Posts Tagged ‘Shawn Johnson

30
Dec
09

Shawn Johnson Backflips Over a Bobsled

America’s favorite pint-sized taco popper, gymnast Shawn Johnson is participating in an advertising campaign for Crunch bars along with speed skater Apolo Ohno where they challenge each other to athletic feats. Of course, this being a commercial I think it’s clear that this is totally fake, but hey, how often do you get to see a gymnast FAKE backflip over a bobsled while it careens down the track?

29
Aug
08

Shawn Johnson Loves When Her Taco POPS

Forget Jason Lee, with the Hamm brothers (Paul and Morgan) and Shawn Johnson in one commercial it’s clear who is needed for a real Alvin and the Chipmunks remake. All three of them have the voices down and Johnson has the look of Theo dead up. Anyways. this commercial doesn’t make me want to buy tacos but DOES make me feel dirty. So, um, I guess that’s good advertising…?

Also, nothing entices me more than while a super gay helium voiced man speaks tiny gymnast girls run around in the background. Now I DEFINITELY want some of that special Ortega sauce.

27
Aug
08

Shawn Johnson Causes Disasters

While en route to an appearance on The David Letterman show, Shawn Johnson’s plane was delayed because of her mere appearance. Apparently, upon hearing that she was on the plane the pilot got too excited and banged his head, forcing him to get stitches. Now, Johnson is cute, in that “I’m a chipmunk except  actual chipmunks are bigger than me sort of way,” but I don’t understand all the grown male attention being thrown her way, after all, she IS only 16… Regardless, you have to be at a pretty special point in your life when, as an airline pilot, the greatest moment is when Shawn Johnson gets on your plane. I have to believe that the other pilots at the airport bar will be constantly ragging on this pilot for the rest of his career, or at least they should be. Leryn Franco? Sure, get excited. Any of the other hot olympians, why not. But c’mon dude, she’s 16 and traveling with her parents. You really think you’re going to go back there, introduce yourself and she’s going to just fall for you instantly. And another thing, why are you so into gymnastics, the more I think about it, the more this pilot is getting more and more suspect. I definitely don’t want to ever fly on a plane with a man who gets THAT excited by a teenager.

Among the other crazed Shawn Johnson fans were the Chinese boys who held up signs proposing marriage to her from the upper tiers in the gymnastics stadium. Nothing makes a girl’s heart swoon more than a complete stranger asking her to spend the rest of her life with them. I find that asking always makes for more problems and denials, a small bottle of ether does the trick just as well and besides, who doesn’t like being chained to a radiator. It worked in Black Snake Moan right? I mean, I never saw it, but they fell in love right?




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