Posts Tagged ‘Brett Favre


Michelle Beadle Takes Off Brett Favre’s Pants

Former YES host Michelle Beadle (and dream woman of commenter Myummers) made this faux-commercial for her current gig of hosting ESPN2’s Sportsnation spoofing Brett Favre’s Wrangler Jeans ads. It’ s not incredibly funny, but she’s really attractive and her pants fall down so, there’s that, and really that should be more than enough.

[With Leather]


Packers Fans are Taking the Loss of Favre Well

favrefireWith next Monday’s game between the Packers and the Vikings, tensions are running high in Wisconsin. Former hero Brett Favre has been vilified in the eyes of many Packers fans and his treachery will never be forgiven.
To that end, a local Wisconsin sports bar, the The Milwaukee Burger Co will have a flaming barrel available during half-time. All interested fans can burn their Favre pictures, jerseys, posters and other memorabilia in said barrel. The bar intends to donate $10 to a to-be-named charity for each item burned.
Hey, if you can’t get over the loss of a man who you never personally knew by burning the things that you bought to honor him, you’ll never get over him.


Schisms Don’t Cause Burning When You Pee

While the Brett Favre circus continues in Minnesota, reporters have been asking various Vikings if there is a schism in the locker room with the-one-who-won’t-go-away’s presence. Noted intellectual Jared Allen had by far the quote of the week regarding the issue:

I don’t think anyone on this team knows what ‘schism’ is, let alone could use it in a sentence. I thought it was an STD when I first heard it and I was like ‘whoa, we preach abstinence in these parts.’

[Sporting News]


Brett Favre, Pro Bowl, Really?

Ladies and gentleman, your 2009 Pro Bowl backup quarterback, Brett Favre!

For your appreciation:

18/31, 187 yards, 0 touchdowns, 2 INTs

sacked 4 times

Completely unable to move the ball on one of the worst teams in the entire league.


Now, not to be a homer, nor to suggest that Matt Cassel SHOULD have been in the Pro Bowl, here are his comparable stats from this week.

20/36, 345 yards, 3 touchdowns, 0 INTs

1 Sack

Some wobbly throws

Scored on 9 of the first 11 possessions.

I could also pick the stats from last week which would show the same story. Again, I’m not so much advocating Cassel, I’d be fine if he made it but I’m not distraught he didn’t, as I am pointing out how embarrassing it is that Favre was selected to the team. Oh yeah, did I mention that Brett Favre has the most interceptions in football this year? Yeah. He does. 19 of them, to his 21 TD passes. That’s a GREAT ratio. So glad the Pro Bowl gets to have him. What a fucking waste. I hope Favre backs out of the game, it’s bad enough he was selected, there’s no way he should be going though.


This Huddling Up Business Stinks

The Green Bay Packers are playing awfully good football at the moment, and it looks like the concerns about Aaron Rodgers were unfounded. Is he Brett Favre yet, no, but he’s managing his games well so far and his team is 2-0 so the results speak for themselves so far. According to Greg Jennings, one of the Packers’ receivers there is very clear difference between the two QBs and it may have a lot to do with why the team is playing so efficiently thus far, “Brett’s a little more loose in there,” Jennings said. “You know, not that Aaron’s tight; he’s fine. But Brett was passing gas in the huddle.” Classy!


A One-Time Favre Post

I have purposely been not writing about Brett Favre because frankly, I’m fucking over-saturated and sick of it, and don’t want to keep being inundated with his visage. That said, Mike Moore in the Journal Times in his article from Friday admonishing Favre not to lose his roots gave Brett a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” as a New Yorker now, my favorite two:

  • “DO learn the local lingo. I know you’re a big outdoorsman, but if somebody asks you to spend a night hunting cougars, say no thanks.
  • DON’T buy picante sauce made in New York city. Those cowboys on the old Pace commercials made a compelling argument.”

More Doppelganger fun!

My last doppelgangers post was well-received, and fun to do, and so, with some reader suggestions from Theroomate and Myummers and some of my own, here are several more doppelgangers for you to enjoy. I’ve decided also that since I enjoy these I’m going to set up a permanent page at the top of the screen with all of the doppelgangers we come up with. So any suggestions or whatever send me a note and I’ll get ’em up right away. Anyhoo, enjoy!

Mike Lowell looks like he should be wearing a tuxedo at all times because he’s totally debonair, George Clooney gets to wear those tuxes and with their salt and pepper beards and hair it’s just possible that they are brothers…

Nothing strikes more fear in the hearts of the residents of Elm Street more than Freddy Krueger, Red Sox fans for the last few years have known that exact same feeling of abject terror every time the bullpen door swung open for Julian Tavarez. Fortunately, now he has been banished to the wasteland known as Brewer’s baseball and Freddy went into space to fight Jason and hasn’t been heard from since…

Nothing beats the smooth taste and flavor of Camel cigarettes, at least according to the many advertisements from the cigarette company. Andy Pettite smoothly deflected the fact that he is a a cheating, needle-using pitcher and has been accepted widely back into the fold of the Yankees without much comment.

David Ortiz makes all of Red Sox nation happy with his clutch heroics and huge smile. Shrek was an ogre with a big heart and delights children of all ages. Dreamworks definitely used Ortiz as the model.

True story: these three men have never been in the same place at the same time. We should all be thankful that Geoff Jenkins of the Phillies, Green Bay “retiree” Brett Favre and actor Max Martini of The Unit (not watching it? You really should) have all chosen to divide the country in thirds, Jenkins gets the east coast, Farve the middle and Martini the west, otherwise who knows what could happen.

Sure, Andrew Shue is less known for his “acting” abilities or his brief career as a professional soccer player and more known for his delectable sister, Elizabeth Shue, but he can always take solace in being mistaken on the street for either Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina or Cardinals third baseman Troy Glaus. They’ve both been All-Stars! (Although don’t expect to see them on any future All-Star teams)

Rajon Rondo is a crafty hoopster, he loves to slice through the defense, drive towards the basket and then dish the ball back out to someone who can actually shoot the ball. Ants love to make holes and go through them in order to eat that entire box of oreos that I was saving but then forgot about and now are ruined. Antz was a movie.

Lance Berkman began 2008 on a torrid pace, spraying hits and homers all over the field. Tony Stewart is one of the top drivers in Nascar and when he wins he gets to spray–bukkake style–beer or champagne or milk all over his pit crew. Seems fair to me.

Being stuck on an island with Gilligan couldn’t have been easy. The more important question is if Gilligan was so useless and frustrating to the Skipper, why was he the only crewman he had? Charlie Manuel manages the Phillies, has one of the best giant guts in baseball and a fiery personality.

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

March 2023