Archive for September 10th, 2009


The Dumbest Thing to Happen to Fantasy Sports

09072008brady_source600After Tom Brady’s knee injury knocked him out of football seven minutes into the season, and in the process knocked the Patriots out of Super Bowl contention and ruined millions of fantasy football teams, Henry Olszewski, an employee at Intermarket Insurance came up with an idea, Fantasy Sports Insurance.

“That Monday, [Olszewski] came in the office, and he was bummed out,” said Anthony Giaccone, president of Intermarket Insurance. “He asked ‘Why can’t we buy insurance for fantasy team players?'”

The Fantasy Sports Insurance guarantees that various players won’t miss more than a certain number of games, if they do, FSI will reimburse your entry fee. The three coverage options are:

  1. One key player misses 10 out of the first 15 NFL regular season games – due to injury
  2. One key player misses 8 out of the first 12 NFL regular season games – due to injury
  3. Three key players miss a combined total 18 out of the first 15 NFL regular season games – due to injury

The cost for FSI is based upon the amount of coverage you choose, the total cost is calculated at a 10% rate of the insured value, plus fees. “For example: If you choose to insure ONE player for $200 – based on a 10% per $100 insured – your FSI cost will be $20.”

To show you’re covered FSI will send off a certificate of insurance outlining the coverage and in the unfortunate situation that you need the coverage, they’ll send off a cashier’s check reimbursing you.

Don’t worry, FSI has branched out to all other fantasy sports too, but you have to be a real kind of fucked up in the head to be getting fantasy insurance for your fantasy NASCAR and hockey leagues.

[CNN and FSI]


Jeter Takes a Ride on the Iron Horse

Derek-Jeter-Rookie-Series-Limited-Edition---Photofile-Limited-Edition-Photograph-C11837076Obviously, this pains me to write, but here goes anyways; congratulations to Derek Jeter. While I’ll never be a fan of the Yankees and you continue to be embarassingly overrated at shortstop, tying Lou Gehrig’s record for most hits all-time for a Yankee is a pretty awesome feat.

Unlike other Yankees, my dislike for Jeter is solely on the field. He’s the guy you don’t want your team to have to face when the game is on the line. He loves the game, he loves to play and will do anything he can to get out on that field. He’s the ultimate competitor and has enjoyed a phenomenal career thus far.

As he’s been getting older Jeter seems to be IMPROVING, he had one of his best all-time seasons in 2006 and he’s nearly matching it this year, despite hitting age 35 this season. Even his defense hasn’t been woeful this year!

Jeter will certainly pass 3,000 hits next season and, if he got the playing time conceivably could even get to 4,000 which is crazy. Now, I don’t think he will because after his contract runs out next season his years as the starting shortstop for the Yankees will begin coming to a close. With Teixeira and A-Rod under contract for the better part of the next decade, there isn’t an obvious place to move Jeter to on the diamond. Maybe second base or left field, but most likely he’ll become some sort of a 3-4 game a week player in a utility role. Regardless where he plays, Jeter will hit.

At the end of his games, that’s the last you hear of Jeter until the next day’s lineups. You don’t see Jeter on any steroids list, or a police blotter or in court for some silly lawsuit, off the field he does just 2 things; crush some of the hottest ladies in the world and think about baseball. I may dislike him strongly, but I certainly respect and appreciate him.

ed to add: I will say though that I am SHOCKED the Yankees have never had a 3,000 hits player in their history. I know they’ve had players who have reached that point, but never solely as a Yankee. In the end, this isn’t THAT big a story, but in my mind, anytime you get mentioned with Lou Gehrig it’s a pretty big deal.


She’s a Man, Man, or is She? *(UPDATED)*

caster-semenya-pic-getty-489275065Remember Caster Semenya, the mannish-looking South African sprinter who caused a controversy that led to her being gender tested after winning the 800 m gold at the World Athletic Championships? Well, the test results are IN!

The good news is that Caster IS a woman; the bad news is that she is ALSO a dude. According to the results, Semenya doesn’t have a womb or ovaries but does have internal testes. With the revelations that she is a hermaphrodite, track officials are unsure of their next step, do these tests mean she should be stripped of her medals? Does this change nothing?

According to a source at the IAAF, who ordered the tests in the first place:

Everything is going to have to be done absolutely by the book, no question of a challenge to our findings. There’s all sorts of scans you do. This is why it’s complicated. In the past you used to do a gynaecological exam, blood test, chromosome test, whatever. That’s why the findings were challenged, because it’s not quite so simple. So what they do now is they do everything, and then they can say look, not only has she got this, she’s got that and the other. The problem for us is to avoid it being an issue now which is very personal: of the organs being a hermaphrodite, of not being a ‘real’ woman. It’s very dramatic.

Despite having higher hormone levels than normal, Semenya is still within the official limits for a woman. As well, her birth certificate and her family both claim her as woman.

This whole experience has ruined at least one thing for me, I used to think sex tests sounded like FUN, now I’m disillusioned.

[The Sun]


Red Sox Wives Hit the Runway

Some of the wives and girlfriends of the Boston Red Sox players took some time out of their day yesterday to model some “swanky” clothes for their annual Fenway to the Runway fundraiser. The event, which raised $75,000 for the Red Sox Foundation featured among others: Kristen Bay, Ana Delcarmen, Farrah Lester, Sheigh Drew, Bertha Lowell, Tomoyo Matsuzaka, Yuka Okajima, Tiffany Ortiz, Lindsay Clubine (fromer Deal or no Deal model and Clay Bucholz’ fiancee), and team owner John Henry’s blushing new bride, Linda Pizzuti.

I for one am furious they didn’t hold this event back when Mark Kotsay was still on the team so we could get some new photos of his astonishingly hot wife, Jamie. Well, I’ll have to make do with supporting a good cause, and supporting Farrah Lester. Wowzers.


[Boston Herald]


Van Damme is on the Warpath

JCVDkamsingMarch 2010 is going to be an awesome time to be in Vegas because that’s when famed actor Jean-Claude van Damme is due to fight Thai Olympic gold-medalist boxer Somluck Kamsing in a Muay Thai MMA fight. Kamsing confirmed the fight will be taking place, it will consist of 5 two-minute rounds.

Because he’s an actor and depends on his face, JCVD requested that the use of elbows be banned for the fight. Kamsing told Siamsport that JCVD didn’t want to get his face cut or bruised.

Of course, prior to being a woldwide “acting” sensation, JCVD was highly trained in martial arts. And of course, he won the tournament in Bloodsport despite being blinded. So, watch out Kamsing!

I’m booking my travel plans NOW!

[Five Knuckles]


The Rhythm is Gonna Get You

With 150 gymnasts in Ise, Japan for the Rhythmic Gynmastics World Championships the city is filled with very bend-y women. When on the mat, these ladies are twisting and twirling their ribbons, playing with their balls and contorting their bodies in ways that seem unreal — and intriguing…


[NY Post]


Being a Rookie Can be a Drag

larry-english-dinner-bill-resizedFirst-round pick Larry English is expected to be a major cog in the San Diego Chargers defense this season; to show their appreciation for all his hard-work, the entire team took him out for a classy steak dinner.

Oh, wait, that’s backwards; English was forced to pick up the bill for the ENTIRE team as part of an annual Chargers rookie tradition. The tab ended up at a robust $14,508.67 which is awfully pricey for a 23 year-old. Then again, when you sign guaranteed 5-year 9.9 million contract maybe 15K isn’t SO bad.

In some respects, English got off easy; when Shawn Merriman was a rookie his dinner bill ended up around $32,000, although Ryan Leaf merely spent $3,000 in 1998.

Courtesy of fellow linebacker Shaun Phillips’ Twitter feed, English’s hazing can be shared with the world.

I also want to know who got the raspberry sorbet, which tough guy football man ordered that; it had to be Nate Kaeding the kicker right? Also, I hope the team did the whole, “we’ll be right back” thing and told English to wait for them as they all bailed.


Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

September 2009