By slanch

We all have a doppelganger somewhere in the world and the danger of the two of you meeting and disrupting the time-space continuum is very real. The worst part is that generally you don’t know whether you, or the other you is the “evil” one. There’s just no way of knowing until you meet, and then of course, black holes are created and universes get sucked into oblivion and no one needs that on their conscience. Well, here are some lookalikes, let’s hope they all never meet one another for our universe’s sake.

If you have any suggestions for future doppelgangers to go here, please send me them here, and I’ll put them up right away!

Take for example, the certain product of a “Twins” like genetic engineering program where Vanilla Ice and former MTV Sports host Dan Cortez‘ genetic “material” were combined with a MILF-y mom in order to create Jayson Werth.

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In my younger days I used to occasionally watch “Full House,” I did so only for the impeccable writing and comedic talents that were on display. Regardless, the episodes when the Beach Boys would be on were always the best. Commentator Myummers pointed out to me the other night the similarity between now-former Mets pitching coach Rick Peterson and Beach Boys bassist Bruce Johnston. You decide for yourself.

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Then there is Brent Lillibridge, a star shortstop for the Atlanta Braves AAA team who came up briefly earlier in the season and is likely to become a big-time player at some point in the bigs. Mischa Barton is a Hollywood starlet who loves to puff joints in her car. They also both look like wood elves.

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“Good Burger” is a triumph of film making, and Kenan Thompson has gone from Nickelodeon child star to legitimate mainstream “actor,” now entering his 5th season of being generally uninteresting on “Saturday Night Live.” Ryan Howard is an MVP first baseman for the Phillies and an avid Subway sandwiches fan (although I doubt Kenan ever turns down a free sandwich either.) They have never been in the same place at the same time.

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Garrett Olson is a pitcher on the Baltimore Orioles, he’s had some ups and downs, one night he is getting his ass handed to him by the Yankees and then the next time he goes 7 dominating innings in the win against the Yankees. Aaron Eckhart is best remembered by me for his tour-de-force of sexing Katie Holmes and selling cigarettes in Thank You for Smoking. Brothers?

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Mike Lowell looks like he should be wearing a tuxedo at all times because he’s totally debonair, George Clooney gets to wear those tuxes and with their salt and pepper beards and hair it’s just possible that they are brothers…

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Nothing strikes more fear in the hearts of the residents of Elm Street more than Freddy Krueger, Red Sox fans for the last few years have known that exact same feeling of abject terror every time the bullpen door swung open for Julian Tavarez. Fortunately, now he has been banished to the wasteland known as Brewer’s baseball and Freddy went into space to fight Jason and hasn’t been heard from since…

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Nothing beats the smooth taste and flavor of Camel cigarettes, at least according to the many advertisements from the cigarette company and their iconic mascot, Joe Camel. Andy Pettite smoothly deflected the fact that he is a a cheating, needle-using pitcher and has been accepted widely back into the fold of the Yankees without much comment.

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David Ortiz makes all of Red Sox nation happy with his clutch heroics and huge smile. Shrek was an ogre with a big heart and delights children of all ages. Dreamworks definitely used Ortiz as the model.

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True story: these three men have never been in the same place at the same time. We should all be thankful that Geoff Jenkins of the Phillies, Green Bay “retiree” Brett Favre and actor Max Martini of The Unit (not watching it? You really should) have all chosen to divide the country in thirds, Jenkins gets the east coast, Farve the middle and Martini the west, otherwise who knows what could happen.

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Sure, Andrew Shue is less known for his “acting” abilities or his brief career as a professional soccer player and more known for his delectable sister, Elizabeth Shue, but he can always take solace in being mistaken on the street for either Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina or Cardinals third baseman Troy Glaus. They’ve both been All-Stars! (Although don’t expect to see them on any future All-Star teams)

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Rajon Rondo is a crafty hoopster, he loves to slice through the defense, drive towards the basket and then dish the ball back out to someone who can actually shoot the ball. Ants love to make holes and go through them in order to eat that entire box of oreos that I was saving but then forgot about and now are ruined. Antz was a movie starring the voice talent of Woody Allen as Z.

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Lance Berkman began 2008 on a torrid pace, spraying hits and homers all over the field. Tony Stewart is one of the top drivers in Nascar and when he wins he gets to spray–bukkake style–beer or champagne or milk all over his pit crew. Seems fair to me.

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Being stuck on an island with Gilligan couldn’t have been easy. The more important question is if Gilligan was so useless and frustrating to the Skipper, why was he the only crewman he had? Charlie Manuel manages the Phillies, has one of the best giant guts in baseball and a fiery personality.

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Starring in Wildcats, Goldie Hawn plays a high school track coach who takes over the football team, convinced she knows just as much about football as anyone else. Jabba the Hutt is a merciless criminal who loves smuggling, bikinied girls and an afternoon hanging around the sarlacc pits.

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Hows about Arizona Diamondbacks first baseman Conor Jackson and Desperate Housewives actor, Jesse Metcalfe, I buy it!

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The single best jersey I have ever seen at a baseball game was when I saw a guy walking around Shea in a Cleveland Indians jersey emblazoned with “Dorn,” on the back. I’ve always been jealous that I don’t have my own one of those as yet… Anyhoo, Corbin Bernsen who played the overpayed, undertalented Roger Dorn and Red Sox reliever/bow hunter Mike Timlin share an uncanny resemblance.

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Max Mosely is the president of F1 Racing, and he also was embroiled in a scandal after the prostitutes he hired revealed that he likes to dress up as a Nazi during their sex play. Charlton Heston was a legendary actor and a legendary douche bag regarding anything gun-related.

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I can’t believe that people like Emile Hirsch get to kiss Elisha Cuthbert, even in just a movie setting, it is patently unfair. I am about 45,000 times cooler and better looking than he is. Well, regardless, he shares a kindred look to Brewers outfielder Corey Hart, minus about a foot, seeing as how Hart is a gargantuan 6′ 6″ and actually looks like he can grow facial hair.

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Baseball has been abuzz all season with the remarkable comeback of Josh Hamilton who overcame his drug addiction to heroin and is now leading the majors in RBI, after having not played in the majors for 4 years! Bobby Flay likes to cook things and have people eat them, he’s a chef! Drew Bledsoe made football relevant once more in New England when he was the first selection overall in the draft, and without his injury, Tom Brady would have remained a backup for at least a few more games. Thank god Bledsoe got hurt, right!

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As a white guy who grew up in the suburbs, I love the Wire because it seems so real and the storytelling was expertly handled. Plus, who doesn’t like to learn how crack and heroin are dealt! Anyways, Ty Wigginton of the Houston Astros is a versatile guy who can play just about anywhere on the field besides pitcher, shortstop and catcher. Domenick Lombardozz played Herc on the Wire and if Herc had just decided to become a good cop and not be a douchebag, a whole lot of good things might have happened in fictional Baltimore. So it goes…These two guys share enough of a resemblance that I buy it, but it’s more the fact that they are doughy white boys than anything else.

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There are few movies as iconic as Feris Bueller’s Day Off, everyone can relate to the desire of escaping from school for a day and having an amazing time. Of course we all also have a friend identical to Cameron (played by Alan Ruch), who naysays the whole time but ends up having the best day of his life. David Murphy was a first round pick of the Red Sox but was spun to the Rangers in the exchange for one Eric “I suck since steroids testing was instituted” Gagne. Now, in Texas, Murphy is putting up solid numbers across the board and is an early contender for the Rookie of the Year award that will ultimately go to Jacoby Ellsbury.

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Aaron “#$@!#$!#@#**%%!#!!!!!!!” Boone broke my heart in 2003, and since then he’s continued on his regularly scheduled mediocrity, plying his trade these days for the Washington Nationals. Johnny Knoxville has made an obscene amount of money due solely to the fact that he’ll do stupid things. America, what a country!

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Cole Hamels, or as we like to call him, Hole Camels, is one of the most dominant young starters in the game right now, his only challenge it seems is staying healthy, otherwise he might go on to become a several time Cy Young winner. When Monty Python appeared sketch comedy had never seen anything like them, and no one has ever truly come close to the level of genius they produced. Arguably the biggest individual star to come out of Python was John Cleese, who went on to write and star in one of my favorite movies, A Fish Called Wanda. While watching the Red Sox/Phillies game, eagle-eyed reader, The roomate noticed the similarity between the two men, what do you think?

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Rebecca Soni won the 200 meter breaststroke yesterday, keeping the gold in the American family after Athens winner Amanda Beard was unable to get out of the prelims. Kristen Schall is a hilarious comedian, known from her turn as Mel on Flight of the Conchords and her work as a Daily Show correspondent. Together, they are one.

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Andrew Jackson was our 7th President and is being honored with a $1 gold coin likeness and so it seems only apt to point out that Ol’ Hickory shares a remarkable likeness to the don of the baseball writers, the most respected reporter in the game, Peter Gammons. Gammons of course, is a Hall of Fame writer, one of the few old-guard reporters who isn’t terrified by the internet and blogs and in fact, has long embraced and supported them. Andrew Jackson commanded the US troops in New Orleans in the War of 1812 where, outnumbered by over 2,500,  he and his troops fought and won a decisive victory (had the war not already been over) suffering only 13 casualties versus the Brit’s 2,000 plus.

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Dave Trembley is the manager of the surprising Baltimore Orioles, whom no one expected to go anywhere this season and instead they have impressively hovered around .500 for the season. Whether or not it lasts, for Trembley, a long-time minor league manager and former bullpen coach, the ride has been awfully fun so far. William Shatner is of course most famous for his turn in Star Trek as Captain Kirk, but I prefer to think of his fine work for priceline.com as the benchmark of his career.

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I like Amanda Beard just fine, most of the time I think she’s pretty hot and sure, there is that whole, she’s a totally fast swimmer thing (notwithstanding her performance at the Beijing Olympics.) But there are times when she doesn’t look her best and in those moments she has a very similar look to that hero of Detroit, the rescuer of the city, RoboCop.

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Andy Roddick is one of the best tennis players in the world, he fires out ridiculously fast 120+ MPH serves and he’s engaged to a fine woman named Brooklyn. Sean William Scott made a career out of being a jock-y party boy without much in his head besides the next beer and the next girl to attempt to nail. Once briefly everywhere, he hasn’t been seen doing much work recently, something we can all appreciate. Add in the fact that Scott’s most memorable role, Stifler, and Roddick both have inherent male genitalia references within their names and I know we’ve got a winner. Reader Youppi sent along this pairing and the resemblance is remarkable so check it out.

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Cal Ripken revolutionized the shortstop position, proving that power hitting, big athletic guys could play a position usually reserved for light-hitting glovemen. Without him, players like A-Rod, Nomar, Jeter, Tulowitzki, hell, even Khalil Greene would never have played at the majors at shortstop, having long been moved to third or the outfield. Tom Colicchio is the head judge on Top Chef, which means he probably gets to blaze with Padma Lakshmi whenever he wants. I would never suggest that the in-his-prime Cal Ripken looks like Colicchio, but the latter day, let-himself-go Ripken clearly likes eating food, and Colicchio makes food! It’s almost too perfect!

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I see this terrifying picture of Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis and I all I can think of is the titular villain from Leprechaun. This picture of him and future lame-duck coach Lane Kiffin is simply terrifying.

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As the Rays prepare for their first World Series win tonight, senior advisor Don Zimmer has been hanging around the team, throwing batting practice and just being a part of the scene, helping the players adjust to the momentous occasion. Having been a part of 6 World Champions already, Zim is anxious to get that 7th ring. In 1984 Dan Ackroyd and Harold Ramis changed the world forever with the movie Ghostbusters. I don’t think I’m revealing any spoilers by saying that at the end of the movie a giant Stay Puft Marshmellow Man attacks the city until the Ghostbusters are able to foil him and save the day.

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This one is a little bit pushing it, but the picture of Joe Torre was just too good for me to pass up. So, here is a Joe Torre, Yertle the Turtle doppelganger mashup.

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Whilst watching the Giants game yesterday and seeing a picture of Eli Manning, one of my roommates noticed the uncanny resemblance that Eli Manning shares with John Krasinski of The Office and Michael Phelps. I couldn’t agree more. Even more alike is the sheer awkwardness that both Phelps and Manning produce whenever they speak in person, when it always seems both are speaking in public for the first time ever.

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In the first Terminator movie, Michael Biehn gets sent back in time by his best friend John Connors to protect Connors’ mother, (and then ultimately nails Connors’ mom and becomes his best friend’s dad, because that’s not totally weird) from a Terminator machine that is trying to kill Sarah Connors. David Wright, even with his chipmunk voice is one of the most marketable players in baseball, in addition to being incredibly good on the field. Earning his second straight Gold Glove/Silver Slugger combo pack while being by all accounts a stand-up guy and possibly nailing Erin Andrews. He’s why I like Mets games. Also, David Wright is one of those people who looks incredibly weird to me whenever he doesn’t have a baseball hat on, like his head is kind of weird shaped without the hat on.

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In 1999 I saw a sneak preview of Office Space at the Copley Mall movie theater. There were about 10 people in the theater and my friend and I managed to sit in front of a GIGANTIC fat man who guffawed and hooted throughout the entire movie, making pithy comments like “totally!” and making it impossible to follow or enjoy the movie. I had to see it again a year later to figure out if I liked the movie or not. Of course, one of the most often imitated and repeated parts from that movie is the “oh face” moment. Joe Blanton last night showed off his pitching prowess, his power bat with his first career home run and of course, his dirty pine-tar stained hat. Both Joe Blanton and Greg Pitts (the guy who played the “oh face” guy) share quite the resemblance I (and commenter the roomate) believe.

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Ric Flair was one of the most famous, most successful wrestlers of all-time, known for his boa topped costumes, his high flying acrobatic work off the ropes and his signature “WOOOOOOOOOOO.” Finishing his career with 16 title “wins” across multiple wrestling leagues, Flair was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2008. Joe Biden yesterday took the oath of office for the Vice-Presidency, taking a 30+ year career in Washington and subjugating himself for the next 8 years to the office about which John Adam famously said while he served in the position: “My country has in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived.” Despite their seemingly many differences, the team men share quite the resemblance.

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If you haven’t watched The Wire, quite frankly you’ve missed some of the best television of the last 20 years. One of the shows standout characters was Omar Little (played by Michael K. Williams), a tough SOB who robs drug dealers and is one of the most feared people in Baltimore. When he walks down the street, everyone else runs away, he is infamous for using his shotgun on whoever gets in his way. When Randy Moss was traded to the Patriots in 2007 he instantly became a good citizen and the most dominant receiver in the NFL, putting up stupid video game numbers that are almost unfathomable. One of the absolute best when the ball is in the air, if it is near him usually Randy will pull it down.

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Here is Jenna Randall, British synchronized swimming hottie and her doppelganger, Laguna Beach’s Kristen Cavallieri who is also hot, if vapid. Not that I ever watched Laguna Beach…

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Then there is the super hot track star Lolo Jones who shares a likeness with former Office and soon to be on the new show from FJM’s Ken Tremendous, Parks and Recreation, actress Rashida Jones. Interestingly, Rashida Jones is also the daughter of Quincy Jones and has played at least 3 different characters named Karen on TV shows. Lolo can beat me in a race; probably.

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Willie Bloomquist is a super-scrubby utility man who can field a little bit and run fast, but has some issues with that old “hitting the baseball” skill that most professional baseball players need. So, of course he gets a 2-year $3.1 million contract over the off-season from the Kansas City Royals to leave the Seattle Mariners. When he entered the clubhouse the first time he might have gotten very confused to see that he was already there. That would have been Royals catcher John Buck, best remembered by me as the guy who took Hideki Okajima deep on the first pitch Oki threw in the majors. I can only hope they utilize both men’s physical similarities for some incredibly awesome trick play.

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Bob Sheppard has been the voice of the Yankees and Yankees Stadium since 1951, but will miss this year’s opening day due to illness. Sheppard, who is in his late 90s is probably the most iconic announcer in the history of announcers and it is unfortunate that the first voice to be heard over the loudspeakers at the new Yankee Stadium won’t be his. While all accounts have Sheppard down as a gentleman, that just means he’s the “good” doppelganger. Emperor Palpatine, on the other hand, was a man set on power, much like Sheppard’s boss, George Steinbrenner, and who would let nothing slow him down.

Liam Treadwell is a British-born jockey, who is in his debut steeplechase season, he rose to the nation’s consciousness when a BBC reporter insulted his teeth immediately following him winning on a 100-1 long shot. One of the most iconic stories from the now-defunct Weekly World News, the saga of Bat Boy also inspired a hit musical by the same name. These two men share an awfully similar resemblance.

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Once a part of one of the worst trades in baseball history, Jeff Bagwell went on to become a Hall of Fame caliber player, winning one MVP, and nearly winning two more. According to Bill James’ calculations, Bagwell is the 4th best first baseman of all time. He is also one of the few players in the modern era to play his entire MLB career with one team. Recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, James Hetfield fronts rock legends Metallica. Once considered one of the most bad-ass groups of all time, Hetfield and Metallica as a whole lost much of their luster after filming the documentary Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, where it was clear that the band was made up of a bunch of whiny complaining brats. Still, Metallica knows how to thrash, even if their image has been forever marred.

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I acknowledge this one is somewhat laced with spite, but is also something I’ve believed for a while; Mark Teixeira has a horse face. Out to earn the most dollars, and proving multiple times in subsequent interviews that he is a duplicitous person, Mark Teixiera also possesses prodigious power in his bat, Gold Glove caliber defense and is yet to contribute in any meaningful way for a contender. He’s also now on his 4th team. Captain is the Texas Rangers’ mascot, a giant horse who wears number “72″ honoring the year the team moved to the Dallas area. I guess the horse represents the gloriousness of Texas and its lawmen. I’m more surprised it isn’t a gun that shoots fireworks and pees liquor. Which would be a GREAT mascot by the way. Anyways, I find it hard to tell which one is the horse and which the man.

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Neil Everett is one of the better Sportscenter anchors, he and his usual partner Scott Van Pelt have great chemistry and Everett allows the highlights to be the focus of the show, as opposed to other anchors who think the show is all about them. The last player in the NHL allowed to play without a helmet, Craig MacTavish spent 10 years as a player for the Edmonton Oilers and is currently in his 10th season as their coach. He’s also the only NHL coach to spend a year in jail for killing someone, something he did after being convicted of a DUI and vehicular manslaughter in 1984. It’s unclear at this time whether Neil Everett has ever killed anyone.

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Nicknamed “The Baseball Monster” by my friends and I, Vladimir Guerrero strikes fear into the hearts of opposing pitchers everywhere; there’s no pitch he can’t hit, no matter how far out of the strike zone it might be, and when he makes contact, the ball goes a long long way. Once graced with the speed of a gazelle, Guerrero would relentlessly run down balls in the outfield before unleashing his absolute cannon of an arm. These days, his movements look like those of an 85 year old man, the years on the hard concrete surface in Montreal taking their toll. Guerrero is also the inspiration for my current fantasy baseball team name: My Two Vlads. There was a time when Arsenio Hall was the king of night-time entertainment; he was hailed as the successor to Johnny Carson and his trademark audience “woofs” took the nation by storm. He also managed to find time to co-star in the epic comedy movie Coming to America, which is on television somewhere, every other week. It is quite possible these men are long-lost brothers.

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Thanks to Julio Lugo’s recent knee surgery, career backup and minor-leaguer Nick Green was given the chance to break camp as a member of the Boston Red Sox Opening Day roster. While he hasn’t done much in his MLB career, Green is a maximum effort type of guy, and in addition to the Sox he’s appeared in games for the Tampa Bay Rays, Seattle Mariners, Atlanta Braves and New York Yankees, although he’s only racked up 803 ABs since 2004 in the bigs. A pint-sized receiver, Wes Welker doesn’t seem like much to look at, except the little guy features blazing speed, excellent agility and the ability to make defenders miss. All of which has led 213 receptions in two years with the New England Patriots. During the season Welker is known for his amazing skills in open space and for an epic porn ’stache that is just plain filthy; he also has dreamy eyes.

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Thanks to their lack of a true top-flight center fielder, Reed Johnson, after unceremoniously being dropped from the Toronto Blue Jays made his way over to the Chicago Cubs where he has provided little pop from the bat but excellent defense. He’s also well-known across baseball for his large goatee that he usually lets grow out as the season progresses. Leading the heavy-metal band Anthrax, Scott Ian is ALSO known for his outlandish length goatees, as well as for the band’s hard-driving licks. In addition he is married to Meatloaf’s daughter and dropped his real last name “Rosenfeld” when performing, I guess because Jews can’t perform hard-rock. Whaddya think, doppelgangers?

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In addition to being the presumptive Rookie of the Year, the Chicago Bulls’ Derrick Rose has had a phenomenal first season playing as like a well-heeled veteran, and showing poise and maturity on the court. Featuring devastating quickness, a light touch on his shot and a near endless supply of moves, Rose looks set to be a force in the NBA for years to come. Construction began in 246 BC on the Terra Cotta Warriors and Horses of Qin Shi Huangdi the First Emperor of China; all told an estimated 700,000 workers were involved in the making of nearly 9,000 individual terracotta statues to be buried as protection for the Emperor. Legends held that the statues were real warriors who would come to life to protect their deceased leader. Discovered in 1974 when a farmer attempted to dig a well, there have since been extensive efforts to dig out and exhume the long-lost works of art.

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Once the most feared man in boxing, Mike Tyson has since become so notorious for his actions in and out of the ring that at this point nothing he does surprises anyone anymore. For me, the day he got his face tattoo 6 years ago was when he reached that point. However, when he was in his hey-day, Mike Tyson was insanely awesome, watch this video to be reminded of just how incredibly fast and tough he was. Written as an intense, dark graphic novel, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were transformed by marketers into the more family-friendly, action-figured lovable turtles that were a part of my youth. Known as much for their love of pizza as their joy of fighting the foot clan, the TMNT were an integral part of my childhood, I still distinctly remembering seeing Secret of the Ooze in a theater so crowded I sat in the aisle; it was worth it.

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A former star at UConn, Ben Gordon hasn’t been quite as stellar in the NBA, while there is no doubt that he can score, the other aspects of the NBA game seem to be sometimes beyond him. Once a building block for the Chicago Bulls, now Gordon is more of a strong complementary piece, with the team moving to build around the dynamic Derrick Rose instead. Accused — and later acquitted — of rape charges, Kobe Bryant is also one of the best players in NBA history. Another championship this year w0uld elevate him into the pantheon of the top 5 of all-time. What do you think, did my sister from the same mother find a good doppelganger of brothers from another mother?

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Ramiro Pena wasn’t considered by anyone a major prospect for the New York Yankees until New York Daily News columnist Bill Madden wrote an article proclaiming Pena as the man to replace Derek Jeter; which made it ONE person who considered Pena a prospect. Since getting called up, Pena has done little to prove his past critics wrong, but on the plus side, he’s shown that Bill Madden (a card carrying member of the BBWAA) knows little to nothing about the game of baseball as it is played on the field. Masterfully played by Ralph Macchio, Karate Kid‘s Daniel Larusso was an out-of-place kid who just wanted to learn karate and have as many awkward, sexually-charged tension-filled moments with an elderly Japanese man as any other normal American teen. Fortunately for Larusso, he had MANY MANY of those scenes with Mr. Miyaga. Together, the two man-boys are nearly identical.

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A first round draft pick in 2004, Jeff Niemann was supposed to be one of the first wave of Rays young arms. Unfortunately, along the way he got lapped by some of his compatriots; getting his first extended look this season he hasn’t been particularly impressive but the sample size is a bit small. Best remembered for starring in such classics as Dumb and Dumber, and Dumb and Dumberer, Jeff Daniels has been in over 60 movies, with incredible range, for example, he played Anna Paquin’s father in Fly Away Home and then, nine years later he played her love interest in The Squid and the Whale. Let’s see Jeff Goldblum do that! Considering the almost 30 years age difference between the two men, let’s call this one, spotted by reader Saint Dynamite, more of a father-son type doppelganger.

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Reader Mattraw sent this one along, and I couldn’t agree more. Billy Ripken is most famous for being Cal’s younger, less-talented brother and for his infamous baseball card, otherwise, his baseball career was less than memorable. Since retiring/being forced out of baseball, Billy hasn’t been seen too much until he served as hitting coach for this year’s USA entrant in the WBC tournament. Now, on MLB Network, he is generally among the worst analysts they’ve got. Once a proud and respected Jedi Knight, Annakin Skywalker bangs Natalie Portman and then becomes obsessed with not losing her, so he embraces the Dark Side, gets tragically burned by his best friend and is forced to spend the remainder of his days in a protective suit that keeps him alive. After rejecting the Dark Side at the end of his days, he asks his son to remove the mask so that Annakin may look upon Luke with his real eyes. He does, and then dies.

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At the time the Detroit Tigers traded Matt Joyce for Edwin Jackson, the consensus was that the Rays had received the better end of the deal. As of today, Jackson is among the leaders for lowest ERA this season and just won his 6th game; Joyce was only just recently called up after hitting .315 and posting a .938 OPS in AAA. There is still a long ways to go, but it looks like the Rays made their own version of the Bronson/Wily Mo ill-fated deal the Sox made. Matt Joyce should ultimately be much better than Wily Mo, but with the paucity of quality outings by the Rays staff recently, it’s certain that, as of now, the Rays would love to take that one back. From the FX show Rescue Me, where he plays Damian, Michael Zegen is one of the acting standouts, stealing scenes as he makes his way, including a truly hilarious moment recently when he explains what a “hot lunch” is, in voting down a band name. Zegen was also in the best movie I’ve seen in the theaters this year, Adventureland where the talented actor once more stole every scene he was in. While the Rays may regret losing Jackson, you’ll never regret watching Zegen. Now, I look at these two young men and all I can think is, brothers? So, what do you think? And seriously, if you’re not watching Rescue Me, you’re missing out on some kick-ass Zegen.

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When the Angels arrived in the World Series in 2002 they did so with two very important rookie pitchers; Francisco Rodriguez, quickly dubbed K-Rod, who powered the bullpen and John Lackey a strong-armed starting pitcher who was given the daunting task of starting game 7 of the World Series. Lackey, and the Angels won, obviously, and since then he has been when healthy, one of the better starting pitchers in the American League. Nick Frost had the good sense to become best friends with Simon Pegg long before Pegg became famous and as Pegg’s acting career took off, he brought Frost along on the journey. Starring in Shaun of the Dead, as Pegg’s best friend Ed, Frost introduced himself to a worldwide audience and stole most of the scenes he was in. Despite being born nearly 5000 miles away from one another, these two gentleman share quite the resemblance as pointed out by loyal reader the roomate.

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After a successful college career Drew Gooden has bounced around the NBA some, he’s on his 6th team in 7 years and has proven to be a useful bench and role player but has never achieved any semblance of stardom. He doesn’t need to be a star though for a long and fruitful NBA career. When not sporting one of the worst beards in beard history, Gooden also shares a resemblance with New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. Nationally known thanks to Hurricane Katrina and the subsequent coverage, Ray Nagin has also brought plenty of media attention on himself for some outlandish statements to the press. Regardless, these two men look so much alike I actually got confused putting their pictures next to one another of who was who.

GoodenNagin

Before the 2007 season, Homer Bailey was widely considered one of the top 3 prospects in all of minor league baseball; his major league debut was highly anticipated and it was expected that his knee-buckling curve ball and high 90s fastball would lead to years of success. Unfortunately for the Reds (and the multiple fantasy teams I picked him up on), Bailey is still searching for any major league success, although on Friday he pitched 7.1 innings of 3 hit, 2 run ball, so who knows, maybe he’s finally starting to figure it all out. Starting out his career working with Steven Spielberg’s Empire of the Sun, Christian Bale’s Hollywood career really took off after his critically acclaimed performance in The Machinist. Since then, he’s obviously moved onto even larger projects, including playing Batman and John Connors in the new Terminator vehicle. While Bale is British and grew up in Wales, and Bailey is a big-hatted Texan, the similarity in their names is clearly no coincidence, these two men share quite the resemblance, as loyal reader Saint Dynamite pointed out.

BaileyBale

Entering rarefied territory, Dustin Pedroia is only the third player in MLB history to win the Rookie of the Year and follow it up the next season with an MVP. Add in his World Series ring, Gold Glove, Silver Slugger and cover for Playstation’s 2009 MLB: The Show and you have quite a crowded trophy case for a player only in his third big league season. The heart of the Red Sox team these days, it won’t be surprising to see Pedroia be named captain when the Red Sox move on from Jason Varitek, despite his young age. Jason Mraz produces music of some sort that the kids and such like. I don’t listen to anything but sports radio and haven’t heard new music since the late 90s, so I have no idea. However, new reader Barnyard pointed out this doppelganger and I think it has legs.

PedroiaMraz

Tim Lincecum has dominated baseball the last 2.5 years, unfortunately, he plays his games for the San Francisco Giants who have zero offense. Despite that he won the first of his Cy Youngs and is on his way to earning several more. The pint-sized ace wears his hair long and doesn’t take any guff from the older kids. In 1993, Wiley Wigginswho incidentally looks like this now — played young Mitch Kramer in Dazed and Confused; the young future freshman phenom pitcher who narrowly escapes the evil clutches of Ben Affleck. I have zero doubt in my mind that, at some point this season, Randy Johnson has chased Lincecum around the clubhouse with a paddle. I also have little doubt that Lincecum has dumped paint onto Bengie Molina from a hotel balcony.

LincecumMitch

After being the choice of many for the Cy Young award last season, instead, Justin Verlander suffered through the worst of his young career. He has bounced back in spectacular fashion this season though and remains the only bright spot on my otherwise miserable fantasy baseball pitching staff. One of the best actors of his generation, Ed Norton has avoided the pitfalls of over-saturation for the time being and has had the fortune of being in some incredible movies. Of course, he’s also incredible, so it goes both ways.

VerlanderNorton

When Bill Parcells arrived in New England to take the reins of the Patriots the entire culture changed. He brought with him a history of success and demolished the culture of losing that had defined the Patriots ad nauseam. He also brought over a surly defensive coordinator with a propensity for grey sweatshirts who has become probably the greatest coach in NFL history. Having been in comedy for years, but with limited national success, Lenny Clark is one of the most naturally funny people in the business. He also once in the 80s while doing stand-up in Cambridge, MA stole a city bus and drove around making the stops on a dare. Beyond the moobs that both men share, they also share a distinctive facial resemblance too.

ParcellsClark

The Texas Rangers have progressed greatly this season, propelling themselves right into the thick of the wild-card race. At the beginning of the season and last year there were rumors that manager Ron Washington’s job was on the rocks. With the team’s success this season though, it looks like he’ll receive a well-deserved stay of execution. Malcolm Barrett plays Lem on the ABC sitcom Better off Ted, a show that I have never heard of and never seen. In fact, I have never knew Barrett existed until loyal doppelganger spotter the sister pointed this one out to me the other day. I buy it.

WashingtonBarrett

Appointed by his fellow owners to be Commissioner of Baseball, Bud Selig, America’s most successful used car salesman, has seen baseball’s revenues soar, attendance rise and has presided over an entire era of tainted numbers that he still has yet to apologize for. Had Selig stood stronger or done ANYTHING, we might not look back at the last 15-20 years of baseball as filled with cheaters. Of course, he needed the home run hitters to be prolific to cover up the mess that was the lockout and canceling of the World Series in 1994…Stephen Hawking is generally considered to be the smartest man in the world, quite the lofty position. When not figuring out complicated theoretical physics problems, Hawking is macking it on the ladies. After he and his first wife split up, he married his nurse, who happened to be the former wife of the man who created his first talking computer. Talk about SMOOTH! My man Hawking has got GAME! I say these two are near dead-ringers for doppelgangers, right down to the abnormally large ears.

SeligHawking

When not signing obsenity-laden memorabilia for children or starting spring training fights, occasionally — very occasionally — Shelley Duncan gets called up to the majors for a few meaningless at-bats with the Yankees. A marginal talent who can hit fastballs and little else, Shelley is also the son of famed pitching coach Dave Duncan and brother to the equally medium-talented Chris Duncan. Star of the cult classic The Toxic Avenger, Toxie is forced to build a home in a junkyard while fighting crime in his neighborhood. His calling card was leaving a mop on his victims’ faces, which, if you think about it, is really gross.

DuncanToxicAvenger

When he was hired by the New York Yankees to be their manager, Joe Girardi took the uniform number “27″ to show that he was being brought in to win championship #27 for the franchise. With calls for his head after last year’s disappointing non-playoffs finish, Girardi has somewhat redeemed himself by getting to the World Series this year. Then again, he completely mismanages his bullpen, makes decisions that seemingly make no sense and doesn’t always deal with the press in the best manner. Exactly what you want from the manager of the highest paid team in the history of baseball. Despite lacking opposable thumbs, in Jurassic Park the velociraptors prove to be the most deadly killing machines in the park. Sure, T-Rex has all the size, but look at those puny arms, the raptors meanwhile hunt in packs, communicate with one another and can jump and run like they’re in the Olympics. Basically, if it’s you or them, they’re going to win. You don’t mess with the raptors or they’ll cut you in half, here’s hoping the Phillies can likewise eviscerate the Yanks in this series.
GirardiRaptor Doppelganger
Chris Carpenter was mediocre in his career in Toronto, but when he came to St. Louis he put it all together winning one Cy Young (and possibly another one this year.) While he has had some injury problems the last few years, Carpenter has been flat-out dominating when he’s been on the mound and, with Adam Wainwright, provides possibly the best 1-2 punch in baseball. Michael Symon is a professional chef who has been credited with saving the restaurant scene in downtown Cleveland, very impressive, I think opening a Quiznos might have the same affect. Symon also won the Food Network’s The Next Iron Chef contest, and has been on a number of other FN shows. Self-describing his food as “meat-centric,” Symon has contributed items to the menu at Cavaliers games, has opened 5 restaurants (4 of which are still open) and has consistently been honored by various food magazines, organizations and restaurant groups for his skill.
CarpenterSymon
It’s election day and here in New York City we are on the verge of the third term of Lord Mike Bloomberg’s reign; meanwhile in New Jersey, the competitive flame burns bright. While the Jets are supposedly from New York, they play and practice in New Jersey, there first-year head coach Rex Ryan has raised eyebrows with his over sized eagerness to appeal to the J-E-T-S fans. The husky Ryan, son of famed football coach Buddy Ryan and whose twin Rob is the defensive coordinator of the Browns  is no doubt thata defensive mastermind, but then, so was the Jets’ last head coach. The initial returns were excellent for Ryan but as the season has progressed and the Jets have been exposed as frauds the real coaching begins. I know nothing about the politics of the republican candidate for New Jersey governor Chris Christie. I do know though that his name is silly and repetitive, his parents showed a complete lack of creativity and that doesn’t bode well for his future success in the gubernatorial race. Both these men feature quite the rotund body-type, athletes they are not, and both men look like they would be top contenders in a pie-eating contest. Doppelgangers they are!


8 Responses to “Doppelgangers!”


  1. 1 Jonesy Gail
    June 13, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Julian Tavarez

  2. 2 youppi
    August 18, 2008 at 11:24 am

    jackson/gammons is pretty great.

  3. 3 shatraw
    August 18, 2008 at 11:39 am

    the real question is, can andrew jackson play guitar like gammons?

  4. 4 southerner
    December 28, 2008 at 2:16 am

    Mike Holmgren and Andy Reid?

    I don’t know, but I was told that it’s essential to complete your doppelganger list.

  5. 5 Saint Dynamite
    July 1, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    LOVE the Rajon Rondo/Antz comparison.

  6. 6 shatraw
    October 13, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    chris carpenter and iron chef michael symon


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