Archive for November, 2008

28
Nov
08

Stadium Bathrooms are S-E-X-X-Y *(UPDATED)*

loisfeldman1Sometimes people just gift themselves over as blog fodder, like the couple busted for boning in the bathroom during the Iowa Hawkeyes’ rout of the Minnesota Gophers. The woman in question, who has subsequently been identified as Lois Feldman of Carroll, Iowa has said that this whole situation has ruined her life. Feldman, who calls herself a light drinker stated that she had some wine at a friend’s home before the game, and that that led to all the problems.

At some point during the game, she got up to go to the bathroom, and met Ross Walsh, who she decided to immediately rail in a men’s bathroom. I know that always happens to me when I get drunk. Feldman’s husband, a giant pussy of a man named Kelly, blames himself for the whole incident, believing that he should have gone with her to the bathroom. Kelly, if your 38 year old wife is unable to go to the bathroom without FUCKING SOME RANDO DUDE along the way, you have a lot of other issues going on in the marriage. Maybe that’s just me, but then again, MY wife didn’t fuck a stranger in a football stadium bathroom…How about instead of blaming yourself, blame your 38 year old wife, who is the mother to your three kids for not having any semblance of self-control. It’s one thing to be drunk and kiss someone, it’s quite another to instantly fuck them in a men’s bathroom with a crowd cheering you on.

Sadly, Feldman has been fired from her job, (although the reasoning behind that is beyond me) which is truly unfortunate, but her being upset at the notoriety she has received from this incident is ridiculous. She got drunk and instantly nailed a stranger in a bathroom, while her husband sat meekly in the stands, I have no sympathy for you. I’ve been drunk before, I even once was blackout drunk, you know what I didn’t do? Have sex with a stranger in a bathroom. I did make out with a poster for a little while, but I dare you to look at this poster and not be aroused.

Of course, Feldman and her husband went to see a lawyer about getting rid of the misdemeanor ticket, but according to Chuck Miner, a stadium security guard, “It’s spelled out in the law in Minnesota that intoxication is not a defense to any crime,” so good luck with that.

Meanwhile the mother of three and her husband are trying to move on with their lives. Here’s a suggestion to Kelly, when your wife gets drunk, apparently she fucks EVERYONE, so maybe lay off the wine coolers next time eh? Especially when going to a giant crowd of people. Or else who knows, next time she might be the halftime spectacular.

h/t to Graney and the Pig for digging up the Feldman photo

26
Nov
08

Land Mines Ruin Everyone’s Day

It’s a Saturday, and all you want to do is be out of the house and get away from the wife and kids, play a nice 18 holes and enjoy yourself. So you’re walking along the 13th hole, you just hit a nice 6 iron and you’re lying in the middle of the fairway, life is good. You walk over to your ball and BOOOOOM! Land mine.

In the Japanese southern prefecture of Kochi, this exact situation could take place. The Casio World Open men’s tournament is supposed to begin this week but on Tuesday a Kochi newspaper received an anonymous call claiming that there were land mines buried on the course and insisting the event be canceled. Since last week a grenade was detonated outside the clubhouse and also by the warehouse of one of the event’s sponsors, organizers and police are taking the threat seriously. “We have announced today that the event will go ahead as scheduled, but we are making sure that heavy security is in place,” said Chieko Hataguchi, spokeswoman for the the Japan Golf Tour Organization.

What the hell is going on in Japan? This is something I definitely expect out of Americans, hell, I wouldn’t put it past the Germans either, but really? Grenades? In Japan? What happened, did this guy’s Casio watch just totally crap out one day and he missed some important job interview and now he can’t let go?

26
Nov
08

Tough Tony Doesn’t Like to Feel Out

Tony Danza wasn’t always Angela’s housekeeper or the host of a crappy daytime talk show, before all that he was a boxer, and it seems, a halfway decent one. He finished his pugilistic career with a robust 9-3 record, having all of his victories coming via knockouts. Not too shabby. So here is a video of Danza taking it to some other schlub, in front of Muhammad Ali no less. Hold me close Tony Danza.

25
Nov
08

Stadium Bathrooms are S-E-X-X-Y

Football turns people on, remember the couple in Buffalo who were busted for boning in the bathroom, but apparently college football can be really sexy for people. Over the weekend, during the Iowa/Minnesota game at the Metrodome another couple opted to head to the bathrooms for their own version of a halftime extravaganza. A Metrodome security officer noticed two sets of underwear and two sets of feet in one stall and thought that seemed inappropriate, so he called in the police. As about 15 onlookers watched, (I bet!) the police “broke the couple up” and wrote them misdemeanor citations. OK, no real harm, and really no foul, a misdemeanor citation? Pay the $50 fine and no big deal. Then the article throws in this little gem, “The woman, 38, was turned over to her husband. The man, 26, was turned over to his girlfriend.”

Um, WHAT! So you’re telling me that these two people, both with their significant others, met and then decided to randomly nail one another in a stadium bathroom? Awesome. That kind of thing NEVER happens to me while I’m waiting in the sausage line. Maybe I need to stay by the dipping dots stand instead…I guess they were both really sad to see the Metrodome close after this season and wanted to share their intimate memories with each other. Also, how awkward is it to be brought by the police to your significant other, sans the cheese fries you were supposed to have gotten and instead were arrested for having sex with some rando in a bathroom. I’d think the car ride home was probably not the most fun for those 4 folk…

25
Nov
08

By the Short and Curlies

Donovan McNabb was benched during Sunday’s loss to the Ravens, but I’d argue that Brian Westbrook had a similarly painful game, based solely on this one photo. I know football is a rough game, I applauded when people tackled Ricky Williams by his dreads, I mean, it looked painful, but hey, they are out there so why not. But jockstraps are supposed to be beneath the surface, like my inner rage or the fact that my secret fetish is one of those troll dolls, some things are just not meant to be seen. That’s why this tackle looks so painful. Besides, imagine the angle his junk is going out, yeowch.
brian-westbrook-jockstrap

[Larry Brown Sports]

24
Nov
08

A Office Giant’s Olympian Doppelganger

Whilst watching the Giants game yesterday and seeing a picture of Eli Manning, one of my roommates noticed the uncanny resemblance that Eli Manning shares with John Krasinski of The Office and Michael Phelps. I couldn’t agree more. Even more alike is the sheer awkwardness that both Phelps and Manning produce whenever they speak in person, when it always seems both are speaking in public for the first time ever. Make sure that you vote in the poll below to cast your opinion to see if this doppelganger pairing can join the illustrious ranks of the other doppelgangers that are gathered together here.

manningkrasinskiphelps

24
Nov
08

Boxing Looks Painful

Here’s a great image from the Ricky Hatton/Paulie Maglignaggi bout over the weekend, remind me to never be a professional boxer.




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