eye coordination to corral that ball into your cup, and then you need to be willing to finish your beer whilst the mud and dirt on the ball invades. But still, impressive and classy.


Or if beer drinking isn’t your thing, you can always opt, like this Mets fan, to find yourself a way onto the field. Sure you might get hurt in the process, but isn’t having the Big Pelf, Mike Pelfrey, come to your rescue reward enough? I just hope for the kid’s sake that Pelf’s mouthguard wasn’t in, that could be terrifying to have a giant drooling slurring man try and aid you after falling off a wall…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

29
Aug
08

Supermodels are Expensive, Jessica Simpson is Dirt Cheap

Tom Brady and (reportedly) his lovely supermodel girlfriend, Gisele recently plopped down $11 million for a plot of land in Brentwood, California. Brady claims that he is doing this so he can have a place near his son Jack with Bridget Moynihan, whose friends say that is not the case at all. The deed for the Brentwood home was taken out under the name TGBE, which has celeb watchers thinking that the “G” stands for Gisele. In addition to the $11 million just for the land plot, Brady will be needing to build a home, he already scrapped plans for a 20,000 square foot one to be on the property, deeming it not large enough, so expect the outlay of cash to continue, probably ending up somewhere in the $20 million range when everything is added up. When you’re making a base salary of $14.626 million a year, that probably doesn’t affect you very much, but still, it does seem like a fine chunk of change.

Meanwhile, halfway across the country, Tony Romo purchased an already completed home for a mere $699,000. Since Romo is making only $6.5 million in base salary this year, it seems like he’s making out like a bandit. What it comes down to it seems, is that Romo’s girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, is much easier to impress, with much less, after all, she’s a down home country girl. Oh, and she’s not that bright. Whereas Gisele is from all reports intelligent and very business savvy, hence Brady needing to opt for Brentwood rather than the Dallas Fort-Worth area. I guess what it all comes down to is. which is worth it more, for me, I’d rather be Tom Brady and shell out the extra coin in order to make Gisele happy. Sure, Jessica is cheaper, but that doesn’t mean she’s lower maintenance, remember that stupid show she did with then-husband Nick Lachey? Another big advantage, Gisele’s family is in Brazil, versus Jessica’s who live in the Dallas area, and when you have a pervy dad like Joe Simpson, that makes quite a big difference. Winner? Brady.

Check out the links below for some photos of Romo’s new pad, or the link above to see the patch of dirt Brady will someday call home.

[The Landry Hat via Sports by Brooks]

jessica-simpson-picture-6

vs.

gisele_bundchen_20050731




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