Archive for the 'Olympics' Category


Beelzebub is Going for the Gold Once More

I sure wouldn’t want to have to square off against him in a face-off…



Shawn Johnson Backflips Over a Bobsled

America’s favorite pint-sized taco popper, gymnast Shawn Johnson is participating in an advertising campaign for Crunch bars along with speed skater Apolo Ohno where they challenge each other to athletic feats. Of course, this being a commercial I think it’s clear that this is totally fake, but hey, how often do you get to see a gymnast FAKE backflip over a bobsled while it careens down the track?


Hottie Swimmer is On the Market — Waiting for Me

Back during the Beijing Olympics, I fell for Australian swimming sensation Stephanie Rice, and I know that if she were to meet me she’d feel the same way. She must have sensed that because, since the Olympics and her breakup with a fellow swimmer she has been linked to several men but according to her, none of the rumors are true.

“Everyone’s always ‘Steph, you need a boyfriend’ and I’m like ‘I know, but apparently I have four’. Believe me, one would be just perfect,” she said.

Stephanie also added that while she’s busy with training and being in the public eye, that isn’t stopping her from looking for a gentleman friend. “I can definitely fit it in, that’s not my problem and I’m not making that an excuse,” but it’s not always easy knowing people’s motivation. “It’s hard to tell if people like the idea of (a relationship with Stephanie Rice) or if they really like you,” she said.

Well, Stephanie, despite having never met you, I can say that I’m in it for YOU and not your fame. Sure, you have worldwide fame, gold medals, sponsorship deals and seemingly you have it all, but without the proper life-companion, it’s all useless. Let’s take this journey through life together, let’s meet up, say halfway, how about we meet in LA?

Call me!

Also, can someone buy me a plane ticket to LA?

And the rest of you, stay away!

[Courier Mail]


This is Exactly Why I Don’t Work Out

Chilean Olympic weightlifter Elizabeth Poblete had quite the surprise during her training the other day. While practicing lifts, she unexpectedly gave birth to a baby boy!

Earlier in the week, Poblete had said she felt unwell but she was “shocked” to find out in fact that she was pregnant. The boy, born 3 months premature is in intensive care. Poblete was also in the hospital but has since left, she told Brazilian television that she doesn’t have the money to pay for medical care for her son and herself but the hospital denies that they discharged her because she couldn’t pay her bill.

At the 2008 Olympics Poblete finished 12th in the 69-75kg category.

[The Guardian]


US Curling Has Their Own Brand of Condoms — FINALLY!

With most Winter Olympics sports far below the radar of the general population, the various sporting organizations sometimes have to go to creative lengths to try and procure adequate funding, case in point, the US Curling team are selling their own specially branded condoms.

Called the “Hurry Hard condoms”, after a phrase that curlers constantly yell out to one another the idea came about when the team was trying to figure out ways to raise some cash for their team and someone joked about a hurry hard condom. Eventually everyone came around on the idea and the idea was fully germinated.

Proceeds for the condoms will be split between USA Curling and Central Coast HIV/AIDS Services with primary team sponsor Kodiak contributing some money into the fabrication of the special love coats.

“The platform that USA Curling can leverage is the Olympic exposure and excitement around the Olympics,” said Rick Patzke, USA Curling’s chief operating officer. “I’m sure it’ll bring more fodder for talk shows and things like that. But it will bring attention to the central message, which is safety and education and awareness for safer sex and HIV prevention.”



Who’s Not Honoring Stephen Now? Speed Skater Shani Davis!

American speedskater Shani Davis apparently doesn’t appreciate when people take his otherwise rarely noticed sport and provide it with television coverage and, most importantly, pay for all his training costs. Davis told reporters Thursday that he’s not a fan of Stephen Colbert who rallied his legions of fans to contribute and support the US Speed Skating team so that they are able to participate in the upcoming Olympics.

“He’s a jerk,” Shani Davis said after being asked for his take on the comedian’s criticism of Canadians. “You can put that in the paper.”

Davis has trained in Calgary in the past and has also had multiple run-ins with the US Speed skating authorities.

Presumably the comments that irritated Davis include when Colbert referred to the lack of ice-time for the US team on the Vancouver ice: “Those syrup-suckers won’t let us practice at their Olympic venues. At the Salt Lake Games, we let the Canadian luge team take 100 practice runs.”

Colbert isn’t alone in noticing the lack of ice time.

“It’s the Olympics, the point of the Olympics is to bring the whole world together and by doing that they’re kind of separating themselves off from the world,” said rising U.S. star Trevor Marsicano. “… It’s the way it is. I’m not going to complain about it.”

Unlike Davis though, Marsicano appreciates the largess of Colbert and his audience, recognizing that without their help the team would have little chance of success.

“He’s a good thing for U.S. Speedskating,” Marsicano said.



Screw Like a Champion

olympic-condom-ringsThe Beijing Olympics were legendary for the amount of sex the athletes were having, the organizers distributed over 100,000 condoms to the athletes, very few of which remained. Those unlucky few that did, about 5,000, were bought up by a collector who is now going to sell them off at the equivalent of about $.13 apiece.

Each condom wrapper includes the motto of the Beijing Games, “Faster, Higher, Stronger” in English and Chinese

Unfortunately, you have to buy the entire lot, you can’t purchase the condoms individually at the Exceptional Auction of China Sport Collection to be held on the 29th of November.



Who Wants to Go Luging With Me?

The Winter Olympics are fast approaching and unlike the Summer Olympics, many of the events are just not available to the average person — anyone can just run, not everyone can bobsled. So the folks at the Muskegon Winter Sports Complex in Muskegon, Michigan have opened up a luge course to the general public. I want in. I really really want in. If this ad doesn’t make you excited for that possibility, check your pulse, you may already be dead.

[Muskegon Winter Sports Complex]


World’s Fastest Man Adopts Cheetah, Looks to Dominate Neighborhood Block Parties

Usain Bolt - Cheetah cubNot content with just being the world’s fastest man, Usain Bolt has adopted a pet that makes sure IT is faster than the rest of his neighbors’ animals, a cheetah.

In an effort to help save the endangered cheetahs, Bolt formally adopted a three-month-old cub to which he gave one of his own monikers to, naming it Lightning Bolt.

The cub will cost Bolt $3,000 a year after he paid an initial $13,700 so that it can live in an animal orphanage in Nairobi.

At first reluctant of the fully grown cheetahs, Bolt was very comfortable holding and feeding Lightning Bolt from a bottle.

While Bolt’s top speed is around 25 MPH, Lightning Bolt should be able to reach 65 MPH at least, with some cheetahs going even faster. All this means now that Usain and Lightning Bolt should be kept out of the neighborhood owner/pet race.



Colbert Steps Up For Speed Skating

colbertIf you missed last night’s Colbert Report, you missed out on the news that Stephen Colbert is using his well-documented power as a leader to rally his audience for the US Olympic Speed Skating team. Facing a dire budget situation after their Dutch sponsor, DSB Bank NV went bankrupt. With the games only a few months away, the speed skating team, which has historically been one of the highest medal-yielding sports for the Americans in the games, faced a $300,000 deficit for its athletes.

On his show last night, Colbert announced that the Colbert Nation will be sponsoring the team and called on his viewers to contribute to the cause. Colbert has also previously asked his viewers to contribute to The Yellow Ribbon Fund, a charity aiding former armed service members and their families to great success and hopes that his sizable audience will follow his urging once more, promising victory for the Americans.

“On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, ‘Colbert Nation,'” Colbert said in an interview before Monday’s show. “Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place.”

U.S. Speedskating executive director Robert Crowley came onto the Report last night and acknowledged it was a “definitely unconventional arrangement,” but one that should proved beneficial.

“We’re highly optimistic that the country is going to get behind this and get behind the Colbert Nation and support this amazing team,” Crowley said. “I don’t have any idea if it’s going to make $5 or $500,000. I couldn’t tell you.”

I think it’s safe to say that speed skaters will be liberally used on the Report in the next few months which is a win for us all. Although, Colbert admitted there are certain drawbacks about sponsoring a Winter Olympics team:

“It still tragically involves a lot of Canadians. It’s kind of unseemly how many Canadians I’m going to have to be dealing with.”

[ABC News] and to contribute [Colbert Nation]


Winter Olympics to Finally Feature More Swordplay

kirpanNormally swords are a bit out of place at the Winter Olympics — although I would pay good money to see the curling teams duke it out on the ice — but at the Vancouver games the Integrated Security Unit announced that Sikhs who are participating in the games will be allowed to wear kirpans — a ceremonial sword considered a sacred religious symbol — around the venues.

Anyone wearing a kirpan will be required to inform security before entering any of the venues, providing they follow these stipulations.

  • All articles — including unshorn hair, turban, comb, steel bracelet, kirpan and soldier’s shorts — of faith must be worn.
  • The maximum total length of the kirpan, including the sheath, may not exceed 19 centimetres with a blade of not more than 10 centimetres and a handle of five centimetres or less.
  • The kirpan must be worn in keeping with Sikh traditions, including being secured into its sheath, attached to a fabric belt and worn across the torso.
  • The kirpan must be worn under clothing and not easily accessible.

If any of the conditions aren’t met security can refuse admission. The change was brought about because a study conducted by the security officials found that there are very few incidents where a kirpan was used as a weapon.

[Calgary Herald]


Planning on Winning a Gold Medal in Vancouver?

Vancouver MedalsWith the Vancouver Olympics fast approaching, the Vancouver Organizing Committee released today some images of the medals that the winners will be receiving. Inspired by Canada’s ocean waves, drifting snow and mountain landscapes, the medals also feature aboriginal art and no two will be alike. Weighing between 500 and 576 grams, they are the heaviest in Olympic history.

The Committee is also working on special wool cases for the medals to allow easier transport for the athletes as in the past they have complained that the boxes they are given are unwieldy and make traveling with medals difficult. Many athletes had resorted to just carrying them in empty socks. Of course, the medals haven’t been made of all gold since the 1912 Stockholm games (which I remember as a CRAZY orgiastic party), today’s are in fact sterling silver covered with a thin coat (approx. 6 grams) of gold.


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May 2023