Posts Tagged ‘Chicago Bulls


Jarrett Jack Ties the Bulls in Knots

Hey, I get that being down 27 points in the waning seconds of the third quarter doesn’t inspire a lot of intensity, but if you’re the Chicago Bulls at least PRETEND you’re trying hard. During Saturday’s matchup between the Raptors and Bulls Jarrett Jack held the ball as the final seconds of the third quarter counted off; unchallenged by the defense, he stood just past the half-line and waited. When no one came to play on him, Jack took care of some business, tying his shoes with the basketball just chilling in his arm. Luol Deng of the Bulls apparently just can’t be bothered.


Reporter Eats His Own Words — Literally, With Salsa

In the world of sports columnists you’re more likely to find them admit to wearing ladies panties before they’d admit they were ever wrong about sports. However, Chicago Tribune columnist Rick Morrissey did just that the other day at a Chicago Bulls practice.

Bringing with him a 3-year-old column he wrote and a jar of salsa, Morrissey literally ATE HIS WORDS. In the column, which he wrote following the Bulls selection of Joakim Noah in the 2007 NBA Draft, Morrissey said that if Noah became a useful player within 3 years he’d eat his words. Owning up to it, Morrissey arrived at the practice to do just that, fortunately, there were television cameras nearby to capture the moment. Mmmm, newsprint!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Not Qualified to Comment]


The Chicago Bulls Sing the Hits From the 80s

I know this is a joke ad from the Chicago Bulls but I would seriously consider purchasing this album of the Bulls players singing hits from the 80s. I really REALLY want to hear Brad Miller sing “Physical,” and while I dislike Joakim Noah on the court, but when he starts belting “Jessie’s Girl” I’m hooked.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I could also listen to that Derrick Rose, Tyrus Thomas version of “Ghostbusters” for the rest of my life.

[Not Qualified to Comment]


D-Wade Plays 1-on-5

Dwyane Wade over the weekend scored his 10,000 point in his NBA career, making him the 43rd player in league history to reach that plateau. He celebrated by taking on all 5 Chicago Bull s and making them look foolish.


The Brits Make Up Lies About the NBA

As a means to showcase the game to a worldwide audience, the Chicago Bulls squared off against the Utah Jazz in an exhibition game in London. For some reason the NBA didn’t seem to arrange for announcers who knew anything about the sport or its history.

For instance, the announcers insist (41 seconds in) that Larry Bird was only 5′ 11″, because why let facts, like how he was 6′ 9″ interfere with a stupid point? Or when they proclaim Jack Nicholson as a bandwagon fan (2:50), because apparently going to the games for about 40 years isn’t enough.

I guess because Britain is so old that’s simply not enough. Who hired these slags in the first place?


Carlos Boozer: Master of the Obvious

Carlos BoozerThis summer Carlos Boozer wanted out of Utah and onto the Chicago Bulls; his desire was not met. Instead he’s in London with the Jazz, set to play some exhibitions against the Bulls. In his 3 years on Duke’s campus — one of the finest higher education facilities in the country — clearly he didn’t soak in enough knowledge or he wouldn’t have let this quote fly regarding this summer’s inaction:

That’s over, though. That’s summertime. Stuff happens like that in the summer. Everybody’s moved forward. Everybody’s on the same team they were on except for guys that did get moved this summer.

I guess I can’t argue with that, I mean, factually he’s right, everyone who didn’t change teams is still on his original team, but then that’s like saying “Everyone in the NBA is better at basketball than a hippopotamus.” Yes, it’s true, but also so obvious it needn’t be said.

[Salt Lake Tribune]


Don’t Mess With James Johnson


James Johnson is now one of my favorite NBA players. Drafted #16 overall in this year’s draft, the sophomore from Wake Forest checks in at 6’8″ 235 pounds, making him quite the sturdy power forward. What makes him so exciting to me though starts with this video of him break-dancing while at the rookie photo shoot.

Pretty nice, nothing extraordinary but still dope. Then I found out that Johnson is from Wyoming and I’m more intrigued. Next I learn that he is one of 9 children, that his father Willie is a 6th-degree black belt who used to win karate tournaments under the nom de guerre Tuqik (pronounced Too-Quick). Pretty awesome! But wait, there’s more! Of the 9 children in the family 8 of them are black-belts (including James), with the sole exception his 10 year-old sister Kiandra who is merely a blue belt. Slacker. Add in that James’ mother, Vi, began street fighting as a leader of the Krook City Bloods before switching to tournament fighting, going as Vicious and winning 5 national titles and you have the makings of a totally bad-ass and fun family.

James doesn’t just do all his bruising on the basketball court though, he has a 20-0 record as a kickboxer where his fighting nickname is  “Little Ali” and when he was 18 he fought 31 year old Damond Clark in a MMA fight. That contest lasted all of 90 seconds with Johnson CRUSHING Clark.

Fellow Wake Forest alum and New Orleans Hornets superstar Chris Paul was giving Johnson some ribbing for his fighting telling him,

“I keep hearing about your fighting, but you’re way too big to be a fighter.” Johnson told Paul to stand still directly in front of him, and said, “I’m not going to kick you; I’m that good.” Then he did a roundhouse kick within inches of Paul’s face, causing Paul to step back and say, “O.K., I believe you.”

Basketball may be Johnson’s new career, but “I’m not done fighting,” Johnson said in an interview in 2006, “I think about fighting all the time.”

In the meantime, I’ve found me a new binky. Mental note, keep out of a bench-clearing brawl with the Bulls…

[The Sporting News and Cagewriter]


Want to Tell Everyone You Played With MJ?

613_1242759925If you’re going to pretend you used to be a former NBA player — all 5′ 9″ likes to do that — it is important to have the right information at your disposal. The key to any good lie is in the details; for instance, say you want to impress people by telling them that you’ve won, say, 3 NBA championships, well no one is going to believe you if you don’t have any proof. Well I got your proof right here!

Randy Brown, who averaged almost 4 points per game from 1995-1997 on the Chicago Bulls as they three-peated has now gone bankrupt and is forced to sell his championship rings. The rings’ gems have been appraised at $40,000 but the rings are being offered at auction for $19,000. Currently $5 million in debt, with only $1.5 million in assets, it looks like Randy Brown would greatly appreciate it if you would drastically overpay for his rings.

The rings are available at auction through


Continue reading ‘Want to Tell Everyone You Played With MJ?’


Chicago’s Dancers Are Super Sexy

NBA cheerleaders are generally pretty attractive, there are the classic dance teams with the Lakers, Knicks and Heat but the Chicago Bulls have taken their dance team to a whole new level of sexy. “I need to see the shirts come all the way up,” dance team choreagorapher Kim Tyler yells out at her charges during a rehearsal two hours before gametime, “Rub your stomachs! Over-exaggerate! Make this bigger!”

The only problem, this isn’t the choreographer for the Chicago Bulls Luvabulls women’s dance team, but the Chicago Bull Matadors, the all-male big man dance team. Featuring 10 men, who range in the 270-400 pound range, with 10 performances per year, the Matadors jiggle and shimmy their way through routines to songs like “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake. YES!

Of course, the Bulls are not the first to do this, the Mavericks were the first team to do so, and copycat teams have sprung up with 12 other teams now, as well as to baseball’s Florida Marlins. However, when I think Chicago, I think of large men stuffed with beer, bratwurst and heart attacks, so, this seems like the perfect fit.

In order to join the group all the men were required to sign a waiver and have a doctor sign off on their ability to dancing without, you know, dying, which seems like a pretty good idea. “The whole object of [being a Matador] is to be who you are and have fun,” said Al Cruz, a 5-foot-9-inch, 270-pound Chicago bus driver. “I’ve always been self-conscious about my weight. But I’ve learned to come to terms with my bigness. When we do pull up our shirts and show our lovely selves, it’s like saying, ‘It’s OK to be big.’ It’s like saying, ‘See me, love me.’ ”

The men, who earn a robust $30 and two tickets for each game they work aren’t in it for the money though, for most of them it is a chance just to enjoy the game and their bodies, after years of being teased for being so large. Then there are the pre-game activities…

“The men gathered in a small locker room littered with cans of Coke, half-eaten bags of popcorn puffs and an empty bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. They pulled on shirts the size of bedsheets, yanked striped socks over chunky calves and greased their stomachs with Vaseline–a way to emphasize their girth.”

Then, despite their miscues during rehearsal, once the Matadors got out on the floor to do their thing, they nailed it, every jiggle was hit, every shirt-raise was perfection and the crowd loved it. Seems like a pretty good way to get in free to the game. Now I just need to gain 200 more pounds and I’m golden!

[Chicago Tribune]


An Apple a Day Could Kill You

Superstud rookie Derrick Rose has jumped right into the NBA season, looking absolutely like a #1 overall pick SHOULD look, but sometimes there are reminders that he is only 20 years old. For example, he is unable to practice today because he required 10 stitches to close a gash on his arm. He wasn’t in a knife fight though or something badass — at least according to him — no, reportedly he rolled onto a knife that he had used to carve up an apple while in bed. Because I find it’s always best to leave loose blades in my bed. The ladies love the danger!

[Chicago Tribune]

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June 2023