Posts Tagged ‘New York Yankees


Melky Cabrera? That’s IT?

What the hell are the Atlanta Braves doing, all t the talk has been about how they need acquire a bat to help their struggling offense and the team’s biggest chip was Javier Vazquez who was OUTSTANDING last season. So, in a move to bolster their offense, the Braves move Javier for MELKY CABRERA? WTF?

What am I missing here? Why would the Braves look to add an outfielder who, at best, is a 20 HR hitter and has a career OPS+ of 88? They already have Nate McClouth, now they’ve added a WORSE hitter and in exchange gave up a 200 IP, 200+ strikeout, seems like some shrewd management there.

Is it possible that Melky was the BEST deal available? That can’t be true, he’s like a shittier, younger Marcus Thames and he just got traded for one of the best starters in the NL the last two seasons. At least when the Yankees acquired Vazquez the first time they included Nick Johnson who can actually perform in the majors.

With Jason Heyward, rookie extraordinaire looming, the Braves can have a pretty young outfield in place as early as next season, although, of course, one of those spots will be with Melky who really isn’t good enough to deserve it. This is a GREAT move for the Yankees and the Braves just BLEW it. After all, why would you want to trade a really valuable piece for something USEFUL!

I just hope that Vazquez’ previous struggles in NY will return, but so far, the Yankees offseason has been going swimmingly.


Yankees Trade for Granderson, Tigers Make Out Well Too

The Curtis Granderson to the Yankees rumors turned out to be true, when just a few hours ago the Tigers, Diamondbacks and Yankees agreed to a three-team 7-player deal. Granderson heads to New York, Detroit gets Arizona starter Max Scherzer and reliever Daniel Schlereth as well as NY’s Phil Coke and OF prospect Austin Jackson. Arizona takes home Edwin Jackson from Detroit and Ian Kennedy from NY.

I LOVE this deal for the Tigers, sure, losing Granderson’s defense and lead-off ability hurts, but considering for his career he has an OPS+ of 50 against lefthanders, it’s not a gigantic loss. The Yankees are going to ultimately need to platoon Granderson with someone who can actually hit lefties sooner rather than later. However, his defense is going to be huge in Yankee stadium, especially if they bring back Damon to play left. Meanwhile, I think Austin Jackson has a decent chance of being nearly as good as Granderson (with less HRs) within a year or two at a significantly cheaper cost. Add in Scherzer’s power arm, Schlereth and Coke upgrading the bullpen and all of sudden the team has fixed one of their biggest weaknesses while replacing two important starters with serviceable replacements.

Me, personally, I’d much rather have Scherzer than Edwin Jackson because he’s younger, has better breaking pitches and has a chance to have better command, unlike Jackson who has yet to string together a full season that matches his talent.

What I don’t understand is what the hell Arizona is doing. They take on Jackson and Kennedy, two pitchers who are OK, but with less potential than Scherzer, plus Jackson is more expensive and has less years of control remaining. What is the plan there? Justin Upton is about to become a monster on the major league level, plus MVP-candidate Mark Reynolds help drive the offense, presumably players like Stephen Drew and Chris Young can’t be as bad as they were last year but the pitching staff still has holes and they just gave up two young power arms, because, you know, those aren’t needed. The NL West is a weak division, I simply don’t get why you make this trade that weakens your team.

Also, now I’m super sad because I always really liked Granderson and now he’s a Yankee…(Incidentally, I won’t be surprised when he records 35 HRs next season in Yankee Stadium.)



SHOCK! The Yankees are Giant Douches — Even To Their Own Fans

Proving that just because they are immensely rich and are coming off a World Series victory doesn’t preclude them from being giant douchenozzles, even to their biggest fans, the Yankees have sent a cease and desist letter to the Yankees Universe blog. This is probably the first (and hopefully ONLY) time I have found myself siding with a Yankees fan on ANYTHING, but this is absofuckinglutely ridiculous and shows an arrogance that I didn’t think even the Yankees were capable of. The letter sent to blog states:

While the Yankees are very appreciative of their loyal and highly valued fan support,
unauthorized use of the Yankees Marks that would be confusing or misleading to the public, or
falsely imply some endorsement or sponsorship by the Yankees, cannot be tolerated. Although
the Website purports to be a “blog about Major League Baseball and the New York Yankees,” it
has clearly branded itself throughout with the Yankees Marks, including the Logo. Thus, you are
not using the Yankees Marks in a permissible manner but rather to brand your own online
service, and to create or imply a false impression that the Yankees have approved, condoned or
sponsored the Website.

Your unauthorized uses of the MLB Marks on the Website and in the Domain Name are
likely to cause confusion, mistake and deception as to the existence of an affiliation, connection
or association between your business on the one hand, and MLBAM, and/or other applicable
MLB Entities on the other, and constitute trademark infringement, dilution and unfair
competition in violation of federal and state law.

Accordingly, demand is hereby made that you immediately cease and desist from using
the YANKEE UNIVERSE name and the Logo, any other Yankees Mark and any other MLB
Mark in and as the name of your Website, to promote the Website, to seek advertising any other
commercial opportunities, in and as the Domain Name, and in any other manner that would
cause consumer confusion, dilution of the MLB Marks, or imply any sponsorship or
endorsement of your Website or its contents by any MLB Entity.

Way to go Yankees, this makes great business sense, why not alienate the people who care most passionately (and vociferously) about your team. After all, it was all those bleacher and upper deck seats that were empty all season and the rich guy seats were jam-packed. Oh wait. That’s right, it was the OTHER way around, and instead of courting and appreciating their actual fans the Yankees would, once more, rather cow-tow to the Richie Richs of the world and screw over the little guy. Hey Yankees fans, there’s plenty of room for you in Red Sox Nation, and we always appreciate OUR fans.

Perhaps in a coincidence, but I say not, the Yankees have dug up the corpse of George Steinbrenner and propped him up to appear at the team’s organizational meetings the last few days. Just saying, this is EXACTLY what a zombie corpse would want done…

The Yankees should be absolutely ASHAMED with themselves. Of course, their arrogance probably precludes them from feeling human emotions.

[The Yankees Universe via The Big Lead]


Jeter and Minka Take a Vacation Together

With his 5th championship wrapped up, Derek Jeter jetted off to St. Barts for a deserved vacation; while he should have traveled alone, he opted instead to bring his girlfriend, Minka Kelly with him as well. Doesn’t he know that she is supposed to be with me and not him?

The two haven’t been seen too much by the other guests but one enterprising photographer managed some shots of the two in the water. Ever the gossip-mongers the NY Post insists that the two are “coyly telling pals to be prepared for a wedding soon,” something they have touted with every single Jeter relationship. Besides, we all know that she would NEVER settle for him when there are sports bloggers available.

[NY Post]


Derek Jeter is a BUM!

JeterJeterNoted thespian Derek Jeter was down on Coney Island yesterday filming a bit part for Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell’s new movie, The Other Guys playing a part that’s a bit incongruous with his normal image, a homeless beggar.

Wearing a silver wig, a dirty stained jacket and torn-up sneakers, Jeter gamely faced the wind and chill in the air to film his part outside Coney Island’s famous Nathans Hot Dogs.

Expect him to receive an Oscar nomination despite the fact that there were a slew of candidates with legitimate range available.

[NY Daily News]


Give Him Points for Balls, Not the Execution

ticket-scalperPolice arrested Douglas Clark outside Yankee stadium before game 2 for trying to sell fake World Series tickets. Ever the entrepreneur, Clark did the only reasonable thing available, he offered a bribe to the arresting officers. In exchange for letting him loose, Clark offered the cop tickets to a later game in the series.

Considering he was being arrested for selling FAKE tickets, the cop turned him down. Now Clark is being held for attempted bribery and possession of a forged instrument. Ooops!

[NY Post]



Jorge Posada Punches His Wife

Prior to last night’s game, the local NYC Fox affiliate aired some of an interview they had earlier in the day with Laura Posada, the Yankees catcher’s wife. Generally it wasn’t that interesting but she did casually drop one bomb, Jorge gets heated up before big game and has fights in his sleep with the umps. He apparently thrashes around and even can get violent. Fast forward in this clip to the 2:35 mark to hear her tell about him punching her in the face!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Poor form Spanish George, poor form. I should also point out that I hate Jorge more than any other single Yankee.

[Fox New York]


Girardi Comes to Crash Victim’s Rescue on Way Home

Joe Girardi in CarEarly Thursday morning after leaving Yankee Stadium — following that game that I have zero interest in talking about — manager Joe Girardi got into his car, headed home to Westchester. He passed through a police DUI checkpoint — despite the copious amounts of champagne consumed in the clubhouse — and continued on his way. A few minutes later the police at the checkpoint received word of an accident up the road and immediately headed towards it.

They came upon a woman who had crashed her car into the wall and the Yankees manager who had stopped to try and help. “He was jumping up and down, trying to flag me down,” Westchester County police officer Kathleen Christiano said. “You don’t expect him standing by a car accident trying to help.”

With aid from Girardi, the woman was able to get out of her car before the police arrived and she declined going to the hospital. Girardi, whose car was actually on the other side of the highway waited until the police arrived and the woman was safe before telling them he “had to get going,” then ran back across the highway, got in his car and drove off.

The woman didn’t know who Girardi, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans was until after he had left and police told her. The police were even more impressed because crossing the highway in that area is extremely dangerous, “He could have gotten killed,” county Sgt. Thomas McGurn said.

I’m not a Girardi fan in any way, but it’s not often the winning manager of the World Series stops and helps a fellow traveler at 2:15 in the morning. Well done Joe.



A-Rod Has Been Choking for YEARS!

This clip astonishes me. No, not that Alex Rodriguez in his final high school playoff game made a truly terrible throw to second, tossing the game away and losing it for his school, but that this is the first time I’ve seen it. I spend a lot of time on the Internet (you might have noticed) and this is the first time I’ve ever come across this moment. Success breeds success, failure, well, failure breeds further failure. Despite his torrid pace early in the playoffs, last night Cliff Lee just baffled A-Rod all game long. Let’s hope to see this trend continue, after all, they say people never really change.

Vodpod videos no longer available.
[Barstool Sports]


Yankees Fans Show They Don’t Care and Are Fair-Weather Fans

yankeestadiumempty1The greatest fans huh? Now, call me crazy, but if it is the FUCKING WORLD SERIES you DON’T LEAVE THE GAME UNTIL IT’S OVER NO MATTER WHAT THE SCORE. Or at least, that’s what Phillies fans, Red Sox fans or Cardinal fans would do. That’s because those are informed fans who actually understand baseball as opposed to fair-weather rich people who follow a team only because they were successful in the past.

It’s the goddamn World Series, it’s supposed to mean something. Way to show up Yankee fans.

[h/t NYC Barstool Sports for the photo]


Derek Jeter Just Makes This Too Easy

derek jeter SNL in DragWhile on Fox tonight the World Series will be getting underway, New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter will simultaneously be making an appearance on NBC’s The Biggest Loser. It only makes sense that Jeter appear on a show with that title, because I dislike him and it allows me to call him a big loser. Thanks DJ! BOOM! You see what I did there? See I juxtaposed Derek Jeter and being a big loser and then put them together for comparison, and Jeter turns out to be a loser! God I’m smart.

Now, Derek, if you wouldn’t mind appearing on an episode of Stupid Faced D-Bags Who Slanch Would Like to See Never Play Baseball Again on Spike I think I’ll be good.

Also, I would watch the SHIT out of “SFD-BWSWLSNPBA” it would get SUPER HIGH Nielsen ratings from my house, so, TV executives get on it!



A Yankee Killer Doppelganger

It’s been far far too long since we’ve had a doppelganger up, and in honor of game 1 of the World Series tonight we have a doozy for you.  Please make sure to VOTE in the poll below as well as visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to see the many other fabulous doppelgangers we have assembled.

When he was hired by the New York Yankees to be their manager, Joe Girardi took the uniform number “27” to show that he was being brought in to win championship #27 for the franchise. With calls for his head after last year’s disappointing non-playoffs finish, Girardi has somewhat redeemed himself by getting to the World Series this year. Then again, he completely mismanages his bullpen, makes decisions that seemingly make no sense and doesn’t always deal with the press in the best manner. Exactly what you want from the manager of the highest paid team in the history of baseball. Despite lacking opposable thumbs, in Jurassic Park the velociraptors prove to be the most deadly killing machines in the park. Sure, T-Rex has all the size, but look at those puny arms, the raptors meanwhile hunt in packs, communicate with one another and can jump and run like they’re in the Olympics. Basically, if it’s you or them, they’re going to win. You don’t mess with the raptors or they’ll cut you in half, here’s hoping the Phillies can likewise eviscerate the Yanks in this series.

Don’t forget to VOTE BELOW only YOU can make sure this doppelganger makes its way to the permanent page!


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The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

June 2023