Posts Tagged ‘College Football

20
Oct
08

So, Does the Ref Get a Bud Lite Now?

I’d have watched the LSU/South Carolina game this weekend, but college sports are fucking stupid, so, you know, I didn’t. However, by missing the game I missed this tackle of SC QB Stephen Garcia by one of the game’s refs. It’s about time the zebras started fighting back.

[Fan IQ]

29
Aug
08

Finally College Football is Back!

Oh wait, did I say finally? I meant who gives a crap. When will people get it that college sports are inherently lame. Inherently boring, inherently crappy. Tell me, why do I want to watch a bunch of kids who are going to become insurance salesman play a game when I could watch professionals instead. What is the fun in that? Ever notice how in every sport when the college kids turn pro they all talk about the how the game speeds up, how the players are better and the competition harder? That’s because the pro players and the pro game ARE BETTER. So why bother watching Appalachian State play Akron? Who gives a flying fuck. The only excuse you ever have to watch college sports is if you went to the school that is playing the game. I’ll allow college loyalty, otherwise, you’re a tool. If you didn’t go to Michigan but you watch all their football games, please head to the nearest doctor or dentist office and sterilize yourself at the X-ray machine for the betterment of our society.

College sports are the most useless possible thing. So stop showing them on ESPN, stop talking about them in the newspapers and stop pretending like they are even good games, they aren’t! The reason they use those spread offenses and run-and-gun is because the defenses are terrible, the QBs suck and the only way anyone can do anything is to huck it up there and pray. I would rather watch EVERY SINGLE Arizona Cardinals game, or suffer through a season only watching the Dolphins play because even they are better than the best of the college teams.

God, I HATE college sports!

14
Aug
08

The Trojans Have Itchy Balls

What in the world is going on over at USC, the Trojans are becoming more and more of questionable program. First there was the video of Pete Carroll and hundreds of shirtless teenagers and now the team is besieged by a devastating ailment, jock itch! I didn’t realize that Paris Hilton was back dating Trojans, I always figured after Leinart she would have moved on, especially since their name is a condom brand and condoms are her kryptonite…

According to the kicker, David Buehler, over 25% of the team is currently afflicted with the terrible infirmity. But what does the kicker know, I buy that he spends a lot of his time thinking about his teammates crotches, but, I don’t buy that they actually talk to him enough for him to come up with such a number.

Receiver Travon Patterson was sufficiently “under the weather” that he was forced to the sidelines during practice announced “It burns” as he left the field. Yeah, maybe she should stop boning all those dirty USC girls and just stick with the ones WITHOUT visible outbreaks… Or maybe that’s just the code I live by, I’m not a college football player after all…

The issue, which Pete Carroll refers to as “chafing” is that “We’ve had to adjust to some new equipment that we’re wearing that didn’t work out right,” he said. “It’s funny how that happened.” I bet the players are laughing their ASSES off about it right now.

Well, even if they aren’t I can.




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

July 2019
M T W T F S S
« Jan    
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  

Categories