Archive for the 'Funny' Category


“Sign My Panini So I Can Absorb Your Power”

Andrew Long, one of the bloggers responsible for Packs to the People, a sports memorabilia blog, has outdone himself. Hearing about a signing event at a local Upper Deck store, he went with one intention, to absorb #1 draft pick Blake Griffin’s power. To do so, he brought a panini to be signed by Griffin.

The grilled panini (turkey and cheese) was signed on both halves by Griffin, with the blogger eating one half to “absorb Blake Griffin’s power” and is putting the other, now-frozen half up for sale on eBay. He even managed to get a certificate of authenticity from Upper Deck , labeled as “Panini,” which they then immediately voided.

Look at Griffin’s face as the sandwich is placed before him, his reaction is priceless, simultaneously amused and terrified by what this fan might do. The part where he’s eating is priceless to me, and I am going to have to try out that Ford Focus pick-up line next time I’m out.

As of this posting, the bidding on eBay is up to $123, which is dirt-cheap considering the power presumably contained within the sandwich.

[Packs to the People and eBay]


Talk Sports with These Hotties

Lots of videos today, but that can’t be helped. This one is a sketch written by a friend of mine that features NY Jets employee/Playboy model/football fan Jenn Sterger in a fictious phone sex ad. It’s funny and features hot girls. What more could you need!

The “Soccer???” line fucking KILLS me.


Like Stepping on a Wet Duck

And for good measure, to show the joy of the NBA, here’s LeBron ripping a fart at Anderson Varejao. I’m sorry, say it’s crass, a good fart brings a smile to everyone’s face. Look at how happy it makes LeBron!

[Red’s Army]


That’s A Good Way to Get Better Calls

Marat Safin, while playing in the Hopman Cup tournament in Perth, Australia accidentally drills the net judge with an errant return. Most players would just ignore it and move on, but not Safin, he understands that getting the judges on your side always helps, so he runs up and gives the judge a kiss. I really like how much she enjoys the kiss, clearly Safin’s charms were not lost on the judge.

Unfortunately, one kiss wasn’t enough and Safin lost in the finals of the tournament. Next time I suggest slipping the judge some tongue…


Gilbert Arenas Inspires Love

Gilbert Arenas is one of the most entertaining players in the NBA. His on-court actions alone would be enough for most fans (providing he isn’t in the midst of another rehab session for his knees) but it is off the court where he really becomes amazing. Arenas writes a hilarious blog and generally comes off as a normal 20something guy, albeit one worth significantly more than the rest of us, also think of how much Arenas has had to overcome just being named “Gilbert” that’s no easy burden… So, it is no wonder that he has hordes of rabid fans. Like my friend Chris from the Nuclear Palm comedy group, who is so into Gilbert that he made this delightful music video expressing his desires. It’s nice when people are able to open their hearts and just lay themselves bare. I hope it works out for both of them.


I Suppose He Could Have Been a Dickhead

soccerball-faceHaving helped defeat the Russians in the semi-finals, Ballface Linares was totally deflated after the game when he was rejected by 3 different ladies.


It Is Pride Month After All

Last night’s NBA draft was not especially exciting–besides the top couple of players everyone takes 3-5 years to develop as opposed to seniors stepping in ready to play. There were several trades though, the most interesting was the trade between the Minnesota Timberwolves and the Memphis Grizzlies where the key pieces were the trading of third pick OJ Mayo for fifth pick Kevin Love.

Thanks to the trade the league was robbed of a great new possible advertising campaign: The 2009 Memphis Grizzlies, where Gay-Love Happens!

Turns out Bill Simmons and I think alike (Scroll down to 5:23)


When He Finishes, He’ll Wear the Little Helmet too

The other day on Baseball Tonight, Steve Phillips broke down some of the differences in Travis Hafner’s swing to figure out why he went from 42 homers to his less awesome current 20 homer version. Of course, it being from Steve Phillips, not a whole lot of knowledge was gained. However, within the piece apparently the Worldwide Leader decided that it wasn’t enough to show Hafner’s woes, but they had to drag the good people of Cleveland into it as well.



Sure, Hafner has been struggling, but did ESPN need to show how he is driving this local denizen into a diabetic coma? This man just wants to drown his sorrows in a helmet of ice cream. We’ve all been there. I remember back in the Butch Hobson managing era for the Red Sox downing helmet after helmet, trying to wash away the acrid taste of his failures. It’s hard being a little kid sometimes. The guy above though is no kid, he’s just a plump midwesterner trying to forget. I wish ESPN would have let his secret shame moment pass into obscurity but alas, they aren’t that thoughtful.


The Washington Nationals and the Kingdom of the Disinterested Fans

The Washington Nationals have been battling all season, scuffling their way to a 14-18 record and ownership of last place in the NL East. They are also the proud owners of a dope new ballpark, but that hasn’t inspired their team to greater heights, so it seems they are looking around for any new options that can help the team. To that end, this is the latest, completely authentic, 100% undoctored version of the Nationals’ schedule for the month of May.


(ed.: the original photo was deleted and so I replaced it with this one, similar but not the same.)

In what manner are the Nationals going to play Indiana Jones? Broadcast it at the stadium? Actually challenge Harrison Ford to a baseball game? Can a team be made up of the stuntmen from the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular? Will they do the Stunt Spectacular at the stadium? Do I need to get these tickets through Stubhub or Fandango?!?

A hearty h/t to the good Eick of


Maybe Not One for Milton Bradley’s Hall of Fame Audition

I understand that Milton Bradley is a significantly better athlete than I am, he is capable of agility and grace, and that he has accomplished many things at the major league level. However, Monday was not one of those outings.

Embarassing! I wonder what his competitors would say sarcastically to him after such a misplay…

I can just watch that over and over and over, it’s hilarious to me. And I do agree with Buck Showalter, it does indeed look bad. He just crumples in abject horror, justifiably so, scorched cow skin raining randomly from the sky, that’s something most people would want nothing to do with. (On a tangential note, I’m glad to see Buck Showalter back on Baseball Tonight, he gives much better analysis than any other manager they’ve had on recently and was missed.)

That was not all for the bizarre outfield plays this Monday, secret pen-pals Corey Hart and Ryan Ludwick combined together to make two of the stranger plays of the evening. First, there was Corey Hart going for an easy liner off the white-hot bat of Ludwick,

now, to be fair, Corey did just miss a great catch and then banged into the wall pretty hard earlier in the game, so while he should have caught this ball, I’m not going to hold it totally against him for being uneasy about the wall again.

But wait, there’s more! Ryan Ludwick felt bad, he didn’t want to have Hart go home feeling bad about himself, he just knew it would be reflected in an angry IM message later, so he figured he’d do a little something to put the hop back into Corey’s step. With Corey at bat Ludwick charged in on a dropping liner and–

Indeed that is nasty. Strange day out here at Windswept fields

ed. to add:

Great, so MLB took down the videos. Sweet, thanks MLB. I can see why you’d want to take down any ways for the fans to possibly enjoy the game outside of After all, why utilize the millions of users on Youtube, I mean, they don’t matter at all right. Sigh. I’ll try and see about getting them back up. Blame MLB.

I apologize for the shitty screengrabs but they’re the best I can do… it kinda works…


Everything Is Coming Up Cat Poop

It must be just one of those days.

So I saw a story this morning about the world’s most expensive coffee beans, apparently they run for over $100 a cup in London. You can never discount the stupidity of people, and since coffee drinkers are already tweekers, people will definitely buy them. Just on their own, the beans seem extravagant and silly, but not otherworldly ridiculous more so than any number of other silly things that the rich spend their money on. Then you find out where they come from, civets. Not familiar with the civet, get acquainted.

It seems these sorta half-cat half-monkey creatures eat cherry coffee beans and are unable to fully digest them and poop them out. Enterprising individuals then go through their droppings and extract the coffee beans, bag them up and ship them off to rich folks in London to have with their scones. Yum! Now that’s the job I need to have. What category is that under on Careerbuilders?

If that’s not classy enough for you, the other day in a supermarket, I noticed these chocolates. Now, maybe I’m old-fashioned, maybe I’m a prude, or maybe simply an animal-hater, but to me, these are unappetizing. I mean, I get it, the Germans are insane but kitten poop chocolates?

Look at how ashamed the one on the far left is. He knows what he’s doing, he knows that people are going to taste his chocolatey feces. All the other kittens are fine with their role in this catrocity, but one kitten has remorse. Obviously not enough to stop the whole caper from happening, but he knows what he’s done.

I also really appreciate the cat on the far right, he’s clearly the brains behind the whole operation. Sitting there smugly, mugging it up for the cameras. He knows that you are helpless to say no to Katzenungen.

I mean, they do look kinda delicious, and they are edelbitter, I don’t know if I can resist…


I Simply Cannot Compete With This

With one of the more incredible and wonderful headlines I’ve ever seen, I present you this story about Formula One President Max “British Charleton Heston” Mosely.

I can’t invent stories this good. 5 hookers? Check. Sex orgy? You got it. Nazi sex games? I don’t even know what that entails, but check. Son of the founder of the British Fascist Party? Big check.

Seriously. This is a story that you have to read.

“They’ll have to pry my hookers out of my cold, dead hands.”

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May 2023