Archive for September, 2009



29
Sep
09

Wizard Puts a Curse on Ronaldo

cristiano-ronaldo-shirt-off-_5According to a letter obtained by the Spanish newspaper El Mundo, a man claiming to be a wizard has placed a curse on Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo. The sorcerer, explains that he is not anti-Real Madrid but that he’s a professional and has been paid by a woman who is famous and knows Ronaldo personally. The curse is not necessarily supposed to seriously injure Ronaldo — although that’s what the woman wanted — but should cause him to play poorly.

The wizard, who is hiding his identity claims to have already begun the spiritual process, in his “lab” he has photos of Ronaldo and he applies his “arts” on them.

As well, the wizard won’t reveal who hired him to put this curse on Ronaldo in the first place, saying, “I cannot say it because I am a mixture of priest and doctor, and have to respect the confidentiality of my client.”

The team is ignoring the notice, saying that they get crazy letters like this all the time. The same wizard sent similarly threatening letters to the team in 2003 and 2006 — both seasons subsequently turned disastrous.

Ronaldo, quite the Lothario has wracked up an impressive list of women across the continent and so it is really anyone’s guess as to who might have hired this wizard in the first place.

As Congreve wrote, “Heav’n has no rage like love to hatred turn’d/Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.”

[El Mundo via The Big Lead]

29
Sep
09

Big Baby Knows He Can Dance

BigbabyIt took some time, but finally during the off-season Glen “Big Baby” Davis was resigned by the Celtics and he’s intent on showing off all his skills this season, including his self-professed stellar dancing abilities.

“I am very versatile – ballet, salsa, swing dance. I can do it all,” he told the Boston Herald.

The Celtics may have moves on the court, but according to Davis two of the worst offenders off the court are Ray Allen and Brian Scalabrine.

“Ray Allen is horrible,” he said. “He has no rhythm. But he tries, I gotta give him points for that.”

Scalabrine argues though that his reputation is undeserved: “Look, just because of my appearance and the pigment of my skin doesn’t mean I can’t dance.” Yes it does Scal. Yes it does.

[Boston Herald]

29
Sep
09

Omar Vizquel is the “Most Interesting Man in the World”

Vizquel Bull FightTexas Rangers shortstop Omar Vizquel is a man of diverse interests; one of the smoothest fielding shortstops in baseball history with 2700+ hits to boot, kangaroo owner, semi-accomplished oil painter and last winter he added anaconda hunter to his resume. This winter’s new challenge: bullfighting.

“Just go and learn the basics and stuff,” Vizquel said. “It’s one of my things on the to-do list. There’s a lot of things still to do.”

Among the other items on the 42-year-old Vizquel’s to-do list: flying in an F-16 jet, parachuting and attending the Triple Crown horse races.

His adventure last winter involved heading to a wildlife refuge in his home of Venezuela to find an anaconda; 4 hours into their trip they found one. The 5′ 9″ Vizquel showed a video to his teammates during spring training showing him holding the 11 foot snake by the tail and then holding the head of the reptile, mouth agape and with it trying to coil.

“Anacondas already done, that’s a dream I’ve already conquered,” Vizquel said.

“Bullfighting? You are the most interesting man in the world,” said first baseman Chris Davis after hearing the news.

Vizquel isn’t done with baseball though, hoping to return with the Rangers next year for what would be his 22nd year in the bigs.

[ESPN]

29
Sep
09

Angels Owner Knows How to Throw Down

Angels owner Arte Moreno has shown he’ll make bold moves to help his team on and off the field. Whether it’s lowering beer prices, trading for Mark Teixeira or signing Torii Hunter, if it will help the team, he’s in. With last night’s clinching of the AL West, the team celebrated in the locker room and he was on hand to join in the festivities.

If you can’t appreciate a team owner who double-fists Budweiser tall-boys, I don’t even want to know you.

Arte Moreno Double-fisting[Beto Duran]

29
Sep
09

Spandex Is a Privilege, Not a Right

There haven’t been many good moments this year for the Houston Astros; predicted to be miserable this season they have lived up to expectations. Fortunately, the veterans haven’t lost their senses of humor, dressing the rookies up in neon spandex outfits ala Olivia Newton-John’s famous, Let’s Get Physical” video. Hottttttttt!

So, here are the Astros rookies prior to their flight to Philadelphia on Sunday. In addition to their humiliating outfits the rookies (from left, Chris Johnson, Bud Norris, Tommy Manzella, Wilton Lopez and Sammy Gervacio) were required to assist the flight attendants in serving their teammates drinks and such throughout the flight.

Astros Rookies 1

I think this one might be even better than the Yankees’ Batman rookie hazing, if only because that one was pretty cool and this is supposed to be more embarrassing.

[Alyson’s Footnotes]

29
Sep
09

Hey Ref, Keep it in Your Pants

During a Qatar Stars League soccer game between Al Gharrafa and Al Khor the action on the pitch became secondary thanks to referee Massimo Busacca who apparently just couldn’t hold it any longer. Being a gentleman, Busacca did the only reasonable thing, he whipped it out and pissed on the field as play continued.

As Al Khor lines up for a corner kick, Busacca stands up at the edge of the penalty box letting his own jet stream hydrate the lawn. Maybe he was tired of the players flopping around and wanted to make sure they wouldn’t, at least on one square foot patch of grass.

The Qatar officials are investigating the incident, although it seems pretty evident from here that he’s straight up peeing on the field.

[Ekstra Bladet]

28
Sep
09

It’s Time To Spray Some Dudes!

It’s clinching season around the majors and as teams finalize their playoff spots they take the opportunity to pop some champagne and celebrate. Now, I for one am getting annoyed, and bored, with the constant celebration, great, you’re in, do you need the champagne buckets? Super, you won the ALDS, why not save the celebrating for something more meaningful. Champagne should be limited to winning the pennant or the World Series, nothing else.

Although, it is hard to pass up ejaculatory-like sprays of liquor on a teammate…

cardscelebrate625sept27

At least the Cardinals just celebrated with beer, but then, when you play in St. Louis and play in Busch Stadium I don’t suppose you have much choice… I just hope that after the Red Sox clinch (tonight?) they do so in an appropriate manner.

28
Sep
09

We Need More Shots of Face-Painted Fans With Signs

Via the funny folk over at Cracked comes this handy pie chart finally showing us exactly what we are seeing when we watch football on television. I think they drastically undercount the amount of time spent watching truck commercials, but otherwise I don’t have any quibbles. Make sure you check out and read the full article, because, you know, it’s funny!

summary_image[Cracked]

28
Sep
09

She Must Be Holding it For Someone Else

Nicely done Des Moines Register, together we can all promote underage drinking! I for one am SHOCKED and HORRIFIED to find out that a college student not aged 21 was drinking any sort of alcohol. Although, now that I think about it, does Keystone Light even really count as beer, I mean, it’s like 98 % water anyways…

UnderageDrinker[Des Moines Register]

28
Sep
09

Meet the NBA’s Newest Owner

If you’re going to be a billionaire, be a Russian one; they seem to have the most fun. First off, they naturally are well-suited to become Bond villains, which is always fun, and then there is the seeming lawlessness that is the Russian government which allows you to make billions more. Win-win!

For instance, here is Mikhail Prokhorov, the soon-to-be new majority owner of the New Jersey Nets just hanging out on his jet-ski doing some tricks. Because you know, what the hell else does he got to do, the man is 6′ 7″, made several billions of dollars in his mid-20s and is already essentially an oligarch.

I just hope he brings the jet-ski and does tricks during half-times. Let’s go Brooklyn!

[Sports by Brooks]

28
Sep
09

You Have to Protect What’s Important to You

University of Minnesota’s Simoni Lawrence’s hustle doesn’t stop, he follows the play all the way to the sidelines no matter what the personal cost. If it means falling into the sticks on the sidelines, so be it; if it means telling your coach “Motherfucker hit my penis,” and then walking it off, so be it. At the least your coach will appreciate you using a clinical  term for your man-cannon rather than some colloquial slang.

28
Sep
09

Flipping Over NASCAR

The only good thing about NASCAR is that when the drivers crash their cars, it’s usually spectacular. Really, how often will you ever see a man flip about 9 times and then have the wherewithal to put his sponsor’s hat on before he gets out, unharmed? Ta-DA!

I do think they’re coddling these drivers too much, if this guy can walk away from that wreck without a scratch there’s simply too much hubris involved. The gods won’t be taunted for long.




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