The Slanch Report

I went to Shea “I’m a dump and please just close me now so the dopeness of CitiField can be enjoyed” Stadium last night for my first game there this season. It seemed like a perfect night, $5 tickets, the chance to see the apparently hapless Mets and the certainly woeful Washington Nationals, what more could I want? Well, the Nationals held the Mets down completely and handily–turns out having Brady Clark, Raul Casanova, Luis Castillo and then the pitcher is not a good lineup. Who would have thought it? Clearly not Willy Randolph who handled this game super poorly from the get-go. Anyhoo, managing only one run for most of the game and getting struck out 11 times by John “Can you imagine that the Mets are this pathetic right now” Lannan, it seemed very likely the Mets would lose. The single most exciting part of the game came when a giant tabby cat ran out of nowhere onto the field and towards the Mets dugout. It received a louder cheer than most of the players.

Completely surprising most of the crowd who were already resigned to a loss, Carlos Delgado came through in the clutch and drove in the tying run. The game ended up going 14 boring innings. Scrub pitcher after scrub pitcher got into the game, there was even a Ray “I ate 19 slices of pie before the game” King sighting! Not a very interesting game. The Mets had multiple opportunities to win the game but squandered them. Raul Casanova alone ruined most of the rally chances, and when he didn’t totally shut the door, Luis Castillo did. That 4 year 24 million dollar contract must have weighed down Castillo’s bat because it is pitiable slow, that’s what we call a shrewd investment, don’t worry, he’s only in the first year of that contract!

Regardless, the Mets eventually won in the 14th on a wild pitch. Terrible.

That didn’t end my baseball night though. Upon arriving home I noticed that the Padres-Rockies game was still tied at 0-0 heading towards extra innings. I caught up on this week’s Deadliest Catch (it was ok, but not the best episode or anything) and then looked at that game again, they were heading into the 13th. So, I figured I’d jump along for the ride.

Matt Vasgerian was calling the game for the Padres TV and announced that there was no way the game would go as many innings as 18, and if it did, he’d eat his hat. The 14th comes around and the Rockies managed to get the bases loaded, which is impressive considering they managed 2 extra base hits, then Brad Hawpe (who otherwise went 0-7 with 4 Ks (thanks for killing my fantasy team with that one) walked to score the first run of the game. In the 14th! But then, with their own bases loaded situation, the Padres scrapped together a run. So we headed to the 15, the 16th and then the 17th. As the 18th approached the announcers were clearly going a bit loopy having long ago run out of useful or interesting things to say. After the inning finished, Vasergian was presented a hat on a paper plate to eat and as they went to commercial they showed him trying to cut it with a fork and a knife while his booth partner laughed manically alongside. Also, for some inexplicable reason, they played the Oingo Boingo song “Weird Science,” tres tres bizarre.

Continue reading ‘Well, My Goodness That’s Long’