Posts Tagged ‘Movies

07
Apr
08

Where Have you Gone Greg Goldberg?

Shaun Weiss may not be a household name to you, but I can almost guarantee you know his face.

goldberg

If you don’t know him, I’ll give you a hint. He was in one of the top 4 trilogies of all-time, and those are, (in order of greatness): Lord of the Rings, Mighty Ducks, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Star Wars(Honorable mention: Three Ninjas). If you’re still not sure, then quite frankly, I don’t want to know you.

Regardless of your thoughts about the Mighty Duck movies, (that they are awesome is the only correct thought) all you need to know about Shaun Weiss’ character was that he played Greg Goldberg the fat, wise-cracking Jewish goalie. He always had a lame quip to offer up to Emilio Estevez or a nasty fart to let out at an inopportune moment. The portly Weiss had previously parlayed his bulk and quick-humor into some commercials, notably, this 1990s Pizza Hut classic:

Continue reading ‘Where Have you Gone Greg Goldberg?’

14
Mar
08

It Depends on What Your Definition of “They’re” Is

Thanks to the internet, it is a rare occasion these days for me to enter a video store but recently, when I was in upstate NY some friends and I decided to rent some movies. While in the store, we HAD to check out the adult section, if only as a sociological survey to see what was enticing the peoples of upstate New York.

Turns out upstate is all about the anal. But that’s a digression. In the porn section I came across this high-brow title.

3220065135_bd997534c5

Call me old fashioned, but I miss the days when pornos weren’t just rushed out the door immediately after filming. The days when some grizzled old sketchy dude in the valley, wearing a Gold’s Gym tank top and flip-flops over his yellowing toe-nails would at least glance at the cover to a movie before shipping it out to the masses.

Oh the golden years. It seems those days have long past.

Where I am confused by this movie is; if these women are slutty mothers, how are they also husbands? Are they their own husbands? Do they lead bigamous lives with two families, one where they are the husband and one they are the wife? And are they incredibly horny? Or merely presenting an homage to little-discussed Russian author Andrei Bely? Is this a tranny flick? It wasn’t labeled as such and it’d be a shame to mislead the good denizens of the Stone Ridge area.

I was forcibly dragged out of the room and overruled by my narc friends on renting the film.

These questions still haunt me…

11
Mar
08

Why Maybe We All NEED to See 10,000 BC

Despite being panned by critics, audiences flocked to see Roland Emmerich’s newest opus, 10,000 BC, and I think I know why.

In 1996, Emmerich directed one of the finest action movies of all-time, Independence Day. More than just a movie, this film was a prognosticator of the future.

If only we had been listening.

Three different, very clear messages were placed in this movie. The first, seen here, is taken from the moment when Jeff Goldblum’s character explains to the President the idea of “line-of-sight” and how satellites work.

lineofsight

Notice the drawing that Goldblum does, look familiar? Maybe that’s because it looks awfully congruent to THIS!

masonsymbol

Eerily similar no?
Now a random image in a movie is one thing, merely coincidence, but only moments later, after convincing the President that the time to leave is now, Goldblum and Pullman exit with others onboard Marine One. As they take off, Goldblum pulls out his handy mid-90’s Mac Powerbook and looks at the countdown timer…

911

DUN DUN DUUNNNNNNN! Now its starting to get a little bit spooky, you’re starting to feel that tingle up your spine… Continue reading ‘Why Maybe We All NEED to See 10,000 BC’




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