Archive for April, 2008

30
Apr
08

Fenway Timelapse = Awesome!

Check out this time lapse video of a day at Fenway from setup through a game. Pretty damn awesome.

29
Apr
08

Ronaldo Kicks some Extra Balls Around

Brazilian soccer superstar Ronaldo was for a time, the greatest soccer player in the world, earning player of the year honors three times, tied for the most ever. He was married to Milene Domingues for several years, she’s a model and considered one of the best female soccer players in the world. Seems like a good choice. Then he started dating MTV VJ Daniela Cicarelli, she’s super hot, but it didn’t last. Consoling himself somehow, Ronaldo began to date Brazilian supermodel Raica Oliviera, professional smokeshow. Well done. These are women a man could be proud of, it seems though, that the AC Milan star has fallen on harder times.

While rehabbing from an injury in Brazil, Ronaldo went out the other night, as any man is wont to do and decided he wanted a little female companionship. Understandable, he’s a man with needs, and an incredibly well-known and respected person in his own country and so, seemingly should be a piece of cake to pick up a woman. Opting for some discretion, Ronaldo and his voracious sexual appetite picked up three prostitutes for a hot 4-way at a nearby motel; in Brazil, where prostitution is legal and sexuality is celebrated, this is nothing out of the ordinary.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your mindset, Ronaldo found that his prostitutes were more than meets the eye. It seems that the shes were really hes and packing some different equipment than the footballer was expecting.

Like a gentleman, Ronaldo offered the three transvestites about $600 to keep it quiet and for their time, two of them agreed immediately but one saw it as an opportunity. Instead, Andreia Albertini, transvestite hooker, decided to try and extort Ronaldo to the tune of $30,000 to keep the whole story quiet or else he’d post a video on the internet.

According to the police inspector on the case, Carlos Augusto Nogueira “Ronaldo had not committed any crimes by contracting the men, but he is looking into other claims [that Ronaldo threatened the she-men].

‘He just wanted to have fun and meet some other people outside his usual environment,’ Nogueira said. ‘There is no crime at all.’ He added: ‘[Ronaldo] is quite shocked. He said he just wanted to have some fun and for the press not to be informed about this. Ronaldo told me he is suffering some psychological problems as a result of his injury.”

Sounds like mission accomplished, after all, he did meet some new people! As for the press not finding out well…

It looks like Ronaldo needs to get back onto the field ASAP because when he’s playing and with a hot woman he’s an unstoppable force, when he isn’t he’s just another john picking up transvestites. Someone get this man a supermodel, STAT!

29
Apr
08

Today in Extra Terrestials

The Celtics, after losing the game prior, were feeling pretty down, that is, until they watched Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey and realized who they were missing. STATION! The team’s missing link has been found! Sam Cassell and this trainer guy will form together an unstoppable titan.

29
Apr
08

Is Barry Zito Biodegradable?

Have you ever thought about what you would do with a million dollars, how you’d spend it, what awesome things you could do or buy? What about winning the lottery, say, a megabucks worth 126 million dollars? Well, now imagine that you have that money and you can only spend it on one thing, a curveball pitcher who can’t strike anyone out, who walks way too many people and whose reputation is partly based on erroneously winning the Cy Young over Pedro Martinez based almost solely on win totals*. Want to kill yourself yet? Try this link that my buddy Garnold found where you can see how many years at your current salary it would take to equal Barry Zito’s yearly $14.5million. Now you’ll definitely want to kill yourself.

Only 17 months into a 7 year contract, Barry Zito has been taken out of the rotation and placed in the bullpen for the time being. With an ERA of 7.53 in nearly 29 innings, he has been ridiculously ineffective, a WHIP just shy of 2, and a K:BB of 11:15 adds up to Zito being garbage right now.

What happened to the fun-loving Zito who brought a devastating 12-6 curveball that just froze hitters? The Zito who won 40 games in his first two full seasons has disappeared from sight. The guy once struck out 200 hitters but now is lucky to get ANY swing and misses, how could this have happened?

Clearly, right now, with his control terrible, and hitters knowing this, they are keying off ALL of his pitches as he just tries to get ANYTHING to be a strike. The way he’s pitching right now, especially off his 84 mph fastball, I think even I could go 3-4 with a couple doubles off him.

Could it be that Zito misses the fun days of the crazy A’s? Back when he, Mark Mulder and Tim Hudson all lived together, everything seemed to be easy for these three stud pitchers. It seemed like they might become the new version of the Braves, with their pitchers trading off Cy Young seasons back and forth. Zito who had been maybe the most initially advanced though got passed by his teammates. Also, unfortunately, of course it bares mentioning that the offensive catalyst of that team Jason Giambi is a known steroids user and it is likely that other players on the team used them as well. Maybe Zito should call his uncle, actor Patrick Duffy for how he handled the transition from a show like Dallas to Step by Step. Or maybe Zito is out too much with the Hollywood starlets, most recently Hillary Duff. It is possible that he no longer is bringing his stuffed animal collection on the road or maybe he just needs to change his incense, maybe some Nag Champa to lighten up the room?

Continue reading ‘Is Barry Zito Biodegradable?’

28
Apr
08

For Sooth, For the Fair Force Finished First

I don’t understand many things about funny car racing, for example, the why, but at least the people in charge of funny cars have realized what it takes to get completely uninterested people, interested.

Her name is Ashley Force. Her dad is a legend of some sort in racing and she defeated him in a head-to-head race the other day. That’s what he gets for never taking her to ballet class! Also, his wife must be exceedingly attractive because John Force is not a good-looking man, it’s truly amazing the power of good genetics.

Anyways, she’s totally hot and drives fast. Here are some assembled photographs. Enjoy.

nhra-driver-ashley-force-named-hottest-athlete2

26
Apr
08

Orestes Destrade: MILF Hunter

It seems that the only thing hotter than Jayson Werth’s bat, is his mom. On Thursday’s Baseball Tonight, while showing clips of the Phillies game, Orestes Destrade got completely distracted and overwhelmed. It seems that Jayson Werth’s recent power outburst (now up to 5 HRs on the season) was a little too much for Orestes to handle. That, or maybe the fact that Werth’s mommy is hot.

Check out how Destrade can’t get off how attractive Werth’s mom is, Steve Berthiaume tries to move on but Destrade will have none of that. Something about Werth’s mummy excites something in Orestes’ testes.

werthmom

Now, to be fair, Werth’s mom is pretty hot, especially for a woman with a 28 year old son. According to Werth’s wikipedia page his mom, Kim, was quite the athlete in her day, participating in the Olympic trials for the 100 meter and the long jump. Also, her father and uncle were both Major Leaguers, Werth’s birth father was a minor leaguer and her current husband, Dennis Werth, played 3 years of big league ball, so she’s a baseball gal through and through.

To be honest, my initial thought was that was his girlfriend or wife, not his approximately 50 year old mom, but, hey, I’m flexible.

My favorite part of Destrade’s comments were when he says that he hopes Werth keeps hitting home runs so that they have more cutaway shots to his mom. Classy! Hey Ms. Werth, call him! I smell a love connection. After all, Destrade does seem to fit in with your love of fringey MLB players…

25
Apr
08

No Longer the King

Corpulent Ray King was demoted yesterday by the Mets-Killing Washington Nationals to the Nats’ Columbus AAA affiliate. King, an 11 year vet has taken umbrage at this dishonor and has told the team he’d like for them to trade him to another team that will give him a major league job or he might retire.

Considering how much he blows these days (and really he hasn’t ever been good except 2004 with the Cardinals) I think the choice is pretty obvious.

I wonder what he’ll do in retirement…




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