Posts Tagged ‘Cricket


Ex-Cricketer is Making Art at 100 MPH

Earlier in the decade with some of their matches rained out, British cricketer Ashley Giles took his teammate (and English team captain) Michael Vaughan to some art galleries outside London. Those visits stuck with Vaughan and after he retired in 2005 from the game, he’s taken to the art world.

Combining his two interests, Vaughan creates abstract artistic pieces through a process he calls “artballing” where he bats paint-smeared cricket balls at speeds over 100 mph against a canvas to create his unique works in a very  Maude-Lebowski-esque manner.

Working in a warehouse in Yorkshire, Vaughan said: “It is a very rare thing to be able to follow a career path that you love and the opportunity to combine my two greatest passions – art and cricket – has been a sublime moment in an extraordinary life of highs and low, dreams and sometimes nightmares.

“Artballing captures the drama, speed and excitement of cricket in one precious, dynamic visual moment that…lasts a lifetime.”



Cricket Player Opts for Lipo to Get in Shape

They take cricket very seriously in Pakistan and the members of the Pakistan Cricket Board are very unhappy with Shoaib Akhtar, once one of the top players in the country. In recent months Akhtar had become rather rotund, so much so that he opted for liposuction as a means of getting back into slimmer, faster shape.

The cosmetic surgery will keep him sidelined for 5 months though, meaning he’ll miss a number of very important matches for the Pakistani team. The Board are especially pissed because Akhtar never consulted or even told them he was getting the surgery which they say will help his physical appearance but, according to Dr. Waqar Ahmed of the Pakistan Sports Board, “has nothing to do with the fitness of a player.”

”Mostly it is done for improving the figure and other cosmetic reasons whereas the shedding of weight of more than 12 kilograms might help him only when he will improve his muscle strength and stamina. ‘Considering his age, I don’t think he will be able to show any kind of improvement as compared to his last previous performance.”

Earlier this year another health story about Akhtar made the rounds when he threatened to sue the national board after they released that he was unable to play in the World Cup because he had an STD. ”The medical board has reported that Akhtar was suffering from genital viral warts,” the PCB statement at the time read.

Thanks guys!



Sex Helps Cricket Players Perform Better

cricket-ballCoaches and managers often ban their players from having the sex before important matches with the worry that players might tire themselves out too much. India’s cricket team coach Gary Kirsten feels the opposite. The training manual he handed out to the team recommends they have sex prior to matches and if they don’t have a special friend that “one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine. No pillow talk and no hugging required … just roll over and go to sleep..”
“From a psychological perspective, having sex increased testosterone levels, which causes an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness,” the manual reads.
After word of the manual broke, the entire country has exploded in debate. Despite inventing the Kama Sutra (Thanks!) India is very conservative, even sex education has been banned in schools. For his part, Kirsten claims that he didn’t write the part about sex, blaming it on team trainer Paddy Upton. Classy!
In recent years the Indian cricket team has become much more popular, with its stars gracing commercials and the gossip pages, constantly being linked to various Bollywood actresses, the players have become seen much more as sexual objects. The day before breaking this story, the Hindustan Times’ Sunday magazine cover showed batsman Manish Pandey with his shirt off and the headline: “What do cricket and Bollywood have in common? Young men who would get nowhere without perfect bodies.” Today the men on the Indian team are national idols complete with groupies and it seems possible that this story will help move India away from their conservative past and into a more modern, open society.

Plus, getting some rich cricket dudes laid.
[Global Post]


Things You Don’t Hear on US TV

ShaneWarneMTX_468x601Australian cricket legend Shane Warne was broadcasting for Sky Sports during the Edgbaston Ashes Tests when he made a bit of a verbal gaffe. Paceman — whatever the hell that is — Ben Hilfenhaus “let the ball out of his grip as he ran in to bowl,” — whatever the hell THAT is — and the commentators talked about whether the batsman could hit the ball while it lay sitting in the grass. Warne said the ball had to cross the bowling crease, he added: “Then you can step up and twat it!” — whatever THAT means.

Warne’s fellow commentator David Lloyd could be heard muffling his laughter before being professional and regaining his composure.

I looks like Warne took the time to read city council member Bob Piper’s blog about how to sneak alcohol into the stadium…

[Daily Star]


Now THIS is My Idea of Good Governing

380_Image_Edgbaston_PavilionIn Birmingham, England, a city councilor is under fire for writing a blog entry advising fans on how best to smuggle alcohol into the Edgbaston cricket arena.

Sandwell Council’s Bob Piper wrote a blog revealing his “foolproof method of smuggling a decent drink” into the grounds. Entitled “Defying the Edgbaston drinks ban”, the blog at claims alcohol can be taken past security guards using a bizarre method involving a plastic box and tomatoes.

The Labour councillor writes: “If you like a bit of a tipple during the match, Edgbaston can be a bit of a nightmare on test match day, because they search everyone’s bags on the way in and confiscate any alcohol at the gate or refuse you entry.

“It’s not as if alcohol is banned or anything, it is just that Warwickshire County Cricket Club want you to splash out on buying their alcohol, which is OK if you want a bottle of Moet for about 50 notes, or pints of frozen Carling fizzy lager.”

He then advises readers to remove the cardboard case from a three-litre box of wine, before hiding the silver foil container inside in a plastic lunchbox covered with tomato.

He continues: “There you have it, friends. Tuck it in to your rucksack with a packet of crisps and a couple of glasses… and you should have plenty to sustain until at least the lunchtime session. And after that we crack open Chrissie’s tea flask and enjoy a drop of fine Guinness. Works every time for me.”

The Warwickshire County Cricket Club was obviously less then pleased, saying, “Whilst it is disappointing to hear reports of these comments, the ground regulations are quite clear for this match and have been in place for some time and will be applied as normal.” I fucking LOVE England, do you think you’d ever see a press release from an American sports institution that led off with “Whilst”?

Ever the opportunists, a spokesperson for charity Drinkaware said: “What’s the point in buying Ashes tickets if you don’t fully appreciate it because you’re drinking? And what if that crucial wicket that changes the destiny of the series falls while you’re at the bar or in the toilet?”

I can’t begin to count how many crucial wickets I’ve missed because I was at the bar. Thousands probably. What a fool I’ve been.

[24 Dash]


England Discovers Sunglasses

British citizens automatically seem to be a little bit classier, a little bit smarter and certainly more cultured, just by nature of their accents than Americans. However, then I see this article, from the science correspondent of the Telegraph, I start to rethink the way I see the Brits.

Here’s the actual headline from the story:

England Cricket Team’s secret weapon – sunglasses

The England cricket team are to use a secret weapon in this summer’s international matches: coloured sunglasses.


Read the whole article if you’re so inclined, but basically it turns out that dark lenses make it harder for cricket players to see the ball and that with lighter glasses they can see the ball easier. AMAZING!

Michael Vaughan, former England captain and batsman, said he regularly wears black-tinted sunglasses to help him pick out the ball in bright conditions. He said: “I wear black iridium sunglasses.

“I used to wear them when it was windy to help keep the wind out of my eyes. When it was sunny or slightly bright it would help reduce the glare.

“With the amount of time we spend outside, a lot of the players find it helps relax our eyes if we are wearing sunglasses and it can help you pick the ball up quicker.”

The Brits have had scientists and optometrists working on these revelations in secret, in order to maintain their competitive edge over the rest of the cricket world.

Sometimes I wonder how a worldwide empire can collapse, then I read this story…



They Always Destroy Those We Love Most

Sad news today; those pictures from the Panamanian cricket game that seemed too good to be true were just that. Careful investigation by The Rap Up has discovered that the initial doubts were justified, these photos were photoshopped. Why must the world conspire to take away the best among us? Here is the ORIGINAL photo prior to being altered; still nice, but not out of this world.


[The Rap Up]


I’ve Lost My Train of Thought

A few weeks ago, distraught about my utter failings so far in fantasy baseball, I wrote a piece entitled “Forget Baseball, I’m Switching to Cricket,” for my good friend Garnold’s fantasy baseball related-site, I Truly Have No Life. It looks like that was a smart decision.

These photos are from a cricket game in Panama, and I’m booking my ticket as I type this…



[The Smoking Section]


Cricket Goes to the Mountains

While they are waiting for it to be officially ratified by the Guinness Book of Records, two teams of British cricketers believe they have set the record for the highest-altitude for field sports. At the foot of Mount Everest, nearly 17,000 feet above sea level in Gorakshep, Nepal, the teams played one another with Team Hillary edging Team Tenzing. The teams were named after the two men who first climbed the mountain. The organizers of the game are hoping to raise over $365,000 from sponsors for two charities.

[3 News]


Cricket is Becoming Exciting, Supposedly

page9_02_385x185_520129aChange is a-comin’ to Lord’s Cricket Grounds, in downtown London, the staid dress code is being modified in an attempt to bring in a younger audience and appeal to a larger demographic. Lord’s, originally established in 1787 has long had a dress code where fans would be found wearing an egg-and-bacon colored tie, with a striped yellow and red jacket, I know what you’re thinking, what teenager WOULDN’T want to wear that? Well, it turns out, all of them.

So, to attract the younger sects, at the upcoming World Twenty20 tournament in June, the restrictions will be loosened. “The Aussie guys can come with yellow wigs, the South Africans can come dressed all in green. We want to encourage that and we want people to have fun. If they come in a costume, that will be allowed,” said Steve Elworthy, the tournament director.

Coming soon to a cricket stadium near you!

Coming soon to a cricket stadium near you!

Cricket has seen an up tick in popularity with the younger generations, and tournament organizers are looking to capitalize on that; the tournament’s Twitter page is one of the fastest growing sports accounts and a viral video promoting the event will be released on YouTube in the coming weeks.

Of course, some of the old guard are less than pleased.

Len Osborn, 83 and a member of the Marleybone Cricket Club for more than 30 years, said: “It’s bloody ridiculous. They will lower the tone of the place.”

Brian Sedgwick, a fellow member aged 66, was a little more sanguine. “We’ve got to do these things to encourage young people to the ground. If people feel the need to dress up, I don’t understand it but, fair enough.”

…“It’s not even cricket, it’s whack-it,” another older member, Ken Lewis, said.

[Times Online]


I Think I Like Cricket Now

I consider myself someone very smart when it comes to understanding sports, but I’ll be damnded if I can figure out what the hell goes on during a cricket game. However, this NSFW video shows me that sometimes you can just enjoy the game’s broadcast; even if you have no idea what is otherwise happening on the screen. Thanks anonymous lady cricket fans!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[With Leather]


What the H!

A confused helicopter pilot made a lot of cricket players VERY confused when he mistook the “H” painted on a corner of the field and landed during a match. The game on Saturday was delayed when the hapless pilot suddenly landed his craft scattering the players and disrupting the game.

“It landed suddenly. No one knew what was happening,” the competing Punjab team manager told the paper after his side won the interrupted game. “There was chaos. Everyone ran for cover.”

The home team, Himachal Pradesh have a large “H” painted on the field representing their team and the pilot saw it and assumed he was at his helicopter landing pad. A nearby fire also disoriented the pilot who “misinterpreted it for smoke signals.”

The game was stopped for about 30 minutes before the very embarrassed pilot took off once more and peaced out.

I for one find it reassuring to have the pilot of my helicopter unable to distinguish landing fields and particularly unable to notice a group of people playing CRICKET while he is landing the craft. Not to mention someone who thinks that there are SMOKE SIGNALS being used to relay information. What is it 1834? Helicopters are a ridiculous flying machine, I’m sure it’s comforting to have your pilot so aware of the situations around him.


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June 2023