Archive for August 15th, 2008

15
Aug
08

Breaststroking Doppelganger

Rebecca Soni won the 200 meter breaststroke yesterday, keeping the gold in the American family after Athens winner Amanda Beard was unable to get out of the prelims. Kristen Schall is a hilarious comedian, known from her turn as Mel on Flight of the Conchords and her work as a Daily Show correspondent. Together, they are one. Of course, for all the other doppelgangers make sure you visit the doppelganger page, here, and please vote in the poll below so we can determine if Ms. Soni and Ms. Schall can move on to the illustrious doppelganger page.

sonischall

15
Aug
08

Two Important Slanch Report Items

First, next week I will be off in the woods of upstate NY, fortunately though, there is wireless! So, I will be posting but it is likely not be done until the evening as opposed to the morning, so please keep checking back as there WILL be new updates every day, they just may take a little while.

Second, we’ve added a brand new page to our site, honoring the Hot Olympians that we are highlighting. Now, you can go to the page, by clicking that link, the box at the top of the screen or the link in the “pages” widget on the right side of the screen and see all these exquisite specimens of athletic prowess.

Enjoy!

15
Aug
08

Everyone Must Get Estoned

Jana Kolukanova, 27, swims for the Estonia swim team in the Olympics, although she also attended and swam for Auburn University here in the good ol’ US of A where she was a psychology major, when she’s not doing either of those things she remains incredibly hot. That is TRUE athleticism. So, continuing our Hot Olympic Athlete Of The Day progress, enjoy some of the finer moments with Ms. Jana Kolukanova, who enjoys swimming, thinking about me, and pining for our future together.

15
Aug
08

The Chinese Show Their Sportsmanship

52 minutes into their soccer match, Chinese athletics took a sharp nosedive from respectability when Tan Wangsong kicked Belgian soccer player Sebastien Pocognoli directly into the nuts. Apparently Pocognoli’s wang wasn’t enough of a chanteuse for the Chinese and thus this necessary step had to be taken. Wangsong’s was the first of two Chinese red cards in the game, in which they eventually lost, the second coming when the team captain elbowed someone.

These types of incidents are not unknown amongst the Chinese soccer set though, in fact, they are almost common. The Chinese take a lot of pride in soccer, despite their team only qualifying for one World Cup, (Japan/Korea) where they were held without a goal for the entire tournament. After losing to Brazil in an Olympic game, there was a mini-riot outside the stadium until police came and broke it up, so this craziness is not just left to the players on the pitch.

“Most of the men’s soccer players are poorly educated,” Xu Guoqi a professor at Kalamazoo College and author on a book regarding Chinese soccer said, “One soccer player even tried to stab somebody to death in a bar fight.”Among the other poor activities on the men’s soccer team include in March 2007, a former goalkeeper for the national team, Liu Yunfei, being arrested on drug charges. Another goalie, An Qi, was caught with a prostitute in a hotel in 2005. But then again, who amongst us HASN’T been caught with a Chinese prostitute at least once?

15
Aug
08

Manny Ramirez, Still a Prick

As soon as Manny joined the Dodgers, manager Joe Torre mentioned to him that he wanted Manny to cut his dreads to conform to Joe’s antiquated ideas of how players should look. Now, I’m not going to go into whether or not Torre should be concerning himself as the look of his players rather than their production on the field–he shouldn’t be, get over it Joe, these are adults and it isn’t 1950, people aren’t wearing derby hats in the stands, let the players look they way they want–so Manny, the consummate teammate and order follower finally listened to Torre and cut his dreads. He had them cut all of an inch at most. What an asshole! I mean, I love it, because why not tweak Joe Torre, but still, that is one of the most petulant things Manny has done, is he going to start flicking Joe’s ears on the bus next? Start kicking Joe’s seat on the team plane? This is just such a ridiculously childish thing for Manny to do, that I’m almost in shock. I get that Manny has no idea what is going on in the world, hell, he’s probably borderline autistic, but Scott Boras should know better and tell Manny that this is NOT the way to go about getting that insane contract that he wants to get.

While I don’t think he’s getting 100 million from anyone, it is possible he could get like 60 million or so from someone, but if he keeps doing little shit like this, essentially just to piss off his manager and employer than he might find his options even more limited.

15
Aug
08

Thank God He Was Caught

Herbert Alex Simpson was arrested by federal authorities after trying to blackmail NY Giants coach Tom Coughlin regarding a supposed threesome sex tape that Simpson possessed. Fortunately the authorities were able to stop Simpson before he was able to reveal such an awful tape. Of course, Coughlin denies any such tape ever existing, as do the two women reportedly in it, who were co-workers of Simpson and who also claim to never have even met Coughlin. Sounds like they both protest too much. Regardless, people can say the federal government doesn’t do much for us these days, but this act of heroism to prevent such a tape, were it to exist, from EVER coming to the light is an act of true selflessness and one that I salute. Of course, this is all on the heels of the reported Bill Belichick sex tape which would ALSO be awful for the eyes. I am pretty certain this is a historic off-season, in that it is the first time both Super Bowl head coaches have been linked to sex tapes. Based on the general corpulence and homeliness of the head coaches in the NFL, this is something for which we can all be thankful. I do hear though that the Andy Reid furry video is one for the ages…




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