Keith Hernandez was in rare form last night; the early miscues by the Phillies in the first three innings led to some sloppy baseball and he went from jabbering to jabbering completely incoherently. But all that is normal. I’m used to that Keith. I love that Keith. What was abnormal was his outfit. Is it just me or is he dressed like some miserly banker in a Dickens play?
“P.F. Pennypincher here, now give me the orphans’ money or I’ll call the gendarmes.”
Yesterday I was fortunate enough to get a chance to go to Fenway Park for Opening Day. Now, I’ve never been to any opening day before and to get to go for a ring ceremony too, that’s simply amazing. And it was. The early festivities were great with famous champions of the Boston sports scene bringing out the rings to the Red Sox ownership group. The group included legends like Bobby Orr, Bill Russell, Tedy Bruschi, John Havlicek and Curtis Leskanik. Truly awesome.
After presenting the rings, the Sox players all went out to center field to raise the banner. Unfortunately the wind didn’t cooperate at first, and the banner just hung there, but then, the wind, which previously had been steadily blowing picked up again and unfurled the banner to a big cheer from the Fenway Faithful.
But the festivities were not done. Arriving through the garage door in center field, Bill Buckner came out to throw the first pitch. It was funny how Joe Castiglione introduced him, saying amongst other things, “the Red Sox would never have won the 1986 American League pennant without him,” clearly so that there wouldn’t be people in the stands booing. Even though we’ve won the Series twice now, people in Boston are definitely still miserable about ’86 and that could have put quite the damper on the whole afternoon if people had booed. I can’t seem to get the damn video to embed, and I have a bus to catch, so for the moment, the link is here.
Instead the crowd stood on its feet and gave a loud, hearty cheer as Buckner walked slowly in from center to the mound. When he got to the mound, the crowd started cheering wildly again. Clearly he was choked up. I was sitting high up in the rafters and could see the emotion on his face and him wiping his eyes. It was the first time he’d been back at Fenway since being the hitting coach for the White Sox in the late 90s. All in all, it ended up being a 4 minute ovation from the crowd. Add in the amazing music from the Boston Pops and Dwight Evans (one of my all-time favorites) catching the ball, and it was a truly epic moment and one I’m glad I was there for.
I’ll have some more on this later, but again, gotta catch a bus…
My friends over at Improv Everywhere just released their latest prank, turning an otherwise ordinary Little League game in Hermosa Beach, California into the biggest game of the year. With printed programs, shirtless painted fans and a jumbotron showing replays and commentary by Jim Gray this prank was totally thought out and well planned. They pulled out all the stops for this one including mascots and even the Goodyear blimp. For these kids who were playing the game it had to be simply the coolest moment of their entire lives. I’m jealous. Check out the full prank with videos and such here.
I’m normally only shirtless at a Little League game when I have been drinking since early in the morning, so these guys MUST be big fans.
Go Mudcats!
Penn State basketball player Stanley Pringle who thought masturbating in the library would bring him the ladies is denying that that is what he was doing.
Pringle explained simply that he has “a bad habit of putting his hand down his pants. Why would I need to masturbate? This is how I chill, ma’am.”
Among his other good moments in his police interview was when he denied even having been in the library and then “remembered” he had been there and talked with the young lady in question.
According to her, he initially sat down on her study table and asked if she wanted to buy some “hand-lotion” that he was selling for the basketball team. Smooth dude, VERY smooth. Now that’s a line that will easily win the ladies over!
Hearing the sound of flesh slapping against flesh, the lady in question answered her cell phone and went to leave the area and escape him. When she came back he was tying his pants back up and rubbing his hands together like “he had put lotion on them.”
Classy!
Shaun Weiss may not be a household name to you, but I can almost guarantee you know his face.
If you don’t know him, I’ll give you a hint. He was in one of the top 4 trilogies of all-time, and those are, (in order of greatness): Lord of the Rings, Mighty Ducks, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Star Wars(Honorable mention: Three Ninjas). If you’re still not sure, then quite frankly, I don’t want to know you.
Regardless of your thoughts about the Mighty Duck movies, (that they are awesome is the only correct thought) all you need to know about Shaun Weiss’ character was that he played Greg Goldberg the fat, wise-cracking Jewish goalie. He always had a lame quip to offer up to Emilio Estevez or a nasty fart to let out at an inopportune moment. The portly Weiss had previously parlayed his bulk and quick-humor into some commercials, notably, this 1990s Pizza Hut classic:
So uh, does this mean we can come get all those guns now?
If your name is Asdrubal Cabrera, and it is really easy to say incorrectly as “Ass-dribble” maybe wearing your pearl necklace to the plate is just compounding the issue. I mean, I’m just saying…
It’s a slow day, watching some day games and so, here are some links to take you into the weekend.
The Real Reasons Pedro is Hurt Again
The Borings are against Google. I’m Against being bored
Call me old-fashioned, but if you’re an NFL defensive back, you shouldn’t be able to be caught by the police in a foot chase. Reserve backup Kenny Wright of the Cleveland Browns ended up being charged with unlawful restraint, evading arrest and possession of marijuana after causing a disturbance in a parking lot.
Now, I can understand the resisting arrest charge, I mean, you run away from the cops and that’s an easy charge, but based on that picture, I simply refuse to believe that this man had anything to do with marijuana. I mean, look at him, he’s clearly just a little tired is all. It doesn’t look at all like he smoked an ounce of hydro to his face while wearing a gas mask. This is clearly the face of a man who is NOT blazed. I would stake my entire legal career on it.
I’d suggest that opposing receivers would get on him about this next season, but, considering his stats last year, and all 6 tackles he made for the season, plus the fact that the Houston police were able to catch him on foot, he might never have that chance.
There you are, just another normal day, getting a tour of Fenway Park with one’s middle school and then BAM! Hawk attack! It could happen to you. Or rather, it did happen, to this girl.
Apparently during the winter months hawks often make their homes up in the rafters of Fenway eating tasty mice and rats until the season starts and the massive crowds force them to find new digs. Then this middle school girl from Bristol, Connecticut had the gall to stand there idly minding her own business about 40 feet away from the hawk’s egg that it was protecting. Taking umbrage it seems, the hawk attacked, talons out. Fortunately the girl was taken to a hospital and wasn’t harmed at all. Still, that makes for quite the return bus ride to Connecticut. When appraised of what had happened, Hank Steinbrenner refused to be outdone and announced that from now on pumas will be given free rein of Yankee Stadium. “We want to be at the forefront of providing our fans with an experience they will never forget. Puma’s are majestic, beautiful creatures and we look forward to a long, fruitful partnership with them.” Steinbrenner announced in a statement beamed directly to my brain, “Our fans are so special to us, and to give them the opportunity to be that close up to such a deadly animal is a memory that they will all treasure as we play this final season at the Stadium.”
So, perusing the options available for MLB’s Extra Innings TV package, I saw that providers like Time Warner are offering at least one HD option in addition to the standard channels so that it is possible to really enjoy the games in STUNNING HD. Unfortunately, where The Slanch Report is based in Brooklyn we are stuck with Cablevision. For those of you that don’t know, Cablevision is owned by the same people that own the New York Knicks, that would be the 20-55 Knicks. The team that Isiah Thomas has run completely into the ground and have become a laughingstock. The owners also have recently pledged their support of Isiah Thomas, who apparently, despite sexually harassing an employee, making some of the worst trades in league history one after another and spending tens of millions of dollars wastefully cannot do anything to get fired.
So clearly, Cablevision’s decision makers aren’t the best. But why in the world is there not at least ONE HD channel? Once I’ve started watching sports and baseball in HD I don’t want to go back to standard. It sucks! So the idea of paying $160 to not get even a SINGLE HD game seems ridiculous to me. I want the MLB package. Bad. But if I’m going to watch all these games give me the OPTION of an HD game. I will always choose the HD game, hell, I’d even watch Pirates/Giants if it was i HD.
Time Warner has HD channels, according to a spokesman for Time Warner the cable operator will offer “many” Extra Innings games in HD. But Cablevision? No way, because why would we want to satisfy our customers? As much as I love RaveHD and the joys that it gives me, I’d much prefer that bandwidth to be BASEBALL BASEBALL BASEBALL.
So, until they get HD channels I ain’t getting the Extra Innings package. Cablevision, do the right thing.
The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
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