Bob Errey on the Pittsburgh Penguins telecast wanted to let his viewers know what was needed in order to score a goal. It turns out the answer is “ass.” Now we know!
Archive for October, 2009
Recent Cuban defector Aroldis Chapman has a 100 MPH fastball from the left side and is a free agent, his agent is looking for a contract reportedly in the $40 million range. As part of the early stages, Aroldis is going around to the various interested teams in order for both sides to get to know one another. For instance, his agents took him to Boston to meet with the Red Sox and his trip wasn’t all business, at least according to some of the photos Athletes Premier International posted on their Facebook page. 
In a strange bit of promotion, this time it was the AGENTS posting semi-risqué photos as opposed to some scurrilous blog. Sure, the girls are clothed (in lingerie mostly) but it seems to me like they took him to a strip club and then posted the photos on a public website.
Sure, he’s 21 and he should be allowed to have fun, especially coming from such a different culture in Cuba, but this seems to me like a bad way to advertise yourself to prospective employers. You’re mere weeks away from going from abject poverty to becoming a multimillionaire, keep it together. I bet Scott Boras saw that API did this and popped a chubbie thinking about stealing Chapman away.
API has since taken the photos down but of course, they were already grabbed and are now out in the open.
Your elementary school gym teacher, Matt Stairs!
[picapp src=”2/8/4/8/PicImg_Phillies_Spring_Training_e8d0.JPG?adImageId=7005572&imageId=4024427″ width=”500″ height=”479″ /]
Just like it is in baseball’s lower levels, minor league hockey teams need an extra hook to bring in the crowds, usually leading to bizarre jersey’s (here and here) or other outlandish promotions (here and here), the crazy new one of the moment this week is from the Bakersfield Condors who are planning to honor Michael Jackson at their game tonight against the Utah Grizzlies.
The Jackson-themed uniforms are pretty awful, but the really terrible part of their promotion will be the single white glove that each player will wear. The promotion will also feature an auction and a raffle and the uniforms will be auctioned to benefit the Children’s Miracle Network.
If your name is Michael Jackson or Billie Jean you’ll also get free admission to the game so, at least there’s that.
This clip astonishes me. No, not that Alex Rodriguez in his final high school playoff game made a truly terrible throw to second, tossing the game away and losing it for his school, but that this is the first time I’ve seen it. I spend a lot of time on the Internet (you might have noticed) and this is the first time I’ve ever come across this moment. Success breeds success, failure, well, failure breeds further failure. Despite his torrid pace early in the playoffs, last night Cliff Lee just baffled A-Rod all game long. Let’s hope to see this trend continue, after all, they say people never really change.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
[Barstool Sports]
29
Oct
09
Ron Artest Blows My Mind
When I think of Ron Artest, I don’t think compassionate social humanitarian, more often I think of his many misdeeds on and off the basketball court. So to counter that image, here is a totally bizarre and weird rap video from Ron Artest for the women of Afghanistan. There simply aren’t words to describe this. Also, don’t adjust your screen, the video is silent for the first 30 seconds.
29
Oct
09
The Next Iron Ace Doppelganger!
Please make sure to VOTE in the poll below as well as visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to see the many other fabulous doppelgangers we have assembled.
Chris Carpenter was mediocre in his career in Toronto, but when he came to St. Louis he put it all together winning one Cy Young (and possibly another one this year.) While he has had some injury problems the last few years, Carpenter has been flat-out dominating when he’s been on the mound and, with Adam Wainwright, provides possibly the best 1-2 punch in baseball. Michael Symon is a professional chef who has been credited with saving the restaurant scene in downtown Cleveland, very impressive, I think opening a Quiznos might have the same affect. Symon also won the Food Network’s The Next Iron Chef contest, and has been on a number of other FN shows. Self-describing his food as “meat-centric,” Symon has contributed items to the menu at Cavaliers games, has opened 5 restaurants (4 of which are still open) and has consistently been honored by various food magazines, organizations and restaurant groups for his skill.
Loyal reader Shatraw spotted this one a while ago and has patiently awaited its arrival on the Slanch Report, honor him, and us, by VOTING in the poll below.
Wednesday night meant the beginning of the 4th season of Friday Night Lights airing on DirecTV. To celebrate one of the absolute best shows on television — that not enough of you are watching — here is the final of my three part series to get you more interested in the show.
FNL isn’t about football, despite the name, it’s about a city in Texas and the people and a community that defines itself by its football team. With excellent acting, particularly from Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler who are one of the best TV couples of all-time, and a strong ensemble cast, the stories are heart-felt, touching, humorous and exciting. And if you do like football, you have never seen more come-from-behind victories like Dillon High has. This show is phenomenal, every single person I have introduced it to has fallen in love with it, you will too. All you need is a desire to see quality television and everything else will fall into place.
Minka Kelly plays the role of Lyla Garrity, the former head cheerleader, super smart girl-you-always-wanted-to-be-with-but-is-always-with-someone-far-far-far-bigger-than-you. Sure, she’s not perfect, she cheated on her newly paralyzed boyfriend with his best friend in the first season, but she was only doing it out of grief and you know how that goes. Regardless, she’s so smoking hot that I can even overlook the fact that Minka is dating Derek Jeter currently. Or that she hasn’t returned any of my phone calls, replied to any of my letters and seems to have ignored all those carrier pigeons I sent her way. Sigh. So incredibly hot.
The greatest fans huh? Now, call me crazy, but if it is the FUCKING WORLD SERIES you DON’T LEAVE THE GAME UNTIL IT’S OVER NO MATTER WHAT THE SCORE. Or at least, that’s what Phillies fans, Red Sox fans or Cardinal fans would do. That’s because those are informed fans who actually understand baseball as opposed to fair-weather rich people who follow a team only because they were successful in the past.
It’s the goddamn World Series, it’s supposed to mean something. Way to show up Yankee fans.
[h/t NYC Barstool Sports for the photo]
Back after missing 5 games with a high ankle strain, in overtime Cal Clutterbuck of the Minnesota Wild battled in front of the net, jockeying for position. His team drives towards the net, the first shot clangs off the posts, then the REBOUND shot hits the post and there’s a fortuitous bounce in front of the net. Clutterbuck reached out and with a diving effort manages to score the overtime winning in thrilling fashion. HOCKEY SON!
Who knew that offering to be “creative” in payment (wink, wink) in a Craigslist ad could lead to a happy ending!Suzanne Finkelstein, the married self-described “desperate buxom blonde” who was willing to do anything for World Series tickets received a ton of notoriety after her story surfaced.
Finkelstein insisted that she wasn’t pimping herself out but rather that “I was hoping maybe I could get a cheaper price flirting with him. You know, batting my eyes. It’s not unheard of.”
The local Bensalem Police even thoughtfully “sent out the good-looking, blonde, kind of Marine guy,” she said, once he (according to her) brought up sex in exchange for the tickets she was arrested. The story ends well though because a local radio show and car dealership are giving her free tickets to an upcoming game. I didn’t realize that all I need to do to get free tickets to an event is first get arrested for prostitution. Looks like I WILL be making that Itzhak Perlman concert after all!
28
Oct
09
Nobody Bites My Wife But Me
In June of 2008, while visiting an art gallery in Hingham, MA, Stacey Wakefield, wife of Red Sox knuckleballer Tim was bitten by an English mastiff, Gabriella, that is the pet of the gallery’s owners. Last June ANOTHER woman was bitten by the dog.
With those two incidents in hand, the Hingham Board of Selectman unanimously voted to have that 8-year-old bitch euthanized.
In rendering their decision the Selectman called the gallery owners, Robert and Megan Ullman “irresponsible.” However, the Ullmans insist their bitch isn’t violent and intend to appeal the decision.
I wouldn’t expect much sympathy from another judge, this dog could have injured the WIFE of a PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL PLAYER, that kind of negligence just can’t be allowed. Next time it could be the girlfriend of a hockey player, and I just WON’T stand for that.
[WBZ]
The Slanch Report 
Recent Comments