Archive for January, 2009

30
Jan
09

This week featured some pretty awesome moments captured by cameras, and the Boston Globe features a bunch of them in an awesome hi-res gallery. Check out the full thing because the pictures are awesome and big and you’ll like them muchly.

[Boston Globe]

30
Jan
09

Sticks and Stones Will Break His Bones But…

Across the water in jolly England towne, Newcastle United’s Charles N’Zogbia has announced that he will never play for the team again as long as Joe Kinnear remains the club’s manager. It seems that during a post-match press conference Kinnear couldn’t remember N’Zogbia’s last name, calling him “insomnia” twice and then just referring to him as “Charlie.”

The actual quote from Kinnear goes, “Shay [Given] pulled out with a knee injury as did Insomnia . . . Insomnia . . . er, Charlie…” Pretty innocuous to me…

Being rational and reasonable, N’Zogbia issued a statement saying, “First of all, I wish to apologise to the fans for wanting to leave the club. However, having been insulted by Joe Kinnear, I will never play for him again while he remains Newcastle manager.” Sure, because you’re an adult and a well-paid professional athlete, so you should totally overreact about this.

Kinnear, in response said, “OK, I got a little tongue-tied — but if I had a pound for every time I’ve mispronounced a player’s name down the years, then I’d be a very wealthy man indeed.” Now, I agree with Kinnear, but at the same time, dude doesn’t even know the players on his team’s names? That’s low. Either that, or he’s trying to send a message to the pain-in-the-ass N’Zogbia who has been seeking a transfer, and who opposing fans nicknamed “Insomnia”…

[Times Online]

30
Jan
09

WBC To Not Resemble Baseball

In an attempt to ensure that the World Baseball Classic is truly irrelevant, Major League Baseball has decided to implement the completely non-sensical international extra-innings rules that were adopted before the Olympics.

If a game reaches the 13th inning, each half-inning will start with runners on first and second, although the batting order will remain the same. In the international version, the teams could choose what hitters they wanted to have at-bat to start the inning.

In order to make an even larger mockery of these games, MLB hasn’t decided whether the rules will be in place for the championship game, because having multiple sets of rules for the same games makes perfect sense.

Among the other non-real baseball rules being used include pitch limits. There will be a limit of 70 pitches per pitcher in the first round, 85 in the second, and 100 in the semifinals and final. This is lame, but I’d rather that than seeing my entire fantasy team getting screwed because Kris Benson threw 120 pitches. Also, Kris Benson is my key to victory this year.

[ESPN]

30
Jan
09

I Want to Be Where Fridge is

When it comes to William “Refrigerator” Perry I think we can all agree that if there is one thing he knows, it’s food. You may get that big by not having a discerning eye, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t know what good is. The quality of this commercial made me think this had to be fake, but then, lo and behold, they have a website and are real! That’s still no explanation for a commercial that looks to have been made on a playmobile computer, but hey, so it goes.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I love the advice to not drop it, thanks Fridge! Also, you should check out the recipes on their site, his burgers sound delicious!

30
Jan
09

Brazil Curls Their Way to the Top

When I think of Brazil I think of her to the left ,or this, but what I don’t think of is their prowess at the Winter Olympics. In fact, in the history of the Winter Olympics no South American country has EVER won a medal, but Brazil won’t let that hold them down as they attempt to field their first ever curling team.

For the upcoming 2009 World Championships all of the Americas are limited to two spots. Canada, as host and returning champion are guaranteed a spot and so, Brazil has challenged the US to a best of 5 match to determine the remaining slot.

The four men who comprise the Brazilian team have been training in Canada had never played the game before they showed up for lessons. Their first coach, Judy Cassidy was surprised when the men showed up at her door in 2006 for lessons, especially since they had little to no knowledge of the game. In fact, the four men had never even MET one another before showing up for training. The men, who knew each other only through internet message boards were in Canada, three of them pursuing Masters degrees and the other working as a graphic designer had seen a competition on television and decided the sport was for them.

“At the time we were looking for a winter sport because we were newcomers in Canada,” team captain Mello said. “We didn’t know about the rules, we became passionate, I would say addicted, for curling.”

3 years later and the Brazilians are challenging the Americans for the remaining spot today in sunny North Dakota although no one, including the Brazilians, expect them to beat the American team. Their own coach Cassidy said, “In light of the time they’ve been curling, they’re very good. But when you have somebody who’s been curling for a year against a team that’s very experienced, it’s going to show.”

For Mello, the outcome is not very important. “We are not really thinking much about that,” he said. “What we really want is to help introduce Brazil in the curling world.”

[IHT]

30
Jan
09

Cashing In on Immortality

Make one incredible catch in the playoffs and you’re a legend forever. Franco Harris, the man behind the “immaculate reception” had a productive Hall of Fame career, but it is that one catch in the playoff game against the Raiders that has led to sports immortality.

This wouldn’t be America if that immortality wasn’t used to sell some shit to you. So, to coincide with the Steelers return to the Super Bowl, Harris is releasing a line of furniture, called the “Immaculate Collection.”

The first piece in the collection is a “generously proportioned” chair designed by Helen Hoey, a highly renowned designer. The first run will be for 500 of the chairs, each numbered and autographed by Harris AND Hoey. Because getting a football Hall of Famer’s signature is one thing, but a furniture designer’s signature? THAT is valuable!

[Brand Freak]

29
Jan
09

Manny Gets a Two Year Offer!

The Worcester Tornadoes of the Can-Am Baseball league have officially offered Manny Ramirez a 2 year contract and are awaiting word from Scott Boras as to if Manny’ll accept it or not.

“I feel Manny would really enjoy playing in Worcester and hitting in our ballpark. Although I would be concerned about the cars traveling on I-290 during his at bats, it’s a risk worth taking,” said General Manager, Jorg Bassiacos.

Everything is in place for the Tornadoes to handle the circus that Manny attracts, manager Rich Gedman, a long-time major leaguer himself is well used to the media crush and should be helpful to Manny. Not only that, playing in Worcester would bring Manny back to the Massachusetts area so he can reunite with the fans he alienated when he forced his way off the Red Sox. The offer, 2 years for $24,000, is the highest offer possible with the salary-cap structure of the Can-Am league and would place Manny in the upper echelon of salaries with other veterans in the league.

I think this is the mystery team Boras always talks about!

[MLN Sports]

29
Jan
09

What Recession?

edgecarblogEdgerrin James missed out on winning a Super Bowl with the Colts, somehow, right after he left they won; so, to celebrate his being in the game this year, he went out and bought himself a new Lamborghini for his time in Tampa. Makes sense to me!

At first people around Tampa were saying that Edge just rented the car for the week, something he found laughable and ridiculous.

“Cash, straight out the door!” Edge told Darren Urban of AzCardinals.com.

If that weren’t classic enough Urban overheard James telling teammates “Hey, Urb wanted to know if I rented! I only rent tents and bouncehouses.”

I love bounce houses! Edge, call me next time you have a party!

[Fanster via AzCardinals.com]

29
Jan
09

Roger Clemens’ Balls of Fury

So everyone is harping on Joe Torre’s book and that Yankee players called Alex Rodriguez, A-Fraud to which I have only this to say, “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRING.” However, lost amid the hubbub was this bit of reporting that Tom Verducci, Torre’s co-writer, dug up about Roger Clemens.

It seems that Clemens’ had quite the pre-game ritual. For example, before game 2 of the 2000 World Series, Clemens would get into the hot tub at the hottest temperature possible, coming out looking like a lobster. Then it gets weird.

Then [Yankees trainer Steve] Donahue would rub the hottest possible liniment on his testicles.

“He’d start snorting like a bull,” the trainer said. “That’s when he was ready to pitch.”

Uh.

Um…

Roge, you made another man rub liniment on your balls before you pitched? No wonder he was so pumped for the game. It wasn’t steroids it was just his testicles being on fire!

I’m actually just impressed that the trainer was able to FIND Clemens’ tiny balls enough to rub ointment on them in the first place.

I have to imagine that the first time Clemens approached the trainer asking him to rub ben-gay on Clemens’ balls was quite the banner moment for that trainer…

[Fan IQ]

29
Jan
09

MMM…Bacon Wall…

This has been making the rounds today, and rightly so, because it is freaking awesome. I hope the Super Bowl festivities I attend at LEAST have something this extravagant. However, I feel confident that just looking at this gives you diabetes.

1-another-good-finished

I just hope the security people are paying attention, those Cheeto’s in the end zone look like they might start getting out of hand. And in case you were thinking of making this yourself, here’s the full list of ingredients:

Ingredients:
The Field:
1 Pound of Guacamole
15 Oz. Queso Dip For The Steelers End Zone
15 Oz. Salsa For The Cardinals End Zone
2 Oz. Sour Cream for the Field Lines
The Players:
15 Vienna Sausages
Helmets – 3 Oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese
The Goal Posts:
1 Slim Jim for Each Goal Post
1 Oz. Monterey Jack Cheddar To Anchor (each)
The Stands:
58 Twinkies
1 Pound of Bacon
1 Bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos
1 Bag of Cheetos
1 Bag of Corn Tortilla Chips
1 Bag of Chex Mix
The Blimp:
20 Oz. Football-Shaped Summer Sausage (optional) (on second thought, no, this isn’t optional. Go buy one.)
stadium-w-blimp
TOTAL CALORIES: 24,375
TOTAL GRAMS OF FAT: 1,285
TOTAL COST: $86.47
28
Jan
09

That’s Some Neat Footwork There

St. Louis fans are always complimented on being among the nicest fans in baseball, well-informed and passionate about their Cardinals they are also just good ol’ midwesterners and want to make sure you’re having a pleasant day. Unless of course you’re a Cubs fan. Even in January, with 2 weeks until pitchers and catchers report the fans passions remain inflamed, for example, here is a photo of the Cardinals’ stadium parking lot.

cubssuck

[St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

28
Jan
09

Heilman on the Move

So much for the thought of trying to be a starting pitcher, Aaron Heilman, for the second time this off-season got traded, this time from the Mariners to the Cubs. Unless the addition of Heilman is supposed to be for the larger rumored Jake Peavy trade, it looks like the dream of Heilman to become an unsuccessful crappy starting pitcher is dashed. Garrett Olson may be able to compete for a spot in the rotation with Seattle, but Heilman is definitely headed to the Chicago bullpen if he stays with the Cubs. Get ready Cubs fans for an infuriating, middling middle reliever who is prone to homers!

[ESPN]




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

January 2009
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  

Categories