Posts Tagged ‘Chicago White Sox


Kenny Williams, Pay the Man

duvw7zzdFresh off bailing the Toronto Blue Jays out by taking the horrible contract of Alex Rios off their hands, the city of Seattle noticed White Sox GM Kenny Williams walking around and figured since he was so generous why not help out the city budget some too. In Seattle to see his team take on the Mariners, Williams was nabbed by the police for the horrible crime of jaywalking outside the stadium, something they also nailed Manny Ramirez for last season.

Exiting a cab and heading towards the stadium, Kenny crossed the street without using the crosswalk. Williams informed the officer who stopped him that in Chicago people cross the streets everywhere, not just at the crosswalks. The officer informed him that’s not how things are done in Seattle, handing him a $56 ticket and sending him on his way.

[Seattle Times via Deadspin]


Where in the World is Bartolo Colon

bartolo-colon-dominican-republicScheduled to make a Triple-A start on Thursday, Bartolo Colon is nowhere to be found; this is a small issue for the Chicago White Sox.

I know where he is supposed to be right now. He’s supposed to be in Charlotte, preparing to start Thursday,” White Sox GM Ken Williams said Tuesday, according to the Chicago Tribune. “Efforts to contact his agent have been successful. Their efforts to contact their client have not been so successful.”

I recommend first checking out all the area Old Country buffets…



The Battle for the Windy City

If you think that I wasn’t going to post these galleries of hot White Sox vs. hot Cubs fans then this must be your first day here at the Slanch Report. Make sure to check out the full larger galleries by clicking HERE and enjoy!

Loyal readers know who I’m opting for…

[Chicago Sun Times]


You Said It!

After Monday’s game, AJ Pierzynski of the Chicago White Sox was talking with reporters about Jim Thome’s 550th HR with one of the smarter statements anyone has ever said.

He’s got almost 600 home runs so he’s done it a million times. He’s been up there so many times that I don’t think it phases him. The guy made a mistake and Jim hit it. The one thing about Jim if he gets the barrel on the ball it can go out to any part of the park. That’s why he’s got 550 homers.

Which is it, 600 or 1 million?



Colon Broadway Gobble

ColonBroadwayGobble copyYesterday the Minnesota Twins flat out DEMOLISHED the Chicago White Sox 20-1. The prime culprits for the White Sox were the first three pitchers they put out there, Bartolo Colon (2 IP, 8 R, 7 1 ER) , Lance Broadway¬† (3.1 IP, 6 R, 5 ER), and Jimmy Gobble (1 IP, 6 R, 6 ER). Yikes. That’s what we call epic failure.

Look at those names in a row, Colon Broadway Gobble. Tell me that doesn’t sound like an Off-Broadway avant garde show wherein two guys spend times inserting bananas into each other and then eating them.


Wonder What’s On His Mind

The Chicago White Sox sometimes go by the moniker of The Pale Hose, but I was unfamiliar with this nickname for the team…


A Boy Who Loves to Play Baseball

Here is the story of Adam Bender, he’s 8 years old and plays catcher on his Little League team in Kentucky. When he was 1 years old his leg was amputated due to cancer, he doesn’t use a prosthesis and only uses his crutches when he’s on base. He also over the weekend got a chance to meet a bunch of the Reds at their stadium and throw out the first pitch, a week after he got to hang out with the White Sox. Excuse me for a minute the room just got really dusty…


Blow Up the White Sox!

For the Chicago White Sox, losers of 7 of their last 10 games, anything that can get them out of their current slump is welcome. For manager Ozzie Guillen, a man for whom decorum is alien, there could only be one thing to help the team and awake their bats.

On Sunday, the bats were circled around the two naked female dolls, one of whom had a bat shoved up its pooper to prop it up. Each wore a sign over her breasts, one saying “Let’s Go White Sox” and the other reading “You’ve Got to Push.” Clearly Ozzie has gone to the Lou Brown school of managing, although, if you’ll recall, in Major League, they used a naked picture of their owner who was conspiring against them to bring their team together. I’m not so sure anonymous plastic dolls serve the same goal.

Of course, as soon as the news of these dolls broke, outcry immediately followed. Do not worry though, as Ozzie Guillen is very sensitive to these complaints and handled them in a very proper and mature (pronounced mah-toor) manner, saying

Everyone in the clubhouse, 100 percent of the people in the clubhouse, they are 18 years old and that’s a private thing. If the players do it in the dugout so everyone in the public could see it, or did it in the hotel lobby . . . we did it in the clubhouse. A lot of worse things happen in the clubhouse. I don’t really know why people are making it a big deal. If people got their feelings hurt because of that . . . they don’t really know much about baseball.

I couldn’t agree more. After all, I remember how Ty Cobb before every game penetrated a newsprint standup from the Sears catalogues. That’s baseball.

The White Sox have been looking around for anything to help their team, on Saturday for example they shaved the head of one of the coaches. So far no luck. If by the end of the week their slump continues the team may start shaving all their body hair. That’s baseball. Sox spokesman Scott Reifert said. “In terms of taste I think people would find it tasteless. They were just trying to get the bats going. Reifert addedthat players have “burned bats, kissed bats, slept with their bats, blessed their bats, you name it.”

Have they thought about signing this guy?

I mean, if they are really trying to get out of a slump, I can only imagine that Jobu would be a help.

A women’s sportswriters group was not amused though, claiming it made for an uncomfortable atmosphere for female reporters in the lockerroom. That very well may be, but Ozzie doesn’t truck with that, or care. “Well, whoever did it spent a lot of money…The clubhouse has been quiet the last couple days and I don’t like to see that. We have to stay at the same level of enthusiasm, no matter what happens.” What is most interesting to me, is that Ozzie’s concern was the money outlayed. He’s right, blow up dolls can be pretty pricey, especially for a high-quality one with realistic hair and synthetic skin, and really, if you’re trying to bust out of a slump, you got to go for the best.

Yesterday, Kenny Williams, the GM was admonished by Bud Selig and responded by saying, “I will assure Major League Baseball that the doll was not violated in any way, shape or form. In all seriousness, it is a little bit of a disappointment because we have proactively tried to — and just did so this spring training — organizationally, we brought in some people to discuss a better work environment, whether it’s gender issues or racial issues.” Clearly those discussions really changed some players’ mindsets.

According to rumors, Nick Swisher may have been the one behind the dolls, when asked if he regretted the move, Swisher rtetorted: “Why are you saying I did it?” Later, he added: “It was totally meant in a fun way. … It probably was wrong, but if anybody was offended by it, we sincerely apologize.” Hmm…Methinks these kinds of things would never have been a problem in Oakland…But then, that’s baseball.

The only remaining question is, who took the dolls, I mean, I can’t imagine that they were just tossed out into the trash, someone took those home, and someone is going to use them. I’d keep a close eye on the players who perform extra well in the next few days and I think we can unequivocally determine that that man is a doll fucker.

So, Gavin Floyd, who nearly pitched a no-hitter last night, you’re officially on notice.


Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!

April 20th is always a wonderful day of the year, the sky is blue, the trees seem extra green and leafy and in the sports world there are games in nearly all the major sports. With the baseball season getting under way and playoff series in basketball and hockey the TV set can truly turn into quite the hotbox as you switch from channel to channel.

For example, for the Chicago White Sox, finally ending a personal 11 game loss streak, John Danks tossed out a three-hit, eight strikeout 7 inning gem. Danks threw quite the heady game, taking control of his slide piece and then overpowering the Iblisian Rays by blowing smoke past them.

In the basketball arena, the Los Angeles Lakers overpowered the eighth seeded Denver Nuggets to the tune of 128-114. This afternoon the Nugs looked sluggish, blurry eyed and and the Lakers seemed hungry for something to munch on. The Lakers bonged the Nuggets’ collective bells, hitting the glass pieces as hard as possible and out-rebounded them en route to their victory. One can only imagine Phil Jackson went home after the game and lit up a giant hand-rolled leaf and enjoyed the moment, as one does.

Continue reading ‘Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!’

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March 2023