Posts Tagged ‘University of Minnesota

28
Sep
09

You Have to Protect What’s Important to You

University of Minnesota’s Simoni Lawrence’s hustle doesn’t stop, he follows the play all the way to the sidelines no matter what the personal cost. If it means falling into the sticks on the sidelines, so be it; if it means telling your coach “Motherfucker hit my penis,” and then walking it off, so be it. At the least your coach will appreciate you using a clinical ┬áterm for your man-cannon rather than some colloquial slang.

25
Nov
08

Stadium Bathrooms are S-E-X-X-Y

Football turns people on, remember the couple in Buffalo who were busted for boning in the bathroom, but apparently college football can be really sexy for people. Over the weekend, during the Iowa/Minnesota game at the Metrodome another couple opted to head to the bathrooms for their own version of a halftime extravaganza. A Metrodome security officer noticed two sets of underwear and two sets of feet in one stall and thought that seemed inappropriate, so he called in the police. As about 15 onlookers watched, (I bet!) the police “broke the couple up” and wrote them misdemeanor citations. OK, no real harm, and really no foul, a misdemeanor citation? Pay the $50 fine and no big deal. Then the article throws in this little gem, “The woman, 38, was turned over to her husband. The man, 26, was turned over to his girlfriend.”

Um, WHAT! So you’re telling me that these two people, both with their significant others, met and then decided to randomly nail one another in a stadium bathroom? Awesome. That kind of thing NEVER happens to me while I’m waiting in the sausage line. Maybe I need to stay by the dipping dots stand instead…I guess they were both really sad to see the Metrodome close after this season and wanted to share their intimate memories with each other. Also, how awkward is it to be brought by the police to your significant other, sans the cheese fries you were supposed to have gotten and instead were arrested for having sex with some rando in a bathroom. I’d think the car ride home was probably not the most fun for those 4 folk…




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