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You may have noticed that we added a button on the top right column so you can become a fan of The Slanch Report. Take a second and do it!
We’re going to have contests and giveaways and the like there and you wouldn’t want to miss out!
Thanks!
Just because it’s only preseason for hockey doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy some of the better moments. For instance, here is Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames just flat out DEMOLISHING the Islanders’ Kyle Okposo.
HOCKEY!
Last week in Toronto they held their first Stiletto Sprint event, a charity race held to support Look Good Feel Better, a cancer charity dedicated to empowering women through their treatments.
The event itself started early in the morning and featured multiple heats of women running in stiletto heels. The 5o meter track was difficult for many of the racers to traverse in the high heels, but some managed some pretty impressive times.
By far the most entertaining part of the event though came with the Men’s Final. With a $1,000 prize on the line, only 7 guys showed up. Only 7!?! I wish I had known about this in advance because I’d have flown up there and absolutely DOMINATED. I don’t know what it is, but I can fucking OWN heels, I have zero problems walking or running in them, and as slow as I am, I still would have CRUSHED the competition.
Wait. What did I just admit. Oh god. Dammit. I should go back and delete that embarrassing bit. But the delete key is SO far on the other side of the keyboard…sigh. Just pretend you didn’t read that last bit. Yeah. I’m still the manly tough blogger you all know and love. Right? I totally lost you all didn’t I. Dammit.
Well, the event raised $23,000 for a good cause, so that’s all that really matters right. Right?
Please?
Hey, I’m all for snark and being an ass, but this is just an awesome story.
Matt Zeisel is on his high school’s freshman football team but doesn’t usually get in to the games. However, he’s always near the coach, letting him know he’s available. With 10 seconds left in his team’s most recent game, down 46-0, coach Dan McCamy decided it was time for Matt — who has Down’s Syndrome — to make his season debut.
He told an assistant coach to get their team ready for the “Matt play” and then ran to the other team’s sideline.
“I’ve got a special situation,” McCamy remembers telling the opposing defensive coach David McEnaney. “I know you guys want to get a shutout. Most teams would want a shutout, but in this situation I want to know if maybe you can let one of my guys run in for a touchdown.”
“[The other] players, they didn’t hesitate at all,” McEnaney said. “They jumped right on board.”
The ball was snapped, Matt started off on a sweep play and took off; the defense knew to avoid contact but tried to make the play look as real as possible. 60 yards later, with his coach running alongside him on the sideline urging him on, Matt was in the end zone with his first touch of the season, and a pretty decent per-carry average.
“It’s just amazing how one play can mean so much to one kid and then to a team and then to a community,” McCamy said Thursday. “And now it’s spread not just to the community of St. Joseph, but now it’s spread across the region. How something so simple can impact so many — to me, that’s the amazing part about it.”
Matt’s dad, Mike, who has coached the basketball team for 19 years said, “It was just a good thing to see people realize that the value of winning is not (as) important as it is to participate and enjoy the game.”
The only bad part of this story, Matt’s mom was unfortunately not at the game, not expecting him to get in at all, and so missed seeing it live. But thankfully Mike was there and it was videotaped for her and their family to remember forever.
“It’s not necessarily about winning or losing,” said McCamy, “Obviously up in Maryville we lost the game. The end result, we lost the game, but when we went away, we were all kind of winners.
“Some of them get it now, but in due time all these kids who were a part of it will have a better understanding. When they grow up and they get older, everybody will realize the impact that maybe that play (has) had — not just on that kid’s life, because Matt will remember that forever — but on some of these other kids and what they may have been a part of.”
Awesome.
In a bizarre and misguided attempt to pay tribute to dead golfers everywhere, 57-year-old Douglas Jones went to the Joshua Tree National Park and threw upwards of 3,000 golf balls into the “giant sand trap.”
Starting in 2007, park rangers “began discovering large quantities of golf balls in some turnout areas of the park,” said park spokesman Joe Zarki. “We were wondering what was going on here. There were also some tennis balls involved.”
In addition to the golf (and tennis) balls, random cans of fruit and vegetables would be scattered throughout the park with park literature surrounding them.
Finally, this summer rangers caught up to Jones, who admitted to the charges.
“He said he did it because he wanted to honor all the golfers who had died,” Zarki said. “He left the cans of fruit and vegetables supposedly for the assistance of stranded hikers. He wanted to leave his mark.”
While rangers had initially thought someone was hitting the balls into the park, it turns out that Jones was just throwing them from his car.
Contrary to what rangers originally thought, Jones wasn’t chipping golf balls into the desert with a club. He was hurling them from his car.
Jones lives with his 84-year-old father, also Douglas, who had no idea about his sons activities until reporters called him.
“It certainly sounds strange,” his father said. “He hikes out in Joshua Tree every three months or so and he golfs maybe once a week. But I don’t know where he would get that many golf balls.”
Considering that the younger Jones works at a golf course, I have a hunch on how he might have acquired so many balls…
[LA Times]
Brandon Coppola is a triplet, and all three of the brothers play(ed) football for St. John’s Prep on the North Shore of Massachusetts. Last season during a JV game Brandon suffered a cervical fracture, which has nothing to do with female parts; it’s a bad spinal injury. Totally unfortunate and sad.
On September 4th Brandon’s brother, Jared, suffered a cervical fracture after tackling a wide receiver in a scrimmage. Jared currently has feeling but no movement in his extremities. Totally unfortunate and sad.
The remaining triplet, Tyler is wearing his brother’s uniform number this season in tribute. They also have an older brother who plays at the University of New Hampshire. Um. What!?!
While I absolutely feel for the kid and his family, here’s a question; one son gets a spinal injury, sure that’s random, two get the same injury and you LET THE THIRD KEEP PLAYING? How can you allow your third son to keep playing when his brothers have had horrific life-changing accidents? I simply don’t get it. Hey guys, try tennis maybe? I’m not superstitious or nothing, but don’t things always come in threes? Aren’t they TRIPLETS, am I the only one who thinks this could end badly? I certainly don’t want it to, but c’mon, take these kids off the football field.
Bengals attention-whore receiver Chad Johnson is an avid Twitterer, which makes sense, seeing as the service appeals to the lowest brain functions. Due to new rules from the NFL Commissioner’s office, players are now limited in what they are allowed to say and do on various websites.
In this clip from HBO’s Hard Knocks Chad shows that he is mature and respects the Commish’s decisions. He also says that “losing my Twitter and Ustream is just as tough as losing my johnson.”
Now, I’m unsure if he means losing his penis or losing the Johnson from his last name, but since the latter was of his own attention-whoring volition, I’m going to assume he considers his Twitter account to be the same as his penis. In which case, Goodell did a good thing in getting Chad to take his penis off the internet. Penis.
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