Archive for the 'Poor Governing' Category


The Triple Crown May Be Missing A Leg This Year

In 1867 the first-ever Belmont Stakes was run, since then the third and longest leg of the Triple Crown of horse racing has been run through thick and thin; world wars, great depressions, the Carter administration, none of these were big enough to stop the race. That all might change this year. The NY Racing Association, who runs the Belmont, Aqueduct and Saratoga race tracks may not be able to open for the Spring-Summer season due to budgetary concerns.

“Anytime you face the possibility of not running the Belmont spring meet, and therefore the Belmont Stakes, it is a serious situation,” spokesman Dan Silver said Monday.

NYRA President Charles Hayward has reported previously that the Association is likely to run out of operating money in May or June.

One of the major stumbling blocks has been the delay in naming an operator for the slot machines at Aqueduct, which was approved in 2001 but has yet to be enacted.

Last year the NYRA received a state bailout of $30M to help stave off bankruptcy, but that money will be gone by spring meaning the Triple Crown may find itself a Double Crown for the first time.



Has Anyone Seen Our National Soccer Team?

The small African nation of Eritrea had quite the surprise when their national soccer team arrived on the tarmac after being knocked out of the Cecafa cup for East and Central African nations; when the plane landed it held only the coach and a team official, the players were missing.

Nicholas Musonye, the head of Cecafa, confirmed that the players did not return to their repressive homeland, making this the third time the Eritrean team has defected.

“The Eritrean federation have done their best to bring a team to the competition – unfortunately these boys had other ideas,” he said. “Definitely they are in Nairobi – we have so many Eritreans here – they must be somewhere.”

The government of Eritrea is extremely constraining and that, combined with wide-spread poverty and a strict service regime leads to many Eritreans emigrating anywhere else.

The Eritrean government however denies that its citizens are leaving and claim the UN is lying about the situation.



Indiana’s Governor Fancies Himself a Comedian

Joe McConnell, the retiring play-by-play man for Purdue was awarded the Sagamore of Wabash by Indiana governor Mitch Daniels, which is the highest honor the Indiana governor can give to someone. During the ceremony Daniels paid his respects to McConnell saying that “I’ve always thought he had one of the great voices anywhere in sports.”

Then, Daniels (left) told the assembled audience that in fact he wanted to give out TWO of the award. “Because it’s for wisdom and judgment and benefits to the state of Indiana, I did give one to (New England Patriots coach) Bill Belichick,” referring of course to the failed 4th and 2 play that lost the Patriots/Colts game for New England.

Wop Wop Wah.

Stick to governing.

[Indy Star]


Court Rules Happy Gilmore Illegal

Canada is simply way too peaceful, they need more crime apparently because the Supreme Court of Nova Scotia has time to rule on asinine golf swing legal cases.

Justice Arthur J. LeBlanc ruled that the “Happy Gilmore” golf swing was ILLEGAL, not for golf, but for CANADA, stating that it “breached the standard of care owed to other players on the course.”

All this started when, in a pre-wedding round of golf, 4 friends hit the links with 28 beers, a bottle of tequila and “some marijuana.” The 28 beers didn’t last long, and so after 9 holes they bought some more. Presumably due to the drinking, one of the men, Travis Hayter was acting loosely and without regard for his surroundings, practicing power slides with the golf cart and almost driving the cart into a pond.

On the 16th hole, Hayer hit a terrible, slicing tee shot into the woods. Not content, he opted to tee it up once more. The second shot was a modest fairway shot. Ever the perfectionist, Hayter hit one more, Happy Gilmore-style. However, his friends had already started up the fairway to their balls; Hayter’s shot struck one of his companions, Alan Bezanonson, in the wrist. In a measure of true friendship, Bezanonson subsequently SUED Hayter for loss of income and damages. Take about Hayterade!

“I am convinced that the ‘Happy Gilmore’ shot,” wrote Judge LeBlanc in his decision after awarding Bezanson $227,500, “would have been less controllable than a normal tee shot, both because it involved a run-up to the ball (rather than an aimed shot from a stationary position) and because the defendant had been drinking throughout the day.”

The bizarre part though is that the nature of the swing itself is irrelevant, would the awarding be DIFFERENT had Hayter taken a “normal” swing? Apparently, golfing drunk isn’t an issue, even if your normal swing ALSO sucks, but as soon as you get “creative” in your shots you’re heading into murky legal territory.

[CS Monitor]


BCS Hires Ari Fleischer to Defend the Idiotic

The BCS is probably the most idiotic, asinine, Rube Goldbergian system in all of sports. Instead of having a simple playoffs structure wherein the best teams would play each other to determine the #1 team in the nation, an incredibly complicated and obtuse formula (with so many moving parts and factors that it can ONLY be determined by super-computers) decides what teams play for the championship. This means that sometimes deserving teams like Boise State get jobbed when they needn’t be.

So, if you’re looking to have someone defend something idiotic, asinine and hated by everyone else, where do you turn? The Bush White House of course!

The BCS has hired former White House flak Ari Fleischer, who was the press secretary from 2001-2003. Who better to support indefensible procedures that run contrary to everything that makes intellectual sense and instead lose sight of the original purpose in the first place!

Looks like that playoff system should be in place right around the same time our deficit created by Halliburton starts to get down to the mere $1-5 trillion range.




Ireland and France Get Into International Squabble Over Soccer

According to the Irish Soccer Insider these letters between some minor-level French and Irish government flunkies have caused something of an international to-do, these seem fake to me, but they’re funny regardless so, enjoy!

[Irish Soccer Insider]


Swine Flu Forechecks the NHL

David Krejci

In a press release today, the Boston Bruins announced that young future-star center David Krejci has a confirmed diagnosis of Swine Flu, making him at least the 4th confirmed case in the NHL.

“Like most people, we are taking many precautions to try to prevent our players and staff from contracting the H1N1 virus,” said Bruins General Manager Peter Chiarelli. “Our medical staff is working with David to get him healthy as soon as possible, and our players and staff will continue to take precautions with hopes of preventing the spread of the virus to others in the organization.”

So far Krejci is the only Bruin thus diagnosed, and hopefully the only one. It’s a shame the Bruins don’t play in Calgary, because there the entire team were given swine flu vaccines, much to the chagrin of the thousands of patients outside a clinic waiting for their shots.


The Alberta government has since fired a senior staff member at Health Services for giving the Flames, the players’ families and the front office preferential treatment and the vaccines over the rest of the population who waited in line.

“I am deeply offended that this circumstance has occurred,” Ken Hughes, chairman of Alberta Health Services, said in a news release. “The decision to allow preferential access to the Flames and their families was a serious error in judgment.”

Believing they had gone through the appropriate channels, Flames president Ken King defended the Flames, saying that because of the players extensive travel schedules and the close-contact of hockey that it was a priority for the team to get vaccinated. He didn’t offer an explanation why the players families or the front office also deserved preferential treatment. King also offered that the Flames players receiving the shots in a private location was done to prevent the mass hysteria that could happen if the players waited in the clinic’s line.

Alberta has since run out of vaccines and was forced to shut the program down on Saturday. Unlike the Flames, the Edmonton Oilers, Toronto Raptors and even the CFL’s Edmonton Eskimos have reported that they have not sought out preferential treatment for their players.

[Boston Bruins and AP]


An Election Day Doppelganger

It’s election day and here in New York City we are on the verge of the third term of Lord Mike Bloomberg’s reign; meanwhile in New Jersey, the competitive flame burns bright. While the Jets are supposedly from New York, they play and practice in New Jersey, there first-year head coach Rex Ryan has raised eyebrows with his over sized eagerness to appeal to the J-E-T-S fans. The husky Ryan, son of famed football coach Buddy Ryan and whose twin Rob is the defensive coordinator of the Browns  is no doubt thata defensive mastermind, but then, so was the Jets’ last head coach. The initial returns were excellent for Ryan but as the season has progressed and the Jets have been exposed as frauds the real coaching begins. I know nothing about the politics of the republican candidate for New Jersey governor Chris Christie. I do know though that his name is silly and repetitive, his parents showed a complete lack of creativity and that doesn’t bode well for his future success in the gubernatorial race. Both these men feature quite the rotund body-type, athletes they are not, and both men look like they would be top contenders in a pie-eating contest. Doppelgangers they are!

Please make sure you VOTE in the poll below and then visit the permanent doppelgangers page to enjoy all the pairings we’ve discovered.



Naked Hockey Sweeps the Nation, Shrinkage Ensues

6a00d8341c51c053ef00e54f566d0a8833-800wiLast week we saw the Tampa Bay Lightning end their practice with a game of “Naked Breakaway,” now the kids are following the example of their heroes. An Idaho junior hockey team was kicked out of a city rink when the 17- to 20-year-olds started playing the same game.

After the events on last Wednesday, the Idaho Junior Steelheads were banned from using the Idaho Ice World for 4 days and one 17-year-old was suspended through next week for taking off his underwear.

An adult, whose daughter was on a nearby rink saw the Steelheads skating in their underwear and reported it, leading the police to start an investigation, specifically to see if Boise’s public decency laws were violated.

“The investigation is pending,” said Boise Police Department spokeswoman Lynn Hightower.

The city’s public decency ordinances forbid citizens from showing their butts in public, “largely to curb erotic dance parlors. Exemptions include dance, ballet, music or dramatic performances, or artistic displays; nudity during hockey practice isn’t on the list.”



Pittsburgh Fans Know Whats Important

The G-20 Leaders Summit ended in Pittsburgh amidst protests and with the woeful Pittsburgh Pirates honoring the event by having Foreigner play live tonight after their game against the Dodgers. Foreigner, IN CONCERT, AT THE PIRATES GAME, sigh. I can’t believe I’m missing it.

Some people went to the protests to express their opinions about the manner in which the world’s leaders govern, others just like being part of a crowd. For instance, this news crew while highlighting the riot cops and the protesters finds a very unprotest-like banner being held in the crowd.

Is the G-20 anti-Penguin? Has anyone looked into this? Or are the fans just looking for even more protection for Sidney Crosby ever being touched by an opponent?


Please God NO!

Curt SchillingIn an interview with NECN today Curt Schilling told Brad Puffer that he is considering running for the open Senate seat vacated by the death of Ted Kennedy. Schilling since his retirement has settled permanently in the Massachusetts area and is working with his video game company to create a new challenger to World of Warcraft. The big lug, a master on the mound, is never short of opinions which I guess, in his mind, makes him qualified for the seat. Considering that Kentucky sent Hall of Famer Jim Bunning to the exclusive club, Schill must feel like it’d be no problem for him to try it too.

Unfortunately for Schilling, and fortunately for the citizens of Massachusetts (and the US) there is ZERO likelihood of Schilling contending for the seat. He can want it all he wants, but Massachusetts doesn’t send Republican Senators to Washington, and if we did, they’d be at least MODERATELY qualified instead. Appearing before a congressional hearing on steroids does not count as experience.

Now don’t get me wrong, as a pitcher I have immense respect for Schilling, as a person, he strikes me — when not engaging in his many charitable activities — as a tool of the highest level. After all what kind of egomaniac needs to have his own blog to spew whatever comes out of his mind…





[Boston Globe]


China Lets Ping-Pong Master Paddle His Balls Around

Img214217358Wow, living in China sure seems like fun. For instance, if you are the reigning world champion in table tennis and a two-time Olympic silver medalist like Wang Hao and you want to have a girlfriend, up until very recently, it was forbidden. The 25-year old was banned from dating other players in the national ping-pong program until team officials relaxed their stranglehold on Hao and allowed him to pursue a relationship with Peng Luyang, a 23-year old former member of the team.

“Both of them are old enough and it’s normal,” Peng’s coach, Qiao Yunping said.

As part of their ridiculously tight control over their national athletes, China’s state-run sports system generally bans athletes from dating or marrying until they reach a certain age. As well, many of their winnings are redirected BACK into the system — but then, that’s communism.

Wang has been in this situation before, when in 2004 he started dating another ping-pong player, Fan Ying. Chinese officials booted her off the team for the infraction with Wang receiving no outward punishment. The reason? His world ranking was much higher than hers.

As Sean Connery says in the immortal action classic, The Rock, “Losers whine about doing their best, winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”


Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

June 2023