Archive for the 'Soccer' Category


Brazilian Beach Ball-Playing Gets Shut Down

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A new sport has swept the beaches of Brazil called “altinho” which is essentially just a fancy way of saying people are juggling soccer balls on the beaches. However, as the city of Rio starts its preparations for the 2016 Olympics, police are cracking down on the game, declaring ball games on the beach “undesirable activities.”

Among the other things being cracked down on the beach, (thanks in no small part to new consultant Rudy Giuiliani) are the vendors selling shrimp or cheese on skewers, as well as radios and coolers also being banned from the sandy shores.

Of course, Rio citizens are rebelling against these regulations and are continuing to enjoy the beaches as they have for decades. In the meantime altinho games pop up all over the place and remains a favored beach activity for skimpily-clad Brazilians everywhere.

Good thing, the Olympics are a mere 7 years away!

[Sydney Morning Herald]


Ronaldinho Has Ball Skills Even Blindfolded

Ronaldinho is one of the world’s best soccer players, because of that he earns millions of dollars and scores some of the world’s hottest women. Not a bad deal; now he can really have bragging rights after winning EA’s Blindfolded Keepie Uppie challenge. World Cup Schmerld Cup!


Hoeness Impressed by Butt

Now THIS is a headline!



Has Anyone Seen Our National Soccer Team?

The small African nation of Eritrea had quite the surprise when their national soccer team arrived on the tarmac after being knocked out of the Cecafa cup for East and Central African nations; when the plane landed it held only the coach and a team official, the players were missing.

Nicholas Musonye, the head of Cecafa, confirmed that the players did not return to their repressive homeland, making this the third time the Eritrean team has defected.

“The Eritrean federation have done their best to bring a team to the competition – unfortunately these boys had other ideas,” he said. “Definitely they are in Nairobi – we have so many Eritreans here – they must be somewhere.”

The government of Eritrea is extremely constraining and that, combined with wide-spread poverty and a strict service regime leads to many Eritreans emigrating anywhere else.

The Eritrean government however denies that its citizens are leaving and claim the UN is lying about the situation.



Goalie Takes a Leak on the Field

When you’re the goalie, you’re stuck on the field the whole game and if you find yourself needing to pee during a game, what are you supposed to do? If you’re Jens Lehmann of Stuttgart, you run behind the goal, lift up a advertisement and drain the ol’ lizard just off the pitch. Unluckily for Lehmann, as he was relieving himself a Unirea Urziceni player was simultaneously driving down the side of the field. Fortunately, Lehmann was able to finish and shake before running back to his position just in time in case a save was needed.


South Africa Looks to Consecrate Their World Cup Stadiums

2010 is shaping up to be a pretty awesome year, the Winter Olympics start in mid-February, the World Cup begins in mid-June and nearly every major holiday falls on either a Friday or a Monday meaning lots of 3-day weekends for the working men and women.

In order for the World Cup to go off smoothly, the Makhonya Royal Trust asked to bless each of the stadiums that will be used. The blessing requires slaughtering a cow inside each one and has come under attack, of course, from the NSPCA.

The Trust insist that this is the “the true way to bless the tournament.”

Zolani Mkiva, Makhonya Royal Trust chairman, said: “We must have a cultural ceremony of some sort, where we are going to slaughter a beast. We sacrifice the cow for this great achievement and we call on our ancestors to bless, to grace, to ensure that all goes well.”

The NSPCA have not totally opposed the ceremony, wanting to make sure that it is done in the most “humane” manner.

[World Cup Blog]


The Milwaukee Wave Need You to Make a New Mascot

The Milwaukee Wave are the oldest continually soccer franchise in North America; the indoor soccer team has been in existence since 1984 (what a tradition!) and despite their geographically inappropriate name they have 4 championships in their glorious history. The team’s mascot, Brad Beach (left) has proven to be unpopular with the fans, and fraught with problems,  for instance, the current mascot cannot see particularly well out of the headpiece and children find him (understandably) terrifying.

So the Wave are holding a design contest for either a newer, less awful version of Brad or a completely new character. The winner will receive  a $500 prize and will be feted as the team’s VIP for a day.

I expect all my artistic and/or autistic readers out there to participate in this. Just remember, a Slanch mascot would ALWAYS be a hit with the fans.

[Milwaukee Wave]

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March 2020