Archive for April 3rd, 2008


Theo Epstein and The Red Sox Present: The Birds!

There you are, just another normal day, getting a tour of Fenway Park with one’s middle school and then BAM! Hawk attack! It could happen to you. Or rather, it did happen, to this girl.

Apparently during the winter months hawks often make their homes up in the rafters of Fenway eating tasty mice and rats until the season starts and the massive crowds force them to find new digs. Then this middle school girl from Bristol, Connecticut had the gall to stand there idly minding her own business about 40 feet away from the hawk’s egg that it was protecting. Taking umbrage it seems, the hawk attacked, talons out. Fortunately the girl was taken to a hospital and wasn’t harmed at all. Still, that makes for quite the return bus ride to Connecticut. When appraised of what had happened, Hank Steinbrenner refused to be outdone and announced that from now on pumas will be given free rein of Yankee Stadium. “We want to be at the forefront of providing our fans with an experience they will never forget. Puma’s are majestic, beautiful creatures and we look forward to a long, fruitful partnership with them.” Steinbrenner announced in a statement beamed directly to my brain, “Our fans are so special to us, and to give them the opportunity to be that close up to such a deadly animal is a memory that they will all treasure as we play this final season at the Stadium.”


This is Just Too Cool

Baseball stadiums made out of Legos? Uh, yes please, sign me up. Check this out immediately.

Homer Derby, this rocks!


Another Reason Cablevision Sucks

So, perusing the options available for MLB’s Extra Innings TV package, I saw that providers like Time Warner are offering at least one HD option in addition to the standard channels so that it is possible to really enjoy the games in STUNNING HD. Unfortunately, where The Slanch Report is based in Brooklyn we are stuck with Cablevision. For those of you that don’t know, Cablevision is owned by the same people that own the New York Knicks, that would be the 20-55 Knicks. The team that Isiah Thomas has run completely into the ground and have become a laughingstock. The owners also have recently pledged their support of Isiah Thomas, who apparently, despite sexually harassing an employee, making some of the worst trades in league history one after another and spending tens of millions of dollars wastefully cannot do anything to get fired.

So clearly, Cablevision’s decision makers aren’t the best. But why in the world is there not at least ONE HD channel? Once I’ve started watching sports and baseball in HD I don’t want to go back to standard. It sucks! So the idea of paying $160 to not get even a SINGLE HD game seems ridiculous to me. I want the MLB package. Bad. But if I’m going to watch all these games give me the OPTION of an HD game. I will always choose the HD game, hell, I’d even watch Pirates/Giants if it was i HD.

Time Warner has HD channels, according to a spokesman for Time Warner the cable operator will offer “many” Extra Innings games in HD. But Cablevision? No way, because why would we want to satisfy our customers? As much as I love RaveHD and the joys that it gives me, I’d much prefer that bandwidth to be BASEBALL BASEBALL BASEBALL.

So, until they get HD channels I ain’t getting the Extra Innings package. Cablevision, do the right thing.


Someone REALLY Liked The Squid and the Whale

“I just think Noah Baumbach’s work isn’t being appreciated enough”

Penn State basketball player Stanley Pringle decided to chip out his place in college basketball lore by using the stacks in the library for more than just browsing. Pulling out his classic cylindrical tube while trying to start a conversation with a woman was apparently not the way into her heart. It was however, his entrĂ© to be ridiculed on the internet and become (in)famous. According to the article, this was not the first time that Pringle reportedly has done this, as there was a similar incident with a similar description of said pervert’s actions but as of now Pringle isn’t being charged with distributing his salt and vinegar for that incident.

Thanks to The Big Lead

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April 2008