Archive for November, 2008

28
Nov
08

Stadium Bathrooms are S-E-X-X-Y *(UPDATED)*

loisfeldman1Sometimes people just gift themselves over as blog fodder, like the couple busted for boning in the bathroom during the Iowa Hawkeyes’ rout of the Minnesota Gophers. The woman in question, who has subsequently been identified as Lois Feldman of Carroll, Iowa has said that this whole situation has ruined her life. Feldman, who calls herself a light drinker stated that she had some wine at a friend’s home before the game, and that that led to all the problems.

At some point during the game, she got up to go to the bathroom, and met Ross Walsh, who she decided to immediately rail in a men’s bathroom. I know that always happens to me when I get drunk. Feldman’s husband, a giant pussy of a man named Kelly, blames himself for the whole incident, believing that he should have gone with her to the bathroom. Kelly, if your 38 year old wife is unable to go to the bathroom without FUCKING SOME RANDO DUDE along the way, you have a lot of other issues going on in the marriage. Maybe that’s just me, but then again, MY wife didn’t fuck a stranger in a football stadium bathroom…How about instead of blaming yourself, blame your 38 year old wife, who is the mother to your three kids for not having any semblance of self-control. It’s one thing to be drunk and kiss someone, it’s quite another to instantly fuck them in a men’s bathroom with a crowd cheering you on.

Sadly, Feldman has been fired from her job, (although the reasoning behind that is beyond me) which is truly unfortunate, but her being upset at the notoriety she has received from this incident is ridiculous. She got drunk and instantly nailed a stranger in a bathroom, while her husband sat meekly in the stands, I have no sympathy for you. I’ve been drunk before, I even once was blackout drunk, you know what I didn’t do? Have sex with a stranger in a bathroom. I did make out with a poster for a little while, but I dare you to look at this poster and not be aroused.

Of course, Feldman and her husband went to see a lawyer about getting rid of the misdemeanor ticket, but according to Chuck Miner, a stadium security guard, “It’s spelled out in the law in Minnesota that intoxication is not a defense to any crime,” so good luck with that.

Meanwhile the mother of three and her husband are trying to move on with their lives. Here’s a suggestion to Kelly, when your wife gets drunk, apparently she fucks EVERYONE, so maybe lay off the wine coolers next time eh? Especially when going to a giant crowd of people. Or else who knows, next time she might be the halftime spectacular.

h/t to Graney and the Pig for digging up the Feldman photo

26
Nov
08

Land Mines Ruin Everyone’s Day

It’s a Saturday, and all you want to do is be out of the house and get away from the wife and kids, play a nice 18 holes and enjoy yourself. So you’re walking along the 13th hole, you just hit a nice 6 iron and you’re lying in the middle of the fairway, life is good. You walk over to your ball and BOOOOOM! Land mine.

In the Japanese southern prefecture of Kochi, this exact situation could take place. The Casio World Open men’s tournament is supposed to begin this week but on Tuesday a Kochi newspaper received an anonymous call claiming that there were land mines buried on the course and insisting the event be canceled. Since last week a grenade was detonated outside the clubhouse and also by the warehouse of one of the event’s sponsors, organizers and police are taking the threat seriously. “We have announced today that the event will go ahead as scheduled, but we are making sure that heavy security is in place,” said Chieko Hataguchi, spokeswoman for the the Japan Golf Tour Organization.

What the hell is going on in Japan? This is something I definitely expect out of Americans, hell, I wouldn’t put it past the Germans either, but really? Grenades? In Japan? What happened, did this guy’s Casio watch just totally crap out one day and he missed some important job interview and now he can’t let go?

26
Nov
08

Tough Tony Doesn’t Like to Feel Out

Tony Danza wasn’t always Angela’s housekeeper or the host of a crappy daytime talk show, before all that he was a boxer, and it seems, a halfway decent one. He finished his pugilistic career with a robust 9-3 record, having all of his victories coming via knockouts. Not too shabby. So here is a video of Danza taking it to some other schlub, in front of Muhammad Ali no less. Hold me close Tony Danza.

25
Nov
08

Stadium Bathrooms are S-E-X-X-Y

Football turns people on, remember the couple in Buffalo who were busted for boning in the bathroom, but apparently college football can be really sexy for people. Over the weekend, during the Iowa/Minnesota game at the Metrodome another couple opted to head to the bathrooms for their own version of a halftime extravaganza. A Metrodome security officer noticed two sets of underwear and two sets of feet in one stall and thought that seemed inappropriate, so he called in the police. As about 15 onlookers watched, (I bet!) the police “broke the couple up” and wrote them misdemeanor citations. OK, no real harm, and really no foul, a misdemeanor citation? Pay the $50 fine and no big deal. Then the article throws in this little gem, “The woman, 38, was turned over to her husband. The man, 26, was turned over to his girlfriend.”

Um, WHAT! So you’re telling me that these two people, both with their significant others, met and then decided to randomly nail one another in a stadium bathroom? Awesome. That kind of thing NEVER happens to me while I’m waiting in the sausage line. Maybe I need to stay by the dipping dots stand instead…I guess they were both really sad to see the Metrodome close after this season and wanted to share their intimate memories with each other. Also, how awkward is it to be brought by the police to your significant other, sans the cheese fries you were supposed to have gotten and instead were arrested for having sex with some rando in a bathroom. I’d think the car ride home was probably not the most fun for those 4 folk…

25
Nov
08

By the Short and Curlies

Donovan McNabb was benched during Sunday’s loss to the Ravens, but I’d argue that Brian Westbrook had a similarly painful game, based solely on this one photo. I know football is a rough game, I applauded when people tackled Ricky Williams by his dreads, I mean, it looked painful, but hey, they are out there so why not. But jockstraps are supposed to be beneath the surface, like my inner rage or the fact that my secret fetish is one of those troll dolls, some things are just not meant to be seen. That’s why this tackle looks so painful. Besides, imagine the angle his junk is going out, yeowch.
brian-westbrook-jockstrap

[Larry Brown Sports]

24
Nov
08

A Office Giant’s Olympian Doppelganger

Whilst watching the Giants game yesterday and seeing a picture of Eli Manning, one of my roommates noticed the uncanny resemblance that Eli Manning shares with John Krasinski of The Office and Michael Phelps. I couldn’t agree more. Even more alike is the sheer awkwardness that both Phelps and Manning produce whenever they speak in person, when it always seems both are speaking in public for the first time ever. Make sure that you vote in the poll below to cast your opinion to see if this doppelganger pairing can join the illustrious ranks of the other doppelgangers that are gathered together here.

manningkrasinskiphelps

24
Nov
08

Boxing Looks Painful

Here’s a great image from the Ricky Hatton/Paulie Maglignaggi bout over the weekend, remind me to never be a professional boxer.

24
Nov
08

What a Nice Car, For Me to Poop ON!

New Orleans Saints owner Tom Benson owns multiple car dealerships when he isn’t paying the bills for the team. As one way to sell some more cars, every year he parks a bunch of cars outside the team’s facility in the hope that some of the players and employees will buy a new set of wheels. The players apparently don’t appreciate this, particularly since he doesn’t cut them much of a deal. Which, I suppose is sort of fair, except that any professional football player can afford to buy a car without much of any concern about their checkbook. In order to express their displeasure, “more than one of the cars was coated in a certain byproduct of the human digestive system.”

That’s right, the players POOPED on the cars! Wow. Just imagine the process for that, you need to get a buddy, then, you and said buddy load up and head out to the parking lot, then just casually drop trou and poop on some new cars. Or as I like to call it, Thursday.

[Pro Football Talk via Fan IQ]

21
Nov
08

Remember Children Are Our Future

I know this probably makes me a horrible person, but this video makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

And just for kicks, after the jump, how about Sarah Palin talking with reporters while a turkey gets slaughtered. Fun! Continue reading ‘Remember Children Are Our Future’

21
Nov
08

Coach Fisher Chutes in to Practice

fisherskydiveThe Tennessee Titans have been flying through this season en route to their current undefeated record so, to spice things up a little, head coach Jeff Fisher decided to make a big entrance to Thursday’s practice. As the players filtered out to the practice field, they noticed 4 parachutists coming down towards them. At first the players were confused, then, as they came in to land, the players realized that coach Fisher was coming down too. Joining up with some members of the 101st Airborne Cavalry, Fisher tandem jumped out of a helicopter about 12,000 feet up onto the practice field.

“We didn’t know what was going on. We saw the parachuters coming down and then we see Coach Fish,” linebacker Stephen Tulloch said. “It is cool to have a coach like that. … Everybody was excited. To see him do that, it made practice that much more fun. We didn’t know it was him, and then we saw his blue jacket and knew it was him.”

While Fisher didn’t comment on the stunt after practice with reporters, the players said that the message the coach was giving them was about overcoming obstacles. One of the parachutists was Sgt. Max Ramsey who had lost a leg in Iraq, which left quite the impression on the players. “He has been able to overcome that adversity and still do what he does,’’ Tulloch said. “It shows us no matter what, we can accomplish what we want. That’s what I took from it. … It is unbelievable.”

20
Nov
08

Mustaches Make the Hockey Player

The Everett Silvertips are a junior hockey team up in Canada, and for those of you fools who weren’t following their recent 6 game road trip and just read the box scores, all you see is that they finished the trip with 8 out of a possible 12 points. Not too shabby. But much like the Sacramento Rivercats over the summer, the road success has been fueled by the power of the new mustaches the team has grown. Mustaches like this one living on the upper lip of forward Kyle Beach:

Sassy! ““Absolutely [the winning streak was due to] the mustache,” Beach said, “We couldn’t have done it without them. It kept our upper lip warm when we were out there in the cold, so definitely the points came from the mustaches.”

The impetus for the ‘staches came from the captains, who required everyone to grow one during the trip. Of course, being a junior hockey team, not everyone has the ability to grow a handsome ‘stache, so there were some ugly ones out there on the ice. “Some guys did good, some guys did not very good, but everyone tried to grow it, that’s the whole thing,” defenseman Taylor Ellington said. “It was a team-bonding experience. It brought guys closer together, as weird as it seems that something that small could do that.” To make sure that their mustaches had that extra pop out on the ice, several of the players used Just For Men. Way to go Keith Hernandez, your advertising has worked!

Now that the trip is over, some of the players intend to keep their ‘staches, and of course, they are doing it for the right reasons. “Oh, it’s good,” a smirking Beach answered when asked to evaluate his own mustache. “Girls love it. That’s really all that matters.”

For more pictures of the Silvertips’ ‘staches, check out the gallery here.

20
Nov
08

Hines Ward Sees Cold Fronts

Apparently Hines Ward doesn’t have enough to do breaking people’s jaws and catching passes from every football commentator’s dream man “Ben,” that he needs to take over the forecasting duties on local television. But then again, it’s not as though there is that much to actually do in Pittsburgh so, I guess this makes sense. As for his actual weather delivery skills, I’m not impressed, he’s too casual. This is the 5 day forecast! PEOPLE DEPEND ON THIS HINES! And c’mon, you can’t even wear a suit? I’m disappointed. After the jump see Hines’ foray into a new career.

Continue reading ‘Hines Ward Sees Cold Fronts’




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