Archive for July, 2008


What is Going on Here?

Here’s two images submitted by some readers for your enjoyment, feel free to throw in your own captions as well.

Along the same lines as that guy blatantly staring at Heidi Watney’s ass, here’s one that’s slightly less subtle.

Uh, Mike, that better be a roll of quarters in your pocket...

I love that this is a two man team and both are taking the time to enjoy the view. I mean do their job. Yeah, that’s what they’re doing, working…

And from Monday’s Red Sox game, here is a picture of as-of-this-moment-still-Red-Sox Manny Ramirez after making an out. I’m not sure exactly what is going on here, but it looks like Manny ate Papa Smurf…


Freddie Prinz Jr. Finally Finds Work!

At long last the ultimate combination of sports and entertainment has merged, Freddie Prinz Jr. or Mr. Sarah Michelle Gellar has joined the WWE’s creative team. According to a statement from WWE, “Bringing on board an experienced Hollywood writer, actor and producer like Freddie Prinze, Jr. will only increase the level of entertainment to millions of viewers and passionate WWE fans every Monday on USA.” A quick look at his IMDB page shows that he is credited with writing 22 episodes of that hit show, Freddie, that no one ever watched. Oh, he also wrote one episode of Mutant X, now THOSE are writer credentials! It must be nice to be famous and the son of an even more famous person, because otherwise you might have to actually accomplish things on your own, instead everything is just handed to you.

“Freddie Prinze, Jr.’s passion, energy and creativity make him an excellent fit for WWE,” said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. McMahon then explained that Prinz’s work in the Julia Stiles vehicle Down to You really put him up over the top.

I’m really just amazed that Prinz was even available to be doing this, I mean, with the talent and range he showed in Summer Catch and She’s All That, I would have thought Hollywood to be CONSTANTLY beating down his door.

[Awful Announcing]


Why the Cowboys Won’t Win the Super Bowl

OK folks, here’s another chance for you to come up with a good caption of this photo of Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo arriving at Cowboys practice. Enjoy!


I Want to Pay Attention But For Some Reason I Can’t

How am I supposed to pay any attention whatsoever to whatever it was Kevin Burkhardt was blabbering about during last night’s game with this in the background?

I want to pay attention, I’m sure Kevin’s conversations with Jerry Manuel were very deep and profound but I just have this one vision dancing through my head every time they would cut back to him in this segment, I think it went a little something like this:

Some quick research finds out that this is one of the lovely and talented Marlins “Mermaids”, by the name of Glenda. Thanks to their totally kick-ass interactive site, we can find out that Glenda, who terms her fashion sense as “Classy Trendy” also “would describe myself as unique, adventurous, and ambitious.” Sounds spunky!

I know that I would pay much attention to Kevin whenever he speaks if SNY made this a trend…It certainly makes watching the Mets more interesting that’s for sure.

Join us below the jump for a couple more shots of the delightfully fun Glenda, or check out her gallery here.

Continue reading ‘I Want to Pay Attention But For Some Reason I Can’t’


Righty Reliever Simply Not Deceptive Enough

Julio Mateo is best known for…well, actually, Julio Mateo isn’t really known for anything on the diamond. He’s a scrub reliever who spent a couple years with the Mariners, never particularly distinguishing himself. He had one semi-solid year in 2005 and otherwise there is nothing noteworthy about his playing career.

These days he’s pitching in the SF Giants’ minor league system and was arrested over the weekend for passing counterfeit $100 bills. Mateo, no stranger to the lawman was also once arrested in May 2007 in a Manhattan hotel after he he admitted to striking his wife and was charged with third-degree assault which then precipitated his release from the Mariners system.

Reportedly, Mateo and a teammate were in a taxi on their way back to their Albuquerque hotel when he used the fake $100 to pay the $26.80 cab fare. The driver then tried to use the bill to pay his dispatcher but  after using a marking pen, they found out it was fake and so he drove back to the team’s hotel and called the police.

When police approached Mateo in the hotel and started patting him down, he immediately told them in Spanish that he “didn’t pass the bad money.” Probably not the best thing to say when they haven’t even informed you yet why they are there; methinks it smacks a skosh of guilt.

Although certainly not as much as the two stacks of fake $100 bills in his hotel room on the table that the police found upon entering his room, that more screams guilt than smacks. Mateo was taken into custody by the Secret Service and is likely to be charged sometime in the next few days. The Giants have yet to take any action against him, but it seems probable that his attempts to get back to the majors will be on hold for the next 7-10…


Katy, Texas’ Summer of Fun!

“When a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl’s head, that’s just disgusting,” so says the sister of one of the Morton Ranch High School junior varsity cheerleaders and I couldn’t agree more. That was only the beginning for 14 members of the high school varsity cheerleading team who have since been accused of hazing their JV cohorts.

Traditionally the varsity team kidnaps the JV team and then takes them out to breakfast, which doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me, in fact, it almost seems like fun! Instead, this year, the 12 varsity girls, the team’s equipment manager and of course, the school’s mascot decided to do it slightly different.

(First off, what the fuck does the cheerleading squad need with an equipment manager, are there other things besides pom-poms? Are the girls not able to keep an eye on them themselves? Also, was the mascot wearing the costume the whole time? These are important questions and I demand answers!)

In order to welcome the JV girls to the cheerleading sorority, the senior girls duct-taped the JV squads hands and then threw them into a pool. They reportedly also were “flicking [the JV girls’] body parts,” which I wonder if is anything like flicking the bean?

School officials responded right away saying “The district is investigating an alleged off-campus incident possibly involving inappropriate behavior by certain students.” Sounds like they’ve really got it taken care of!

photo_servletMorton Ranch High School is in the Houston suburb of Katy, Texas, normally famous for housing steroids using uber-douche Roger Clemens. I’m sure he must be relieved to not be the headline in the local paper for once. The school also just got out from a fun teacher-student sex scandal that came out last week.

Continue reading ‘Katy, Texas’ Summer of Fun!’


I Swear I Thought I Saw A Nickel on the Ground

Heidi Watney joined the NESN Red Sox broadcast team in late April and has since become something of a crowd favorite, mostly because she is a former beauty queen who is easy on the eyes and is genuinely interested in sports. The fine gents over at Red Sox Monster have an item today about a new fan-site for Heidi, which is all well and good, but is not the only Watney related place online. For example, flickr is rife with photos of her and some are especially interesting. Take for instance this one, entitled “Why cameramen love their jobs.”

Heidi isn’t up to Erin Andrews levels of fanboys yet, or even Hazel Mae, but a bit longer in the Boston market and she could be. In the meantime, let’s hope that the fan-sites thrive and we get some chances to appreciate her fine work.

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

July 2008