Archive for the 'Soccer' Category


Brazilian Beach Ball-Playing Gets Shut Down

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A new sport has swept the beaches of Brazil called “altinho” which is essentially just a fancy way of saying people are juggling soccer balls on the beaches. However, as the city of Rio starts its preparations for the 2016 Olympics, police are cracking down on the game, declaring ball games on the beach “undesirable activities.”

Among the other things being cracked down on the beach, (thanks in no small part to new consultant Rudy Giuiliani) are the vendors selling shrimp or cheese on skewers, as well as radios and coolers also being banned from the sandy shores.

Of course, Rio citizens are rebelling against these regulations and are continuing to enjoy the beaches as they have for decades. In the meantime altinho games pop up all over the place and remains a favored beach activity for skimpily-clad Brazilians everywhere.

Good thing, the Olympics are a mere 7 years away!

[Sydney Morning Herald]


Ronaldinho Has Ball Skills Even Blindfolded

Ronaldinho is one of the world’s best soccer players, because of that he earns millions of dollars and scores some of the world’s hottest women. Not a bad deal; now he can really have bragging rights after winning EA’s Blindfolded Keepie Uppie challenge. World Cup Schmerld Cup!


Hoeness Impressed by Butt

Now THIS is a headline!



Has Anyone Seen Our National Soccer Team?

The small African nation of Eritrea had quite the surprise when their national soccer team arrived on the tarmac after being knocked out of the Cecafa cup for East and Central African nations; when the plane landed it held only the coach and a team official, the players were missing.

Nicholas Musonye, the head of Cecafa, confirmed that the players did not return to their repressive homeland, making this the third time the Eritrean team has defected.

“The Eritrean federation have done their best to bring a team to the competition – unfortunately these boys had other ideas,” he said. “Definitely they are in Nairobi – we have so many Eritreans here – they must be somewhere.”

The government of Eritrea is extremely constraining and that, combined with wide-spread poverty and a strict service regime leads to many Eritreans emigrating anywhere else.

The Eritrean government however denies that its citizens are leaving and claim the UN is lying about the situation.



Goalie Takes a Leak on the Field

When you’re the goalie, you’re stuck on the field the whole game and if you find yourself needing to pee during a game, what are you supposed to do? If you’re Jens Lehmann of Stuttgart, you run behind the goal, lift up a advertisement and drain the ol’ lizard just off the pitch. Unluckily for Lehmann, as he was relieving himself a Unirea Urziceni player was simultaneously driving down the side of the field. Fortunately, Lehmann was able to finish and shake before running back to his position just in time in case a save was needed.


South Africa Looks to Consecrate Their World Cup Stadiums

2010 is shaping up to be a pretty awesome year, the Winter Olympics start in mid-February, the World Cup begins in mid-June and nearly every major holiday falls on either a Friday or a Monday meaning lots of 3-day weekends for the working men and women.

In order for the World Cup to go off smoothly, the Makhonya Royal Trust asked to bless each of the stadiums that will be used. The blessing requires slaughtering a cow inside each one and has come under attack, of course, from the NSPCA.

The Trust insist that this is the “the true way to bless the tournament.”

Zolani Mkiva, Makhonya Royal Trust chairman, said: “We must have a cultural ceremony of some sort, where we are going to slaughter a beast. We sacrifice the cow for this great achievement and we call on our ancestors to bless, to grace, to ensure that all goes well.”

The NSPCA have not totally opposed the ceremony, wanting to make sure that it is done in the most “humane” manner.

[World Cup Blog]


The Milwaukee Wave Need You to Make a New Mascot

The Milwaukee Wave are the oldest continually soccer franchise in North America; the indoor soccer team has been in existence since 1984 (what a tradition!) and despite their geographically inappropriate name they have 4 championships in their glorious history. The team’s mascot, Brad Beach (left) has proven to be unpopular with the fans, and fraught with problems,  for instance, the current mascot cannot see particularly well out of the headpiece and children find him (understandably) terrifying.

So the Wave are holding a design contest for either a newer, less awful version of Brad or a completely new character. The winner will receive  a $500 prize and will be feted as the team’s VIP for a day.

I expect all my artistic and/or autistic readers out there to participate in this. Just remember, a Slanch mascot would ALWAYS be a hit with the fans.

[Milwaukee Wave]


How Do You Possibly Miss This Shot?

Rocky Baptiste is a British soccer player who is generally pretty good at scoring; when he speeds past a defender and dekes out the goalie with a wide-open net in front of him everyone expects him to score. Alas, he somehow manages to miss the net completely. This has to be one of the worst misses I’ve ever seen in any sport on a wide-open goal.


Beckham Vs. Bush, Who Ya Got?

As part of a documentary entitled “David Beckham: New Beginnings” from when David Beckham made his MLS debut, Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints got together with the futbol star. While this isn’t new, it’s from 2007, it’s still pretty amusing and pretty awesome. For one thing, I’ve never seen anyone juggle a football like Beckham can. And who knew Reggie Bush has a future career in placekicking!



What’s the Matter, Lose Your Stud?

Real Madrid winger Royston Drenthe was transferred to the team for a mere $21 million dollars and obviously, he feels very threatened by his lack of earnings compared to some of his more famous, and fabulously wealthy teammates.

The other day at practice Drenthe wore one of his diamond earrings, at the end of practice though, the bauble was gone!

He walked all over the practice field trying to find it. He didn’t. But he did manage to be be captured in this photo looking sad and forlorn, so, at least there’s that!

[Dirty Tackle]


Team Gets Crushed, Players Refund Fans’ Tickets

Here’s something I’m sure we’re going to see in the US; so embarrassed by being torched 9-1 by Tottenham, members of the Wigan FC are refunding the ticket costs of their fans who came to the game.

“We feel that as a group of players we badly let down our supporters yesterday, and this is a gesture we have to make and pay them back for their tremendous loyalty,” Wigan defender and team captain Mario Melchiot said.

“As a group of professionals, we were embarrassed by the way we performed. We feel it was below our standards and this is something we feel we owe to the fans.”

Because Wigan doesn’t have a giant fan-base, only about 1,000 fans made the 350 mile round  trip. Even still the players are expected to shell out refunds totaling in the 5-figures.

“We have to draw a line under the game, focus completely on training this week and bounce back on Saturday (against Sunderland),” said Melchiot. “We are professionals. We will take it on the chin and move on, but it’s important that we do not take our supporters for granted.”

Ah, a sense of pride and caring for their fans, I’m sure we can expect the Cleveland Browns to start doing this immediately. After all, the fans ARE important.

[Sports Illustrated]


Stray Pussy Gets Goalie in Trouble

During a Croatian Premier League soccer match goalie Ivan Banovic almost cost his team the game for being an animal lover. A stray cat had run onto the field, and so Banovic ran over to it, picked it up and carried it off the field to safety. The referee was furious with his actions and gave Banovic a yellow card for leaving the field without the ref’s permission.

Ultimately, Banovic’s club, Medjimurje FC lost 1-0, but he received a generous hand from the fans who appreciated his efforts to save the cat.

[Croatian Times]

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March 2023