The Slanch Report

At the beginning of the fantasy baseball season, as we do every year, the Slanch Report issued our predictions for the upcoming season. Some were prescient, most were not. While we accurately predicted the 2nd and 5th place finishers, everything else was wrong. Pronouncements about players were regularly mistaken and we proved one thing only; we’re an idiot in fantasy baseball.

At least this year. Next year it’s ON! So, if you’re at all interested in what happened in our league this year, please join us below for nearly 5000 words of fantasy baseball goodness. And please check out our predictions if only to see how laughably wrong they were.

In reverse order of finish:

After soaring to first place last season (after 3 straight years of finishing in 10th or lower), team manager Shanks plummeted back to earth, ending up in last once more. It’s beginning to seem like last year was an outlier Brady Anderson-type season, rather than a sign of greatness to come. Perhaps Shanks needs to get back on the steroids train?

Much as it did for the 2009 Mets, losing Jose Reyes really crippled this team, without him the speed attack never developed; no player finished with more than 11 SBs for Swish Summer Tour ’09. While Derrek Lee had an INCREDIBLE year, and provided insane value as a 10th round selection, the season ended with NO players scoring 100 runs and only 2 (Derrek Lee and Carlos Lee) driving in 100 or more. Miserable. Ryan Ludwick surprised by following up last season’s heroics with a solid campaign and Nick Swisher rebounded from last season’s mediocrity to provide 29 HRs out of the 25th round in the draft. Other than that, the offense failed to deliver, ultimately a grand total of 18 points in 5 categories simply won’t get it done.

Besides dominating performances from his closers, (getting him 11 points in saves) the rest of the pitching staff failed to excite or perform. Ubaldo Jimenez had a phenomenal season, but only earned 13 wins on this team, Cole Hamels and Scott Kazmir, my two biggest concerns on this staff both failed to turn in stellar seasons and were both injured for long stretches. The gamble on Erik Bedard was a worthy one, but it never worked out. Only 4 pitchers scored 10 wins or more for this team, and at the end of the season Swish Summer Tour ’09 had 181 innings remaining, just flat-out leaving possible points on the board. When your best pitchers are all relievers it’s probably been a long season, and it was.

Sure, Phish reunited and toured, taking Shanks away for weeks at a time, but his poor management this season led him to tender his resignation. It was refused, even if appropriate. Let’s hope next season he is able to return to his past glory, rather than his return to the bottom becoming habit once more. Had some more attention been paid to his team, and some trades of his excess saves this team might have contended for the 8-11 scrum, instead of finishing well behind. Oh well.

Offensive MVP: Derrek Lee

Pitching MVP: Huston Street

Team LVP: Jose Reyes

Best Value Draft Pick: Derrek Lee (1oth), Ubaldo Jimenez (21st), Nick Swisher (25th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: Trevor Cahill

Biggest Draft Bust: Cole Hamels (4th)

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 3rd

Actual Finish: 12th (41 points)

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It was a fierce scrum at the end of the season with 7 points separating 11th from 8th place. The last month was well-fought and there were drastic point swings for each of the bottom-rung teams. At one point 8th place seemed in-hand for the Slanch Report’s own No Sleep til WestBrook but, due to a lack of available pitching innings and continual mismanaging, we lost any opportunity at respectability. However, considering that most of the season was spent in the cellar, and at times WAY in the cellar, and that we at one point had a grand total of 26 points, rising up to the 40s is a legit accomplishment. Our strategy to load up on offense wasn’t necessary a poor one, our player evaluation though was incredibly poor. Garrett Atkins was a complete and utter bust, Aramis Ramirez was dope when he wasn’t hurt, but he missed about 60 games in the middle of the season and Stephen Drew never matched last season’s success. Lance Berkman struggled early on before getting hurt and Brandon Phillips was efficient but never stellar. Thanks to two trades, we replaced Berkman with Miguel Cabrera and Phillips with Brian Roberts adding power and speed that out-produced our original players. It wasn’t close to enough though. All season long steals were a big-time problem, that is until the timely pickup of Rajai Davis which led to 23 steals in a mere 223 ABs and proved extremely clutch. Otherwise, this club just disappointed all around, besides our favorite binky Justin Upton and Ryan Braun, EVERYONE failed to live up to expectations.

After seemingly missing out on many of the top aces, we made a big-time gamble on Justin Verlander returning to form. He paid off HUGE, tossing out 19 wins and leading the league in strikeouts. Of course, some smart draft moves could have netted a staff headlined by Jon Lester, Verlander, Greinke, Wainwright and Carpenter. Obviously, I’m a fucking moron and so had nothing like that. Something went wrong with Derek Lowe this season, he must have stopped drinking, because he totally sucked this season. Of course, that didn’t stop us from running him out nearly every start. Ugh. The closer situation, tenuous at best to start the season got worse and led to us having to punt the category, while value was attained through the trade, (getting Cliff Lee) it was too little far far too late. Pickups like Scott Feldman and Barry Zito contributed some valuable innings and wins, Joel Pineiro picked up two wins before being a key cog in a failed trade for Johan Santana. Combined, Pineiro and Andy Pettite contributed 12 wins AFTER leaving our team, because you know, that wouldn’t be useful as compared to the 2 wins in 36 innings that Johan “contributed” instead. I just threw up in my lap.

When it comes down to it, this team was doomed from the start; the opportunity was there but every time there was a great late-round person available we grabbed someone who would instead be absolutely miserable instead. Well-done idiot.

Offensive MVP: Ryan Braun

Pitching MVP: Justin Verlander

Team LVP: Garrett Atkins

Best Value Draft Pick: Justin Verlander (9th), Justin Upton (10th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: Barry Zito, Rajai Davis, Carlos Gonzalez

Biggest Draft Bust: Stephen Drew (6th), Garrett Atkins (7th)

Best Team Name: Joe Vs. Robinson Cano

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 7th

Actual Finish: 11th (47.5 points)

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Team manager Dubie suffered from his own hubris and some bad luck too this season. He ignored drafting offense and paid for it. However, he cemented his reputation as a wheeler-dealer with some moves mid-season that paid huge dividends. Spinning Johan Santana and Brian Roberts for Joel Pineiro, Andy Pettite and Brandon Phillips was a move that was roundly panned when it happened but ended up greatly benefiting team 1.21 Igawatts. Pineiro and Pettite combined for 12 wins, the main category he was gunning for, while Johan soon after went on the DL for the season. It was an excellent example of looking past the name of a player and instead just paying attention to the stats. Alas, Dubie’s plan to trade for HRs went miserably. First round pick Josh Hamilton was hurt nearly all season and never performed close to expectations, Matt Kemp led the offense with 26 HRs (and 34 SBs, he’s a BEAST) but only 3 other players totaled 19 or more HRs. While stolen bases were a strength, the rest of the offense was pathetic, a grand total of 17 points in 5 categories. Yuk.

Always a sucker for arms, 1.21 Igawatts but even with his over-drafting of pitching the pitching also proved anemic. Traded in mid-July, Johan Santana ended up as the winningest pitcher on the staff with 11 wins, no one else had more than 8 for the season. Other than dominant performances from Mariano Rivera and Joe Nathan, this entire pitching staff was poor, providing saves and strikeouts and little else across the board. While Carlos Marmol ended up having some value at the end of the year, he was a disastrous top 10-rounds pick.

Once again, Dubie proved his mettle as a trader, pulling off 5 deals in total. While his aim to acquire more HRs was well-intentioned, none of the acquired players produced enough to bring him even within sniffing distance of second-to-last. However, besides Soriano shitting the bed, it would be fair to say that Dubie at least broke even in all his deals.

Offensive MVP: Matt Kemp

Pitching MVP: Joe Nathan

Team LVP: Josh Hamilton, Alfonso Soriano

Best Value Draft Pick: Jorge Posada (21st)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: Marco Scutaro, Juan Rivera

Biggest Draft Bust: Johan Santana (2nd)

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 12th

Actual Finish: 10th (50.5 points)

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Loyal commenter the roomate‘s entry, The Thole 9 Bards emerged from the huddling masses of mediocrity to finish in 9th place, barely. A team anchored by Albert Pujols never stands alone; alas the rest of the offense was miserable, with only David Ortiz going above 21 HRs. Shin-Soo Choo had a phenomenal season and was a great find, Jay Bruce when healthy also produced some reasonable numbers. Nearly singlehandedly, Carl Crawford kept this team in the middle of the pack in steals. Despite not having any crazy years from anyone besides Pujols, The Thole 9 Bards managed to stay in the middle of nearly all the offensive stats, neither excelling nor embarrassing itself.

For the second year running, the pitching staff fell apart early and was forced to be cobbled together with a series of retreads, waiver pickups and duct tape. Expected ace Roy Oswalt was anything but, putting together a highly disappointing 8 win season, sure the peripherals were decent, but the wins and lack of innings were a crushing blow. At draft time what looked to be a deep staff with Chris Young, Ricky Nolasco, Joe Saunders, David Price and Armando Gallaraga proved anything but, attrition through injury and suckitude befell this staff. Through constant moves, and reaching the 50 moves limit by September, a wide variety of scrubs, has-beens, could-bes and so-sos pitched in to the cause, contributing a few wins each here and there. It was enough to lead the league in wins, and finish the season at EXACTLY 1600 IP, the league limit. The intentional ignoring of closers during the draft led to The Thole 9 Bards having to completely punt the category well before the All Star break. All told, he finished the year with a grand total of 14 saves. Yikes.

Offensive MVP: Albert Pujols

Pitching MVP: John Lackey

Team LVP: Roy Oswalt

Best Value Draft Pick: Shin-Soo Choo (17th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: Jorge de la Rosa

Biggest Draft Bust: Chris Davis (7th)

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 4th

Actual Finish: 9th (51 points)

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Dibbes’ team, Cloach Slap, briefly soared near the top of the middle of the pack, but was never able to get truly over the hump. Trades that might have benefited the team never became fully realized and the one deal that was pulled off proved to be inconsequential. With Mark Teixeira, Evan Longoria and Adam Dunn straight up CRUSHING the ball, you’d think this team would have done better in homers. Instead it finished second-to-last in the category thanks to a lack of production from the rest of the lineup. Besides Ichiro, there never really was another speed threat, and Ichiro managed only 26 steals this season for Dibbes. I guess it’s impressive that while they didn’t do anything else offensively, the team did manage to hit a collective .279, good enough for second. Despite all those hits, Cloach Slap couldn’t buy a run or an RBI, or maybe he could have, but that’s another story.

While Carlos Zambrano sucked, and Aaron Harang totally blew, there were some nice surprises on this pitching staff. Felix Hernandez FINALLY took that long-awaited huge step forward and straight up DOMINATED, he was a work-horse. Extremely late-round pick Wandy Rodriguez tossed out ace-like numbers for a good part of the season and pickup JP Howell managed to score 7 wins in addition to his 16 saves. Otherwise, this pitching staff failed to excite, sure, Francisco Cordero was his normal strong self, and AJ Burnett had, for the most part, a solid year with plenty of strikeouts, but a high WHIP led to a drastic loss of points and the other stats weren’t enough to compensate.

As has been his wont every season, Dibbes made very little use of the waiver wire or the trade route, essentially sticking with the team he drafted throughout the season, not an awful idea, but if you’re going to do that y0u need to draft stellar, that didn’t happen. Had some moves been made to shake things up and try and make drastic changes, this team might easily have battled for the 5-7 slots. So it goes.

Offensive MVP: Mark Teixeira

Pitching MVP: Felix Hernandez

Team LVP: Aaron Harang

Best Value Draft Pick: Wandy Rodriguez (23rd)

Biggest Draft Bust: Carlos Zambrano (9th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: JP Howell

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 11th

Actual Finish: 8th (54 points)

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Commenter youppi‘s entry, Eye of the Hawkins had an up and down year, at times seeming on the verge of contention but ultimately it just couldn’t (as predicted by me) hang with the big boys. With Prince Fielder more than living up to expectations and Kendry Morales just EXPLODED onto the scene, it wasn’t the offense that held this team back. Scoring runs in bunches this team was quite an offensive force. Trading for Andrew McCutcheon immediately after he was called up turned out to be a prescient move, with him producing huge numbers despite only getting called up in June. While no one player headlined in steals, having seven players with 11 or more steals certainly helps and helped place this team in a strong position.

Brandon Webb was supposed to headline this staff, he mustered 4 IP; and besides Yovani Gallardo — who had a phenomenal season — and Mike Pelfrey — ugh — no one managed 10 wins on this team. Plenty of waiver pickups filled in for a start or 7, but none of them particularly excelled. One waiver pickup that reaped HUGE dividends though was Ryan Franklin, picked up in the first week of the season and ending the year with 38 saves and 4 wins. As well, youppi somehow managed to trade Clayton Kershaw before his mid-summer swoon, while acquiring a newly-resurgent Trevor Hoffman, and then REACQUIRED Kershaw right before the started putting everything back together. A straight-up fleece job that I roundly panned at the time, I was wrong. Ultimately as easy as the runs came on the offense, they came just as easy to youppi’s pitching, leading to far too few wins. Forced into too many spot-starts, the ERA and WHIP both suffered greatly and helped to doom this team.

Offensive MVP: Prince Fielder

Pitching MVP: Ryan Franklin

Team LVP: Grady Sizemore, Brandon Webb

Best Value Draft Pick: Kendry Morales (21st)

Biggest Draft Bust: Grady Sizemore (1st), Brandon Webb (3rd), Carlos Delgado (9th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: Ryan Franklin

Best Team Name for the Season: Brad ComPenny

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 8th

Actual Finish: 7th (66 points)

Total Number of Youppi-related names:  1  (Predicted: 4)

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Featuring some of the worst, longest-lasting team names in the league, Eick’s 4 and 20 Blackburns squad had a decent season and were awfully close to contention up until the last few weeks of the season. For once Eick’s Nationals fandom worked out with Ryan Zimmerman having his most impressive offensive season and finally showcasing the power that was expected out of him; who would have ever predicted that he would not only lead David Wright in homers but CRUSH him in that category? Jayson Werth put up stunning numbers, becoming along the way one of the most valuable players this season, something Eick made sure to remind people of constantly. Meanwhile his other big gamble, Nelson Cruz proved that Eick’s faith in him was well-founded, toss in the shrewd pickup of Ben Zobrist early on in the season en route to a phenomenal OPS season with 20+ HRs and this offense performed as a whole almost completely beyond expectations. Sure, Alfonso Soriano and Geovany Soto sucked big-time, but managing to ditch Soriano before he completely sunk the team helped 4 and 20 Blackburns immeasurably. Well balanced with steals, runs, RBIs and with a number of players flat-out CRUSHING it, offense was never much of a concern.

As strong as the offense was, the desperate need for saves ultimately doomed this team. Ever the dealer, Eick made sure to pick up every middle reliever that might ever come near a save, missing out 0n actual closers like Ryan Franklin and David Aardsma, but he did manage to score Leo Nunez. Because of his desperation for saves, Eick ended up making one of the worst trades of the season; trading me Cliff Lee and Miguel Cabrera in exchange for Kevin Gregg (who soon after lost his job), Jose Valverde and an injured Lance Berkman. Cabrera continued to rake, Lee started out DOMINATING the NL and the acquired closers produced a grand total of 16 saves over 2 1/2 months. With Tiny Tim Lincecum heading the pitching rotation, followed closely by Chris Carpenter this staff had the makings of domination. Trades for James Shields and Cliff Lee were shrewd, but spinning Lee off so quickly hurt the long-term benefits and Shield simply didn’t enough games in to make a strong enough impact. Besides Lincecum and Carpenter the only pitcher on this staff to manage over 10 wins was Cubs rookie Randy Wells. Because of his constant trolling for saves on the waiver wire, a large number of Eick’s moves were wasted on players like the Joe Beimels and Grant Balfour’s of the league. Is it possible that had he stayed pat and instead of futilely trying to acquire saves and instead just focused on his starting rotation, it’s possible that Eick might have finished in the money. He didn’t do that though, and didn’t finish in the money.

Offensive MVP: Jayson Werth

Pitching MVP: Tim Lincecum

Team LVP: Geovany Soto

Best Value Draft Pick: Chris Carpenter (14th)

Biggest Draft Bust: Alexei Ramirez (4th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup:  Matt Thornton, Ben Zobrist

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 9th

Actual Finish: 6th (71 points)

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Despite a seeming inability to drive anyone IN, Zegen’s team offensively put up some excellent overall numbers. Adrian Gonzalez had no protection, no one on base in front of him and yet  still managed to put up 40 HRs and 99 RBIs. Meanwhile Hanley Ramirez had the second best season in the NL behind Pujols and the late-round selection of Pablo Sandoval paid huge dividends, and ultimately led to acquiring Mariano Rivera through a trade. With Hanley, Michael Bourn and waiver wire pickup Nyjer Morgan running wild on the bases, stolen bases were never an issue for team The Stubbstitute 2, a welcome relief after last season’s sheer desperation for every possible steal.

CC Sabathia did everything expected from him, and Jon Lester continued his maturation to becoming one of the best pitchers in the game. With those two horses at the top of the staff nearly all the categories were guaranteed to be strong. Adding in another stellar season from Jonathan Papelbon, Matt Capps being surprisingly solid and while not a strength, saves weren’t this team’s downfall either. Ultimately there isn’t much to say, shrewd moves on the waiver wire led to a number of successful pickups on both sides of the ball and this team was well managed throughout the season, this team didn’t have the horses to take the lead, but did everything it possibly could.

Offensive MVP: Adrian Gonzalez, Hanley Ramirez

Pitching MVP: Jon Lester

Team LVP: Edinson Volquez

Best Value Draft Pick: Edwin Jackson (27th), Pablo Sandoval (14th)

Biggest Draft Bust: Matt Wieters (11th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup:  Russell Branyan, Nyjer Morgan

Best Team Name for the Season: Michael Jake Fox

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 5th

Actual Finish: 5th (75 points)

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Last season commenter Garnold‘s team blew it in the closing weeks of the season, dropping from first to 7th. This season was similar, staying in second for almost the entire year and then, thanks in no small part to running out of moves by mid-August, fell to his final position of 4th. With 3 30+ HR hitters, including late round superstar Adam Lind mashing the ball keying this offense, there were more than enough stats to go around. Tons of runs, tons of RBIs, the only weak offensive category was in SBs but that’s just sometimes how the cookie crumbles. Thanks to Lind, the lack of contributions from Magglio Ordonez and Corey Hart were offset. Unfortunately, the reason UltraMeekend 2 ran out of moves was the constant wasting of waiver pickups on scrubs that couldn’t play, and several of whom never even made it into the starting lineup for this team. Smarter choices in pickups might have been the difference to getting the one or three players that might have made a difference down the stretch and led this team to finishing in the money.

Without a true ace, Jered Weaver led the team in wins, the pitching staff was forced to have everyone do their part towards the team’s success. While it wasn’t the best staff in the league, Ted Lilly and Scott Baker provided decent depth and the numerous pickups contributed in some wins and strikeouts as well. Relying almost solely on Brian Fuentes’ high save totals led to a solid position in saves and was a decent source of easy points. All told, this team is kind of baffling in its success. Besides Chase Utley there really weren’t any superstars, but each man on the team did what was expected from him and UltraMeekend 2 proved the old adage that what matters most is the sum of the parts.

Offensive MVP: Chase Utley

Pitching MVP: Jered Weaver

Team LVP: Magglio Ordonez

Best Value Draft Pick: Adam Lind (25th)

Biggest Draft Bust: Carlos Beltran (2nd), Corey Hart (5th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup:  Brandon Inge

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 1st

Actual Finish: 4th (77.5 points)

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At the outset of the season I didn’t like Mattraw’s team, Chacin Amy, too many questions, too many miscues in the draft I thought and too few high-quality players I thought would doom this team. Boy was I wrong. Alex Rodriguez missed a ton of time and came back and had, what for any other player would be a career year, but for him was merely ho-hum. Considering that besides A-Rod, the other top-5 picks (Jimmy Rollins, BJ Upton, Nate McClouth and Chipper Jones) all performed below expectations and ability, you’d think this team would have had no chance. However, getting Ian Stewart to step up, strong production from waiver pickup Billy Butler and a huge leap forward from Adam Jones led to this team’s strong finishing position. At the close of business, Chacin Amy ended up the season with arguably the second-best offense in the league.

Led by Josh Beckett, who alternatively looked like the best pitcher in baseball and then the worst and a truly dominant Javier Vazquez, this pitching staff was excellent. Sure, the wins and saves weren’t there as much as you’d like, but when are at the top of the league in ERA and WHIP those stats usually will come, they didn’t this year, which is just unlucky, not a reflection on this team or its manager. One of the other stars was Jonathan Broxton who contributed 7 wins, 36 saves and a ridiculous 114 strikeouts in a mere 76 innings. That’s ridiculously awesome!

Offensive MVP: Alex Rodriguez

Pitching MVP: Javier Vazquez

Team LVP: Delmon Young

Best Value Draft Pick: Adam Jones (14th)

Biggest Draft Bust: Nate McClouth (4th), Chipper Jones (5th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: Billy Butler

Best Team Name for the Season: America’s Got Tallet

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 10th

Actual Finish: 3rd (79 points)

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From top to bottom league commissioner and loyal commenter Myummer‘s entry, PleaseComeBackLuke featured dominant performances. On the offensive side, picking an offensive MVP wasn’t easy, Ryan Howard put up 45 HRs with a surprising .282 average, Troy Tulowitzki showed last year’s poor performance was a fluke, Ian Kinsler went 30-30, Jason Kubel finally showed why Peter Gammons drools over him all the time, Garrett Jones hit 15 HRs in 236 ABs and then there is the likely AL MVP Joe Mauer. Simply an incredible collection of offensive firepower. Unfortunately, Kinsler and Alex Rios played a big part in lowering the collective batting average of the team, the biggest weakness offensively, taking away valuable points that might have led to a victory. Regardless, contributions big and small came from all over with this offense, steals, homers, RBIs and runs were never a problem, this group was very well-balanced and went a long way to helping Myummers place.

It’s extremely rare in a league as deep as this one to see someone have 2 legitimate Cy Young threats, Myummers had 3! Roy Halladay was the ace at the top of the staff in terms of draft position but Zack Greinke and Adam Wainwright actually had BETTER seasons. However, all three were simply phenomenal and the prime reason this team led in strikeouts and ERA and was near the top in wins and WHIP. Combined, the three super-aces had 662 strikeouts, nearly 45 % of the team’s TOTAL! That’s insane and insanely good. I panned the selection of Joakim Soria at the draft, and while he did pitch highly efficiently, the value never added up. That said, Heath Bell put up a huge save number and grabbing David Aardsma early on led to 36 free saves off the waiver wire, nothing to sneeze at. Yes, Johnny Cueto didn’t pan out very well, Oliver Perez was purely miserable and there were a number of other scrubby spot-starter types that played a part on this team. Thanks to the Huge-3 though any other contributions were just gravy.

Offensive MVP: Ryan Howard

Pitching MVP: Zach Greinke

Team LVP: Chris B. Young

Best Value Draft Pick: Zach Greinke (10th), Adam Wainwright (12th)

Biggest Draft Bust: Alex Rios (5th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: David Aardsma, Garrett Jones

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 2nd

Actual Finish: 2nd (82 points)

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I roundly and vocally berated Shatraw for ignoring his MI situation during the draft and ending up with a second baseman who I didn’t think would ever come back from injury. A robust 103-36-108 line later I think I can safely say that I was a huge, gigantic ignoramus regarding Aaron Hill. I should know better than to doubt Shatraw who has made a habit of getting insane career years from players en route to victory. This year’s win makes it 4 in 5 years, and a high mountain for the rest of us to climb. At various points dominating the shit out of everyone, Shatraw’s team, RollerKuosterofLove once led by nearly 20 points, even in mid-summer! The league caught up with him somewhat and had there been another week of the season it’s actually very possible he might have slipped to second. If you told Shatraw at the beginning of the season that he would get a grand total of 10 HRs out of David Wright he would have been very concerned. Instead, riding the surging seasons of Hill and Mark Reynolds’ career year along with Andre Ethier taking a huge step forward, Michael Cuddyer actually producing and the ever solid campaigns from Victor Martinez and Jason Bay it led to just ANOTHER victory for Shatraw. Having Jacoby Ellsbury’s 70 steals essentially drove this team to the stolen base title, some decent contributions from other players, subtract Ellsbury and this team drops from first in steals to second to LAST. That’s nuts to get 11 points of production out of just one player. NUTS! When you consider that Manny Ramirez never performed as expected and Wright’s power slide this team could have been even BETTER! Thank god it wasn’t.

For the first half of the season, Shatraw’s pitching was simply unbeatable. Matt Cain, Josh Johnson, Chad Billingsley and Dan Haren were all just straight up manhandling the National League. As mid-summer came around Billingsley suffered a prodigious dip in production and Cain saw some struggles too; fortunately Johnson stepped his game up and Dan Haren remained strong throughout. Grabbing Andrew Bailey off the waivers meant a free 26 saves that proved very helpful considering Matt Lindstrom’s disappointing season and otherwise would have left RollerKuosterofLove with just one legit closer. While saves were never a strength on this team, the offensive explosion enabled some room to maneuver.

With his victory this year, Shatraw proved his dominance in this league, right now we’re all looking up at his hairy visage desperate to find a way to topple him. I suggest next year he be forced to draft after drinking an entire bottle of Jameson in order to give the rest of us a chance. The prevailing theme in all of his wins has been some truly impressive draft selections, proving that you win the league through your late-round selections and hitting it big. A truly well-managed spectacular campaign.

Offensive MVP: Aaron Hill, Mark Reynolds

Pitching MVP: Dan Haren

Team LVP: Jack Cust

Best Value Draft Pick: Aaron Hill (19th), Mark Reynolds (16th)

Biggest Draft Bust: Jhonny Peralta (8th)

Best Waiver Wire Pickup: Michael Cuddyer and Andrew Bailey

Best Team Name for the Season: Guns of Broxton

2009 Slanch Report Predicted Finish: 6th

Actual Finish: 1st  (86 points)