Some Thoughts About the MLB Draft

It’s early in the MLB draft and I’ll have semi-liveblogging updates throughout the draft as things come up:

2:28 – Could Karl Ravech be any more uncomfortable sitting in that chair?

I really like Keith Law as a writer and evaluator but his voice and television presence leave a lot to be desired.

Bud Selig is the awkwardest man alive.

With the second pick the Pirates selected Pedro Alvazrez and right away into ESPN’s coverage they start out with a big mistake saying on the bottom of the screen that the Pirates selected Yonder Alonso. They fixed it a few minutes later but that’s pretty embarrassing, where is the NFL draft graphics crew?

2:34 – Seriously, Bud Selig you are TERRIBLE on television, either learn how to speak in front of people or have someone else come up and read the names. How did he ever sell cars? Would you ever buy a car from that guy, I mean, if his comb-over is that bad, how could you possibly trust a used car?

2:40 – These phone calls with the draft picks are the least useful and interesting conversations possible. The first two with Tim Beckham and Eric Hosmer were completely unintelligible, and the one right now with Buster Posey while audible presents nothing and seems like a waste of television time. Then again, it saves us from having to listen to Steve Phillips’ “knowledge.”

Also this is the first time I’ve ever seen Jim Callis on television and he looks completely different than I imagined. Now all his comments about Jessica Alba in his chats make me uncomfortable.

2:44 – Bud seems pissed, it looks like someone just ripped a giant fart in his face right before he went out to read the Marlins’ pick of Kyle Skipworth.

2:47 – ESPN LOVES Jay Bruce.

2:50 – Hooray! They finally get the Yonder Alonso pick right!

2:55 – Seriously, what is Bud Selig’s deal? Every time he mentions the next team on the clock he says it sneeringly and looks like he’s challenging them or something. He must be pissed about the slotting system.

3:00 – One of the problems with the MLB draft as compared to the NFL draft is that the footage of all the prospects totally sucks. Everything looks like it was shot by someone on a camcorder and there is rarely anything in the video that truly shows or tells you anything about the guy as a player. Methinks this is part of why the MLB draft will never become the behemoth that the NFL draft has morphed into. That and that most of these players won’t be seen again by MLB fans for at least 2 years.

3:05 – Another catcher off the board! The Astros take Jason Castro The Red Sox are getting jonesed.

Karl asked if that means the Astros are desperate for a catcher, does this mean that Koby Clemens ISN’T going to be the catcher of the future? Alas!

3:11 – Justin Smoak gets taken. PACK IT UP!

3:17 – Rickie Weeks’ little brother gets taken, immediately starts disappointing fantasy owners who keep expecting him to leap forward.

3:22 – “Matt Stairs times two” that’s Peter Gammons’ evaluation of Cardinals pick Brett Wallace. Steve Phillips then mentioned Wallace’s fat bottom. I never took Steve for a BBW type, but then again, it takes all kinds…

3:27 – Aaron Hicks gets taken by the Twins and he’s actually at the draft which is pretty neat, especially since he’s the only one from the first 14 picks that was at the draft. Now he and Bud Selig are taking an awkward picture moment. It’s a great moment for Aaron Hicks and his family, it’s a shame Bud Selig had to be there.

3:32 – Bud Selig, you’re a 74 year old man, learn how to read.

3:35 – Gordon Bechkam’s hair is amazing. It’s like a giant helmet of 70s hair. I love it.

3:38 – With the 16th selection, the Milwaukee Brewers select Alex Rodriquez, Brandon Webb and Jonathan Papelbon. Nothing to see here, keep moving along.

3:48 – Steve Phillips just bragged about his draft pick of Scott Kazmir and no one made a reference to Victor Zambrano. I can’t believe they let him off the hook with that one, I mean, that is still one of the worst trades in recent history, hence Phillips sitting at the draft with ESPN rather than with a team. Since Phillips didn’t make this trade like I thought he did, I choose to believe it was his way of saying how smart he is, but you know what Steve, no one likes you, even your co-workers constantly make fun of you on national television and about how they don’t listen to you…

3:57 – Karl just complimented Brett Wallace on his bottom-half, easy fellas, let’s try and keep this a family program…

4:00 – The Mariners choose a college reliever in order to bolster their… uh, what the hell are you guys doing here Seattle? Maybe you want to draft someone who can help your team down the road hitting-wise? Nah. Bill Bavasi is clearly one of the worst GMs in baseball. Someone fire him and do something smart for once with that franchise.

4:03 – Al Kaline is at the Tigers’ table and looks like he’s having a great time. Someone get that man another gin and tonic!

4:16 – Dave Winfield smiles as Bud Selig almost shows that he can read written words in front of people.

4:21 – One of the things that I do appreciate about the MLB draft is that after the beginning of the draft there haven’t been really any of those stupid shots of the fans all yelling and pointing at the their team’s logo on their hat. Oh and no NY fans. I mean granted, I can’t imagine that the MLB draft is that exciting to be at, but still, thanks ESPN for not showing all those craptastic shots of douchebags.

4:24 – Vinny Castilla is sitting at the Colorado Rockies table, I can’t believe he wasn’t busy! I understand he was lured with the promise of two hot dogs and a six-pack of High Life.

4:27 – Bud Selig is starting to look like he needs a nap. Can someone please get him a Red Bull or something to perk him up, it seems like he’d rather be anywhere but at the draft right now.

4:41 – With zero suspense, the Yankees take Gerrit Cole a player rumored to fall because he wanted a huge bonus, one more example of a team willing to pay for talent as opposed to worrying about stupid slot numbers.

4:53 – With the 30th pick of the first round the Red Sox take Casey Kelly, I’m going to say immediately that he will become a superstar because Theo Epstein is a drafting god. Therefore this pick is GENIUS!

Now there is a 15 minute break, why? What possible reason is there for this? Oh let’s take an already not especially interesting draft and take a long break for no reason. Sounds like a great plan. Who are the people who are running this stuff over at MLB, you’re making no sense!

5:10 – We are about to return to the draft actually happening, this is EXCITING! I miss the old days when the draft was simply teams on a giant conference call. Of course when I say “I” miss, I mean I miss reading about it online later.

Bud Selig is GONE! Roy Krasik is in. Hooray! I think Bud overdosed on metamucil and is backstage carefully tucked in for his afternoon nap.

There are fewer baseball names in this draft as good as Shooter Hunt.

5:14 – It’s amazing, now there is someone reading the names who is able to actually read the words in front of him and sound like an intelligent adult. Congrats MLB!

Finally we’re passed the stupid 5 minute time limit, I mean, what is all that time for, there aren’t any trades allowed, is there anything more complicated than the teams just taking the next guy on their list? Regardless these supplement picks are FLYING in. I love it! Now this is exciting!

5:22 – ESPN why have you taken off the listing of the order of teams? Now I have no idea who is coming up next.

5:25 – Jaff Decker? He’s the 42nd pick, taken by the Padres but his name simply makes no sense. What the hell were his parents thinking. Why not Jeff?

With the 45th selection the Boston Red Sox select Brian Price, future All-Star and multiple Cy Young winner, probably.

5:29 – And in the most anti-climatic ending to a draft’s coverage, the first round and the supplemental round are over, the draft will be back, off-camera and back to the conference call at 6:15. The excitement in the Slanchelor Pad is overwhelming.

5:31 – So the the first part of the draft is over, there have been all these picks and my draft phone has remained unrdisturbed. Hey MLB teams, I’m available, undersized, semi-unathletic poor fielding 2Bs are all the rage. I’m like the new Dustin Pedrioa! Someone pick me!
Thanks for everyone who kept checking as the draft went along, and to all y’all who check it out later. This was my first live-blogging experience and I hope people enjoyed it.

Is it too early to buy a Casey Kelly Sox jersey?

12 Responses to “Some Thoughts About the MLB Draft”

  1. 1 youppi
    June 5, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    “one of the worst trades in recent history, hence Phillips sitting at the draft with ESPN rather than with a team.”

    While there is no doubt that The Kazmir Trade will haunt the mets organization for years to come, Steve Phillips need only be blamed for the Jorge Fabregas’ and Matt Lawton’s of teams past.

    It was actually Jim Duquette who traded Kazmir, and thusly, the Minaya era was born…

  2. 2 youppi
    June 5, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    your draft analysis has been a true delight, slanch!

    way to breathe some life into one of the most boring of drafts…

  3. 3 the sister
    June 5, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    granted, i’m biased. but i still don’t get why ESPN hasn’t decided to pay you to do this shit. you totally rock.

  4. 4 Michelle Moore
    June 20, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    Jaff Decker:
    His parents were thinking to name him after his uncle that past away in the military!!!!

  5. 5 the roomate
    June 23, 2008 at 8:47 am

    Why was the uncle named Jaff? Methinks there was a joke typewriter with the a and e switched that just happened to land in a hospital. He should have been Jeff Dackar. The same typewriter clearly made Endy Chavez’s birth certificate as well… (Andy Chevaz)

  6. 6 Katherina Decker
    June 23, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    What the heck is your Problem with the name (Jaff}We the Family know why & how and thats all it matters.get a life


  7. 7 slanch
    June 23, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    Well, my whole point was that it was an unusual name. The fact that he’s named after his uncle is wonderful and I’m sure means a lot to him and the rest of the family. But if you’re unable to recognize that “Jaff” is not an ordinary name than you need to sit down with a baby book and relax. That said, telling someone to “get a life” because they make a joke just makes you come off as ignorant and seems like a poor way to try and honor the fallen soldier. Especially when “the roomate” made a funny joke about the idea of a screwy typewriter and tied in Endy Chavez, but hey, it is the internet after all, so, indulge your inner crazy!

  8. 8 Katherina Decker
    June 23, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    Jaff is not an ordinary name& neither was his Uncle an ordinary Young Man.The name comes from a different Country not the from the good old USA

  9. 9 slanch
    June 23, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    If you had just said that in the first place everyone would have said, “ok, nice.”

    There are places outside of the US? Why?

  10. 10 the roomate
    June 24, 2008 at 8:49 am

    May I suggest to the Decker family that you put any blog-comments out of your mind and go hit Jaff some grounders or study tape of young MLB pitchers that he might face someday. Its hard to make it in the big leagues, and even harder to excell, and I guarantee, if he makes it, every announcer and ESPN ‘analist’ will make some little quip about ‘Jaff’ or be like: “is that a typo?” or “reminds me of my MAD magazine days, remember Al Jaffey?”. There is no offense intended here, we just love interesting-named baseball players like Jung Bong, Radhammes Liz, Milton Bradley, etc.

  11. 11 youppi
    June 24, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    Hey, the roomate! It’s Jaffee, not Jaffey. It’s no ordinary name, and he’s no ordinary cartoonist.

    It’s funny you mention him, because I just emailed some guy today about my MAD collection…

  12. 12 the roomate
    June 24, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    Everyone hates me. I blame Jeff.

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