Posts Tagged ‘Doppelgangers


A Titan-Sized Alien Hunter Doppelganger

Since being drafted in 2008, Chris Johnson has been kicking ass and taking names in the NFL without giving quarter. The slippery and super fast Johnson is a menace to defenses everywhere, he is always a threat to break any run and go the distance, in any other year, Johnson’s quest for 2,000 yards would put him directly in line for the MVP trophy. In the Predator movies, the eponymous alien has come to earth in search of trophies himself, hunting trophies that is, of the people he hunts. Interestingly, Kevin Peter Hall who played the Predator was 7′ 2″ and prior to filming Predator had just finished up shooting on Harry and the Hendersons. All I know is that faced with either of these guys chasing you there isn’t much chance of making it out alive.

Make sure you VOTE in the poll below and then make your way over to the permanent Doppelgangers page to bask in the glory of all the previous doppelgangers we’ve assembled.


An Election Day Doppelganger

It’s election day and here in New York City we are on the verge of the third term of Lord Mike Bloomberg’s reign; meanwhile in New Jersey, the competitive flame burns bright. While the Jets are supposedly from New York, they play and practice in New Jersey, there first-year head coach Rex Ryan has raised eyebrows with his over sized eagerness to appeal to the J-E-T-S fans. The husky Ryan, son of famed football coach Buddy Ryan and whose twin Rob is the defensive coordinator of the Browns  is no doubt thata defensive mastermind, but then, so was the Jets’ last head coach. The initial returns were excellent for Ryan but as the season has progressed and the Jets have been exposed as frauds the real coaching begins. I know nothing about the politics of the republican candidate for New Jersey governor Chris Christie. I do know though that his name is silly and repetitive, his parents showed a complete lack of creativity and that doesn’t bode well for his future success in the gubernatorial race. Both these men feature quite the rotund body-type, athletes they are not, and both men look like they would be top contenders in a pie-eating contest. Doppelgangers they are!

Please make sure you VOTE in the poll below and then visit the permanent doppelgangers page to enjoy all the pairings we’ve discovered.



The Next Iron Ace Doppelganger!

Please make sure to VOTE in the poll below as well as visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to see the many other fabulous doppelgangers we have assembled.

Chris Carpenter was mediocre in his career in Toronto, but when he came to St. Louis he put it all together winning one Cy Young (and possibly another one this year.) While he has had some injury problems the last few years, Carpenter has been flat-out dominating when he’s been on the mound and, with Adam Wainwright, provides possibly the best 1-2 punch in baseball. Michael Symon is a professional chef who has been credited with saving the restaurant scene in downtown Cleveland, very impressive, I think opening a Quiznos might have the same affect. Symon also won the Food Network’s The Next Iron Chef contest, and has been on a number of other FN shows. Self-describing his food as “meat-centric,” Symon has contributed items to the menu at Cavaliers games, has opened 5 restaurants (4 of which are still open) and has consistently been honored by various food magazines, organizations and restaurant groups for his skill.

Loyal reader Shatraw spotted this one a while ago and has patiently awaited its arrival on the Slanch Report, honor him, and us, by VOTING in the poll below.



A Yankee Killer Doppelganger

It’s been far far too long since we’ve had a doppelganger up, and in honor of game 1 of the World Series tonight we have a doozy for you.  Please make sure to VOTE in the poll below as well as visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to see the many other fabulous doppelgangers we have assembled.

When he was hired by the New York Yankees to be their manager, Joe Girardi took the uniform number “27” to show that he was being brought in to win championship #27 for the franchise. With calls for his head after last year’s disappointing non-playoffs finish, Girardi has somewhat redeemed himself by getting to the World Series this year. Then again, he completely mismanages his bullpen, makes decisions that seemingly make no sense and doesn’t always deal with the press in the best manner. Exactly what you want from the manager of the highest paid team in the history of baseball. Despite lacking opposable thumbs, in Jurassic Park the velociraptors prove to be the most deadly killing machines in the park. Sure, T-Rex has all the size, but look at those puny arms, the raptors meanwhile hunt in packs, communicate with one another and can jump and run like they’re in the Olympics. Basically, if it’s you or them, they’re going to win. You don’t mess with the raptors or they’ll cut you in half, here’s hoping the Phillies can likewise eviscerate the Yanks in this series.

Don’t forget to VOTE BELOW only YOU can make sure this doppelganger makes its way to the permanent page!



A Dumbo-Ear Sized Doppelganger

Appointed by his fellow owners to be Commissioner of Baseball, Bud Selig, America’s most successful used car salesman, has seen baseball’s revenues soar, attendance rise and has presided over an entire era of tainted numbers that he still has yet to apologize for. Had Selig stood stronger or done ANYTHING, we might not look back at the last 15-20 years of baseball as filled with cheaters. Of course, he needed the home run hitters to be prolific to cover up the mess that was the lockout and canceling of the World Series in 1994…Stephen Hawking is considered by many to be the smartest man in the world, quite the lofty position. When not figuring out complicated theoretical physics problems, Hawking is macking it on the ladies. After he and his first wife split up, he married his nurse, who happened to be the former wife of the man who created his first talking computer. Talk about SMOOTH! My man Hawking has got GAME! I say these two are near dead-ringers for doppelgangers, right down to the abnormally large ears.

Make sure to VOTE in the poll below and then to visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to enjoy the many others we’ve assembled.



I Am Jack’s Throbbing Doppelganger

After being the choice of many for the Cy Young award last season, instead, Justin Verlander suffered through the worst of his young career. He has bounced back in spectacular fashion this season though and remains the only bright spot on my otherwise miserable fantasy baseball pitching staff. One of the best actors of his generation, Ed Norton has avoided the pitfalls of over-saturation for the time being and has had the fortune of being in some incredible movies. Of course, he’s also incredible, so it goes both ways. Verlander and Norton go only one way, to the PERMANENT doppelgangers page! (We hope! Vote in the poll below!)


h/t to Saint Dynamite for the tip!


You Know What I Like About Doppelgangers?

Tim Lincecum has dominated baseball the last 2.5 years, unfortunately, he plays his games for the San Francisco Giants who have zero offense. Despite that he won the first of his Cy Youngs and is on his way to earning several more. The pint-sized ace wears his hair long and doesn’t take any guff from the older kids. In 1993, Wiley Wiggins — who incidentally looks like this now — played young Mitch Kramer in Dazed and Confused; the young future freshman phenom pitcher who narrowly escapes the evil clutches of Ben Affleck. I have zero doubt in my mind that, at some point this season, Randy Johnson has chased Lincecum around the clubhouse with a paddle. I also have little doubt that Lincecum has dumped paint onto Bengie Molina from a hotel balcony.

As ever, please vote in the poll below and visit the permanent Doppelgangers page by going HERE.



Doppelgangers to Celebrate the Birth of America

Before the 2007 season, Homer Bailey was widely considered one of the top 3 prospects in all of minor league baseball; his major league debut was highly anticipated and it was expected that his knee-buckling curve ball and high 90s fastball would lead to years of success. Unfortunately for the Reds (and the multiple fantasy teams I picked him up on), Bailey is still searching for any major league success, although on Friday he pitched 7.1 innings of 3 hit, 2 run ball, so who knows, maybe he’s finally starting to figure it all out. Starting out his career working with Steven Spielberg’s Empire of the Sun, Christian Bale’s Hollywood career really took off after his critically acclaimed performance in The Machinist. Since then, he’s obviously moved onto even larger projects, including playing Batman and John Connors in the new Terminator vehicle. While Bale is British and grew up in Wales, and Bailey is a big-hatted Texan, the similarity in their names is clearly no coincidence, these two men share quite the resemblance, as loyal reader Saint Dynamite pointed out. BaileyBale

Entering rarefied territory, Dustin Pedroia is only the third player in MLB history to win the Rookie of the Year and follow it up the next season with an MVP. Add in his World Series Ring, Gold Glove, Silver Slugger and cover for Playstation’s 2009 MLB: The Show and you have quite a crowded trophy case for a player only in his third big league season. The heart of the Red Sox team these days, it won’t be surprising to see Pedroia be named captain when the Red Sox move on from Jason Varitek, despite his young age. Jason Mraz produces music of some sort that the kids and such like. I don’t listen to anything but sports radio and haven’t heard new music since the late 90s, so I have no idea. However, new reader Barnyard pointed out this doppelganger and I think it has legs. Make sure you vote in the poll below to voice YOUR opinion.



A Journey-Man Mayoral Doppelganger

After a successful college career Drew Gooden has bounced around the NBA some, he’s on his 6th team in 7 years and has proven to be a useful bench and role player but has never achieved any semblance of stardom. He doesn’t need to be a star though for a long and fruitful NBA career. When not sporting one of the worst beards in beard history, Gooden also shares a resemblance with New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. Nationally known thanks to Hurricane Katrina and the subsequent coverage, Ray Nagin has also brought plenty of media attention on himself for some outlandish statements to the press. Regardless, these two men look so much alike I actually got confused putting their pictures next to one another of who was who.

Please VOTE in the poll below so that this doppelganger can become a fixture on the permanent Doppelganger page, which you can visit by clicking here.



An Angels and Zombies Doppelganger

When the Angels arrived in the World Series in 2002 they did so with two very important rookie pitchers; Francisco Rodriguez, quickly dubbed K-Rod, who powered the bullpen and John Lackey a strong-armed starting pitcher who was given the daunting task of starting game 7 of the World Series. Lackey, and the Angels won, obviously, and since then he has been when healthy, one of the better starting pitchers in the American League. Nick Frost had the good sense to become best friends with Simon Pegg long before Pegg became famous and as Pegg’s acting career took off, he brought Frost along on the journey. Starring in Shaun of the Dead, as Pegg’s best friend Ed, Frost introduced himself to a worldwide audience and stole most of the scenes he was in. Despite being born nearly 5000 miles away from one another, these two gentleman share quite the resemblance as pointed out by loyal reader the roomate.

What do YOU think, make sure to VOTE in the POLL below so that this doppelganger can breathe the fresh air of freedom that is on the permanent Doppelgangers page.



A Rays Doppelganger to Rescue Us All

At the time the Detroit Tigers traded Matt Joyce for Edwin Jackson, the consensus was that the Rays had received the better end of the deal. As of today, Jackson is among the leaders for lowest ERA this season and just won his 6th game; Joyce was only just recently called up after hitting .315 and posting a .938 OPS in AAA. There is still a long ways to go, but it looks like the Rays made their own version of the Bronson/Wily Mo ill-fated deal the Sox made. Matt Joyce should ultimately be much better than Wily Mo, but with the paucity of quality outings by the Rays staff recently, it’s certain that, as of now, the Rays would love to take that one back. From the FX show Rescue Me, where he plays Damian, Michael Zegen is one of the acting standouts, stealing scenes as he makes his way, including a truly hilarious moment recently when he explains what a “hot lunch” is, in voting down a band name. Zegen was also in the best movie I’ve seen in the theaters this year, Adventureland where the talented actor once more stole every scene he was in. While the Rays may regret losing Jackson, you’ll never regret watching Zegen. Now, I look at these two young men and all I can think is, brothers? So, what do you think? And seriously, if you’re not watching Rescue Me, you’re missing out on some kick-ass Zegen.

Makes sure to VOTE in the poll below so that this doppelganger pairing can join its brethren on the PERMANENT Doppelgangers page.



Some MLB Network Doppelgangers

I’m on record as saying I’m LOVING the new MLB Network; sure some of the co-hosts aren’t stellar, and there’s still some kinks to work out, but I can turn on the TV and there is ALWAYS something baseball on. And it is clear that MLB Tonight is by far the best baseball show on TV right now, solely thanks to the exclusive look-ins that they provide. After watching the network a lot, here are a couple doppelgangers I’ve noticed along the way.

As ever please VOTE in the polls below so that these doppelgangers can move onto the PERMANENT DOPPELGANGER page.

Reader Mattraw sent this one along, and I couldn’t agree more. Billy Ripken is most famous for being Cal’s younger, less-talented brother and for his infamous baseball card, otherwise, his baseball career was less than memorable. Since retiring/being forced out of baseball, Billy hasn’t been seen too much until he served as hitting coach for this year’s USA entrant in the WBC tournament. Now, on MLB Network, he is generally among the worst analysts they’ve got. Once a proud and respected Jedi Knight, Annakin Skywalker bangs Natalie Portman and then becomes obsessed with not losing her, so he embraces the Dark Side, gets tragically burned by his best friend and is forced to spend the remainder of his days in a protective suit that keeps him alive. After rejecting the Dark Side at the end of his days, he asks his son to remove the mask so that Annakin may look upon Luke with his real eyes. He does, and then dies.


Nicknamed “The Wild Thing,” when Mitch Williams was on the mound neither he, nor the batter ever truly knew where the ball would go. Always outlandish and outspoken, Williams has taken his brashness off the field and into the lovely MLB studios in sunny Secaucus. He’s another one of the analysts who rarely says anything useful and important. Working for Judge Doom in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, the Weasels were low-down thugs, willing to do anything so long as it was for the bad guys. It’s hard to find similarly good non-animated henchman.


Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

June 2023