Posts Tagged ‘Jose Canseco

09
Jul
09

Canseco Soon to Be Beaten By Wing Champion

203Because he always needs money and desperately needs attention, Jose Canseco has agreed to enter the boxing ring once more, this time against competitive eating champion Bill “El Wingador” Simmons (left). Canseco in three previous fighting matches has been knocked out by a former Philadelphia Eagle, fought to a draw against DANNY BONADUCE, and was pummeled by 7’2″ Korean kickboxer Hong Man Choi, so I’m sure Simmons is VERY intimidated by Canseco’s prowess.

The fight will be on July 24th although the venue is yet to be announced; I’m sure ticket prices will be low and there will be plenty of empty seats.

Simmons — who has won the illustrious Philadelphia Wing Bowl a record 5 times — came out of retirement in 2008 to compete once more, finishing in third with a personal record 205 wings eaten in 2 minutes. I imagine his farts alone can knock out Jose.

[Celebrity Boxing]

26
May
09

No Way Jose

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Jose Canseco finally made his MMA debut yesterday, entering to the song “Wild Thing” against 7′ 2″ 33o pound Hong Man Choi in Yokohama, Japan. Unlike Canseco’s last foray into the ring — against noted pugilist Danny Bonaduce — where the fight was called a draw, this one ended in a clear decision; 77 seconds into the fight Canseco tapped out.

“That’s a big man,” Canseco said after the fight. “I ran into one of his left jabs and that almost knocked me out. You have no idea how scary it was facing a man that big.” Canseco landed the first punch of the evening an instant into the fight but that was the extent of his inflicted damage, from then on Canseco danced around the ring doing his best to avoid the long reach of Choi. While trying to get away from Choi, Canseco grabbed at his knee at one point and then tried to kick Choi a second later, Choi pushed the former baseball star to the mat and started pummeling his head. Once more left with just the coward’s way out, Canseco tapped out.

“I hurt my knee back home real bad but I didn’t want to disappoint the fans,” Canseco said. “I knew that at some point during the fight my knee was going to give out and once I was down I knew I wasn’t going to get up. He’s just too heavy to move.”

I am incredibly confused though about one thing; when Canseco fought Bonaduce his body was COVERED in tattoos but against Choi, Canseco just had a couple arm tats, what happened to the other ones? For photographic comparisons, take a gander after the jump.

[The Sporting News and AP]

Continue reading ‘No Way Jose’

30
Apr
09

Meet the Next Man to Beat Up Jose Canseco

I guess fighting Danny Bonaduce wasn’t enough of a challenge — even though Bonaduce fought Canseco to a draw when they faced off in January — because Jose Canseco has signed up to fight 7-foot-2 Korean kickboxer Hong Man Choi at the Dream 9 mixed martial arts tournament in Tokyo on May 26th.

Jose is gonna get WRECKED. I know he needs money but there has to be a better way. Hong Man Choi is a GIGANTIC MONSTER of a human being and I’m terrified of him in picture form. Even though Choi doesn’t have a sterling record in the ring, neither does Canseco and Choi is definitely going to destroy him.

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Does Vegas take bets on whether or not a fighter will die in the ring? Does it make me a bad person for even asking?
The fight will be on PPV, I need to scrape up the cash for it immediately.

[Fan IQ]

26
Jan
09

Canseco Can’t Beat up Bonaduce

6c3e04dd085c4153a15ebda02d133dffSaturday night featured one of the boxing events of the century, although, based on media coverage no one noticed. In a 3-round match in suburban Philadelpha, Jose Canseco fought former Partridge Family member Danny Bonaduce to a draw.

Bonaduce for one, thinks the outcome was a crock. “There’s no reason I should have done this well,” said Bonaduce, his nose bloodied. “Part of me says there’s a decent man right there that didn’t want to kill the little guy. I feel weird that we tied.”

Since we know that simply can’t be the case, let’s just assume that Canseco’s body is a giant marshmallow. “For a guy my size to hit him like that and he didn’t go down, wow,” Canseco said. “If he were my size, he probably would have knocked me out of the ring.” However, the crowd of 1,500 were none too impressed by what was supposed to be the big draw with many filing out before the judges even announced their decision.

The pre-match antics probably featured more excitement than the actual match, with Bonaduce coming out with 3 championship belts, which he bought himself, and Canseco coming out with an electronic cigarette and being introduced hilairously as the “greatest pure athlete to ever play the game of baseball.”

Then unfortunately, the match had to actually start. Fortunately neither boxer was drug-tested so at least they were able to stand up reasonably straight. “It’s a trainwreck,” said fan Butch Tressel. “Everyone likes to see a ridiculous trainwreck from time to time.”

Ultimately, after the 3 1-minute rounds, because apparently both men are giant candy-asses, the bout was over, one judge scored it 2-1 for Canseco while the other two judges ruled it 1-1 each with 1 round a draw. Don’t worry though, both men are attention-whores, and both men need the money so this probably won’t be the last time we’ll see such gladiators battling one another. After the match, promoter Damon Feldman had this to say, with a smile, “We’re going to do the rematch,” he said. “L.A. Soon.”

Stick around after the jump for photos from the event and Canseco doing his best impression of the Juggernaut. Also, when did he get all those crazy tattoos? I had no idea he had a full suit, that’s crazy! Also, to whet your appetite for the rest of the photos, here is Danny Bonaduce, true athlete, warming up just prior to the match.

[NBC Sports]

Canseco Boxes Boxing
Continue reading ‘Canseco Can’t Beat up Bonaduce’

14
Jan
09

Only 10 Days Left!

bdd_jose_bonaduce_11409

What an epic fight schedule! My only question, why do Canseco and Danny Bonaduce look like they are about to viciously make out in the photo. That’s not intimidation, that’s love!

29
Aug
08

Jose Canseco Will Do ANYTHING For Money

Fox’ piece of television trash, Moment of Truth, has signed on the biggest money grubber of them all, Jose Canseco. The show, on which participants are asked the most personal and embarrassing of questions and, if they are willing to tell the true answers to a national audience it is worth cash, is likely to lose a lot of money on Canseco since the man has zero shame and doesn’t care who he takes down with him.

According to KLAC AM 570 in LA:

Canseco already has taped the episode and according to my source that was in attendance during the taping, Canseco was asked if he ever injected Mark McGwire with steroids and if he ever corked his bat among other questions that were asked during the taping. The episode of “The Moment of Truth” with Canseco is supposed to air in late September or early October.

I wonder how much Fox is going to be pushing that during the MLB playoffs. The biggest issue I have, besides that such an awful piece of television exists in the first place, is that the questions and his responses are taped before the show ever airs, all that matters is that he answers the same as he did before. I have no doubt that Jose believes most of the drivel that he speaks, whether it is true or not, and lie detectors are merely tracking whether or not you are lying, if Canseco believes it to be true than it won’t show up as a lie. I hope this doesn’t hurt Jose’s chances at an MLB comeback, because I feel like he was really really close…

[Sports by Brooks]

02
May
08

Jose Canseco No Longer is Encino Man

Jose Canseco is a douche, we’ve established this, it seems though, that his bad luck continues to follow him. First he gets blackballed by baseball because he can’t hit a fastball or a breaking ball anymore and can’t play in the field, the NERVE! Now, in an attempt to qualify for US Weekly’s “Stars They’re Just Like Us” (using the term “star” very very very loosely) Jose admitted that his Encino home was foreclosed upon.

It seems that Jose’s manse, which admittedly seems quite nice, with its 7000 square feet and stylish front door design, has over $2.5 million owed on it. What the Surreal Life money didn’t cover that?

“I’ve been out of the game for about eight or nine years and obviously this [is an] issue with the foreclosure on my home,” he told “Inside Edition”.

“I do have a judgment on my home and it to me is very strange because it didn’t make financial sense for me to keep paying a mortgage on a home that was basically owned by someone else,” he said.

How very astute and responsible of Jose. Fortunately, he’s not actually homeless like most people would be after having their home foreclosed on, but he ain’t doing great neither. Canseco said much of the money he earned from playing ball went to pay for his divorces. “I had a couple of divorces that cost me $7 or $8 million.” Yowzers. Then again, if I had to be married to a ‘roid using, tiny dicked Jose Canseco I too would clean him out in a divorce.

Now to clarify, I don’t HATE Jose, I just think he’s a scumbag. In his first book, “Juiced,” I appreciated and believed the things he wrote about the various players who used steroids. And he was vindicated when other evidence came out about those players, but then Jose’s humongous ego came back into play. At that point it became about how baseball kicked him out for telling the truth, (not because he simply wasn’t good enough without the steroids and that his body was breaking down and his reaction time was non-existent) and about how Jose believed himself to somehow be the rescuer of baseball on some giant white stallion.

With “Vindicated” he seems to simply be making up stories for the sole purpose of selling books. That’s fine, but that’s called fiction, and he shouldn’t pretend he’s doing otherwise.

However, I am glad about this story about his home. Not so much because he lost his house because as toolsy as he is, that still is a major jones, but, more because I found out that Jose used to live in Encino.

It makes so much sense now! Jose is really just a caveman found and unfrozen by Paulie Shore and Sean Astin and who ended up becoming a baseball player! I can’t believe it has taken us this long to realize. Much like how “Vindicated” is fiction, Encino Man is cinema verité!

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The truth comes out at last!




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