The Slanch Report

Last night’s Mets/Dodgers scrum on ESPN was a semi-interesting game, with the Mets showing some signs of life and making a giant leap from where they were last Sunday when rumors swirled that Willie Randolph was about to be axed. During the 6th inning though there were several interesting things of note that came onto the screen, and being a helpful little beaver, I’ve documented them for you.

First, the broadcast showed Kent Desormeaux, the jockey for Big Brown, notice the woman with him.

There is something about her that is slightly off. I think it’s her Sarah Jessica Parker look, and of course we all know that SJP has that horshish look to her. Remember?

All of which means that Kent Desormeaux, a tinyish gentleman who rides equines for a living seems to bring his work home to the bedroom. I hope this is not an isolated incident though. In my dreams all jockeys date horse-like women. Also before every race they all sing Oompah-Loompa songs together.

Then, I looked over Jose Reyes’ shoulder while he stood at the plate and noticed someone in the crowd who looked awfully familiar.

That’sbecause I’m 100% convinced it was one of my favorite “that guy” actors. That would be Michael O’Neill, professional priest/cop/secret service agent actor. What’s that? Not familiar with O’Neill’s work? Well, then try this.

It’s either the either the exact same guy or his brother. Regardless, I want to know how he got such sweet tickets on top of the dugout.

Finally, there is the actual game. Sortof. That’s because, it being Sunday Night Baseball we are extremely lucky to be given the chance to get wonderful knowledge and insight from the inestimable Joe Morgan. This time it seems Joe has a THRILLING story to tell about Tom Seaver, irregardless of what is going on in the game, and he absolutely must tell the whole thing.

This turns into a 3 MINUTE story about how Joe Morgan is friends with Tom Seaver and got free wine. Great. Thank you so much for sharing, Joe. Meanwhile, Hong-Chih Kuo makes a Spiderman-like leap to make a nice play on a comebacker up the middle, and instead of seeing a replay we are treated to a shot of two fat old men sitting in a booth together.

Now obviously, much has been written about the quality of Joe Morgan as an announcer. One of my favorite websites exists essentially just for that: FireJoeMorgan.com. That said, 3 minutes of an uninteresting and unrelated Tom Seaver story? Why? For god’s sake WHY?!? ESPN couldn’t find ANYONE with ANYTHING else to say besides Cat Eyes Morgan? There have to be better options!

All in all, it was a strange inning TV-wise, although exciting to be there and witness so many interesting things at once. Most of which ESPN passed over completely. Fortunately, I’m there to stop the careening car and make sure you see it all.