Archive for July 10th, 2008


Being Hammered New Qualification for Refs

The NBA had Tim Donaghy fixing games, which is a pretty dastardly thing to do, but in the soccer leagues of Belarus they have a very different problem with their referees, drunkenness.

Initially, referee Sergei Schmolik was escorted off the field and taken to the hospital for tests because it seemed like his back was hurting him. It wasn’t. His strange refereeing style may have had something to do with the fact that he instead tested for high levels of alcohol in his system.

“The stadium crowd were stunned by Shmolik’s peculiar behaviour. The referee was hardly moving by the end of the match, which ended in a 1-1 draw, as he officiated the game from the centre circle, refusing to go to his pocket for any cards throughout.

“I haven’t seen a drunk referee before. It’s just beyond my comprehension,” said Belarus national coach Berndt Stange, who was at the game.”

I particularly love the wave he gives to the crowd as he comes off the field, I just can’t believe they even needed to test for alcohol, as it seems pretty clear to me that he’s hammered, but then again, I’d be hammered if I was in Belarus too…

[Sports by Brooks]

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Triplets Slam Homers in Order of Birth!

In a tournament game in South Point, WV, Portsmouth High hit three home runs in a row on their way to a victory, amazingly, they were hit by triplets, in order of their birth!

Matt, Howard and John Harcha play together for the Portsmouth team and during a May 17th game for the first time ever, the triplets homered in succession. Howard, the oldest by about a minute, generally is derided by his brothers for only having batting practice power, proved them wrong by crushing a grand slam. John followed with a solo shot of his own, and then it was left up to the youngest, Matt.

“I had the most pressure on me,” Matt Harcha said, “the other two hit one and everyone was looking at me. The pressure was on. It was our last home game, and it was my last at bat when I hit mine.”

For the season the triplets combined for 10 homers, John had 5, Matt 4 and Howard just the one. All three are planning on attending Ohio State University in the fall.

After their unique feat, a local sports fan submitted the accomplishment to Ripley’s Believe it or Not, which accepted it. Even neater, the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown is also planning on having an item about their exploit.

“It’s pretty cool,” Matt had to say after the game, “Pretty awesome.”

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Does This Mean the Macarena Era is Over?

Oaks Christian, a highly regarded prep-school in California is apparently quite the popular place for the wealthy and talented to drop their teenagers to receive an education; or play sports.

The latest transfer to their football team, I mean academic campus, is one Nicholas Montana. By name he sounds like an excellent old west Marshal, in actuality he’s the son of Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana; you might have heard of him.

Montana is now the 4th quarterback to transfer to the Oaks Christian team, making for quite the crowded backfield–I live for high school football. Recently, another transfer, Tony Macarena, was named the starter after out-competing 6 other players. When pressed for reaction to the newest transfer, Macarena’s only response was a robust hip swing and a sharp turn 90 degrees to the right.

Among the other quarterbacks competing for the starting gig, Trevor Gretzky, son of hockey legend Wayne, brother of hottie Paulina Gretzky. I’m holding out hope for Gretzky, I took him in my REALLY deep fantasy football keeper league and am counting on him to lead my team to glory in 2016.

The grand winner of this competition gets the real prize, he’ll get to throw his passes to Will Smith’s son, sophomore Trey. It’s like an episode of Made!

With such celebrity parents and sports legends, it might be daunting coaching such a team, but according to coach Bill Redell, “What I have found is when you are coaching kids with famous parents, they are humble and the families are very cooperative. They understand the game and they understand decisions have to be made. I’ve never had a problem.”

Could this recruiting class get any better? “Well, Michael Jordan said his son’s coming and Babe Ruth’s great, great grandson is supposed to enroll,” Redell said, before adding, “I’m only kidding.”

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July 2008