Posts Tagged ‘Tampa Bay Devil Rays

11
Apr
08

Al Reyes Knows How to Party

Al Reyes, the Beelzebub Rays closer last year, went out last night to celebrate his 38th birthday. Showing how baseball players are just like us, he entertained himself at a local bar and had a few drinks in his own honor. Then, as anyone is wont to do, he got into a fight, broke a ceramic pot, was Tased twice by an off-duty cop and spit blood on the people around him. Standard birthday fare. In fact, that’s the EXACT same breakdown of my 5th, 16th, 19th and 23rd birthdays. I hope he got a Game Gear too! According to Rays PR flak Rick “Please stop calling me ‘Wild Thing,’ I get it, I’m in baseball and we have the same name but please god just let me live my life in peace” Vaughn, “We are looking into the situation as we are just learning of it.” So rest assured the Beelzebubians are on top of it. Continue reading ‘Al Reyes Knows How to Party’

13
Mar
08

Duncan Chasin’ Waterfalls (UPDATE)

Frankenstein Duncan doesn’t think he did anything wrong with his slide and doesn’t understand why he was thrown out. The money quote, “I go out there and I try to play the game the right way, I told [Girardi] what I was doing, how the play went through my eyes.”

Well, did the play go through your eyes this way?

Because that’s you sliding into Akinori Iwamura’s junk…

13
Mar
08

Duncan Chasin’ Waterfalls

Over-eager uber-douche Shelley Duncan started what became sort of a brawl yesterday in a game between the Yankees and the Mephistophelian Rays when he, for no good reason, slid spikes up into second base. Duncan, who came up last year and showed all the exuberance of a kid straight after eating 37 pixie sticks and shooting up some ‘roids–not to say he does or is even rumored to do steroids, because that isn’t the case–was best known last year for being overly excited to punch his teammates in their forearms the moment they did anything noteworthy.

"Maybe later we could h

"Maybe later we can slam together other parts of our bodies..."

Duncan also earned notoriety last season when a 10 year old Red Sox fan asked for his autograph and he signed it “RED SOX SUCK, Shelley Duncan” so obviously there are few limits to his douchebaggery. Shelley is like that overly drunk guy at the party who keeps punching his passed out friend on the couch to wake up and mumbling about playing quarters or else his friend is a total pussy. Continue reading ‘Duncan Chasin’ Waterfalls’




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