Archive for August 28th, 2008


Dystopian Doppelganger

I like Amanda Beard just fine, most of the time I think she’s pretty hot and sure, there is that whole, she’s a totally fast swimmer thing (notwithstanding her performance at the Beijing Olympics.) But there are times when she doesn’t look her best and in those moments she has a very similar look to that hero of Detroit, the rescuer of the city, RoboCop. So check out this possible doppelganger, vote in the poll below and then check out the rest of the doppelgangers we have assembled here.



SNL Taps Personality Challenged Athlete for Season Opener

Michael Phelps, star of awkward television interviews throughout the Olympics, not to mention the INCREDIBLY awkward London segment of the Beijing closing ceremonies has been chosen to host the 34th season opener of Saturday Night Live. I can see the desire on SNL’s part, after all, Phelps is an incredible global phenomena right now and his presence should guarantee a nice audience from him alone. That said, he’s never shown, in any of his interviews, any sort of humorous abilities, or really much of a personality, so the SNL writers are going to have quite the journey ahead of them. I hope against hope that he decides to regrow this amazing facial hair for the show.

However, I am also incredibly distraught at the news that Phelps and my dream swimmer, Australian Stephanie Rice, who won 3 gold medals of her own, hooked up at the Olympics. The story came out while I was out in the woods and so I only just saw it today. Sure he’s a great swimmer and everything, but I thought she and I were going to have something really special. We still can, but it won’t ever be the same…

Also, one more reason to watch the SNL premier will be the debut of one of the funniest and nicest people I have ever known, SNL’s newest cast member and fellow improviser, Bobby Moynihan.

For some of the best athlete hosted sketches on SNL ever, check out this link from Fan IQ.


Red Sox Nation Eagerly Welcomes Kotsay

Despite hitting a double in his first at-bat with the Red Sox, I would say Red Sox nation is at most ambivalent to the recent arrival of Mark Kotsay. However, those of us who follow baseball closely ARE excited for one major aspect of the addition of Kotsay to the team, that would be the addition of Jamie Kotsay to the Red Sox family. Welcome Jamie! For those of you who are unfamiliar with Jamie, let us explain why we are so excited (she’s the one on the left):

Then there is this photo that launched her into the dreams of many:

Jamie, who works as a model when she isn’t participating in team wife baseball games, is a very very welcome addition to the Red Sox and hopefully Theo will sign her to a very long-term deal. Mark on the other hand…

Anyway welcome to the city Jamie, welcome to the Olde Towne Team and, by all means, feel free to leave your husband for any of the one bloggers on this site.

(Oh, and for anyone wondering, in any group shot Jamie is always on the left side of the photo, I guess that’s her good side, although I haven’t found a side I dislike yet…)


Novak Djokovic Must Be Stopped

Bronze-medal winning tennis player Novak Djokovic appears to have been the real big winner at the Olympics this year. Sure, bronze is nice, but the real prize that Djokovic seems to have won was sitting in the stands cheering him on yesterday at the US Open. That would be the delectable Leryn Franco whom we have already seen to be an incredible classy smokeshow. According to Page 6 in the NY Post the two are an item now, or at least hooking up, and “she was sitting in the stands at Ashe Stadium yesterday cheering as Djokovic beat France’s Arnaud Clement in straight sets.”

I simply don’t understand why she isn’t into me, I mean, I did plaster her picture across the internet and get thousands of men to objectify her. Isn’t that enough? I give and I give and I give. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME LERYN?!!!?


Joe Torre Loves to Screw With Relievers

Tanyon Sturtze, who previously was abused by Joe Torre’s bullpen mismanaging in New York was informed by his manager Wednesday afternoon that he was being designated for assignment. As he sat by his then-former locker, packing his things and saying goodbye to teammates, Torre came back up to Sturtze a few minutes later and informed him that they were NOT releasing him at that moment. When reporters asked Torre for Sturtze’s reaction, Torre responded saying, “He’s not OK.” Gee, you think?We’ve seen Torre be completely inept at the handling of a modern bullpen, (I’m still convinced that Scott Proctor must have nailed Torre’s wife or something for the sheer amount of abuse that Torre heaps on his arm) but usually he only is unable to manage them on the field, now it turns out he is inept in the locker room as well.

Sure, Sturtze is a scrub and has only appeared in 3 games this season for the Dodgers, but he is also a 12 year veteran and no one deserves to be treated like that. Torre’s justification? “He knew [when he was called up two weeks ago] it was on a temporary basis.” In the meantime, Cory Wade, for whom Sturtze’s roster spot was to be used is still unready to come off the DL and so Sturtze, for the moment, remains a Dodger. I’d say when Sturtze eventually does get released that anything less than the complete trashing and possibly setting on fire of Torre’s office is a missed opportunity.

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

August 2008