Archive for the 'Mistakes' Category

11
Sep
09

Bears Can’t Count to 50

Normally the team’s logo goes in the MIDDLE of the field, but the Chicago Bears, ever the trendsetters, instead are caught here painting their logo on the 45 yard line instead. OOPS!

They don’t play at home this week, so presumably this will get fixed. You know, or not, I mean, this is the team that thought Rex Grossman was a starting quarterback in the NFL…

500x_bearsfield

[Deadspin]

15
Jun
09

I Keep Feeling Like We Forgot Something…

rengifoThe Peruvian soccer team traveled to Columbia over the weekend to play another game in the South American World Cup qualifying group. They lost 1-0 to the Columbians but that wasn’t all that they lost in Columbia. When the team arrived back in Lima they realized that they had left behind one of their players, Hernan Rengifo!

The team it turns out left Medellin and their hotel early, somehow forgetting to let Rengifo know. Oops!

“What happened with the team and the journey will remain on the consciences of the directors. They know their responsibilities,” Rengifo said. “The directors know what they did, they’re responsible for everyone in the team. Many things have happened in Peruvian football that it’s not surprising that unusual situations keep happening.”

Peru remains in last place for qualifying for the Cup.

[Sports Rubbish]

15
Jun
09

Who is this Sharon Lady on the Nats?

!BTs2w4!B2k~$(KGrHgoH-DUEjlLlzqhLBKJ0Rjg)Hw~~_1When you play for the Nationals you can’t expect much media attention; after all, who wants to cover a team that is so consistently miserable. So, for Shairon Martis, who currently leads the team in wins with 5, it isn’t super surprising that no one is paying attention to any of your actions. At least though, you can take solace in that moment, when for the first time as a professional baseball player you can see yourself memorialized on a baseball card. Shairon won’t ever have that proud moment thanks to a misprint from Topps where they write his name as “Sharon.” Nicely done Tooops. I mean Topps.

Even worse, a misprint card is usually worth a couple bucks, but since it is a Shairon Martis card, and he’s a Nat, and Topps made thousands upon thousands of these, it’s probably not worth more than a dollar. Sigh.

[Boston Globe]

02
Jun
09

The Worst Hat in America

It’s bad enough to go to a sports stadium like Fenway Park and see loads of pink hats fans — both literally and figuratively — around, but this latest hat offering from the Boston Red Sox is simply abysmal. I don’t care that this is being marketed for kids, it’s absolutely terrible.

Introducing, the one item that all of America has been clamoring for, a pink Red Sox hat that has scratch and sniff parts that smell like watermelon.

At last!

pMLB2-5240073dt

This is the worst.

[MLB via Boston Dirt Dogs]

11
May
09

They Always Destroy Those We Love Most

Sad news today; those pictures from the Panamanian cricket game that seemed too good to be true were just that. Careful investigation by The Rap Up has discovered that the initial doubts were justified, these photos were photoshopped. Why must the world conspire to take away the best among us? Here is the ORIGINAL photo prior to being altered; still nice, but not out of this world.

realSigh.

[The Rap Up]

26
Jun
08

Tim Wakefield Got a Lot Uglier

Tim Wakefield pitched a gem of a game last night, allowing 2 hits over seven shutout innings but his most impressive accomplishment was undergoing an intensive Face/Off operation immediately after leaving the game, changing identities with Randy Johnson during the 7th inning stretch. I’m going to assume it was done so that Wakefield could go undercover at the national Ugly Man competition while tracking some missing diamonds.

dsc01691

Wow, he really can do it all, first he was an infielder, than he became a very successful knuckleballer and now he’s also an international crime fighter. Awesome!

04
Jun
08

ESPN Gives Us the Wrong Answers

I love Peter Gammons, I grew up anxiously awaiting his Sunday baseball notes column in the Boston Globe and think he’s the best. When I read his latest blog post, he mentioned how few big leaguers had come from the various first round drafts in the 10 drafts from 1995 to 2004. Now I love all drafts and some of the numbers seemed really interesting and bizarre, so I went and checked them out. It turns out that a lot of Gammons’ numbers were wrong. Once more, I think Gammons is totally boss, therefore, I choose to believe the errors in his latest blog post entitled “Three Draft Questions, Answers” are the fault of someone else at ESPN. (The article is a part of ESPN insider, and if you aren’t a subscriber the stuff I’m referring to is right here and here.)

(Players in parentheses are currently not on MLB rosters but have played in the bigs at some point this or last season and remain on the 40 man rosters)

Gammons says: from the 1997 draft, just 8 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: 10 of the 28 first rounders are currently on big league teams. They are:

JD Drew, Troy Glaus, Jason Grilli, Vernon Wells, Michael Cuddyer, Jon Garland, Lance Berkman, Adam Kennedy, Jayson Werth and Jack Cust

Gammons says: from the 2001 draft, 12 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: 16 of 30 first rounders are on MLB teams, or if you want to not include the troika of Jeremy Sowers, Brad Hennesey and Macay McBride all of whom who have played in the majors but are currently in the minors, than the number would be 13, still different from Gammons’. They are:

Joe Mauer, Mark Prior, Gavin Floyd, Mark Texeira, John Van Benschoten, Chris Burke, Casey Kotchman, Gabe Gross, Aaron Heilman, Mike Fontenot, (Jeremy Sowers, Brad Hennesey, Macay Mcbride,) Bobby Crosby, Jeremy Bonderman, Noah Lowry

Gammons says: from the 2002 draft, 17 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: I have 18 first rounders on teams, but that is including Russ Adams who is not in the majors right now. However, since the numbers haven’t added up any other time not including guys not currently in the majors but who have played within the last year, I’m counting it. The big leaguers are:

BJ Upton, Adam Loewan, Zack Greinke, Prince Fielder, Jeff Francis, Jeremy Hermida, Joe Saunders, Khalil Greene, (Russ Adams,) Scott Kazmir, Nick Swisher, Cole Hamels, Royce Ring, James Loney, Jeremy Guthrie, Jeff Francoeur, Joe Blanton, Matt Cain

Gammons says: From the 2003 first round, 18 players are in the bigs

In actuality: I have 17 and this time without anyone currently not in the majors, although several players are on the DL. The players in the bigs are:

Delmon Young, Rickie Weeks, Nick Markakis, Paul Maholm, John Danks, Ian Stewart, Michael Aubrey, Lastings Milledge, Aaron Hill, Ryan Wagner, Brian Anderson, David Murphy, Conor Jackson, Chad Cordero, David Aardsma, Chad Billingsley, Daric Barton

Gammons says: The 2004 first round has yielded only 7 big leaguers thus far

In actuality: I have 9 big leaguers not counting the 5 once and future big leaguers currently toiling on minor league teams (Humber, Niemann, Sowers, Purcy and Fields). The big leaguers I have are:

Justin Verlander, (Philip Humber, Jeff Niemann, Jeremy Sowers,) Jered Weaver, Bill Bray, Billy Butler, Stephen Drew, (David Purcy, Josh Fields,) Glen Perkins, Phil Hughes, Taylor Tankersley, Blake DeWitt.

Again, I must say that I LOVE Peter Gammons, the highlight of one spring training trip was that he waved to us from about 50 feet away, and I was legitimately excited, like, for an extended period of time. Much more excited, in fact, than when Shea Hillenbrand signed a ball for me. So, therefore, I am blaming the copy editors over at ESPN.Com for putting the wrong information in the boxes. For shame ESPN and not Peter Gammons–who is infallible because he’s fantastic although sometimes he’s been wrong but not this time because it was ESPN and not Gammons’ fault because I love Gammons.

14
Apr
08

The Brave Groupies of Paintball

When I was in 8th grade, my two best friends and I decided we were going to start a paintball team. We had it all planned out, we were going to use violin cases for our custom-made paintball guns, we would arrive at tournaments in the back of a U-Haul truck and we would dominate. To go about this task, we needed money, especially since none of our parents would even consider buying us a paintball gun of our own. So to raise money we decided we’d leave change jars in some local businesses and we’d easily make enough. Unfortunately, everywhere we went they refused to let us put the jars up in their stores. Thus ended our paintball domination era.

It seems we got out too early. According to this Naughty American article paintball has hordes of groupies, and not just groupies, but slutty ones. My 8th grade self is punching himself in the junk repeatedly. Great, and now my junk really hurts. Dammit.

Some of the choicest bits of the article are from a professional paintballer who chose the eminently tasteful nom de guerre for this article of “Phil Holz.” Mr. Holz explains that when he lived near San Diego State University “Girls would flock to the house from the dorms and sororities because we were different. They must have thought, ‘These aren’t just a bunch of frat guys, they’re professional athletes.” Indeed. Professionals yes, athletes maybe, different? Well…if you mean skuzzy, then yes I suppose you’re right.

Continuing he explained that “we used the phrase ‘wear it’ to describe how these women wore their shame right alongside our semen. Ironically enough, many of them literally began wearing our T-shirts and clothes around campus. Wear it.” So, uh, that’s tasteful.

Maybe not quite as tasteful as Holz’ claim he once watched three teammates take a girl into a closet trying to start up a gang bang. “At first, she was hesitant, then Larry started asking her, ‘When are you ever going to get a chance to fuck three hot dudes like us again?’ She realized he was right, and got right to work.” And they say that the young have no work motivation! Here is a young woman getting down on her knees using some ol’ elbow grease to help America! (Warning, elbow grease is not a substitute for lube.) And how about that pickup line, what woman wouldn’t be helpless against it?

(More pictures, some NSFW after the jump)

Continue reading ‘The Brave Groupies of Paintball’

05
Apr
08

Things I Wouldn’t Do

If your name is Asdrubal Cabrera, and it is really easy to say incorrectly as “Ass-dribble” maybe wearing your pearl necklace to the plate is just compounding the issue. I mean, I’m just saying…

asdrubal




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

July 2020
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Categories