Posts Tagged ‘Detroit Lions


Dante Culpepper Scores a Field Goal

With the situation in Detroit, both on and off the field, miserable, the least the NFL could do is amend the rules so that after Dante Culpepper rears back and throws an approximately 65-yard ball that flies through the uprights he could get three points, right? C’mon, Detroit has suffered enough, they deserve this!


Inspiring Words From the Lions Head Coach

“There is a significant portion of our roster that’s on our roster because they were castoffs from other teams,” Jim Schwartz said. “There were teams that didn’t want them or let them go, or stuff like that, and we need to make sure, or the players need to make sure, that they’re not in the same position this year with us.”

Well, I’m ready to run through a brick wall for you now coach…



Detroit Beats Green Bay in Popularity Contest

A poll of NFL players conducted by Sports Illustrated asked which NFL team they’d least like to play for; incredibly, despite the fact that the Lions have lost 33 of their last 42 games they weren’t the least popular team.

From the 296 players asked, more players would rather ply their trade for the Lions than for Green Bay, an actual winning franchise. In no big surprise, the largest percentage (20%) responded that they would least like playing for the Oakland Raiders, followed by Buffalo at 14%, Green Bay at 13%, Detroit with 12% and Cleveland, as ever, bringing up the rear with 7%.

I can see not wanting to play for the shitacular franchises, that’s clear to me, but not wanting to play in Green Bay? Is Wisconsin THAT bad… hmm. Now that I think about it… Even still, since when is DETROIT better than Green Bay in anything?

[Detroit Free-Press]


Finally, a Chance to Own Your Own Stadium

large_WEB-Silverdome_ForSaleDo you have a couple million dollars just sitting in your bank account collecting dust? Well the city of Pontiac has got the deal of the century for you,  the former home of the Lions, the Pontiac Silverdome.

With seating capacity up to 80,311 you can throw a really epic party for all your closest Facebook friends. Finally live your dream of going behind the counters of a real hot dog vendor stand!

And remember, back when the Lions played in the Silverdome they weren’t the essence of suck that they are now, they played to 91-71-1 record in the Silverdome, so the stench of failure doesn’t totally permeate the stadium. Impress ladies at a bar by telling them you own the place where the largest attendance record for a sports event was set, the epic WrestleMania III where Hulk Hogan took on Andre the Giant. Any woman who doesn’t immediately fall for you after learning that factoid isn’t worth your time. What about when you tell the ladies that during their 1994 North American tour Pink Floyd played the entirety of The Dark Side of the Moon for the first time since 1975? Put THAT in your pipe and then pass it to your neighbor because, c’mon, you never take your own greens.

The city is accepting sealed bids for the stadium through November 12th and the 127+ acres it sits on, so you have limited time to get your ducks in a row. The Silverdome would also make a great stocking stuffer for those closest to your heart.

[Williams Auction via Darren Rovell]


Smoke Weed Every Day

charles-rogersThe biggest joke of the NFL draft every year is when are the Lions going to take ANOTHER wide-receiver. After taking one with their first pick multiple years in a year, much to the detriment of the team, the Lions finished last season as the worst team in NFL history. Success!

One of the biggest bust picks for them was Charles Johnson, a receiver out of Michigan State who was supposed to help stretch the field and be a dynamic play-maker. Instead, he corraled 36 passes for 440 yards and a mere 4 TDs over three seasons, taking nearly as many trips to the Injured Reserve list as to the end-zone.

One of reasons Rogers never lived up to the hype of being the number 2 overall selection? In an interview with ESPN’s Outside the Lines Rogers admitted that he used to smoke weed “every day.”

Since the Lions dropped him like a bad habit, Rogers has had various legal problems, and is yet to find another NFL team willing to take a chance on him.

Considering that EVERY SINGLE YEAR he was in college he FAILED a drug test, I for one, am SHOCKED by this revelation. Having signed a 6-year contract when he was drafted, including $14.2 million in guranteed bonuses ($8.5 million of which he was forced to pay back to the team), that can definitely buy you more than a couple ounces of some fine-ass hydro…

I mean, I’ve heard…

[Detroit Free-Press]


Lions Receiver Gets Taken Down by Golf Cart

6a00d8341e839953ef01156f3ac21c970c-800wiComing off the worst season in the history of the NFL, the Detroit Lions need as many positive things to happen to their team as possible. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like the team’s fortunes have changed very much. Receiver Bryant Johnson is currently out from training camp and will likely miss several weeks of practice due to an injury. Of course, injuries are a part of football, although, generally they are attained on the practice field or in games, Johnson got his in a slightly different manner; golf cart accident.

With cuts and bruises covering nearly his entire body, “Bryant, unfortunately, had a golf cart accident back in early July,” Lions coach Jim Schwartz said. “It was something we were well aware of. We took a couple of trips down to Atlanta to see him. There are no orthopedic issues with it, a lot of superficial wounds, road rash and those kinds of things. We’ll take our time … with him.”

bryant-johnsonIn speaking with reporters Johnson explained that: “In the community that I live in, everybody uses golf carts to get around. (The golf car) got out of control and it was on two wheels and it fell over. I was driving, and it fell over on my side. It slid about 10 yards. There was a hill, but it wasn’t a steep hill.”

While the cuts are still fresh and could take quite some time to heal, Bryant didn’t think too much about them at the time of the accident.

“It really didn’t hurt until the first time I tried to take a shower,” Johnson said.

I know the feeling, no matter how much I scrub I still can’t ever get clean. I imagine it’s much much worse if you’re a member of the Lions…



Stop Mixing Sport Metaphors

Cohen_Body_080805Last year’s 7th round selection Landon Cohen played decently enough to make the Detroit Lions’ roster last season; although I’m not sure that was much of a reward considering how their season turned out.

Concerned that if they released Cohen another team would try to claim him, the team kept 11 defensive lineman, unlike most teams which keep 7-8., the Michigan news website, has this money quote in their article talking about Cohen trying to make the team this year as training camp nears.

It appears that Cohen is going to need another late-inning home run if he’s going to make the Lions’ roster this season. While Cohen has good size at about 300 pounds, his game appears to be more suited for the Tampa Two defense.

So, the defensive lineman in football, now in the late innings, needs to do what exactly? Oh right, a home-run. Maybe that’s why the Lions went 0-16, they were trying to play BASEBALL instead of football!



QB Scrambles One Last Time

Former Lions quarterback William “Jeff” Komlo died in a car accident on March 14 in Greece after being on the lam for the past 4 years. After failing to show up for sentencing on two drunk-driving convictions in Pennsylvania in June of 2005. Among his other problems at the time was another warrant seeking Komlo for an alleged assault on his girlfriend, cocaine possession and he was also being investigated for suspicious fires at two of his homes. So, he was doing pretty well…

Police officials in Pennsylvania initially worried that this was a case of Komlo trying to evade capture by faking his death, but late last week stated that the evidence satisfied them that Komlo was indeed dead. If he isn’t dead, he should resign with the Lions, they could use someone with that kind of scrambling ability…

[Kansas City]


Best Lions Jersey Ever?



The Case of the Disgruntled RB

The Detroit Lions brought in the recently released Rudi Johnson for a visit with GM Matt Millen before signing him the other day. During that visit, Johnson left his bags outside the office while he and Millen met inside. When Johnson came out though, his bags were missing. Using the in-house surveillance cameras, the team went to the videotape to see what had happened to the missing valises.

It turns out that the thief was none other than Tatum Bell, the running back Johnson would be brought in to replace and who was due to get released with the addition of Johnson. Bell then did the only sensible thing, he brought the suitcases to the home of one of his fuckbuddies whom he hadn’t seen in months telling the team he thought the suitcases were hers. Which of course make perfect sense, after all, why wouldn’t Millen be meeting with Bell’s ladyfriends in his office the day after cut-down day across the NFL? And why wouldn’t she bring her suitcases to that meeting, I’m sure Millen was hiring her to become an advance scout for the team, that makes the most sense. Bell clearly didn’t know that there were any sort of monitoring equipment. Johnson got his bags back eventually and isn’t pressing any charges, so at least Bell is well-off that way. He did also get released though so, I guess he wasn’t THAT lucky.

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