Posts Tagged ‘Ryan Howard


Ryan Howard Straps the Phillies to His Back

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“That hit by Howard was the biggest and most impressive hit I’ve seen in my career. The only thing that might have made it better was if it woulda went out of the yard. He came down to the end of the bench and said, ‘Get me to the plate, boys.’ He wasn’t lying. He got up there and drilled those runs in. That was huge. That was the game right there.” -Cliff Lee on Ryan Howard’s performance.


[The 700 Level]


Ryan Howard’s Hands Ain’t Totally Awful

Ryan Howard receives much criticism around these parts for his stone hands and lack of deft agility around the first base bag, and rightly so. He’s a butcher over there. But the folks over at Big League Stew via Home Run Derby came up with this clip that shows that he can catch the things that matter. Like a tossed beer can from the crowd during the Phillies parade.

Of course scumbag douchemaster Brett Myers tries to get in on the action and get a beer of his own, eventually Howard hands it over to Myers, who I’m guessing shotgunned it immediately before smashing it against his temple.

[Big League Stew via Home Run Derby]


A Note About the World Series

At what point does taking Ryan Howard out of the field and putting him as the DH NOT make sense? I mean, he’s a goddamn BUTCHER out there and I have to believe that someone, ANYONE on their roster is a better first baseman than he is. Then he could spend all of his downtime hitting or watching video or praying to Jobu about how to hit a left handed slider. Right? Or am I just too damn reasonable for my own good?


Everyone Loves Doppelgangers

We all have a doppelganger somewhere in the world and the danger of the two of you meeting and disrupting the time/space continuum is very real. The worst part is that generally you don’t know whether you, or the other you is the “evil” one. There’s just no way of knowing until you meet, and then of course, black holes are created and universes get sucked into oblivion and no one needs that on their conscience. Well, here are some lookalikes, let’s hope they all never meet one another for our universe’s sake.

If you have any suggestions for future doppelgangers to go here, please send me them here, and I’ll put them up right away!

Take for example, the certain product of a “Twins” like genetic engineering program where Vanilla Ice and former MTV Sports host Dan Cortez’ genetic “material” were combined with a MILF-y mom in order to create Jayson Werth.

In my younger days I used to occasionally watch “Full House,” I did so only for the impeccable writing and comedic talents that were on display. Regardless, the episodes when the Beach Boys would be on were always the best. Commentator Myummers pointed out to me the other night the similarity between now former Mets pitching coach Rick Peterson and Beach Boys bassist Bruce Johnston. You decide for yourself.


Then there is Brent Lillibridge, a star shortstop for the Atlanta Braves AAA team who came up briefly earlier in the season and is likely to become a big-time player at some point in the bigs. Mischa Barton is a Hollywood starlet who loves to puff joints in her car. They also both look like wood elves.

“Good Burger” is a triumph of film making, and Kenan Thompson has gone from Nickelodeon child star to legitimate mainstream “actor,” now entering his 5th season of being generally uninteresting on “Saturday Night Live.” Ryan Howard is an MVP first baseman for the Phillies and an avid Subway sandwiches fan (although I doubt Kenan ever turns down a free sandwich either.) They have never been in the same place at the same time.

Garrett Olson is a pitcher on the Baltimore Orioles, he’s had some ups and downs, one night he is getting his ass handed to him by the Yankees and then the next time he goes 7 dominating innings in the win against the Yankees. Aaron Eckhard is best remembered by me for his tour-de-force in “Deep Blue Sea” the best movie about genetically engineered sharks ever. Brothers?

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August 2022