Posts Tagged ‘Soccer


Soccer Team Goes For a Fatal Swim

As a means to dispel some bad spirits and help their team win a soccer match, 16 members of the second division Midland Portland Cement team in Zimbabwe went swimming in the Zambezi river while in the resort city of Victoria Falls. Nothing too extraordinary there, a nice show of team unity if anything. Unfortunately, only 15 members of the team came out of the water. Local police commander Peter Rodzi said afterwards that “The area where the team was swimming is prohibited as the current is strong. The river is also infested with crocodiles and hippos.” The missing player has yet to be found.
The swim was recommended to the players by the team’s technical committee in order to be cleansed of bad spirits. Believing in spirits and their power is a common held religious belief in Zimbabwe and much of Africa.



I’m A HERO! Oops, I Blew It…

Here’s some video from a German soccer match where the goalie takes and then scores on a penalty kick. Clearly pretty happy with himself he takes his time making his way back to his own goal, celebrating with his teammates. Alas, the other team wasn’t content with dawdling and took their revenge on him. Check it out!


Streaking Can Be Dangerous

I love streaking. In college I streaked every Thursday and it made the college experience better for everyone. The opportunity to see me naked is one everyone should opt for. Thus when I came across this video of a guy streaking a soccer game in Australia I had to post it. Nathan Roberts is a player on the Virginia B Grade team but is sidelined due to fluid in his lungs, pneumonia and an inflamed liver and spleen. During a recent match between United and Hummocks Watchman Eagles after having “knocked back a few bevvies” it was mentioned that someone should streak. Taking up the offer after $50 was offered, Roberts went for it. The only stipulation was that he had to do a cartwheel while streaking. That, unfortunately, is when the troubles began. Join us as we watch the video (taken by his sister) together in all its grainy digitalized goodness and see what happens. Like any good streaker, Roberts had no regrets, “I like a bit of attention and I’d do it again,” he said. “But I’d up the price.”

Roberts gets tended to after injurying his foot when attempting a naked cartwheel.

Roberts gets tended to after knocking himself unconscious doing a naked cartwheel. He was taken off the field in a stretcher.


Rape Returns to the Duke Campus

Just when the Duke Rape scandal seemed to go away, Rape rears its not so ugly face on campus once more; Ashley Rape that is. The freshman soccer player who was ranked as the 5th best soccer recruit in the country will be joining the Blue Devils’ soccer team this fall. On the field, Rape has been a member of the Under-15, Under-16, Under-17 and Under-18 National Teams and was a selection for Sports Illustrated’s “Faces in the Crowd” this past February. Rape is, obviously, a striker with a nose for the ball, her senior year alone she scored 19 times, not to mention the 21 assists. If you see her coming down the field your defense had better stand up because she’s coming to score and score often. Remember, always go for the eyes and the groin. I hope the Duke athletic staff intends to keep her well away from the lacrosse boys and strippers, Rape should always be kept far far away from those parties.


The Chinese Show Their Sportsmanship

52 minutes into their soccer match, Chinese athletics took a sharp nosedive from respectability when Tan Wangsong kicked Belgian soccer player Sebastien Pocognoli directly into the nuts. Apparently Pocognoli’s wang wasn’t enough of a chanteuse for the Chinese and thus this necessary step had to be taken. Wangsong’s was the first of two Chinese red cards in the game, in which they eventually lost, the second coming when the team captain elbowed someone.

These types of incidents are not unknown amongst the Chinese soccer set though, in fact, they are almost common. The Chinese take a lot of pride in soccer, despite their team only qualifying for one World Cup, (Japan/Korea) where they were held without a goal for the entire tournament. After losing to Brazil in an Olympic game, there was a mini-riot outside the stadium until police came and broke it up, so this craziness is not just left to the players on the pitch.

“Most of the men’s soccer players are poorly educated,” Xu Guoqi a professor at Kalamazoo College and author on a book regarding Chinese soccer said, “One soccer player even tried to stab somebody to death in a bar fight.”Among the other poor activities on the men’s soccer team include in March 2007, a former goalkeeper for the national team, Liu Yunfei, being arrested on drug charges. Another goalie, An Qi, was caught with a prostitute in a hotel in 2005. But then again, who amongst us HASN’T been caught with a Chinese prostitute at least once?


Being Hammered New Qualification for Refs

The NBA had Tim Donaghy fixing games, which is a pretty dastardly thing to do, but in the soccer leagues of Belarus they have a very different problem with their referees, drunkenness.

Initially, referee Sergei Schmolik was escorted off the field and taken to the hospital for tests because it seemed like his back was hurting him. It wasn’t. His strange refereeing style may have had something to do with the fact that he instead tested for high levels of alcohol in his system.

“The stadium crowd were stunned by Shmolik’s peculiar behaviour. The referee was hardly moving by the end of the match, which ended in a 1-1 draw, as he officiated the game from the centre circle, refusing to go to his pocket for any cards throughout.

“I haven’t seen a drunk referee before. It’s just beyond my comprehension,” said Belarus national coach Berndt Stange, who was at the game.”

I particularly love the wave he gives to the crowd as he comes off the field, I just can’t believe they even needed to test for alcohol, as it seems pretty clear to me that he’s hammered, but then again, I’d be hammered if I was in Belarus too…

[Sports by Brooks]

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I Suppose He Could Have Been a Dickhead

soccerball-faceHaving helped defeat the Russians in the semi-finals, Ballface Linares was totally deflated after the game when he was rejected by 3 different ladies.


The Filthiest Thing I’ve Seen

Some folks in Scotland have turned the “beautiful game” into the dirtiest, wildest affair possible. I’d expect nothing less from men who wear skirts. This is the perfect combination of sport: mud wrestling and balls. It nearly brings a tear to my eyes…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Actually, this looks like an incredibly fun time, albeit very very dirty. But hey, so you get your balls messy and then you wash ’em, t’ain’t nothing wrong with that!


The Dutch Get Ovened

I don’t know when this blog became a soccer blog but there are simply too many hilarious stories coming out of the beautiful game recently. For instance, take this video of the Dutch team playing Romania during the Euro Cup. Something stinks on the bench and it seems to be most likely caused by Rafael van der Vaart, (pronounced Van der Fart.) Is it still called a Dutch oven if it’s done by a Dutchman? Or is it just an oven?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Beckham Strokes Ball, Scores Big Time

So David Beckham’s US soccer career has not gone as swimmingly as he (or MLS and the LA Galaxy) had hoped, there was the ankle injury that made him miss much of last season and so far this year he has been decent but not excellent. However, for one moment in last night’s game against the KC Wizards, Beckham showed some of the deft touch that made him such a worldwide phenomenon when he lifted a ball 70 yards and over the goalkeepers head for a goal.

Awesome! It turns out that this isn’t the first time he’s done this in high-level game, he apparently did it as well when he was a fresh faced teenager for Manchester United too.


A very grateful h/t to Unprofessional Foul


One More Reason for Soccer’s Popularity

Brazil is known for her citizens’ excellence on the soccer pitch and for an equal excellence in attractiveness. Case in point, Laisa Andrioli, a 20 year old who plays for the national team and is evidently attracting lots of attention for her moves on and off the field. As someone who played varsity soccer (one year) in high school, I am quite the expert in hot soccer ladies and I feel qualified to say I’m starting to warm up to Laisa. For example:

All right, now I’m intrigued… What else do you have for me, Ms. Andrioli?


Brazil has got to have the hottest population in the world right? I mean, everyone I ever see from there is just incredibly good-looking. The only thing that doesn’t make sense is that I’m NOT from there, after all, I’m right there on the attractive scale…

Well then. I’m definitely in love. Looks like ethanol shouldn’t be the biggest export coming out of Brazil anymore. Now we’re starting to get into some risqué territory, I like where this is heading…Then I find out that Laisa has just posed nude for Sexy Magazine, so I guess you know what happens now…

Stick around after the jump for some very NSFW photos, unless you happen to be working at Smut Magazine.

h/t to Fleshbot

Continue reading ‘One More Reason for Soccer’s Popularity’


Ronaldo Kicks some Extra Balls Around

Brazilian soccer superstar Ronaldo was for a time, the greatest soccer player in the world, earning player of the year honors three times, tied for the most ever. He was married to Milene Domingues for several years, she’s a model and considered one of the best female soccer players in the world. Seems like a good choice. Then he started dating MTV VJ Daniela Cicarelli, she’s super hot, but it didn’t last. Consoling himself somehow, Ronaldo began to date Brazilian supermodel Raica Oliviera, professional smokeshow. Well done. These are women a man could be proud of, it seems though, that the AC Milan star has fallen on harder times.

While rehabbing from an injury in Brazil, Ronaldo went out the other night, as any man is wont to do and decided he wanted a little female companionship. Understandable, he’s a man with needs, and an incredibly well-known and respected person in his own country and so, seemingly should be a piece of cake to pick up a woman. Opting for some discretion, Ronaldo and his voracious sexual appetite picked up three prostitutes for a hot 4-way at a nearby motel; in Brazil, where prostitution is legal and sexuality is celebrated, this is nothing out of the ordinary.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your mindset, Ronaldo found that his prostitutes were more than meets the eye. It seems that the shes were really hes and packing some different equipment than the footballer was expecting.

Like a gentleman, Ronaldo offered the three transvestites about $600 to keep it quiet and for their time, two of them agreed immediately but one saw it as an opportunity. Instead, Andreia Albertini, transvestite hooker, decided to try and extort Ronaldo to the tune of $30,000 to keep the whole story quiet or else he’d post a video on the internet.

According to the police inspector on the case, Carlos Augusto Nogueira “Ronaldo had not committed any crimes by contracting the men, but he is looking into other claims [that Ronaldo threatened the she-men].

‘He just wanted to have fun and meet some other people outside his usual environment,’ Nogueira said. ‘There is no crime at all.’ He added: ‘[Ronaldo] is quite shocked. He said he just wanted to have some fun and for the press not to be informed about this. Ronaldo told me he is suffering some psychological problems as a result of his injury.”

Sounds like mission accomplished, after all, he did meet some new people! As for the press not finding out well…

It looks like Ronaldo needs to get back onto the field ASAP because when he’s playing and with a hot woman he’s an unstoppable force, when he isn’t he’s just another john picking up transvestites. Someone get this man a supermodel, STAT!

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May 2023