Archive for April, 2008



25
Apr
08

Links for the Weekend

While getting all my preparations ready for the NFL draft and Foam Finger Day at Shea here are some links to take you into the weekend. Enjoy!

bigboom

Comedian Steve Harvey is losing weight I guess, and so are his friends, make sure you stick around for Big Boom (above) who provides security for Steve and also writes women’s self help books. Amazing.

And these are Big Boom’s self-help books, you could buy them both for under $10… It’s never too early for gifts…

An awesome set of baseball cards for what is far and away the best baseball movie, Major League

My friend “Garnold,” who writes an awesome blog about fantasy baseball has a great bit about Edwin Encarnacion and Dusty that you should definitely read.

Here’s a story about a college basketball player trying to get people to do his homework, by advertising on facebook. Dumbass.

First MLB takes down my videos, next they’re banning water in the dugouts, is nothing safe?

Mets scrub reliever Joe Smith decides to have it out with Cubs fans, unfortunately we can’t hear what they said to start it all…

Wanna go to every baseball stadium this summer? Well, here’s a schedule for you to do just that.

24
Apr
08

An Idea to Make Baseball Better

Nationals Marlins Baseball

You’ve seen it at every Marlins home game. Same with the Pazuzu Rays or most Dodgers games. Nationals games definitely have the same issue; empty seats all over the stadium. There is nothing more pathetic than watching a game and seeing whole sections with no one in them, and no section is worse with constantly empty seats than the area behind home plate. Now, bad teams–although the Rays are on the upswing and the Dodgers should be good but their fans are generally some of the lamest possible–are always going to have trouble selling seats, I get that, but it would seem to me that there would be some inherent advantages in making it seem like more people are at the game.

There is probably no single shot used in a baseball game more than that of the center field camera focusing in on the plate, it’s probably used 200+ times per game. Wouldn’t there be some inherent value for the teams to at least pad their broadcast a little by making it SEEM like there are more people actually at the game?

I understand that for baseball teams the money generated by the seats behind home plate and around the dugouts can be enormous, but here’s something I don’t understand. If there is no one in those seats by the end of the first couple of innings why not have staff move around the stadium and offer those seats to the other fans that are spread out across the stadium. The premium seats are either sold and no one showed up or remain unsold and would be otherwise empty, so why not fill them up? Sure, some fans will be more than happy to stay in the upper decks or whateves, but most will jump at the opportunity to get closer to the action. For many fans, it would probably be the closest they’ve ever sat to the game and would be a forever memorable occasion.

What good does it do to keep those seats empty the entire game? The team wouldn’t be losing money because those seats are going to remain unsold or unused regardless and the fans that would be offered the seats would have already paid for their initial tickets. Furthermore, the amount of positive PR this would acquire could only serve to help the team that did this. If I knew that every time I went to a game that there was a chance I could be upgraded for free to a premium seat why wouldn’t I try and go as much as possible and take advantage of such an opportunity?

Now some of these seats include drink and food service, I could see that this might cause a financial loss for the team, so, solution, make server service unavailable for those who are upgraded and didn’t actually pay for the premium amenities. The game alone from that close would be special enough and I can’t imagine fans wouldn’t be cooperative or understanding.

Not only will some goodwill be earned with the fans who are supportive enough to keep coming to otherwise empty stadiums but it will spread out exponentially. As fans tune into the games or see recaps they will see that shot of home plate again and again, if they see lots of people in the seats the assumption would be that the team is more popular and might entice those important casual fans to make a few more trips to the stadium. Again, if those same fans knew there was a decent chance they would get a chance to sit in such incredible seats they would be even more likely to return several times.

In addition, the national media, ESPN, et al would eat this story up. Big rich company gives back to the little guy? Sounds to me like some really great PR for whatever team decides to employ such a strategy (or employs the brilliant guy who thought up said strategy…)

Continue reading ‘An Idea to Make Baseball Better’

23
Apr
08

It’s Gross When You’re Unappreciated

On Tuesday the Milwaukee Breweres bullpen (cough, Eric Gagne, choke, cough cough) allowed 5 runs in 2 innings to force the game into extra innings. Gabe Gross hit a double in the bottom of the 12th that got him into position to be scored by Gabe Kaplers single, winning the game. Going 2-4 with 2 doubles, 3 runs scored and a stolen base he had quite a fine stat line for the day. Not enough though in Doug Melvin’s, the Brewers’ GM, eyes. Immediately following the game Gross was dealt to the Tampa Bay Shaitan Rays for a minor league pitcher. Nice way to say thanks! What’s worse, is that this is not the first time this has happened to Gabe, he has a long history of things going well and then quickly not.

  • In third grade, Gabe brought in cupcakes for his entire class. During the recess kickball game he started suffering cramps from eating too many and threw up all over Mindy Glotzberg, his crush was never realized.
  • Junior year of high school Gross received his first awkward, teethy BJ and was feeling especially good. When getting a physical later that afternoon, the nurse informed him he had crabs.
  • While playing in Single-A, Gross and some teammates went to a Hooter’s for some wings. He asked out one of the waitresses, who accepted. While walking out the door with her of the restaurant she was struck by a truck and dragged for 13.4 miles.
  • On spring break in Cancun, Gross gets picked to be on an MTV show about wild spring breakers. He ends up on the Real World: Miami instead.
  • A few months ago, during McDonald’s Monopoly game, Gross found all three green pieces, Pennsylvania, North Carolina and Pacific, winning a free car! As he pulled off the lot he ran into a tractor trailer carrying frozen Burger King patties, totaling his new ride.
  • Two weeks ago Gabe was specially selected online to get a FREE IPHONE, he followed the links for 2 1/2 hours until his computer was infected with 13 different viruses and then spontaneously started sputtering and smoking. No Iphone was ever delivered to him.
22
Apr
08

Putin Puts In For an Upgrade

When you’re the despotic leader of a former superpower who has been forced by silly constitutional rules into an ostensibly ceremonial Prime Minister position so you can maintain an iron-grip on your country, sometimes you need something different in your life. Also, French President Nicholas Sarkozy has been traipsing around Europe showing off his new supermodel wife getting all the publicity and attention and it simply isn’t fair! Finally, seeing as how, besides Richard Branson, Vladimir Putin is the closest thing we have in the world to a legitimate Bond villain, it only makes sense that he took umbrage to these offenses and finally upgraded his accessories to fit his lifestyle.

Since 1983 Putin was married to a woman named Lyudmila–it just rolls off the tongue so lyrically doesn’t it–whom he met after she graduated college and who is quite the handsome woman. In fact, she kinda looks like what the offspring of Hillary Clinton and Liza Minnelli would be, spooky.

It seems, though, that he’s decided to trade in for a newer model; maybe not the classiest thing to do, but that’s the course he’s taken. Clearly peeved that Sarkozy was getting so much worldwide attention, Putin started to feel marginalized, like his giant stocks of nuclear weapons were meaningless solely because some French philanderer banged a supermodel. Russian pride was on the line! Like any good Bond villain, he needs appropriate arm-candy to be respected at the secret evil-doers meetings that are held, someone who will steal the eyes of men around him as he plays baccarat in Monaco so he can pour poison into someone’s glass. You know, the standard affairs of state.

Attempting to one-up Sarkozy’s catch, Putin has started seeing Alina Kabaeva, a 24 year old gold medal winning gymnast, known particularly for her extreme flexibility, turned representative in the Russian Duma for Youth Rights.

Hot.

For Putin, who has daughters aged 22 and 21, this might be just a little awkward, but he’s a man of action so it shouldn’t dissuade him much; Putin is not one to shy away from the young, after all he’s always been a lover of children. I’m sure it was a hard choice, after all, Lyudmila had been a seemingly loyal partner for decades, but Kabaeva can easily flip her legs over her head. This is why Putin is so loved in Russia, his decision-making ability. I feel confident that the majority of Russia would have made the same move. Putin is a man who knows what to think with, anytime you can get a girl who can contort her body like that, you jump at that opportunity.

The biggest regret about this whole situation is that these one-upmanship world leaders battles of dating and marrying the super-hot women began after Bill Clinton was out of office! If there is any leader who would have loved to have gotten into this steamy style of affair it is ol’ Bill, but now, it’s too late and he won’t ever have the chance. I consider it a travesty. Bill could have dated Britney Spears, back when she was hot, think of the prestige that would have given our country and government! Alas, we were left with this instead…

Anyway, Alina Kabaeva is a smokeshow and I salute Putin for putting his interests out there and taking what he wanted. I don’t remember ever seeing Stalin with any hot broads so this is one more thing that Putin has over ol’ Unky Joe.

(Stick around after the jump for a pantsload of more hot Anna Kabaeva pictures)

Continue reading ‘Putin Puts In For an Upgrade’

22
Apr
08

Maybe Not One for Milton Bradley’s Hall of Fame Audition

I understand that Milton Bradley is a significantly better athlete than I am, he is capable of agility and grace, and that he has accomplished many things at the major league level. However, Monday was not one of those outings.

Embarassing! I wonder what his competitors would say sarcastically to him after such a misplay…

I can just watch that over and over and over, it’s hilarious to me. And I do agree with Buck Showalter, it does indeed look bad. He just crumples in abject horror, justifiably so, scorched cow skin raining randomly from the sky, that’s something most people would want nothing to do with. (On a tangential note, I’m glad to see Buck Showalter back on Baseball Tonight, he gives much better analysis than any other manager they’ve had on recently and was missed.)

That was not all for the bizarre outfield plays this Monday, secret pen-pals Corey Hart and Ryan Ludwick combined together to make two of the stranger plays of the evening. First, there was Corey Hart going for an easy liner off the white-hot bat of Ludwick,

now, to be fair, Corey did just miss a great catch and then banged into the wall pretty hard earlier in the game, so while he should have caught this ball, I’m not going to hold it totally against him for being uneasy about the wall again.

But wait, there’s more! Ryan Ludwick felt bad, he didn’t want to have Hart go home feeling bad about himself, he just knew it would be reflected in an angry IM message later, so he figured he’d do a little something to put the hop back into Corey’s step. With Corey at bat Ludwick charged in on a dropping liner and–

Indeed that is nasty. Strange day out here at Windswept fields

ed. to add:

Great, so MLB took down the videos. Sweet, thanks MLB. I can see why you’d want to take down any ways for the fans to possibly enjoy the game outside of MLB.com. After all, why utilize the millions of users on Youtube, I mean, they don’t matter at all right. Sigh. I’ll try and see about getting them back up. Blame MLB.

I apologize for the shitty screengrabs but they’re the best I can do… it kinda works…

21
Apr
08

In No Longer Appropriate Giveaway News

Frank Thomas was given his outright release by the Toronto Blue Jays on Sunday in a somewhat surprising move given that he is a known slow starter and seemed to at least still have something, albeit not his former MVP glory, in the tank. The decision was made more with an eye on the bottom line than anything else; Thomas had a $10 million option that would have been automatically triggered with 300 plate appearances, a very reachable target if he were the starting DH. Now, the Blue Jays are able to play professional hitter Matt Stairs instead and soon, hot prospect Adam Lind. For the future of the franchise, this makes perfect sense, but it is certainly a jones for Thomas who is now out of work. Teams like the Twins and the Mariners should seriously consider signing him as a DH, in fact, he might even be worth it if he were signed cheaply.

It seems though, that Thomas is still in the Blue Jays minds. On May 25th, one day after giving out Aaron Hill bobbleheads, the Jays are planning to giveaway 10,000 Frank Thomas bobbleheads to the fans. Oops…

No word as yet if they are Frank in the powder blues, I can only wish it so. I hope that they have been made already and are sitting in some Toronto warehouse right now. I would be truly saddened if these never got the chance to be in the public’s hands. I for one, cannot wait to find one on ebay!

Now that would be a fun game to go to. Would he show up? Would they still mention anything about it? Will they change the event?

Also, on a semi-related note, why is there all this talk about Thomas getting resigned but at the same time Mike Piazza remains completely out of work. Is Thomas at this stage significantly better than Piazza? One of my friends insists it is backlash against the Piazza being gay rumors and that teams are scared of him. Regardless, I have to think a team like the A’s, the Mariners or the Twins could all certainly use a player like Thomas or Piazza to upgrade their offenses.

ed. to add:

Oh no! The Blue Jays are too smart for me! They have taken down their planned Frank Thomas bobblehead giveaway, and now are announcing it as a “Blue Jays Giveaway.” Double burn for Thomas I suppose, first he’s released and then they destroy all evidence of their ever celebrating him. If I were him I might have someone try all my food, maybe Ricciardi will remove all evidence of Frank Thomas ever existing…!

20
Apr
08

Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!

April 20th is always a wonderful day of the year, the sky is blue, the trees seem extra green and leafy and in the sports world there are games in nearly all the major sports. With the baseball season getting under way and playoff series in basketball and hockey the TV set can truly turn into quite the hotbox as you switch from channel to channel.

For example, for the Chicago White Sox, finally ending a personal 11 game loss streak, John Danks tossed out a three-hit, eight strikeout 7 inning gem. Danks threw quite the heady game, taking control of his slide piece and then overpowering the Iblisian Rays by blowing smoke past them.

In the basketball arena, the Los Angeles Lakers overpowered the eighth seeded Denver Nuggets to the tune of 128-114. This afternoon the Nugs looked sluggish, blurry eyed and and the Lakers seemed hungry for something to munch on. The Lakers bonged the Nuggets’ collective bells, hitting the glass pieces as hard as possible and out-rebounded them en route to their victory. One can only imagine Phil Jackson went home after the game and lit up a giant hand-rolled leaf and enjoyed the moment, as one does.

Continue reading ‘Danks, Nuggets, Blazers and Flames, Oh My!’




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

April 2008
M T W T F S S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  

Categories