Posts Tagged ‘Seattle Mariners


Seattle Gets Better as Johjima Decides to Return to Japan

JohjimaWow! The Seattle Mariners just got incredibly fortunate, their catcher Kenji Jojhima has opted out of his contract and is intending to return to Japan to finish his career there. The first Japanese catcher in the majors, Johjima’s first two seasons were solid, with his best campaign coming in his rookie season when he put up an OPS+ of 103, hitting .291/.332/.451 with 18 HRs. After the first two years his production dropped precipitously, which of course led to the idiotic decision to RESIGN him to a three-year extension for $24 million.

Thankfully for Mariners fans, they can now move on and aren’t on the hook for the remaining $16 million on his contract. While GM Jack Zduriencik denies that the team bought-out any of the contract, this turns out to be incredibly fortuitous for the team and their future. Sure, they don’t have a particularly good catcher in Rob Johnson, but he’s still better than the marginal Johjima whose OPS+s went from 103, 101, 68 and then 84 last season in only 71 games.

The 33-year-old catcher told reporters that:

After lots of very deep thought and deliberation, I have decided to return home to resume my career in Japan. I have had a wonderful experience competing at the Major League level. The last four years have been extraordinary, with great teammates and great coaches.

I will always be indebted to the Mariners organization for giving me the opportunity to follow my dream. This was a very difficult decision, both professionally and personally. I feel now is the time to go home, while I still can perform at a very high level. Playing close to family and friends was a major factor. I will miss the Seattle fans and their gracious support. Thank you all.

Now with Johjima’s contract Adrian Beltre’s nearly $13 million coming off the books, the team has some $20 million available to spend to upgrade their team. However, since this season’s free-agent class is highly lackluster, that’s not a great boon. Perhaps this means though that they pursue someone like John Lackey, the best pitcher available on the market. Or — even worse for me and the Red Sox’ lust for Felix Hernandez — perhaps the money could be used as a starting point for a new contract for the supremely talented 23-year-old ace. Regardless, the team just got better through a subtraction that doesn’t appear to cost them anything.

[USS Mariner]


Can You Say “Epic Chickenfight”?

After the final game of the season, the Mariners as a team made a victory lap, tossing souvenirs to the fans and then they carried Ken Griffey and Ichiro off the field. I’m touched.


Now someone make them fight.


Ichiro Draws a Line in the Dirt

ichiro1For the first time in his entire professional baseball career, Ichiro Suzuzi was thrown out of a game on Saturday. The Baseball Samurai used his bat to draw a line by the outside edge of the plate, showing home plate umpire Brian Runge that the pitch he called for strike 3 was actually outside. Runge immediately rang him up and tossed Ichiro who then argued (probably using his extensive vocabulary of expletives) before being escorted off the field by manager Don Wakamatsu. Ichiro ended the day going a rare 0-3 but managed to still make history by being the first Mariner to get thrown out of a game all season, so, there’s that!

[CBS Sports]


Why America Loves Ken Griffey

beltreIt took some prodding — not in that way — from manager Don Wakamatsu but Mariners third baseman Adrian Beltre finally agreed to wear a cup when he plays in the field. Despite a BLEEDING TESTICLE from taking a grounder off the junk, Beltre still wasn’t convinced that the cup was worthwhile.

“Adrian will wear a cup tonight,” Wakamatsu said before Tuesday’s game.

In a moment of pure comic genius, teammate Ken Griffey Jr. arranged to have Tchaikovsky’s “The Nutcracker” play when Adrian strode up to the plate for his first at-bat.


[Seattle Times]


Kenny Williams, Pay the Man

duvw7zzdFresh off bailing the Toronto Blue Jays out by taking the horrible contract of Alex Rios off their hands, the city of Seattle noticed White Sox GM Kenny Williams walking around and figured since he was so generous why not help out the city budget some too. In Seattle to see his team take on the Mariners, Williams was nabbed by the police for the horrible crime of jaywalking outside the stadium, something they also nailed Manny Ramirez for last season.

Exiting a cab and heading towards the stadium, Kenny crossed the street without using the crosswalk. Williams informed the officer who stopped him that in Chicago people cross the streets everywhere, not just at the crosswalks. The officer informed him that’s not how things are done in Seattle, handing him a $56 ticket and sending him on his way.

[Seattle Times via Deadspin]


Mariners Fans Have New Reason to Go to Games

safecotoplessGoing to see a Seattle Mariners game or Seattle Seahawks game is going to be a lot more fun thanks to a judge’s ruling that will allow a new strip club, named “Deja Vu” a few hundred feet from Safeco Field and Qwest Field. The Mariners had taken Roger Forbes, the owner of Deja Vu to court trying to utilize a city ordinance that bans adult enterprises  within 800 feet of any community center, child care center, elementary or secondary school or public parks and open space use.

The Mariners were arguing that their stadium fits that description but Judge John Erlick disagreed and Forbes’ permit was upheld.

“We’re very happy,” said Forbes’ attorney Peter Buck. “It’s a huge go ahead signal, with a strong opinion by a good judge.”

Now plenty of fans can go to the game, stop by the strip club, enjoy the buffet and come home sated. I’m just disappointed that there are all of a couple hundred feet between the stadium and the club, there had better be a shuttle or pedi-cab or something…



Ken Griffey is Good at Following Instructions

picasion.com_c425ef58619a6491a4443a53af4ee6beDuring yesterday’s tilt against the Minnesota Twins, Ken Griffey Jr. went deep for the third time this year, and in the process won one lucky fan $25,000 thanks to hitting his homer into the Subway Hit it Here sign hanging in the Metrodome.

Of course, Griffey has practice at this sort of thing like in this commercial from his first tour with the Mariners.

That commercial is so old that he’s hitting balls out of the KINGDOME. Awesome.

Also, apologies on having to use an animated gif, but MLB still doesn’t allow anyone to share or embed their videos at all, which is nothing less of infuriating.


Long Live the King

Felix Hernandez, nicknamed King Felix, is one of the better young pitchers in the majors; while there have been spurts of his greatness, he’s yet to put it all together for an entire season. Will this be the year? Fresh off some fantastic performances in the WBC, King Felix looks poised to take on all comers. Of course, it won’t help the Mariners who will still be terrible, but, so it goes.

Here’s a fun commercial from the Mariners PR staff, advertising this upcoming season to Seattle fans, I like almost everything, except I’m confused why he’s pitching to a member of the Rockies, since you know, they play in a totally different league and stuff…



Heilman on the Move

So much for the thought of trying to be a starting pitcher, Aaron Heilman, for the second time this off-season got traded, this time from the Mariners to the Cubs. Unless the addition of Heilman is supposed to be for the larger rumored Jake Peavy trade, it looks like the dream of Heilman to become an unsuccessful crappy starting pitcher is dashed. Garrett Olson may be able to compete for a spot in the rotation with Seattle, but Heilman is definitely headed to the Chicago bullpen if he stays with the Cubs. Get ready Cubs fans for an infuriating, middling middle reliever who is prone to homers!



Righty Reliever Simply Not Deceptive Enough

Julio Mateo is best known for…well, actually, Julio Mateo isn’t really known for anything on the diamond. He’s a scrub reliever who spent a couple years with the Mariners, never particularly distinguishing himself. He had one semi-solid year in 2005 and otherwise there is nothing noteworthy about his playing career.

These days he’s pitching in the SF Giants’ minor league system and was arrested over the weekend for passing counterfeit $100 bills. Mateo, no stranger to the lawman was also once arrested in May 2007 in a Manhattan hotel after he he admitted to striking his wife and was charged with third-degree assault which then precipitated his release from the Mariners system.

Reportedly, Mateo and a teammate were in a taxi on their way back to their Albuquerque hotel when he used the fake $100 to pay the $26.80 cab fare. The driver then tried to use the bill to pay his dispatcher but  after using a marking pen, they found out it was fake and so he drove back to the team’s hotel and called the police.

When police approached Mateo in the hotel and started patting him down, he immediately told them in Spanish that he “didn’t pass the bad money.” Probably not the best thing to say when they haven’t even informed you yet why they are there; methinks it smacks a skosh of guilt.

Although certainly not as much as the two stacks of fake $100 bills in his hotel room on the table that the police found upon entering his room, that more screams guilt than smacks. Mateo was taken into custody by the Secret Service and is likely to be charged sometime in the next few days. The Giants have yet to take any action against him, but it seems probable that his attempts to get back to the majors will be on hold for the next 7-10…


Manny Ramirez Is a Bad Jay Walker

While I’m still angry with Manny, noted lush Bob Lobel’s comments that Manny was fined six figures for pushing the team’s traveling secretary appear to have been wrong, and there is no clear evidence that he purposely took those three pitches against the Yankees. I’m not letting him completely off the hook though.

That said, here’s a pretty funny story about him from Seattle last night. From the Seattle Times’ Mariners Blog:

Seems that Boston slugger Manny Ramirez was leaving the ballpark, with headphones on trying to look inconspicuous and quickly get away from the crowds still leaving the stadium. He started to cross South Royal Brougham Way, against the signals of a traffic cop who was directing pedestrians. The police officer demanded that Ramirez open his wallet and show identification. He warned him that he could face a $500 fine and possible arrest for disobeying a police officer.

It became clear to those watching that the policeman had no idea who Ramirez was. He didn’t ask for an autograph or anything, but did ask Ramirez if he’d attended the game. After the brief lecture, and no argument from Ramirez, the police officer let him go with no further trouble.

Manny, who was pinch run for late in the game, apparently didn’t feel like waiting for the team bus and so went off on his own. I especially like that the cop asked Ramirez if he had attended the game and had no idea who he was; I’m sure that the brief lecture from the cop completely reformed Manny and really impacted his life.


The Mariners Hate the Gays

According to this article, Seattle has an approximately 12.9% gay population, second only to San Francisco, which makes this story even more ridiculous. Sirbrina Guerrero recently attended a game against the Red Sox at Safeco Field, intending to watch the Mariners continue in their struggle against success. Unfortunately she got a lot more heartache than is normal from a Mariners game.

It seems that Ms. Guerrero is a lesbian, and she attended the game with some friends and her lover, ALSO A LESBIAN! Horror! Even worse, she kissed her LESBIAN LOVER on the lips! The nerve of these people… This disgusting bit of information is not where the story ends though. That’s because a mother sitting behind them saw the two women kiss and was obviously horrified, so she dutifully and properly reported the incident to a security guard.

Siribrina Guerrero is out to convert the world to rampant lesbianism and must be stopped

“And he (the security guard) goes ‘there’s a lady whose son says he saw you guys making out, and I did, too. And you have to stop.’ And I said ‘well, we weren’t making out, but we were kissing and I’m not going to stop,'” said Guerrero. The security guard then said, “The mom doesn’t want to explain to the kids why two girls are kissing.” Guerrero said, “So I said ‘well, I’m not going to stop, so you’ll have to kick me out. So he said ‘so I suggest you leave then.”‘

Who do these lesbians think they are? I mean, in a city where the gay population thrives, haven’t they done enough? I mean, this mother is clearly caring about her children, and the sheer difficulty in trying to explain to her overprotected douchebag kids that two women can be together and love one another and such is simply a burden that shouldn’t be placed upon a parent. After all, if her kids see two women kiss who knows what else it might lead to, maybe her son will become a GAY! That’s how it spreads after all, you see two lesbians kiss and then you get infected and then BAM one day you’re a homo.

This mother just came to the game to try and show her children the joy of America’s pastime but instead was treated to a filth show. I am horrified for her. No one expects to go to a baseball game and see people kissing, least of all the GAYS. We all know that it says somewhere in the Bible that you aren’t supposed to be gay–it makes Jesus and polar bears cry. And polar bears are endangered! I am obviously on the side of this heartbroken mother whose children now know that there exists a chance for them to be happy with whomever they might be attracted to, unlike their father who married their stupid dumb bitch of a mother to cover up his own gay urges; that’s why he is always going up to the attic to read those men’s fitness and muscle magazines in his “special” corner…

After Guerrero was spoken to by the security guard at the game, she went around and took pictures of other couples who kissed but were not reprimanded; those couples were all heterosexual. I’m sure that that mother would agree that Safeco was right in not reprimanding those couples, after all, those people are in LOVE and can get MARRIED and make BABIES, whereas lesbians only want to STEAL babies for their disgusting witch rituals that cause Lillith Fair concerts to spring forth from the ground.

I can only conclude that these two women were viciously making out, probably fingerblasting each other and using things like this while watching Jose Vidro struggle to hit a single.

I mean, because that would be offensive and worthy of being spoken to by security. But according to Guerrero when questioned if she and her date were acting lewd in any way that would have prompted such a firm response from the security guard, Guerrero said, “We were eating garlic fries. The last thing we wanted to do was make out with each other. Honestly, that’s what it was.”

Sure. Just another lesbian lie so they can join with the forces of Satan to try and take away the America that was promised to us all by Jesus. It makes me sad.


The guys over at withleather have done a little bit of investigation on my story and Sirbrina Guerrero is also going to be a contestant on the upcoming Tila Tequila “reality” dating show on MTV and is on the cover of some magazine here, although that doesn’t take away from the idiocy of the Safeco security guards.

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May 2023