Archive for August 27th, 2008

27
Aug
08

What Happened to the Hot Beach Volleyballer?

Florida Marlins scrub catcher Matt Treanor’s wife, otherwise known as the infinitely more successful, athletic and talented US beach volleyballer Misty May-Treanor, is going to be on the next installment of shlockfest “Dancing With the Stars.” People Magazine, bastion of fine reporting and fair analysis, opted to present this image of Misty to their readers so as to introduce her to them.

Sure, spending hours and hours in the hot beach sun can’t be great for you, but I don’t understand how she immediately became the bride of Skeletor either. Or why the editors felt that THAT was the image that was most necessary to portray May-Treanor. There are thousands of other really great images of her across the web, and not just the ones of her butt, her face features prominently in many of them too!

For example, here she is in full airbrushed glory:

And here she is in natural, candid photography:

Pretty nice if you ask me. Not the terrifying witch-lady in the first photo. But then, that’s me, and it is all superficial anyways. I just find it interesting that they chose that picture to be the one for May-Treanor. C’mon People, do a TEENSY bit more research than that…

27
Aug
08

Look What I Found in the Mail

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Stealing can be fun but in the modern age it never ceases to amaze me that people don’t get that you shouldn’t sell the things you steal right away on eBay. I mean, you don’t rob a Picasso from a museum and then two days later walk around to art galleries and offer it to them right? You gotta space these things out, wait some time, let the heat die down. Doesn’t anyone pay attention to heist movies anymore? Clearly Richard Trofatter Jr. (left), a mail-carrier in Maine has no idea as to how these things work.

mathewson-christy-1915-cracker-jackThat’s because he swiped a rare 1915 Christy Mathewson Cracker Jacks card that someone else had purchased on eBay. When the buyer never received the package, he contacted the seller, who had purchased $655 in insurance on the package. The seller then contacted the USPS who launched an investigation into the disappearance of the package. What they were able to find was that the exact same card had been sold on eBay, from Maine, for $1,211 and the seller was one, Richard Trofatter Jr. Smooth dude!

If you’re going to steal, be smart about it. Scams can be, and are, quite fun, but only if you’re smart about it. Continue reading ‘Look What I Found in the Mail’

27
Aug
08

Shawn Johnson Causes Disasters

While en route to an appearance on The David Letterman show, Shawn Johnson’s plane was delayed because of her mere appearance. Apparently, upon hearing that she was on the plane the pilot got too excited and banged his head, forcing him to get stitches. Now, Johnson is cute, in that “I’m a chipmunk except  actual chipmunks are bigger than me sort of way,” but I don’t understand all the grown male attention being thrown her way, after all, she IS only 16… Regardless, you have to be at a pretty special point in your life when, as an airline pilot, the greatest moment is when Shawn Johnson gets on your plane. I have to believe that the other pilots at the airport bar will be constantly ragging on this pilot for the rest of his career, or at least they should be. Leryn Franco? Sure, get excited. Any of the other hot olympians, why not. But c’mon dude, she’s 16 and traveling with her parents. You really think you’re going to go back there, introduce yourself and she’s going to just fall for you instantly. And another thing, why are you so into gymnastics, the more I think about it, the more this pilot is getting more and more suspect. I definitely don’t want to ever fly on a plane with a man who gets THAT excited by a teenager.

Among the other crazed Shawn Johnson fans were the Chinese boys who held up signs proposing marriage to her from the upper tiers in the gymnastics stadium. Nothing makes a girl’s heart swoon more than a complete stranger asking her to spend the rest of her life with them. I find that asking always makes for more problems and denials, a small bottle of ether does the trick just as well and besides, who doesn’t like being chained to a radiator. It worked in Black Snake Moan right? I mean, I never saw it, but they fell in love right?




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