Archive for the 'Doppelgangers' Category

31
Dec
09

A Titan-Sized Alien Hunter Doppelganger

Since being drafted in 2008, Chris Johnson has been kicking ass and taking names in the NFL without giving quarter. The slippery and super fast Johnson is a menace to defenses everywhere, he is always a threat to break any run and go the distance, in any other year, Johnson’s quest for 2,000 yards would put him directly in line for the MVP trophy. In the Predator movies, the eponymous alien has come to earth in search of trophies himself, hunting trophies that is, of the people he hunts. Interestingly, Kevin Peter Hall who played the Predator was 7′ 2″ and prior to filming Predator had just finished up shooting on Harry and the Hendersons. All I know is that faced with either of these guys chasing you there isn’t much chance of making it out alive.

Make sure you VOTE in the poll below and then make your way over to the permanent Doppelgangers page to bask in the glory of all the previous doppelgangers we’ve assembled.

24
Nov
09

House Calls Out the Mike Tomlin Resemblance

My second favorite actor to play Willie Mays Hays, Omar Epps, has forged a lucrative acting career for himself, with his work on Fox’ hit House really taking off. It has long been noticed that Epps and Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin share quite the resemblance. They’re such obvious doppelgangers that I don’t even have them on my list, it’d be like putting identical twins up there. This week on House, the eponymous character even brought it up.

Awesome.

[With Leather]

03
Nov
09

An Election Day Doppelganger

It’s election day and here in New York City we are on the verge of the third term of Lord Mike Bloomberg’s reign; meanwhile in New Jersey, the competitive flame burns bright. While the Jets are supposedly from New York, they play and practice in New Jersey, there first-year head coach Rex Ryan has raised eyebrows with his over sized eagerness to appeal to the J-E-T-S fans. The husky Ryan, son of famed football coach Buddy Ryan and whose twin Rob is the defensive coordinator of the Browns  is no doubt thata defensive mastermind, but then, so was the Jets’ last head coach. The initial returns were excellent for Ryan but as the season has progressed and the Jets have been exposed as frauds the real coaching begins. I know nothing about the politics of the republican candidate for New Jersey governor Chris Christie. I do know though that his name is silly and repetitive, his parents showed a complete lack of creativity and that doesn’t bode well for his future success in the gubernatorial race. Both these men feature quite the rotund body-type, athletes they are not, and both men look like they would be top contenders in a pie-eating contest. Doppelgangers they are!

Please make sure you VOTE in the poll below and then visit the permanent doppelgangers page to enjoy all the pairings we’ve discovered.

RyanChristie

29
Oct
09

The Next Iron Ace Doppelganger!

Please make sure to VOTE in the poll below as well as visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to see the many other fabulous doppelgangers we have assembled.

Chris Carpenter was mediocre in his career in Toronto, but when he came to St. Louis he put it all together winning one Cy Young (and possibly another one this year.) While he has had some injury problems the last few years, Carpenter has been flat-out dominating when he’s been on the mound and, with Adam Wainwright, provides possibly the best 1-2 punch in baseball. Michael Symon is a professional chef who has been credited with saving the restaurant scene in downtown Cleveland, very impressive, I think opening a Quiznos might have the same affect. Symon also won the Food Network’s The Next Iron Chef contest, and has been on a number of other FN shows. Self-describing his food as “meat-centric,” Symon has contributed items to the menu at Cavaliers games, has opened 5 restaurants (4 of which are still open) and has consistently been honored by various food magazines, organizations and restaurant groups for his skill.

Loyal reader Shatraw spotted this one a while ago and has patiently awaited its arrival on the Slanch Report, honor him, and us, by VOTING in the poll below.

CarpenterSymon

27
Oct
09

A Yankee Killer Doppelganger

It’s been far far too long since we’ve had a doppelganger up, and in honor of game 1 of the World Series tonight we have a doozy for you.  Please make sure to VOTE in the poll below as well as visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to see the many other fabulous doppelgangers we have assembled.

When he was hired by the New York Yankees to be their manager, Joe Girardi took the uniform number “27” to show that he was being brought in to win championship #27 for the franchise. With calls for his head after last year’s disappointing non-playoffs finish, Girardi has somewhat redeemed himself by getting to the World Series this year. Then again, he completely mismanages his bullpen, makes decisions that seemingly make no sense and doesn’t always deal with the press in the best manner. Exactly what you want from the manager of the highest paid team in the history of baseball. Despite lacking opposable thumbs, in Jurassic Park the velociraptors prove to be the most deadly killing machines in the park. Sure, T-Rex has all the size, but look at those puny arms, the raptors meanwhile hunt in packs, communicate with one another and can jump and run like they’re in the Olympics. Basically, if it’s you or them, they’re going to win. You don’t mess with the raptors or they’ll cut you in half, here’s hoping the Phillies can likewise eviscerate the Yanks in this series.

Don’t forget to VOTE BELOW only YOU can make sure this doppelganger makes its way to the permanent page!

GirardiRaptor

09
Sep
09

Probably the Handsomest Doppelganger Yet

When not signing obsenity-laden memorabilia for children or starting spring training fights, occasionally — very occasionally — Shelley Duncan gets called up to the majors for a few meaningless at-bats with the Yankees. A marginal talent who can hit fastballs and little else, Shelley is also the son of famed pitching coach Dave Duncan and brother to the equally medium-talented Chris Duncan. Star of the cult classic The Toxic Avenger, Toxie is forced to build a home in a junkyard while fighting crime in his neighborhood. His calling card was leaving a mop on his victims’ faces, which, if you think about it, is really gross. Reader Saint Dynamite‘s little bro, minizeges, sent this along so VOTE in the poll below to send it to the permanent doppelgangers page.

DuncanToxicAvenger

02
Sep
09

A Dumbo-Ear Sized Doppelganger

Appointed by his fellow owners to be Commissioner of Baseball, Bud Selig, America’s most successful used car salesman, has seen baseball’s revenues soar, attendance rise and has presided over an entire era of tainted numbers that he still has yet to apologize for. Had Selig stood stronger or done ANYTHING, we might not look back at the last 15-20 years of baseball as filled with cheaters. Of course, he needed the home run hitters to be prolific to cover up the mess that was the lockout and canceling of the World Series in 1994…Stephen Hawking is considered by many to be the smartest man in the world, quite the lofty position. When not figuring out complicated theoretical physics problems, Hawking is macking it on the ladies. After he and his first wife split up, he married his nurse, who happened to be the former wife of the man who created his first talking computer. Talk about SMOOTH! My man Hawking has got GAME! I say these two are near dead-ringers for doppelgangers, right down to the abnormally large ears.

Make sure to VOTE in the poll below and then to visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to enjoy the many others we’ve assembled.

SeligHawking

28
Aug
09

We’re All Better Off with Doppelgangers

The Texas Rangers have progressed greatly this season, propelling themselves right into the thick of the wild-card race. At the beginning of the season and last year there were rumors that manager Ron Washington’s job was on the rocks. With the team’s success this season though, it looks like he’ll receive a well-deserved stay of execution. Malcolm Barrett plays Lem on the ABC sitcom Better off Ted, a show that I have never heard of and never seen. In fact, I have never knew Barrett existed until loyal doppelganger spotter the sister pointed this one out to me the other day. I buy it. Do you?

Please vote in the poll below to let this doppelganger venture into the magical land that is the permanent doppelganger page.

 

WashingtonBarrett

28
Aug
09

A Moob Filled Doppelganger

When Bill Parcells arrived in New England to take the reins of the Patriots the entire culture changed. He brought with him a history of success and demolished the culture of losing that had defined the Patriots ad nauseam. He also brought over a surly defensive coordinator with a propensity for grey sweatshirts who has become probably the greatest coach in NFL history. Having been in comedy for years, but with limited national success, Lenny Clark is one of the most naturally funny people in the business. He also once in the 80s while doing stand-up in Cambridge, MA stole a city bus and drove around making the stops on a dare. Beyond the moobs that both men share, they also share a distinctive facial resemblance too.

Agree or not, vote in the poll below to express yourself and as ever check out the complete doppelganger warehouse gathered on the permanent page.

ParcellsClark

22
Jul
09

I Am Jack’s Throbbing Doppelganger

After being the choice of many for the Cy Young award last season, instead, Justin Verlander suffered through the worst of his young career. He has bounced back in spectacular fashion this season though and remains the only bright spot on my otherwise miserable fantasy baseball pitching staff. One of the best actors of his generation, Ed Norton has avoided the pitfalls of over-saturation for the time being and has had the fortune of being in some incredible movies. Of course, he’s also incredible, so it goes both ways. Verlander and Norton go only one way, to the PERMANENT doppelgangers page! (We hope! Vote in the poll below!)

VerlanderNorton

h/t to Saint Dynamite for the tip!

22
Jul
09

You Know What I Like About Doppelgangers?

Tim Lincecum has dominated baseball the last 2.5 years, unfortunately, he plays his games for the San Francisco Giants who have zero offense. Despite that he won the first of his Cy Youngs and is on his way to earning several more. The pint-sized ace wears his hair long and doesn’t take any guff from the older kids. In 1993, Wiley Wiggins — who incidentally looks like this now — played young Mitch Kramer in Dazed and Confused; the young future freshman phenom pitcher who narrowly escapes the evil clutches of Ben Affleck. I have zero doubt in my mind that, at some point this season, Randy Johnson has chased Lincecum around the clubhouse with a paddle. I also have little doubt that Lincecum has dumped paint onto Bengie Molina from a hotel balcony.

As ever, please vote in the poll below and visit the permanent Doppelgangers page by going HERE.

LincecumMitch

07
Jul
09

Doppelgangers Can Solve Global Warming

Alex Loeb is an anchor at ESPN but because of a logjam of anchors has been relegated to doing recaps of baseball games for ESPN.com. He’s not bad when he’s on, but don’t get too used to it, after all, America would be so deprived without our Chris Berman viewings…Rahm Emanuel is one of the most powerful people in the world, serving as Chief of Staff to President Obama. Emanuel, who once trained to become a professional ballet dancer is also known for his wild temper and filthy mouth. He also served as the inspiration for Bradley Whitford’s character, Josh Lyman on The West Wing, which interestingly enough means the Emanuel family has served as the inspiration for 2 popular characters on big-time TV shows (Rahm’s brother Ari is who Jeremy Piven’s Ari Gold is based off on Entourage.) Most importantly, these two men look alike, are we sure Loeb isn’t a lost Emanuel brother?

LoebEmanuel

Producer of 5 straight 40+ HR seasons, Adam Dunn swings a big bat in the middle of the Washington Nationals lineup. He manages some of the biggest moonshots in the league thanks to his big frame and quick bat, although he also manages to strike out over 100 times a season. Once considered a future cornerstone of the Reds franchise, Dunn has subsequently been traded to the D-Backs last season and this year toils as one of the few bright spots on the mediocrity known as the Nationals. Hilarious on SNL, initially hilarious in his early non-Roxbury movies, Will Ferrell has entertained millions of people with his one-note characters. Still able to draw a crowd even though he’s essentially made the same m0vie 4-5 times in a row now, it’s a shame because he really is a funny guy, he just stopped trying. Hopefully Ferrell doesn’t go the “legitimate” actor route and start doing heavy dramas to show his acting “chops.” More importantly, these two men, as pointed out by Saint Dynamite share quite the resemblance.

DunnFerrell




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