Posts Tagged ‘David Ortiz


Things that Just Look Right

Vintage David Ortiz, even if only for one night, that’s the Big Papi I remember.




Weiner Looks Like One Too

David+Ortiz+Press+Conference+eubpPAHUdX7lHey Michael Weiner, so, it’s your first major press conference as the soon-to-be Executive Director of the MLB Players Association, the site is Yankee Stadium in the midst of a Red Sox/Yankees series and the issue at hand is David Ortiz responding to steroid allegations. What are you going to do hotshot? What. Do. You. Do. Call me crazy, but maybe throw a tie on? Button the shirt? Run a comb, or even your hand through your hair?

What’s going on Weiner, you just wake up? Struggle with that tough choice that all men are faced with, leave 3 or 4 buttons undone?

I know it was 11 am on a Saturday, but really, looking presentable is too much? I’m all for casual, but Weiner looked like total shit at this press conference, meanwhile Ortiz looks stylin’. If I’m in the Players Association I’m asking “This is the guy we’ve chosen to represent us?” He looks like a random insane person plucked off the side of the street to sit alongside Ortiz. Seriously, look at that picture again and tell me it doesn’t seem like Weiner has to wear aluminum foil to prevent the aliens from listening in on his thoughts…



According to WEEI, David Ortiz is going to have some sort of response/answers etc to the charges that he tested positive for some sort of PED in 2003 later this afternoon.

Stay tuned…?

UPDATE: Now there ISN’T going to be a press conference today. Ortiz said he doesn’t have anything new to report yet. Snooze.


F#$K F#$K F#$K F#$K F#$K F#$K

boston_red_sox_mnv_01The NY Times (part owner of the Red Sox) are reporting that both Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz were on the list of players who tested positive in 2003.



False positive? False hope? I still love Ortiz, but if this is true…sigh…I don’t even know. Ugh.

No name surprises me, but some can still make me sad.

[NY Times]


Papi’s Special Sauce Will Burn Your Mouth Off

papi-art__1244575315_1941With a string of hits recently, hopefully on the field erstwhile Red Sox slugger David Ortiz is getting back to his usual ways; off the field, Ortiz has been blazing hot, or at least his line of hot sauces are.

There are 4 different levels of hotness to the sauces; Original En Fuego, Monster Double En Fuego, Off the Wall Triple En Fuego, and Grand Slam En Fuego, the fieriest, which is so hot that even Ortiz won’t dare try it. “I put hot sauce on pretty much everything,” he says, “But I like mild hot, not burning hot. Not crazy hot. It’s not about being a tough guy, I’m telling you right now, number four is pretty dang hot. I do not think a human being should try something hotter than that.”

When remembering the development process when he accidentally put too much of the Grand Slam En Fuego on his food Ortiz recalled “I got burnt. I wasn’t paying attention. When I sipped it, I saw flames coming out of my head.”

Considering his, er, girth, I think it’s fair to say that Ortiz — a self-professed “grill-master” — is well aware of what makes a good meal. Working with New York-based developers Off Beat LLC to develop the sauces, Ortiz has been tasting and testing different options for over a year and half until he felt that the sauces were finally right. The proceeds from the sales will go to the David Ortiz Children’s Fund, which raises money for kids in need of medical care in New England and in Ortiz’s native Dominican Republic.

Interestingly studies have proven “that the capsaicin found in many hot peppers can cause an endorphin rush similar to runners’ high. “Oh, yeah?” says Papi. ‘Maybe I’ll bring a bottle [to a game] and take a sip before I hit. See how that works.'” Maybe that’s been the spark that’s (semi-)awoken Ortiz’ bat!

[Boston Globe]


Some Thoughts on David Ortiz

Loyal reader Youppi rightfully pointed out to me that for all my (in my opinion rightful) hammering on the Mets, and in particular Carlos Delgado who I insisted was D-U-N done at this time last season that I have been giving the Red Sox and one David Ortiz a free ride.

Very fair. After the jump, here are some of my disjointed thoughts.

Continue reading ‘Some Thoughts on David Ortiz’


And Thus It Comes to an End

This loss hurts, but not as bad as 2003, or even 2005. Was I fully confident that the Sox would come back and win that game? Yes. One hundred percent yes, Today, I’m left with the AL champion Rays, from TAMPA, not one more Boston run to the championship. So it goes. When it came down to it, the Red Sox’ strength simply wasn’t there in this series. The pitching rotation carried this team, and in games 2-5 the rotation couldn’t keep up with the young power bats. When the Red Sox came to the postseason in years past, the middle of the batting order was fearsome, this year we were declawed. David ORTiz looked woeful and while Drew, Youk and Bay all were solid in the ALCS, none of them stepped up in the way that the Sox needed, like Lowell or Ramirez did last year. The Red Sox entered the ALCS with their number 3 hitter struggling, and without the #4 and 5 hitters from last year’s team, who combined last year for 18 RBIs. That loss of offense wasn’t replaced by the rest of the guys in the lineup.

Does that mean this season was a disappointment? Well, I’m disappointed but the Rays were the better team. They showed it during the season. They showed it in this series. That the Red Sox came back and made this a series after being down 3-1 and forcing a game 7 is testament to their team unity but it was clear that the Rays were better in all aspects besides the bullpen. When Andy Sonnastine is dealing you know that you’re season is probably going to be over. Continue reading ‘And Thus It Comes to an End’


Papelbon Shows Off Forbidden Dance

First Jonathan Papelbon taught me how to play craps now, he’s taught me how to love. Papelbon’s mom, who clearly has an awesome sense of humor sent these embarassing videos to the Red Sox and Comcast Sportsnet from Papelbon’s high school years. In them Papelbon and a friend are dressed in drag and dancing and then later, Papelbon and friend recreate the final scene from Dirty Dancing which Paps as the Swayze. The reaction around the Red Sox clubhouse as they watch the video is pretty hilarious, especially when Papelbon and the guy get close enough for a near kiss. The best part for me though is David Ortiz both introducing the video and then interviewing Papelbon afterwards, the Large Father is a pretty funny dude.

There are several more videos, including the full unadulterated version on Comcast’s website here if you are so interested.

[Fan IQ via Comcast]


Why I Love Dustin Pedroia

From the Boston Globe’s Red Sox blog today:

“The answer is: Carlos Baerga, 2002.

The question: Who was the last Sox second baseman to bat cleanup?

Dustin Pedroia gets the honor tonight. The reason? Terry Francona indicated with Kevin Youkilis suffering from the flu to go along with Coco Crisp and Josh Beckett on the team sick bed, that he wanted to create a lineup that would be tough for the White Sox bullpen to counter. Francona said he’s taking a lot of grief from both Pedroia and David Ortiz over the lineup, Pedroia who keeps saying, “It’s about time” and Ortiz, who jokingly said he will retire.

Francona said he won’t make a habit of batting his little second baseman cleanup, but White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen did indicate after an 8-0 loss to the Sox that Pedroia was currently a tougher hitter to get out than Ortiz.”

Pedroia, who is the exact same size and weight as me, gives me hope that MY major league playing career is not a lost cause.


Ichiro is the Key to the AL’s Success

The secret for the American League’s success in the All Star Game has finally been revealed, it’s Ichiro. Or rather it’s his f-bomb laced tirades against the National League in the locker room before the game that inspires his fellow AL’ers to go out and destroy the NL.

“It’s why we win,” David Ortiz admitted.

“If you’ve never seen it, it’s definitely something pretty funny,” Justin Morneau said. “It’s hard to explain, the effect it has on everyone. It’s such a tense environment. Everyone’s a little nervous for the game, and then he comes out. He doesn’t say a whole lot the whole time he’s in there, and all of a sudden, the manager gets done with his speech, and he pops off.”

Ichiro in interviews often prefers to speak through an interpreter, but according to the players, he is highly proficient in English. Continue reading ‘Ichiro is the Key to the AL’s Success’


Baseball Fans/Baby Fetishists Rejoice

I know that, like most of America, you were sitting around over the holiday weekend, watching a baseball game and thinking to yourself, “Sure, these professional baseball players look good now, but I’d really much prefer to see them in their infancy stages, to appreciate them better.” Well, good news!

From the press release:

Team Baby Entertainment, the premier producer of an award winning series of officially licensed sports themed children’s DVDs, has teamed up with Topps, the leading creator and marketer of sports cards to distribute limited edition trading cards featuring photos of favorite MLB players when they were babies. This is the first time ever that MLB players have lent their baby photos to be featured on Topps cards, making them instant collectibles.

For example, here is David “Big Papi” Ortiz in a young larvae phase. As a Sox fan, this is a MUST HAVE, I mean, it’s David Ortiz as a child! I would also like to have a copy of Manny Ramirez’ childhood physicals, Dustin Pedroia’s letters to the tooth fairy and if possible, Josh Beckett’s jammy-jams booty pajama’s, especially if they were the same dope superhero ones that I had.

Among the other players who will have their baby pictures used include the Yankees’ Johnny Damon, David Wright of the Mets and Dodgers catcher Russell Martin.

I just know fans across the country will soon be clamoring for more teams and players to be represented baby-style, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Adam Dunn with tapioca smeared across his infant face.


More Doppelganger fun!

My last doppelgangers post was well-received, and fun to do, and so, with some reader suggestions from Theroomate and Myummers and some of my own, here are several more doppelgangers for you to enjoy. I’ve decided also that since I enjoy these I’m going to set up a permanent page at the top of the screen with all of the doppelgangers we come up with. So any suggestions or whatever send me a note and I’ll get ’em up right away. Anyhoo, enjoy!

Mike Lowell looks like he should be wearing a tuxedo at all times because he’s totally debonair, George Clooney gets to wear those tuxes and with their salt and pepper beards and hair it’s just possible that they are brothers…

Nothing strikes more fear in the hearts of the residents of Elm Street more than Freddy Krueger, Red Sox fans for the last few years have known that exact same feeling of abject terror every time the bullpen door swung open for Julian Tavarez. Fortunately, now he has been banished to the wasteland known as Brewer’s baseball and Freddy went into space to fight Jason and hasn’t been heard from since…

Nothing beats the smooth taste and flavor of Camel cigarettes, at least according to the many advertisements from the cigarette company. Andy Pettite smoothly deflected the fact that he is a a cheating, needle-using pitcher and has been accepted widely back into the fold of the Yankees without much comment.

David Ortiz makes all of Red Sox nation happy with his clutch heroics and huge smile. Shrek was an ogre with a big heart and delights children of all ages. Dreamworks definitely used Ortiz as the model.

True story: these three men have never been in the same place at the same time. We should all be thankful that Geoff Jenkins of the Phillies, Green Bay “retiree” Brett Favre and actor Max Martini of The Unit (not watching it? You really should) have all chosen to divide the country in thirds, Jenkins gets the east coast, Farve the middle and Martini the west, otherwise who knows what could happen.

Sure, Andrew Shue is less known for his “acting” abilities or his brief career as a professional soccer player and more known for his delectable sister, Elizabeth Shue, but he can always take solace in being mistaken on the street for either Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina or Cardinals third baseman Troy Glaus. They’ve both been All-Stars! (Although don’t expect to see them on any future All-Star teams)

Rajon Rondo is a crafty hoopster, he loves to slice through the defense, drive towards the basket and then dish the ball back out to someone who can actually shoot the ball. Ants love to make holes and go through them in order to eat that entire box of oreos that I was saving but then forgot about and now are ruined. Antz was a movie.

Lance Berkman began 2008 on a torrid pace, spraying hits and homers all over the field. Tony Stewart is one of the top drivers in Nascar and when he wins he gets to spray–bukkake style–beer or champagne or milk all over his pit crew. Seems fair to me.

Being stuck on an island with Gilligan couldn’t have been easy. The more important question is if Gilligan was so useless and frustrating to the Skipper, why was he the only crewman he had? Charlie Manuel manages the Phillies, has one of the best giant guts in baseball and a fiery personality.

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June 2023