Archive for July 30th, 2008

30
Jul
08

I Want to Pay Attention But For Some Reason I Can’t

By slanch 11 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Hot Women and Television
Tags: , , , , , ,

How am I supposed to pay any attention whatsoever to whatever it was Kevin Burkhardt was blabbering about during last night’s game with this in the background?

I want to pay attention, I’m sure Kevin’s conversations with Jerry Manuel were very deep and profound but I just have this one vision dancing through my head every time they would cut back to him in this segment, I think it went a little something like this:

Some quick research finds out that this is one of the lovely and talented Marlins “Mermaids”, by the name of Glenda. Thanks to their totally kick-ass interactive site, we can find out that Glenda, who terms her fashion sense as “Classy Trendy” also “would describe myself as unique, adventurous, and ambitious.” Sounds spunky!

I know that I would pay much attention to Kevin whenever he speaks if SNY made this a trend…It certainly makes watching the Mets more interesting that’s for sure.

Join us below the jump for a couple more shots of the delightfully fun Glenda, or check out her gallery here.

Continue reading ‘I Want to Pay Attention But For Some Reason I Can’t’

30
Jul
08

Righty Reliever Simply Not Deceptive Enough

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball, Douches and Random
Tags: , , , ,

Julio Mateo is best known for…well, actually, Julio Mateo isn’t really known for anything on the diamond. He’s a scrub reliever who spent a couple years with the Mariners, never particularly distinguishing himself. He had one semi-solid year in 2005 and otherwise there is nothing noteworthy about his playing career.

These days he’s pitching in the SF Giants’ minor league system and was arrested over the weekend for passing counterfeit $100 bills. Mateo, no stranger to the lawman was also once arrested in May 2007 in a Manhattan hotel after he he admitted to striking his wife and was charged with third-degree assault which then precipitated his release from the Mariners system.

Reportedly, Mateo and a teammate were in a taxi on their way back to their Albuquerque hotel when he used the fake $100 to pay the $26.80 cab fare. The driver then tried to use the bill to pay his dispatcher but  after using a marking pen, they found out it was fake and so he drove back to the team’s hotel and called the police.

When police approached Mateo in the hotel and started patting him down, he immediately told them in Spanish that he “didn’t pass the bad money.” Probably not the best thing to say when they haven’t even informed you yet why they are there; methinks it smacks a skosh of guilt.

Although certainly not as much as the two stacks of fake $100 bills in his hotel room on the table that the police found upon entering his room, that more screams guilt than smacks. Mateo was taken into custody by the Secret Service and is likely to be charged sometime in the next few days. The Giants have yet to take any action against him, but it seems probable that his attempts to get back to the majors will be on hold for the next 7-10…

30
Jul
08

Katy, Texas’ Summer of Fun!

By slanch 13 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Douches, Hazing and Random
Tags: , , , , ,

“When a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl’s head, that’s just disgusting,” so says the sister of one of the Morton Ranch High School junior varsity cheerleaders and I couldn’t agree more. That was only the beginning for 14 members of the high school varsity cheerleading team who have since been accused of hazing their JV cohorts.

Traditionally the varsity team kidnaps the JV team and then takes them out to breakfast, which doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me, in fact, it almost seems like fun! Instead, this year, the 12 varsity girls, the team’s equipment manager and of course, the school’s mascot decided to do it slightly different.

(First off, what the fuck does the cheerleading squad need with an equipment manager, are there other things besides pom-poms? Are the girls not able to keep an eye on them themselves? Also, was the mascot wearing the costume the whole time? These are important questions and I demand answers!)

In order to welcome the JV girls to the cheerleading sorority, the senior girls duct-taped the JV squads hands and then threw them into a pool. They reportedly also were “flicking [the JV girls’] body parts,” which I wonder if is anything like flicking the bean?

School officials responded right away saying “The district is investigating an alleged off-campus incident possibly involving inappropriate behavior by certain students.” Sounds like they’ve really got it taken care of!

photo_servletMorton Ranch High School is in the Houston suburb of Katy, Texas, normally famous for housing steroids using uber-douche Roger Clemens. I’m sure he must be relieved to not be the headline in the local paper for once. The school also just got out from a fun teacher-student sex scandal that came out last week.

Continue reading ‘Katy, Texas’ Summer of Fun!’

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