The Slanch Report

The Red Sox are in Japan and along for the ride is Joe Castiglione, the voice of the Red Sox. Castigs, 61, isn’t just in Japan for baseball. With plenty of off-time expected, the high-pitched vociferator has a full itinerary during his time in the land of the Rising Sun. Due to some clever detective work on our behalf, we managed to steal a copy of it for you to peruse.

Friday 3/21 – Red Sox train at Tokyo Dome in the morning, afternoon to be spent visiting a Buddhist temple, participate in 6:30pm Dance Dance Revolution tournament followed by an evening of libations at the Absolute Ice Bar.

Saturday 3/22 – 5am – Tsukiji Fish Market, wander through the booths, checking out all the fresh poisson, participate in fish auction, available budget: $750. Afternoon – return to hotel, drop off giant 6 foot tuna, quick nap and head to the Maid Bar.

"These women will do anything for me... CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!"

Sun 3/23 – Breakfast with the team at hotel, afternoon and evening to be spent with Dustin Pedroia, Curt Schilling and Manny Ramirez sharking on the many subway lines around town. Dinner at Ninja Akasaka.

Mon 3/24 – Spend the morning in Kabuki-cho trying to counsel youths to leave the Yakuza and enter into a covenant with Castigs’ personal savior, the memory of Frank Sinatra. Afternoon, attend “Creating One’s Own Hentai Story: From Tentacles to Crucifictions” seminar, Evening, call first game of the 2008 MLB season, anticipated score Red Sox 7, A’s 4.

T 3/25 – Entire morning to be spent at Tokyo Parasite Museum, special items to note, 30 foot tapeworm, dinner at Alcatraz, a prison themed restaurant .

W 3/26 -Morning spent indoor skiing. Afternoon, witness traditional Japanese Bukkake ceremony. Evening, call Red Sox game, expected score, Red Sox 5, A’s 3.

Th 3/27 – Spend the entire day getting measured for the latest in sock garter technology, head over to arcade district to play brand new Playstation 7, due to arrive in US 2014. Evening, return to airport with team for flight to Los Angeles.