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04
Jan
10

So Long WordPress, It’s Been Real!

So this is it! Starting today (hopefully) our new site is LIVE! Our move to the Bloguin family of blogs has been finalized and alas, our days on WordPress are over. I’ve enjoyed my time here, but there comes a point where all boys have to become men, and today is the Slanch Report’s bar mitzvah.

Don’t shed any tears though, our new site has an incredibly sick new design, plenty of fun exciting features and is going to revolutionize the way we blog, and the way everyone else does too.

Please check your bookmarks and update them if need be, the site’s address will remain Slanchreport.com, and these archives will remain, in perpetuity for your perusal, they are also available through the new site as well, so check it out.

A lot of exciting changes are going to be happening for the Slanch Report starting now, so jump on board as we take this little blog and turn it into domination. Viva the Slanch Report!

01
Jan
10

Fenway Park: Robot in Disguise

In honor of today’s Winter Classic, and because I like time-lapse stuff, here is some time-lapse video of the Winter Classic at Fenway Park ice rink being set up. Viva 2010!

31
Dec
09

A Titan-Sized Alien Hunter Doppelganger

Since being drafted in 2008, Chris Johnson has been kicking ass and taking names in the NFL without giving quarter. The slippery and super fast Johnson is a menace to defenses everywhere, he is always a threat to break any run and go the distance, in any other year, Johnson’s quest for 2,000 yards would put him directly in line for the MVP trophy. In the Predator movies, the eponymous alien has come to earth in search of trophies himself, hunting trophies that is, of the people he hunts. Interestingly, Kevin Peter Hall who played the Predator was 7′ 2″ and prior to filming Predator had just finished up shooting on Harry and the Hendersons. All I know is that faced with either of these guys chasing you there isn’t much chance of making it out alive.

Make sure you VOTE in the poll below and then make your way over to the permanent Doppelgangers page to bask in the glory of all the previous doppelgangers we’ve assembled.

31
Dec
09

HawksFiend Shows that Fan IS Short for Fanatic

The Seahawks have been in Seattle since 1976, in that time there hasn’t been much to cheer for, until the 2005 season that is when they went to, and lost, the Super Bowl. Bryan Murphy was just another anonymous fan at that point, but ever one to go nuts on a bandwagon, he decided to go all out in his “fanaticism.”

First off was a stop at the local tattoo parlor where he had his left leg from the knee down decorated to honor the 2005 Super Bowl team. The idea came after Murphy had seen an Oakland Raiders fan similar style ink. “There’s no way I’m going to let a Raiders guy have a better tattoo,” Murphy said to himself and away he went.

At the end of the session, the tattoo artist turned to Murphy and said, “Man, you are a fiend for the Seahawks.” The words stayed with Murphy so he did what any other rational person would do; he went to a Halloween costume store, found a mask with two horns which he then painted blue and green. Then he bought some shoulder pads, Freddy Kruegger-style gloves and went on Craigslist where he bought the rights to someone else’s season tickets. HawkFiend was born.

Good thing he didn’t go overboard.

Now Murphy is the president of the Sea Hawkers booster club but it is his alter ego that gets all the publicity. “HawkFiend is the crazed fan,” says Murphy, “HawkFiend’s job is to be there at Qwest with the other 67,000 people and help the team.”

When the Seahawks aren’t playing Murphy is just a normal husband, father of three girls who works at a Costco, but on Sundays everything changes and HawkFiend takes over. He has also added a giant right leg tattoo where the Seahawks are presented as beasts of the NFC West, with the HawkFiend in the middle. Of course, since the team hasn’t done anything SINCE the 2005 season, I wonder if HawkFiend is the jinx…

Don’t worry though, if the Seahawks ever DO get good again, Murphy has a plan on how to “appropriately” honor the team, “I have my whole back for that,” HawkFiend says.

[Seattle Times]

31
Dec
09

Johnny-5 is Alive (and Can’t Stick the Landing)

I don’t have a lot of an idea about why this video was made, but anytime we can celebrate the athletic achievements of our future robot overlords I’m game.

I’d just like to remind our future masters that bloggers can be very helpful in spreading the robot message and so I should be spared in the first wave.

[Gizmodo]

31
Dec
09

2 Minutes for Slashing (the Ref’s Throat)

Being a hockey referee isn’t easy, especially in the Junior C levels in Woodstock, Ontario; you have to imagine the pay isn’t particularly good and then there are the fights.

When the New Hamburg Firebirds took on the Woodstock Renegades in a recent game Kevin Brown, the 25-year-old linesman was wading in to stop a fight between two players when they fell to the ice. Unluckily for Brown, when the players fell to the ice one of them fell with his skates up in the air which then caught Brown under the chinstrap. Yikes!

Ever the pro, Brown continued trying to stop the fight but quickly realized he was seriously cut. He then skated over to the Firebird’s bench and got off the ice.

“I saw the skate go up and (Brown) grabbed his neck right away,” fellow linesman Bruce Byers told the QMI news agency afterwards. “You knew he was leaking. I told the guys on the ice, ‘It’s done.'”

[TSN]

31
Dec
09

John Wall Shows Off His Inner Freestyle Walker

John Wall is the likely #1 pick in this year’s NBA draft, but for the meantime he is forced to ply his trade for the pittance that the boosters at Kentucky secretly pay him.

Despite all that, on the court, Wall is all business, and boy, does he have some skills. For example, while playing the Hartford Hawks on Tuesday Wall makes a hell of a steal and then goes for an inverse stall on the press table into a 180 jump back onto the court. Sign this man up for the X Games!




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