Archive for August 29th, 2008

29
Aug
08

Shawn Johnson Loves When Her Taco POPS

Forget Jason Lee, with the Hamm brothers (Paul and Morgan) and Shawn Johnson in one commercial it’s clear who is needed for a real Alvin and the Chipmunks remake. All three of them have the voices down and Johnson has the look of Theo dead up. Anyways. this commercial doesn’t make me want to buy tacos but DOES make me feel dirty. So, um, I guess that’s good advertising…?

Also, nothing entices me more than while a super gay helium voiced man speaks tiny gymnast girls run around in the background. Now I DEFINITELY want some of that special Ortega sauce.

29
Aug
08

At Least Something at Yankee Stadium Has Ferocity

Red Sox Monster came up with this video from last night before the final regular season game ever between the Sox and the Yankees at the Stadium. Some dude was apparently hawking baby pitbulls outside the stadium, because, to me, that’s EXACTLY what I’m looking for before going to a baseball game. I grab a sausage on the street, buy a program, pick up a puppy, and then go watch baseball. Of course! I know also that I definitely want to buy a crazy fighting dog like a pitbull from a rando who thinks the streets of the Bronx are the right place to peddle dogs.

Oh wait, I know what happened, the dog seller guy got confused and because his dogs were attractive thought that everyone outside the stadium would want his “hot dogs.” Get it?!?!?!? Seriously, I’m a comic GENIUS!

[Red Sox Monster]

29
Aug
08

Jose Canseco Will Do ANYTHING For Money

Fox’ piece of television trash, Moment of Truth, has signed on the biggest money grubber of them all, Jose Canseco. The show, on which participants are asked the most personal and embarrassing of questions and, if they are willing to tell the true answers to a national audience it is worth cash, is likely to lose a lot of money on Canseco since the man has zero shame and doesn’t care who he takes down with him.

According to KLAC AM 570 in LA:

Canseco already has taped the episode and according to my source that was in attendance during the taping, Canseco was asked if he ever injected Mark McGwire with steroids and if he ever corked his bat among other questions that were asked during the taping. The episode of “The Moment of Truth” with Canseco is supposed to air in late September or early October.

I wonder how much Fox is going to be pushing that during the MLB playoffs. The biggest issue I have, besides that such an awful piece of television exists in the first place, is that the questions and his responses are taped before the show ever airs, all that matters is that he answers the same as he did before. I have no doubt that Jose believes most of the drivel that he speaks, whether it is true or not, and lie detectors are merely tracking whether or not you are lying, if Canseco believes it to be true than it won’t show up as a lie. I hope this doesn’t hurt Jose’s chances at an MLB comeback, because I feel like he was really really close…

[Sports by Brooks]

29
Aug
08

Two Very Different Ways to Get a Ball at the Park

You go to a baseball game and you always hope that your seat will be the lucky spot. The game winning homer comes right to you. Six foul balls in a row, all from your favorite player come miraculously to right where you are. Rarely does that actually happen though. Instead, if you want to get a ball you need to be creative. Here are two different gentleman, going about very different means in order to get that coveted baseball.

If you’re an adult, this is one way to go about it, but you better have the expert hand-eye coordination to corral that ball into your cup, and then you need to be willing to finish your beer whilst the mud and dirt on the ball invades. But still, impressive and classy.


Or if beer drinking isn’t your thing, you can always opt, like this Mets fan, to find yourself a way onto the field. Sure you might get hurt in the process, but isn’t having the Big Pelf, Mike Pelfrey, come to your rescue reward enough? I just hope for the kid’s sake that Pelf’s mouthguard wasn’t in, that could be terrifying to have a giant drooling slurring man try and aid you after falling off a wall…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

29
Aug
08

Supermodels are Expensive, Jessica Simpson is Dirt Cheap

Tom Brady and (reportedly) his lovely supermodel girlfriend, Gisele recently plopped down $11 million for a plot of land in Brentwood, California. Brady claims that he is doing this so he can have a place near his son Jack with Bridget Moynihan, whose friends say that is not the case at all. The deed for the Brentwood home was taken out under the name TGBE, which has celeb watchers thinking that the “G” stands for Gisele. In addition to the $11 million just for the land plot, Brady will be needing to build a home, he already scrapped plans for a 20,000 square foot one to be on the property, deeming it not large enough, so expect the outlay of cash to continue, probably ending up somewhere in the $20 million range when everything is added up. When you’re making a base salary of $14.626 million a year, that probably doesn’t affect you very much, but still, it does seem like a fine chunk of change.

Meanwhile, halfway across the country, Tony Romo purchased an already completed home for a mere $699,000. Since Romo is making only $6.5 million in base salary this year, it seems like he’s making out like a bandit. What it comes down to it seems, is that Romo’s girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, is much easier to impress, with much less, after all, she’s a down home country girl. Oh, and she’s not that bright. Whereas Gisele is from all reports intelligent and very business savvy, hence Brady needing to opt for Brentwood rather than the Dallas Fort-Worth area. I guess what it all comes down to is. which is worth it more, for me, I’d rather be Tom Brady and shell out the extra coin in order to make Gisele happy. Sure, Jessica is cheaper, but that doesn’t mean she’s lower maintenance, remember that stupid show she did with then-husband Nick Lachey? Another big advantage, Gisele’s family is in Brazil, versus Jessica’s who live in the Dallas area, and when you have a pervy dad like Joe Simpson, that makes quite a big difference. Winner? Brady.

Check out the links below for some photos of Romo’s new pad, or the link above to see the patch of dirt Brady will someday call home.

[The Landry Hat via Sports by Brooks]

jessica-simpson-picture-6

vs.

gisele_bundchen_20050731

29
Aug
08

Finally College Football is Back!

Oh wait, did I say finally? I meant who gives a crap. When will people get it that college sports are inherently lame. Inherently boring, inherently crappy. Tell me, why do I want to watch a bunch of kids who are going to become insurance salesman play a game when I could watch professionals instead. What is the fun in that? Ever notice how in every sport when the college kids turn pro they all talk about the how the game speeds up, how the players are better and the competition harder? That’s because the pro players and the pro game ARE BETTER. So why bother watching Appalachian State play Akron? Who gives a flying fuck. The only excuse you ever have to watch college sports is if you went to the school that is playing the game. I’ll allow college loyalty, otherwise, you’re a tool. If you didn’t go to Michigan but you watch all their football games, please head to the nearest doctor or dentist office and sterilize yourself at the X-ray machine for the betterment of our society.

College sports are the most useless possible thing. So stop showing them on ESPN, stop talking about them in the newspapers and stop pretending like they are even good games, they aren’t! The reason they use those spread offenses and run-and-gun is because the defenses are terrible, the QBs suck and the only way anyone can do anything is to huck it up there and pray. I would rather watch EVERY SINGLE Arizona Cardinals game, or suffer through a season only watching the Dolphins play because even they are better than the best of the college teams.

God, I HATE college sports!




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