Posts Tagged ‘Nascar

28
Sep
09

Flipping Over NASCAR

The only good thing about NASCAR is that when the drivers crash their cars, it’s usually spectacular. Really, how often will you ever see a man flip about 9 times and then have the wherewithal to put his sponsor’s hat on before he gets out, unharmed? Ta-DA!

I do think they’re coddling these drivers too much, if this guy can walk away from that wreck without a scratch there’s simply too much hubris involved. The gods won’t be taunted for long.

11
Aug
09

Ooh! More Car Crashes!

I could never sit through a full NASCAR race, I’ve tried, I just value my brain too much to put it through such an awful experience. However, I can ALWAYS enjoy a short video clip of a big crash. After all, it’s just human nature to want to watch a near-disaster happen. Here’s Sam Hornish Jr. — whoever that is — getting run into the same tire wall that we saw yesterday and then get slammed into by Jeff Gordon and Jeff Burton as Hornish comes across the track. Neat!

Everyone walked away from the crash without injury. Sigh.

29
Jul
09

Wild Horses Want to Roam Free

mustangOne of the most iconic of American cars, the Ford Mustang will make its debut in NASCAR racing next season. In addition the Dodge Challenger, Toyota Camry and Chevy Impala SS builds will be making their way onto the track.

While the Mustang has participated in racing before, this is the first time it will grace the NASCAR courses. 

I couldn’t care less about NASCAR, but I do think this Mustang model is pretty awesome. Look at how dope that is!

[Detroit Free Press]

30
Jun
09

Youngest Earnhardt Climbs Into Daddy’s Car

Taylor_Earnhardt_Goodwood_540Dale Earnhardt has been dead for nearly 7 years now but this weekend at the Goodwood Festival of Speed in Goodwood, England the car he drove in winning his final Cup race will be taken out of the Richard Childress Racing Museum for the first time since 2003. The person tabbed to drive his famed #3 car won’t have to worry about them changing the name on the car, as it is Earnhardt’s now 20-year old daughter (and semi-hottie), Taylor Earnhardt.

Despite never having driven a stock car before, Taylor will drive the car during demonstrations at the festival, with her mother Theresa alongside for the ride.

“It’s very, very exciting,” Taylor Earnhardt said. “I’ve already spent some time in the car getting used to it, and I’m looking forward to the demonstration run. Hopefully, the fans in the United States and around the world will enjoy seeing one of my father’s winning cars participate in this awesome event.”

[Scene Daily]

18
May
09

You Forgot Something!

Tony Stewart is supposed to be good at this driving a car around a track thing, but over the weekend when he went in to pit and get new tires he jumped the gun a little. Thinking he was only getting two, not 4 new tires, he drives off suddenly, nearly killing one of his crew men in the process. He only gets about a hundred feet before realizing his error, “I’ll be right back!” he tells his crew chief. Ooops.

21
Apr
09

A Tiny Drop in a Bucket

For the first time ever at a NASCAR event, the official pace car will be a hybrid vehicle. Loaned by Toyota, the Camry hybrid was put through some strenuous tests to ensure it could reach 100 MPH as it must during the race. After circling the track twice, the rest of next month’s Coca-Cola 600 will be run by the normal gas-guzzling monsters. Way to recognize the future…

[Fox Sports]

13
Apr
09

Quite the Recovery

When it comes to NASCAR, I don’t have any interest whatsoever, I certainly don’t understand the appeal and would be fine with it disappearing completely. Unfortunately, there’s a whole lot of dumb people in this country, and I should know, I saw a lot of them at Applebee’s last night…

Anyways, I will say that Joe Nemecheck does some pretty impressive driving moves in this clip from the Saturday’s Pepsi 300. It’s one thing to flip over, it’s quite another to flip over going 200 MPH and then recover enough to keep driving like nothing happened and avoid hitting the wall.

02
Apr
09

Obama Holds Off on Dismantling NASCAR, For Now

Aprils Fool’s Day used to be so much fun before the Internet. Now everyone feels the need to show how incredibly clever they are by coming up with fake news stories or gadgets or what have you. I just find myself hating to use the Internet that day because instead of finding real information you just get crap and a day without Internet?!!!?

That said, as I reported yesterday, and suspected, the news that President Obama was telling Chrysler and GM that acceptance of government funds would require them to pull out of NASCAR was in fact, fake.

Tony Stewart, one of the top racers and a team owner himself had this to say regarding the prank:

“I know that talking to the people at Chevrolet they’re very committed to the racing program. They realize the value of it with not only the rest of corporate America but what it does to our nation.  It still goes back to ‘win on Sunday, sell on Monday.’  This is a sport that’s been good for the auto industry and vice versa.

Which of course, is no longer the case, but then I wouldn’t expect NASCAR to be current with facts and data. And while this was a prank, it wouldn’t be surprising if this is something the government seriously looks into. If they are going to tell Citibank and automaker executives that they need to cut down on their silly expenditures like private planes and the like, why wouldn’t wasting hundreds of millions of dollars in sponsorship dollars be better spent elsewhere, instead of essentially the government sponsoring auto sports. Fortunately, that would never happen.

[Orlando Sentinel]

01
Apr
09

Obama Tells Auto Companies to Ditch NASCAR

I can’t confirm for certain that this isn’t an April Fool’s Joke, which is super annoying, and despite it being on Drudge, I can’t seem to find the actual statement from the White House anywhere, but fuck it, I like this story regardless…

President Obama’s White House has reportedly told GM and Chrysler that if they are to receive government funds, among the expenses they must cut back on includes their participation in NASCAR. If GM and Chrysler were both to pull completely out of NASCAR, they would save a combined $250 million dollars, which is no small sum. Particularly for the employees of either company who have seen their jobs evaporate, their benefits dry up and their retirement plans disappear into the ether of mismanagement.

From President Obama’s statement:

Automakers used to operate on the principle of ‘win on Sunday, sell on Monday,’ but the Auto Task Force’s research just doesn’t validate that as true. NASCAR is a racing series that regulates down to the smallest detail of the cars, where a car badged a Chevrolet or Dodge differs only marginally from a Ford or a Toyota. There’s no technological development to speak of.

In order to receive this money, corporations must demonstrate they will spend it wisely. Racing has been said to improve on-road technology, but frankly, NASCAR almost flaunts its standing among the lowest-tech forms of motorsport. NASCAR is not proven to drive advancements that transfer from the racetrack to the road, and this nation’s way forward does not hinge on decades-old technology. We need new, and we need innovation.

He also stated that if Ford were to accept money from the government they would be expected to pull out from NASCAR as well. I’m sure this move will be going over extremely well in the South where they were already such big fans of the President…However, I like this move, I’d rather some workers who have been getting shit on for the last 20 years get some of their money back than seeing some rednecks get entertained by cars driving around in a circle.\

The statement continues:

This is an obvious cut to make, but it is not an easy one. This administration is not ignoring the tremendous sentimental value and emotional appeal NASCAR holds for so many Americans. But now is not the time for sentiment and nostalgia; now is a time for decisive financial action. If our automotive industry is to emerge from this recession intact, then these difficult decisions must be made.

[Car and Driver]

04
Nov
08

Nascar Remains the Epitome of Class

So you’re sitting in your RV surrounded by the Texas Motor Speedway and an estimated crowd of 170,000 people trying to enjoy the spectacle of some rednecks driving around you at high speeds when all of a sudden, BAM! gunshot to the arm. Sounds like a fun Sunday! For one lucky fan at the Dickies 500 on Sunday that was exactly her day. The 62 year old woman, whose name has not been released, apparently didn’t appreciate the gift that she received, “She immediately (screamed), ‘I’ve been shot. I’ve been shot.’ She took off running out the door,” her son-in-law Bobby Cook told Dallas-Fort Worth television station KTVT. What, you can’t take a long-distance rifle round in the arm and walk it off? I thought Texans were tough. The woman was taken to the hospital and was reported to be in stable condition, something I hope to one day also achieve.

01
May
08

You Mean, I Get to Stand Sorta Close to Dale Earnhardt?

The United States Navy has a long history of proud service, from its earliest beginnings through today the men in white have served with distinction and valor and done their nation proud. With recruitment numbers down across the board for the military thanks to the never-ending warmongering in Washington, the various armed forces have been forced to become much more creative in their suckering of new recruits.

The reason the recruiting numbers are down is because most people are smart enough to realize that the way the military has been deployed and employed recently, there is a decent chance of getting dead. But, if you’re the military and you still need bodies, there is one group of people almost always dumb enough to poach from, of course, I mean Nascar fans.

So, in order to try and attract new people to the Navy, rabid Nascar fans can join up and become a part of the Dale Jr. Division, a specialized training unit for 88 recruits, because 88 is his car number. ADORABLE! I can’t decide which is more depressing; that the military has to reach out to Nascar fans in such a stupid manner, or that the unit probably had an overwhelming number of people willing to do it. Most of them were probably unaware of anything to do with the Navy, “Huh, shucks, well, you mean that I get to meet Dale Jr? Sh-ee-ee-ee-it, (spit) hell, I’ll sign anything you want…” Now, from my ivory east coast liberalism tower, the fact that the military has to whore itself out in such a manner is embarrassing, then again, the fact that millions of people spend billions of dollars a year to watch some rednecks drive in circles will never make sense to me either.

I can imagine that there is no lack of people who are idiotic enough to take the chance to have anything to do with Dale Earnhardt Jr. since if you look at the fans of his dad, the late Dale Earnhardt, very little can surprise me. I’m obsessed with sports, I spend my entire day thinking about sports, but I would never ever do something as retarded as this, or this, definitely not this, and 100% never this, but hey, that’s just me.

Dale Jr. isn’t just lending his name though, “he’s going to go up and actually check on the company, the division, from time to time — I believe at the beginning, and then also at the end. So he’s not just going to put his name on it and then leave it alone,” Navy recruiter Eric Franklin said Wednesday at the Southside headquarters of Navy Recruiting Division Jacksonville. Wow. Great. Sounds like he’s really involved for these dumbasses stupid enough to sign up.

The only good thing this portends is that in the future we can look forward to many more celebrity affiliated military units. For example, these units are supposedly next up on the DoD’s list:

  • The Carmelo Anthony “Drunk Driving Fighting 47th Tank Division”
  • The Kevin Garnett “Truly Insane Terrifying 45th Motor Pool Unit”
  • The Josh Howard “Flying High 420th Bomber Air Wing”
  • The Bill Parcells “Fat Bulbous Tuna 101st Kitchen Brigade”
  • The Mike Hampton “1,036 DL Stints Hospital Ship”

I can’t wait! It’s always a good sign when the military is digging deep into the barrel of Nascar fans for recruits. I for one feel totally safe and protected now.




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

July 2020
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Categories